Quick disclaimer: I’m about to rant and say weird things (probably) about tonight’s episode of The Bachelor, so if you came here for professionalism a) ??? and 2) ????
Carly went on a full-Oscar campaign against Britt tonight. Her ‘damn the torpedoes’ attitude was hella scary. Like, she literally said that she doesn’t care if she loses, as long as Britt doesn’t win.
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What! What show is she on?! Is this— like the whole point of coming to The Bachelor is to find someone to fall in love with. What kind of crazy human being is willing to lose so someone else can’t win?!??!?!?!!
That is serious psychological damage. That’s almost as bad as Kelsey, and we’ve already established she’s a serial killer. I just don’t get it. You can work this show in two ways: you can play up your strengths, or you can play up other’s weaknesses. I think, just as a general rule, if you have to talk trash about someone else to make yourself look better, you suck. Good rule of thumb. But to just act as an anchor and use up your one-on-one time to talk about someone else instead of your relationship? That is crazy.
Britt has been the front runner for the entire run of the show, my terrible rankings be damned. The only way she wouldn’t win this show is if a meteor landed on the house and killed only her, or if she wanted to go home herself. I think she wants to go home, at this point. I don’t think that she was super into Arlington (Carly’s description of her as two different people was more than a little overblown), and I don’t think she wants to play the game anymore. I think that’s a weird attitude, because, you know, YOU ARE ON A DATING GAME SHOW WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU SIGNED UP FOR, but I understand it.
And, truly, I want Britt to be The Bachelorette. I think that she would be a perfect person to be in that role; she’s pretty, interesting, and smart. She’d knock it out of the park. So, strictly for entertainment value, I hope that happens.
Okay, so, I also want to discuss Jade, because I just smell the slut-shaming coming next episode, and I am not okay with that. I referenced this in the last episode, but this is something I feel very, very strongly about. I think that any sort of criticism of Jade for her Playboy past is 100% unacceptable, and if she loses her relationship with Chris over it, I might just stop watching the show (well, no I won’t, because I know how much you need my terrible and unfunny opinions on it and I would never leave y’all in the lurch like that). However, I just feel so weird about this. Like, they’ve been playing this up like it’s so scandalous, and that’s just so sexist to me. Like I’m sure Chris has seen plenty of naked ladies, pixelated or otherwise, and to all the sudden come face-to-face with someone who was a part of that sort industry and then reject them is the worst kind of male hypocrisy.
I don’t even want to discuss this anymore, because it gets my blood boiling and whatever. So, screw it. Enjoy the review; you’ve got another one coming tomorrow, for some bizarre reason. Enjoy four hours and a thousand words on The Bachelor, suckers.
Power Rankings, By Actual Merit:
1) Britt/Jade (THEY’RE BOTH PRECIOUS AND PERFECT GO AWAY THESE ARE MY RANKINGS)
2) Kaitlyn
3) Whitney
4) Becca
5) A Toaster
6) The Pastor Wearing The Call of Duty Shirt
7) Arlington’s Wind Sound Effects
8) Whitney’s Enthusiasm
9) The Amount Of Time I’ve Spent Drawing This Joke Out
10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000) Hunter Bishop
Unranked, and Unloved, For Good Reason: Carly
Stray Thoughts
– You’re a stray thought
[Photo via ABC]
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