Divorce and co-parenting often come with their fair share of challenges, but sometimes those challenges cross into territory that feels deeply personal. For many parents, the hardest part is balancing responsibility for their own children while setting clear boundaries with their ex’s new life.
That’s exactly what today’s Original Poster (OP) experienced when she was unexpectedly asked to take on a role she never agreed to. After her ex’s affair led to another child, she made it clear that her parenting duties stopped with her son. However, when the school listed her as an emergency contact for the other child, things quickly spiraled.
More info: Reddit
Divorce and shared custody are challenging enough, but things can get even more complicated when new children and blended families are involved
Image credits: Ambreen / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author noted that she co-parents her son 50/50 with her ex, who also has a daughter from an affair
Image credits: Yazzimonnnon
Image credits: yaseen22100 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
During her ex’s custody week, the school called her because no one had picked up her son, so she had to go pick him up
Image credits: Yazzimonnnon
Image credits: sarah b / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
When she arrived, she discovered she was listed as an authorized pickup for the ex’s daughter, which she never agreed to
Image credits: Yazzimonnnon
She refused to take the daughter home, so she picked up her own son and left, but when her ex found out she hadn’t picked up his daughter, he was furious
The story starts with heartbreak. Years ago, while the OP was pregnant with her now 8-year-old son, her then-partner cheated. That affair led to another child who lives with her ex and his current wife, who was the person he had an affair with. Understandably, the OP has no relationship with this daughter, as she has kept things strictly about her own child.
Shared custody means she and her ex split time with their son equally, but the emotional distance remained. Weeks ago, the OP received a call from her son’s school during a time that should have been during the ex’s custody week. Their son hadn’t been picked up, so she stepped in, but that was when she realized her ex’s daughter was also waiting.
To her surprise, she discovered she was listed as an “approved pickup” for the girl without her knowledge or consent. She refused, made it clear she wanted her name removed, and took only her son home. When the ex realized she didn’t pick up his daughter, he got angry and argued that since she already had their son, it was cruel to leave his daughter behind.
However, from the OP’s perspective, the responsibility wasn’t hers. She insisted that she will always help with her child, but she won’t be their backup childcare for the daughter of his affair. She admitted to feeling guilty that her daughter had to wait for an even longer time at the school, and that was why she turned to the internet.
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
This situation highlights broader issues in co-parenting, such as setting boundaries, managing responsibilities, and protecting children’s well-being. Empowered Family Law notes that roles in co-parenting can sometimes get blurred; however, they can create serious risks for both parents and children.
They explain that when boundaries are unclear, conflict and mistrust between ex-partners may increase, which can lead to one parent undermining the other’s abilities to parent. For this reason, Amicable emphasizes that establishing clear boundaries is essential for successful co-parenting.
The key guideline for this, according to them, is to communicate respectfully with your ex, focus on the child, and avoid personal attacks or rehashing past conflicts. Another important boundary is to stick to the parenting plan, which involves following agreed-upon schedules and rules.
Relationship expert Terri Cole emphasizes more key boundaries for healthy co-parenting. First, parents should note that flexibility in emergencies is essential. She also advised that parents keep adult issues away from children, separate personal feelings from parenting, and make decisions based on the child’s needs rather than past grievances.
Netizens sided firmly with the OP, emphasizing that she was not responsible for her ex’s daughter. They pointed out the audacity of adding her to the pickup list without asking first, and expressed sympathy for the other child but stressed that the responsibility lies with her parents, not the mom.
What do you think about this situation? Was the OP wrong for refusing to pick up her ex’s daughter, even just this once? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens rallied around the author, insisting that while it was sad for the kid, she wasn’t responsible for her ex’s child
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