Evelyn Harper’s Most Epic Fails At Parenting on Two and a Half Men

If the term ‘narcissist’ had a face, then it would have the picture of Evelyn Harper (Holland Taylor), the matriarch from Two and a Half Men, right next to it. As a person, Evelyn was a headache to deal with. Her self-serving personality coupled with a love for the finer things in life made for mediocre parenting. Evelyn’s children, Allan and Charlie ( Charlie Sheen) were in many ways a representation of improper upbringing. As adults, both of them had to re-raise themselves, but the damage had already been done. Here are reasons why:

1. Charlie Would Go For Weeks Without Taking His Mom’s Calls

As much as Evelyn talked about wanting to spend time with her family, it’s sad that the boys and Jake ( Angus T. Jones) did not share the same sentiments. Given the chance, any of them would have bolted out of the room at the sight of Evelyn. One time, the narcissist mom paid a visit to Charlie and was complaining about how he wouldn’t take her calls. “ You haven’t returned any of my calls this week. It’s all I can do to not imagine you lying dead in a ditch somewhere,” She said. Unfortunately for her, Charlie didn’t have the slightest remorse. “ Right back at you, mum.” He replied. And when Evelyne tried to punish him with silent treatment, Charlie didn’t care for that either. In many ways, he had numbed himself, and not returning his mother’s calls for days on end was the least of his worries.

2. Allan Worked With Evelyn Out Of Necessity

Allan’s life story wasn’t a rosy one. Thanks to a handful of bad choices including who he married, he wound up paying alimony for the better part of his life, all while camping at his brother’s Malibu beach house. Evelyn reminded him of his failures at every juncture, and when it came to hiring an assistant, she chose Allan because ‘ having an assistant would give me a little peace so I could get some action.’ As usual, Charlie was furious when he learned that Allan ( Jon Cryer) would be working with his mother over the weekends. “ Oh, you didn’t! You’re going to work for mom?” He bellowed. Charlie advised Allan to get a job that would let him keep his self-respect. “…like, you know, man whore, dog dewormer, outhouse inspector, laxative tester, horse inseminator.”

3. Her Boys Told Her She Would Die Alone

We weren’t the only ones who saw through Evelyn’s narcissist traits. Her sons did, and they tried telling her. Evelyn went to the funeral of her friend Cynthia, who she complained was a very terrible person. Soon after the funeral, Evelyn was up and ready to go for dinner with her boys. Charlie and Allan were surprised that she couldn’t see bits of herself in Cynthia. “ Allan thinks you are a crazy she-bat and no one would mourn at your funeral either,” Charlie told Evelyn. As much as they had a love-hate relationship with Evelyn, the pair insisted that they were giving her the information because they loved her. “ Look, mom, you have to realize that you are not that different from Cynthia…Come on, mom. You speak ill of everyone, even your closest friends. You manipulate people. You’re an unbelievable narcissist. You are self-obsessed. You find fault with everything.” Allan ranted. In a bid to show that she didn’t need her sons, Evelyn tried to replace them with a new family.

4. Allan Didn’t Trust Her With Taking Care Of Jake

As a parent, one would expect that the person to trust with your child would be a family member. In Allan’s case, however, he did not have the littlest bit of trust in his mother or brother in case anything happened to him or Judith (Marin Hinkle). Accidentally, he let Charlie know, and Evelyn was caught in the middle of the chaos before she discovered she wouldn’t have Jake either. Charlie happened to be in his room sulking all weekend, and Evelyn wanted to know why. When she asked, Allan said, “ It’s the silliest thing. I just happened to mention that in the unlikely event that Judith should die and I should die, the custody of Jake would go to…” Allan caught himself before he realized Evelyn was going to be just as mad as Charlie . “ Custody of Jake would go to who?” Evelyn enquired while keeping a stern face. Allan eventually revealed that Jerry and Fay, Evelyn’s sister’s son and his wife, would get to raise Jake. Needless to say, Evelyn was disappointed.

5. Evelyn’s bits of Advice Weren’t Always The Sanest

Parents often lead by example, whether they are aware or not. Children learn a lot by emulating, and in raising Charlie and Allan, Evelyn was no saint. Not that she was expected to be, but she could have at least shielded Charlie from her habits. The pieces of advice she gave were a reflection of her train of thought. In their adulthood, Allan and Charlie often fell victim to bits of Evelyn’s bad advice. When Allan wanted to marry a girl he had just met at the supermarket, his mother gave him a tap on the head and told him, “ If you’re that horny, find a nice call girl, put her on retainer.” If she wasn’t giving crazy advice, Evelyn was busy ignoring Charlie’s attempts at having a candid conversation about his misogynist lifestyle that he blamed on his lack of a healthy relationship with his mother.

6. Charlie Blamed His Attitude Towards Women On His Mother

Charlie was a chip off the old block. Only more refined and more notorious because he was male. As an adult, his life was the epitome of Evelyn’s struggle at parenting. At the very least, she could have gotten her son to have some sort of respect for women. Charlie didn’t. In his eyes, women were objects of pleasure, to be used whenever he was in need and discarded when he was done. Jake, who lived with him, gave the perfect summary of the life of Charlie Harper: “ I’m a bachelor like my uncle Charlie,” Jake told his mom’s support group. Asked whether he’d ever get married, Jake answered, “ No, as long as I got somebody cleaning my house and some action on a regular basis, I don’t need a wife…I don’t wanna give anybody half of my stuff.”


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