Yes, A Road House Remake Is Finally Happening

May fortune forever favor the patient. That’s at least how I look at the upcoming remake of Road House. That 1989 action film starring Patrick Swayze isn’t exactly a good movie, but it has become a cult film for a reason. It’s about as corny as your typical ’80s action movie gets, which is precisely why it’s so freaking good. I’ve argued with critics on this movie before, but I think they need to just take a few steps back and appreciate it for what it is. The truth is, Road House doesn’t take itself too seriously and it knows what it is. It doesn’t try to be anything else. Right off the bat, it shows you how corny it is and it doesn’t stop. There’s a lot of fighting, a lot of quick one-liners being thrown around, and a lot of Patrick Swayze scenes without his shirt on.

In short, Road House is a hoot. With Patrick Swayze as the handsome, super cut, and hilariously witty lead, he spearheaded a very underrated action flick. Let’s not forget his awesome co-stars, the most notable including his fellow cooler and mentor, Wade Garrett. Guess who played him? Oh, just the actor with the single most greatest mustache ever, the very badass Sam Elliot. Even back then, he was the cool old guy who everyone underestimated. That was, until they made the dumb decision to tango with him. I mean, let’s face it, just listening to Sam Elliot talk should establish his dominant manhood right off the bat. But when the younger goons in Road House made the blockheaded attempt to fight him, he made short work of them. And he did it in very spectacular fashion on top of it.

Heck, if he was younger, he would’ve plowed through everyone, even Patrick Swayze’s Dalton. As cool as Patrick Swayze was as Dalton, you just can’t top Sam Elliot. Like, ever. Now you can’t have a good action hero without a scary villain. In the case of Road House, they gave us crooked business magnate Brad Wesley, played brilliantly by the late Ben Gazzara. I have to say, that scene where he was driving his car down the road while listening to “Sh-Boom (Life Could Be a Dream)” and almost hitting Dalton on purpose was pure gold. It’s got to be one of the most underrated movie scenes in movie history. Just go back and watch it and tell me it’s not great.

I’m speaking very positively about Road House because I do believe a remake should happen. In fact, I’ve given plenty of reasons as to why a Road House remake should happen and I always believed that it would. Now I’m going to backtrack for a minute here and talk about the Road House remake that was supposedly in talks to happen a while ago. That’s right, an actual remake of this cult classic was apparently going to happen, but with who? The star of the remake was originally going to star former UFC champion and WWE superstar Ronda Rousey. Now granted, this was back when she was at the peak of her fighting career and when she was starting to break out into movies.

Could this idea with Ronda work? We’ll never know, but that doesn’t matter, because a real Road House remake is happening without her. And who will be the new star to play the martial artist cooler? That would be Jake Gyllenhaal. The director of this upcoming remake will be Doug Liman, the director of some killer blockbusters, including The Bourne Identity and Edge of Tomorrow. I don’t know about you, but I think this is some exciting news. Okay, so would Jake Gyllenhaal be my first choice to be the new Dalton? Probably not. I personally would’ve picked an actor who is a more experienced martial artist. I’ve mentioned some ideal candidates before, including some who could play Wade Garrett, because I believe casting a real martial artist for a martial arts role is crucial.

However, if you’re familiar with the career of Jake Gyllenhaal, you’ll know full well that he’s intensely committed to his work. You can even look at his less popular roles, such as disgraced boxer Billy Hope, to some of his best roles, which, in my opinion, is the sociopathic Louis Bloom in 2014’s Nightcrawler. And of course, we cannot forget that he played Mysterio, one of Spider-Man’s most iconic villains. No matter what role he plays, he fully commits and rarely disappoints. Is it really hard to believe that he can’t deliver on the new Dalton in a Roadhouse remake?

Is he even playing Dalton? Oh, he certainly should. Roadhouse cannot work without Dalton, Wade Garrett, and Brad Wesley. It just wouldn’t feel right if the remake left out those particular characters. I hope they don’t rename them and just basically make them the same characters. Now let’s just say the Roadhouse remake decided to do that. I can live with it, but please, just please, do not leave out the quick one-liners. I can’t even narrow it down to what my favorite Road House one-liner is, because there are just so many hilarious ones. Even when Dalton is angry, he says something very straightforward and corny, but it’s just so funny.

He probably got that from Wade Garrett, who, once again, needs to be able to light a candle to Sam Elliot. That’s a monumental task, but I think there’s at least one actor out there who can do it. Please cast the right man for that role.The same goes for Ben Wesley. A fun action movie from the ’80s isn’t the same without the facetious villain constantly taunting the hero. Find the right actor, but just keep him as Brad Wesley. If it ain’t broken, then don’t try to fix it. You can toy with it a little bit, but don’t remove the key ingredients that made it work so well in the first place.

What are your thoughts, Road House fans? Do you think this upcoming remake will do justice for the original cult classic? I knew this would eventually come and I’m super excited for it. As Peter Griffin famously said multiple times, “Road House.”

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