It’s almost impossible to make an entire list of quotes from Full Metal Jacket without lapsing into a profanity-laden tirade that ends and begins with an insult that’s intended to make the recipient wish they’d thought of anything other than enlisting in the Marines. But the late great R. Lee Ermey was among the best at making guys twice his size feel about an inch high or lower and no one did it better in this movie. Throughout his career this was probably the absolute best performance he put forth that showed him actively berating just about every person that came under his command.
And it was glorious.
10. Well it looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma’s a** and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you’ve been cheated!
In some cases it seems like the appropriate response would have been to laugh, but you simply know in the movie that would have elicited another round of insults.
9. What is your major malfunction numbnuts? Didn’t mommy and daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?
In real life in a situation that’s not life-threatening this might be okay to say to someone. But when you’re saying it to a mentally unstable man holding an armed rifle it might not be the best idea.
8. Is that you John Wayne, is this me?
He earned the name Private Joker for a reason after all, but he kind of had poor timing when it came to mouthing off behind his DI’s back.
7. I want that head so sanitary and squared away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in there and take a dump.
Considering that according to Christian belief Mary slept in a barn when she gave birth this seems pretty accurate. Oh the blasphemy.
6. Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and f*** my sister.
If you were thinking he might be using sarcasm the punch to the gut that came after would probably make that loud and clear.
5. Five-foot-nine, I didn’t know they stacked s*** that high!
This is something that a lot of DI’s have probably said to their incoming recruits, with a variation on height obviously.
4. I am in a world of s***.
Private Gomer Pyle had a chance to stick with it and get through, but it was a one in a million shot after all the punishment and torture he went through.
3. I will give you three seconds, exactly three f****** seconds, to wipe that stupid grin off your face, or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-f*** you!
Private Pyle just couldn’t stop smiling for some reason, though honestly when someone’s yelling in your face it’s usually advisable to do what they say.
2. B******* I can’t hear you. Sound off like you got a pair!
In the armed forces they tend to want you to respond as if they’re hard of hearing it seems.
1. Well, thank you very much! Can I be in charge for a while?
Honestly, no DI wants to have as much trouble with their recruits as this guy did.
Full Metal Jacket is still awesome.