Rehab: Party at the Hard Rock Hotel “Episode 3.09” Recap

We’re fast coming to the end of another season of Rehab. Next week is the season finale! So what drama is going to lead into that? Let’s find out. Maybe this week I won’t want to punch someone in the face.

Rehab itself has never been my idea of fun, and this week certainly isn’t, between the swingers’ convention, the rowdy New Jersey contingent, and the randomly naked people. Then again, if it were my idea of a good time, it probably wouldn’t be worth putting on television. Sharon, likewise, is not all that amused with this week’s clientele, but tells her security officers to take everything as best they can.

Chantel and Jessica are observing all this from the confines of the DJ Bar, where they’re hearing way more than they want to know about some of these people’s sex lives, and getting hit on besides. Jake gets to deal with the New Jersey crowd: “I’ve never seen this many ‘roided-out guidos in the same place at the same time.” Yet it’s good for business, as Matt tells everyone that “We’re completely slammed with five, six thousand people today.” Of course, making money is the bottom line, but it’s not long before the increased attendance means they start running out of alcohol. I actually think it’d be pretty hilarious if some of these people had to sober up and mellow out. Would they realize how stupid they act?

It’s up to Matt to do whatever he can to keep the party running, even if he has to borrow alcohol from the Hard Rock’s other nightclubs, Vanity and Wasted Space. To his credit, he goes and gets it himself. I know a lot of bosses who wouldn’t be lifting a finger to help their employees, but he’s out working with everyone else.

Jake, meanwhile, has to deal with the drunken Jersey contingent, having to escort a few off the property. He is not impressed. If that wasn’t bad enough, Amanda has a bachelorette party that insists on having a man wait on them, so she goes to see if she can recruit one of the male employees into doing it, while wearing next to nothing. My eyes, they’re burning already.

Needless to say, when said employee walks out in the aforementioned tiny bathing suit, he gets laughed at by everyone, including Matt. I can’t blame them, considering that it’s apparently so revealing that TruTV felt the need to pixelate.

Sharon throws out an unruly guest who apparently has a $3,000 cabana he needs to pay for. The belligerent man makes the situation worse by making death threats on his way out. Jake gets called in to back her up, and he’s already in a bad mood from having to deal with the Jersey delinquents. Thankfully, Matt steps in before Jake can explode.

From there, Sharon gets called to find two guys at the back loading dock trying to move a few cases of alcohol, claiming Matt told them to do it. She isn’t aware of the situation at the bars, and they don’t have ID on them, so she is suspicious and calls Matt to verify their story. After getting the non-paying customer to pay his tab after all, Matt turns up irate at everyone, making Sharon wonder if he’s going to “get even” with her later.

With the alcohol problem now resolved, Matt and Kenyon order a pizza, Amanda’s victim gets mauled by the bachelorette party, and Sharon gets hit on by a pair of swingers. In other words, it’s back to business as usual. Including the loudmouthed, belligerent guy thrown out for groping women…that is, if they can get him to leave. It takes two tries and the cops.

At the end of the day, Sharon runs into someone she knew in high school, only to find out that she knows the guy that hit on her earlier. They apparently have plans that night, and she declines his invitation for the second time. She does not, however, face any retribution from Matt. He’s too busy with his pizza. I’m sure he’ll make it up for it next week.

Stay tuned next week for the season finale of Rehab!

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