Rehab: Party at the Hard Rock Hotel “Episode 3.07” Recap

Can you believe we’re almost done with Season 3 of Rehab? After tonight, only three more episodes are left. Where am I going to get my fix of out of control partygoers and the neurotic staff members who have to keep them in line?

When last we left, it was after witnessing a practical miracle: Matt showed a softer side and made peace with Sharon for the greater good. Yet how long will it last? As much as I hope not, I have a feeling he’ll be back grinding his axe by the first commercial break.

The episode kicks off with more whinging from the waitresses, namely Ashley, who’d rather see Jonna take the fall than apologize for her own mistake. It’s another example of the immaturity amongst the Rehab cocktail servers. They’re about as principled as a pack of high school girls. Matt puts Ashley publicly back in her place at the pre-shift meeting, albeit not by name, but everyone knows it’s her. I have zero sympathy for her whatsoever. Nor do I care for Amanda, who talks trash on Jonna not only to some of her customers, but also to Matt. Normally, Matt has a really good BS sense, but I’m stunned that he doesn’t mind Amanda’s behavior. Her flippant explanation? “It just happens.” Maybe in your world, Amanda, which is not a world I want to live in.

Chantel and Jessica find themselves separated, ostensibly because of what happened last week. It’s the last straw for Chantel, who confides in Sharon that she’s no longer happy with her job. Knowing how that feels, Sharon tells her to take the day to think about it.

Wow. We’ve actually made it to the first commercial break and Matt has generally been calm, cool and collected. Think that’ll continue?


He’s walking around to see how everything is, and that’s how he discovers that one of his door hosts is leaving business cards all over the place. “He’s using this job for all the wrong reasons,” he says. The expletives start, and I know Matt’s kinder, gentler period is over.

Meanwhile, Jonna finds out from Amanda’s unapologetic mouth that her customers have been stolen. “She doesn’t deserve to be here,” Amanda tells us, as if she’s the arbiter of who stays and who goes. At least she offers to split the tip from the cabana with Jonna, though I will be surprised if she actually follows through with that.

Dave joins the DJ Bar to replace Jessica, and Chantel struggles with educating him on things that Jessica would know. Jessica is at the Grotto Bar, bored to tears, and figures she’ll pop in to say hello to her best friend. Of course, she gets caught red-handed by Kenyon, and sent back to her new post – not without complaint, of course.

Matt dispatches his assistant to pick up his dry cleaning. Let’s hope that goes better than handling Matt’s dog last week. It already gets off to a bad start when his assistant has lost the claim ticket to pick up the dry cleaning. I’m surprised that Matt has such an inept assistant. Maybe that’s just how it looks on TV, but we all know Matt is not the kind of man to suffer ineptitude lightly, and his assistant always seems to screw something up no matter what the assignment. How he hasn’t fired this guy is beyond me, especially since Matt is notorious for a quick trigger.

I sense yet another confrontation. I also spot a commercial error. No, TruTV, Rehab is not all-new next. We’re watching it right now.

Matt’s dry cleaning isn’t Matt’s dry cleaning. It looks like something out of The Wedding Singer. He is displeased. I’m happy that he doesn’t actually wear a suit that ridiculous.

Jake gets dispatched to a fight between two inebriated, mostly artificial women. The pieces of their weaves are still on the ground. Their bad dye jobs are showing, as well as their cleavage. It turns out that the two combatants are (no surprise) friends. Maybe it’s because most of my friends are male, but none of my friends have ever tried to fight me for any reason. Apparently, two of them are lesbians, too. And someone is someone else’s cousin. I’ve lost track and so has Jake, who says it best: “It turned into a weird Jerry Springer-ish web of love and disaster. And they can go kill each other somewhere else.”

Ashley still hates Jonna, at least until there’s the possibility of her making money off the other waitress. Matt’s assistant can’t get his dry cleaning, so he grabs an uncleaned suit and gives his boss that instead. The only surprise here is that Matt can’t tell he’s just been had.

He has other things on his mind, however. He’s dispatched to deal with an angry guest who tells him that said door host from earlier is now harassing guests about drumming up additional business. The guest is infuriated, and so is Matt, who sets out to make the door host’s day very, very miserable. If it wouldn’t cost the show a ton of money, I’d suggest having the Imperial Death March from Star Wars on hand every time Matt stalks his prey. It’s appropriate.

Ashley suddenly likes Jonna given that she’s secured a huge tip from her remaining cabana. Wow, who’d have thought? Likewise, Jessica is a lot less whiny once she notices that there are attractive men that she can ogle at Grotto Bar. All of a sudden she’s singing the praises of the change. Chantel actually has a legitimate reason for her change of heart; she finds that she enjoys working with Dave, and that makes her reconsider.

After everyone’s been sent home, Matt confronts the door host with Kenyon and an expletive-laden lecture. It surprises no one when he fires the door host two minutes later. He’s back to his usual cranky, unsatisfied with the staff self. I knew that change of heart wouldn’t last!

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