Two and a Half Men 9.03 “Big Girls Don’t Throw Food” Recap

Alan went marching home to the beach house, and Berta had to explain to Walden that once you have Alan, you can’t get rid of him. He’s back for good. Unfortunately for Alan, Berta had already taken over his room, and there’s no way Alan was going to win that fight. He caves and agrees to share Jake’s room, although Walden can’t figure out why they keep calling it “Jake’s room.”

Walden has to occasionally say something intelligent to prove that he is really a high-tech billionaire. In this episode, he was “building a neurometric backend for a social media aggregator.”

Judith drops off Jake, but Alan is hesitant to let him in because Walden doesn’t know that Jake will be staying with them. Alan tells Walden that Jake just came over to say hi, but Walden has no issues with unexpected guests and he’s fine with Jake staying the night. Now Jake’s back too.

Alan tells Jake that sharing a bedroom will be like the time they went camping. It was a nice throwback to one of the most memorable episodes. As Jake recalls, “I was 10 and it was the worst weekend of my life.”

Jake refuses to be the one to use an air mattress, so Alan threatens to make them move back in with his mother. Jake knows that it would torture Alan to live with Evelyn, so he calls his father’s bluff and pretends that he would be fine with it. Alan gets the air mattress.

Finally, we get some interaction between Jake and Walden. In what could possibly be the worst exchange of advice to ever happen, Walden asks Jake if he knows a romantic restaurant that he can take Bridget to (Souplantation), and Jake decides he’s too smart for school after hearing Walden flunked due to extreme intelligence and boredom. They also decide that Jake is a man without a deal.

Jake lets Alan in on the news that he’s too smart. He’s going to forget college, drop out of high school and start his own business. Jake’s intrigued that Walden made his first million before he was 19. Alan asks him how many zeroes are in a million: there is one zero in a milli0n.

Alan confronts Walden about Jake wanting to quit high school while Walden is getting ready for his date. Not really sure what to say about Walden’s clothing choices, except why is there always a bow tie? In theory, if Bridget used to dress him, how did he even end up with these clothes?

Walden corrects Alan that he didn’t quit high school–he skipped high school and quit MIT. Alan tells him that Jake can barely spell MIT, and Walden agrees he should stay in school. There’s another jab at Charlie when discussing role models, but Berta later tells the skies that they took the wrong brother.

Walden asks Alan for girl advice. How does he get Bridget to take him back? Obviously he’s asked the wrong person here, and he gets that by the end of the conversation. “Should have asked the kid.”

Judy Greer is back as Bridget, who is not impressed with Souplantation. She seems to know Walden better than anyone, so it’s her own fault for making him pick the restaurant. They were together for 15 years and she cares about him, but she still wants a divorce because of his immaturity. The pouting. The need for her to put ice cubes in his soup to cool it down. The food fight that breaks out between him and a little girl. Immature? Nah.

Back at the beach house, Judith shows up in a fury because Jake told her he wants to quit high school. Alan blames Walden, so she wants to talk to him. No, she wants to listen to how his heart is broken by his high school sweetheart. No, she wants to kiss him. She kisses him. Jake takes a picture of it.

Back in Alan and Jake’s room, Alan tells Jake he can quit school if his mom agrees. In fact, he’ll buy him a car. Given the picture he has in his possession, Jake thinks there’s a good chance of this happening.

Back in Judith and Herb’s room, Judith’s trying to convince Herb to grow a beard. Poor Herb.

Berta’s infatuation with Walden is amusing, but the same can’t be said for this thing with Judith. On the plus side, it was nice to see Jake back in action again.