Humans love to use logic to make decisions. If the forecast says it’s going to rain tomorrow, you probably won’t want to schedule a picnic. And if your bus has been late every day for the past two weeks, you should probably just choose to leave a bit earlier for work. But some decisions can’t be made using facts or figures. Sometimes, you just have a feeling.
Women on Reddit have been opening up about times when they ignored their intuition while dating, so we’ve gathered a list of their stories below. While there’s no reason to dwell on past experiences or regrets, we hope this list will remind you to always trust your gut, even if you don’t understand why it feels that way.
#1
I have ignored my intuition my whole life. This is the first time I am not. It took awhile of figuring out how to listen to myself though.
Definitely have to continuously check myself for romanticizing and fantasizing.
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#2
Anytime the guy doesn’t seem interested enough in me (not texting much, forgetting we said we’d hang out on X day, etc), I have ignored it as me being “too needy” or expecting too much in the beginning. Pretty much always ends with them having been thinking it over and deciding we’re not right for each other, but because I ignored my instinct for so long I’m way more wrapped up than I should be.
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#3
I ignored my gut feeling that he wasn’t tell me the full truth. And in fact, he had a GF who he lived with. Covid times led me to not trust my better instincts. Here I am a year and a half later still really upset over this, but trying to forgive myself because some people are just masterful liars.
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#4
Don’t marry him. Leave. Leave.
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#5
I seeing a guy for 3 months, we went into it very fast. After month we were bf gf. He talked about future wedding dates. Holidays that was 2 years in the future.
I comprised a lot. He used to bail on seeing me. Never used to communicate enough for me but used to be on his phone when he’s with me, constantly talking to his mate. I thought at the time it was normal. But I just couldn’t put my finger on it. Then when he went back to work. He it was like week and he just didn’t message. I was planning on breaking up with him. Then he said he wanted to talk. I knew then he was thinking the same.
We broke up.
With my current bf I felt bit anxious but I think that was due to my previous relationships. We took it quite slow and we kept it honest. I feel really secure. He treats me very very differently. Communicates, he doesn’t cancel plans. He’s a great guy.
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#6
“He’s not the one.”.
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#7
I was walking alone at night when I was 18. I felt scared suddenly and thought I should run, but I talked myself out of it. That was the night I was attacked by a group of guys.
Ever since I’ve always tried to trust my intuition and not second guess myself in those situations.
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#8
“Move on” I should’ve left a long long long time ago.
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#9
That his coworker was more than “just a friend”.
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#10
That he doesn’t love me the way I love him.
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#11
“His whole family is messed up, I should bail before he gets too attached”.
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#12
Until my hard-headed, stubborn self finally learned to trust my gut instincts relatively recently (in my early 40s), no matter the situation, people involved, etc., I ignored almost all of them. From potential romantic interests to buying retail items. The one exception to this was I never ignored my gut feeling about anything having to do with my kids.
Now, I listen to my inner self. She’s learned a lot more than she realized over the years and through the experiences.
ALWAYS trust your gut instincts, ladies or men.You don’t have to understand why you have a feeling that you have. But it will most likely be shown to you one day.
Be your own advocate for your well-being, mental and emotional stability, future, growth, and more. One way to do that is to trust your instincts. Trust yourself to know you feel that way because you’re subconsciously trying to tell you something you cannot recognize in that moment. Know that you matter, you should be respected, you shouldn’t have to settle or endure the wrath of detrimental people. You’re worth it.
You. Are. Worth. It.
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#13
Kind of a similar tale. Except he didn’t really take me on dates. If we went out, I had to figure out the details.
Admittedly we were both homebodies so it didn’t bother me too much. But, at the same time, something felt off about it. Early in the relationship, I tried to end it but of course he came back and I caved. I spent the rest of the year that we were together ignoring my feelings that I wasn’t getting what I deserve. I’m really ashamed which I know isn’t helpful but I’d like to think I’m better at listening to myself now.
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#14
I don’t think it’s only my gut I ignored but also my ears. They would say something super off and I’d assume it was just a joke or would freeze and not confront the comment. I love the Maya Angelou quote, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” I’m trying to live by that now.
I’ve also come to the hard realization that if a good, healthy and available person likes you, they won’t want anything to be confusing or unclear. Actually it will be the complete opposite. Only people who want to use you will cherish and cultivate the fog, miscommunication, and ambiguity of these situations.
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#15
I think I’ve ignored early gut feelings about every single man I’ve dated from OLD in the last two years, lol. Hey at least it ends after a couple months or less and I don’t end up dating them for four years anymore!!!
The last one really took the cake with selfishness and obliviousness. The second time I met up with him he made a comment alluding to my tattoos being “basic” – not in those words, but that was the idea, like oh hoW orIgiNal of you, person from x region, to have THOSE tattoos.
Some of my tattoos are indeed related to the region I’m from, because uh, I’m from there and it’s important to me? Mine are all unique and specific but most people don’t particularly notice that, but I don’t care. Many people feel similar love for the region and also have related tattoos, which is great for them if they like it and also affects me in no way.
It was so bizarre to hear a man in his 30s take me on a date and then sort of insult me – like he was bullying me in high school. I was so baffled I didn’t really have a good immediate response. I didn’t fully register how weird it made me feel until later, when I realized I had a gut feeling that defaulting to a “negging” behavior was an ill portent if ever one bopped me on the nose and I oughtta bounce outta that situation. However, he had since then texted me how much he enjoyed spending time with me/I was so smart and pretty etc tho he was shy in person etc… I was like meh ok I’ll let it slide as an insecure slip up, or attempt at flirtation that just didn’t play out like you thought. could happen to the best of us.
Alas, I was right. He was the most clueless, childish, ignorant, self-centered man I’ve ever dated – but he believed he was vibrating at a higher frequency with his uninterrogated hippie philosophies that reminded me of my world outlook as a sixteen year old. He ended up leaving town to go to a rainbow gathering in colorado, and he left behind a puppy at my house after getting her infected with hookworms.
I’ll be pissed off at that dude forever, but I kept the puppy.
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#16
She told me she was on BC after I made it clear I had no intention of ever having kids. After a while I began to notice that I had never actually seen her take it when we would go on overnight trips and such. I dismissed it as me just being a paranoid 20-something and was too naive to know that more people than not have zero integrity and will lie like they breathe.
The outcome was that I have a 5 year old about to start kindergarten sitting in the next room lol.
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#17
My brain/gut was screaming at me not to marry my husband when I was 20 years old. I listened to my conservative Christian parents instead and ended up with 20 years of ick.
For women who have trouble listening to their inner voice, I recommend the book Untamed by Glennon Doyle.
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#18
Every time I’ve been involved with someone that keeps exes around as friends or has close single guy friends I get the gut feeling that it’s off and not totally ‘just friends’ from both perspectives. I always chalked it up to jealousy and ignored it. Time and time again, these guys make it clear they’re interested in the woman I’m involved with.
Now I just avoid these situations for the most part. I am potentially open to getting involved with someone who has close single guy friends, but I treat it with a watchful eye and trust my gut.
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#19
I’ve dated several men that just weren’t a match. My gut honestly knew all along.
It was whispering softly things like ‘Hmm, not so sure about this one. That thing/habit/personality trait of his doesn’t sit well’
However I kept dating them because I wanted to give them a chance and be sure, right?
The end result was the same: whenever I had that gut feeling I knew it was the beginning of the end, even before it started.
It was all kind of things from lying, not taking care of themselves to things like no humor/not laughing together, not able to hold a conversation etc.
My gut knew very well from the first date, but my head was like ‘he seems kind and sweet, I’m attracted, he should be all right’
Ever since then I dated fewer men, but more quality.
So I would say the outcome was pretty good!
It feels good to be honest and authentic with my self and most importantly: trusting myself.
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#20
When I was in my 20s, I used to ignore my intuition about being incompatible with someone while getting to know them. I was convinced that if I just looked deeper and took more time to know them, that things would somehow work out.
All I ended up doing was wasting time and getting hurt. I learned my lesson the hard way of valuing myself and what I wanted, while seeing people for what they showed me instead of what I wanted them to be.
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#21
I’ve learned that my intuition is often flawed due to years of living with a man who didn’t like me. My gut tells me to expect the worst. There have been several times when I’ve braced myself for a negative reaction and been shocked when it never came. And then my gut says “he’s probably manipulating you/live bombing/future faking” and he’s literally just living like a normal person.
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#22
So there was this guy who was so much into me, he kept pursuing me for a few months. I could see that he was rushing into things but then I gave in. I didn’t want to rush into a relationship but he was so genuine. He kept making future plans of us being together. We got into a relationship and guess what? He rushed out of the relationship too post a mild inconvenience. Only if I would have listened to my gut feeling.
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#23
“NO.”
Met on dating app, FaceTimed for the first time and as soon as we hung up my head said NO. He was nothing less than charming and sweet, could hold a conversation etc. Nothing was “wrong” with him, something just felt “off.” I knew it. I 1000000% knew it and still dated him for a few months and lead to one of the most heartbreaking break ups of my life.
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#24
I was living with someone back in my early 20s. One night this woman came to the door and asked my bf if he wanted to go for a drink. He told her no and she left but I felt some kind of way. He assured me they had only just met because she worked next door and found out she lived in our building. He said it was just friendly. I ended up making friends with this woman and was reassured that she wasn’t at all attracted to him. Fast-forward to my bf and I had some relationship issues and I find out they had slept together while I was at work and she hung out with me that same evening. I’ve never ignored my gut feeling about another woman since.
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#25
Stop trying to make him happy when he gives nothing back in return.
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#26
That I don’t have to be with him just because he knocked me up.
That if I’m venting about my marriage to the pet dog on our daily walks, then there might be something wrong.
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#27
This man is not good enough for you.
This job is going to be very toxic.
That friend of his isn’t just a friend.
This is not a good purchase and you will regret spending this money here.
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#28
Whenever a guy says something or does something really off that makes me feel some type of way. Sometimes, I’ll brush it off and think, “Ah, he means no harm or anything from saying that.” I’ve learned to abort the moment something doesn’t settle right with me from his words.
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#29
That I should’ve dumped him earlier.
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#30
“He’s never going to marry you. He doesn’t have a plan for the future.”.
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#31
Most recent? A “friend” I hadn’t seen in months prior to the “event” contacted me. Said it had been awhile and wamted to know what I was up to. I didn’t have much going on and since I believe honesty is the best policy I told him as much. So he wanted to come hang out. I didn’t listen to my gut… he didn’t take no for an answer.
Never. Again.
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#32
My gut kept telling me to leave this man alone I would get absolutely nervous before meeting him feeling like I was going to either vomit out of both ends. Then ended up with a positive pregnancy test and felt like my life was over and my world was falling apart at the thought of being connected to him that way. It was a false positive and I definitely trusted my gut since then.
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#33
Mama’s boy vibes.
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#34
That pang of second thought as I walked down the aisle on my wedding day.. everything seemed picture perfect but it just didn’t feel right. At that time a family member snapped a pic, I’m teary in it, like save me.
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#35
That we don’t belong together.
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#36
“Don’t give him your number.”.
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#37
Non of his female friends like you, but they don’t know you or any of the people you hung around with.My gut was telling me they had been more than just friends but I ignored it. At least he admitted it 15yrs later…..
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#38
It felt like he was hiding something from me. It was a weird feeling because I didn’t feel like I was particularly entitled to know everything about his life at that point (early in the relationship), but there was always this undertone of him being a little cagey. I initially ignored it by telling myself I was being unreasonable/unfair.
Ultimately, a year into it, it also felt like our communication styles were incompatible because he would answer even innocuous questions in really roundabout ways (e.g., if I asked something like “do you like spaghetti” or “have you ever been to the Grand Canyon” or even “what’s your favorite color” with something like “why do you ask?” And I’d have to justify everything before we could move on with a casual conversation), so I told him we should break things off.
At that point he started telling me quite a bit about his past (unprompted…I didn’t ask, I was just telling him I couldn’t continue) and it turned out that he was untruthful about something pretty big that I asked him in one of our first conversations. Go figure.
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