The day before yesterday, one of my twin daughters felt sick and went to the hospital, as a result of which my wife and I missed the concert that my wife had been waiting for for several months. I, in turn, spent about an hour and a half trying to get our youngest son to sleep. Therefore, the topic that this post is dedicated to is very close and understandable to me.
Don’t get me wrong – my wife and I dote on our children, and parenthood for us is a lot of joys, small and large… but at the same time, it is also a very difficult thing. As probably for any parents. For example, all those who responded to this viral thread in the AskReddit community, whose starter asked: “What’s the worst part of having a child?”, receiving over 1.8K various comments.
More info: Reddit
#1
Losing them. We lost our son on Saturday, and it is by far the most painful experience of our lives. It is unnatural for parents to bury their children.
Image source: HomosapienHoney, Pavel Danilyuk
#2
If they are born with severe disabilities, you will need to take care of them or make plans for their care for as long as they are alive. It’s heartbreaking, many marriages don’t make it. My utmost respect to parents of special needs children.
Image source: Mundeli, Karolina Grabowska
#3
You’ve got a piece of your heart walking around outside your body where it can be hurt and there’s not a whole lot you can do about it.
My dude broke his arm on the playground yesterday. Hate seeing him in pain.
Image source: 2020four, Karolina Grabowska
#4
Worrying about how the outside world will treat them.
Image source: NicholCarson, Dimitri Dim
#5
The days drag on, but the years fly by.
Image source: RuthieKennedy, Lara van der Walt
#6
I’m so tired. Just tired all the time. I don’t ever remember not feeling tired.
Image source: Prodissiqo, Valeria Ushakova
#7
Having an actual fear of death cause you never want them them to feel the pain of losing a parent.
Image source: applylife, cottonbro studio
#8
The fact that it’s 24/7. Like please don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to be a mother and I really don’t even want to change a single thing about my life, but you know how sometimes KNOWING you can’t have something makes you want it? It’s like that. No matter what, it’s like I’m on a timer. I’ve got this little thing that I have to care for or it will die. Especially with a baby, you feed it and then the clock immediately starts ticking before you just have to feed it again. When my toddler goes to bed/takes a nap/has independent playtime/goes to grandma’s house that’s my time but it’s ticking away and I also need to sleep/clean/run errands. There’s legitimately no ‘pause’, there’s no free day. If you’re sick, or upset, or tired, you still gotta take care of them. If you hire a sitter and leave for the night you just miss them or worry about them. Even people who have the mentality of ‘after 18 they’re on their own’ that still isn’t true. You’re still their parent. You’re always their parent.
Image source: HoneyBadgerSpirit, Josh Willink
#9
Having to take care of a sick child when you are also sick. For me that has been the most challenging part so far.
Image source: RatSocial, Andrea Piacquadio
#10
Having to deal with their total lack of self preservation. They are creative and come up with all kinds of ways to try and [end] themselves, keeping ahead of the game is exhausting
Image source: HeensGirl, Yan Krukau
#11
Cleaning. Endless….cleaning. It’s infinite.
Image source: MoveB***hGTFO, cottonbro studio
#12
The sheer anxiety of it all. Wondering who they gonna be when they grow up. Worrying about if they’ll have friends, happy and do well in school. Worrying about them being kidnapped. Worrying about them dying. Worrying about if they are eating “good” food. Worrying about if you’re setting a good enough example. Worrying about keeping a roof of their head. W
Worrying about worrying.
Image source: hambone012, Juliane Liebermann
#13
Watching them stray down the wrong path. Wishing they’d listen to you.
Image source: Medvedjeksp, Keira Burton
#14
It’s not my children. It’s the lack of a village. It’s the fact I never have anyone to call on that becomes exhausting. It’s a combination of constant stimulation and loneliness all at once. Still freaking worth it though. And I’ll be the best damn village these kids could ever need one day!!!
Image source: Glad-Television-2843, William Fortunato
#15
Thinking about all the possible pain in their future. From their first heartache to whatever the f**k climate change and late stage capitalism bring.
Image source: Jonny_Cubensis_Spore, Vlada Karpovich
#16
When people ask me this I say. You know those video games where you have to escort a character to a destination without them being attacked. That’s parenting. Those missions are a pain in the a*s.
Image source: EvangelinGaines, RDNE Stock project
#17
Everyone’s unwanted opinions
Image source: twistedsister78, Alexander Suhorucov
#18
Loss of spontaneity/freedom. My wife and I could just up at a whim grab dinner or spend a weekend somewhere. Now everything is planned weeks in advance and largely around nap and bedtime schedules. Oh, and sleep, what’s sleep?
Image source: Bubbagump210, William Fortunato
#19
It’s like taking a 2nd job that lasts 18+ years with 24/7 schedule with no holidays or sick days.
Image source: HockeyShopping, Gustavo Fring
#20
The worry that I’m a bad parent that’s doing things wrong.
Image source: TommieMaldonad, Karolina Grabowska
#21
You won’t know you’ll regret it until its too late.
I don’t regret having my kids at all. But I know some people who do, or wish they’d stuck with one or two but were persuaded to have more because their partner didn’t want to have an only child. Kids know when they’re something you’d rather not have to deal with, no matter how good you tell yourself you are at hiding it.
And for me personally the worst thing has been my own childhood stuff re-emerging in ways I can’t explain. I see my parents very differently now I have my own kids. I don’t find parenting my kids that difficult, but dealing with my own stuff has been an unpleasant challenge.
Image source: LordyIHopeThereIsPie, RDNE Stock project
#22
The constant anxiety that you’re doing enough to shape them to make good choices,a good life,be a good person and for them to have the life they deserve.
Image source: DianHolland, RDNE Stock project
#23
Time, it really does fly.
When I realize that my oldest is already halfway through her childhood and she’s already outgrown just being a child in so many ways, I just get so sad.
Because when you’re in the thick of it, you’re just so tired and stressed and busy that you just can’t appreciate all the little moments that are passing you and you’ll never get back. I can’t remember the last time I picked her up or she asked me to play or held my hand to cross the street.
Then you feel guilty that you didn’t enjoy those little moments more when you had the chance.
Image source: Warm_Caterpillar_518, Peace Alberto Iteriteka
#24
Anxiety.
When my kids were babies I would check to see if they were breathing..
When they go to school you feel bad because you’re leaving them with strangers.
You try to raise them to be good people and you constantly judge yourself and try to be better and overthink everything.
You want them to eat healthy, enjoy life, have a good education, feel confident, etc.
You don’t want them to be a******s, you don’t want them to be weak.
You want them to be confident but not arrogant.
You want them to speak up for themselves but not be rude.
The list goes on..
Image source: extracrispies, Alex Green
#25
The lack of freedom, especially with a toddler or baby.
It takes a lot of effort just to get to the store for milk.
Image source: drunkentenshiNL
#26
No sleep.
Image source: MacMemo81, cottonbro studio
#27
The identity loss. It’s like someone died, but that someone is you.
Image source: Cute_Championship_58
#28
being invisible. nothing about me matters anymore and most things are even expected to be given up so they can thrive. the loneliness and how f*****g fast your life rushes away. I’m not even allowed to exit life to not f**k kid up
Image source: quitstalkingmeffs, cottonbro studio
#29
People used to say “the terrible twos”…Nope, it’s the teen years.
I think it’s the closest a parent ever gets to removing from earth what you brought to it.
They become “know-it-all, smart-a**ed, money-suckers” that will stand in your face & scream at you all your failings as a parent, they will tell you they hate you, they disengage from the family, & it doesn’t matter how privileged & spoiled they are, the parent is the only problem in their lives.
I sure hope the old adage of “you get back 10x what you gave to your parents’. I am so looking forward to this!
Image source: Ok_Shelter_6478, cottonbro studio
#30
The guilt.
Image source: LoveDistinct, Polina Zimmerman
#31
You’re no longer the most important person in your own life and your priorities have to change. While it sounds like you just substitute some time this problem can become more insidious if you’re never putting your own needs in front of your child’s. This is how you start resenting others for not putting you first, because you give so much to the other people around you and they can’t just see that you need a break.
So because of this the hardest part of being a parent is having your own life together enough to be a present. Dealing with setting your own boundaries, dealing with your own childhood traumas, and navigating all this change while also trying to provide for a young child.
Image source: M*******a_Miler, MART PRODUCTION
#32
You’ve taken personal responsibility and ownership of their life, 24/7, for at least two decades.
Image source: redditiscraptakeanap, Ron Lach
#33
Losing your freedom. Want to wake up late and go out for breakfast? Tough you can’t anymore
Image source: harrer93
#34
The worry that I’m not doing a good job
Image source: motomamisarahx
#35
From what I see with friends:
One of the kids is severely mentally handicapped and it destroyed their marriage and it’s destroying their lives. They cannot afford permanent housing for the kid, and they don’t want to. The guy broke down once and said he wished the kid would die.
Another friend has told me several times over: “I love my kid, but if I could go back in time and forget all about them, I would not choose to become a father.” Turns out, he hates that his primary identity is being *a dad* now. He really dislikes other parents and in particular their children.
On top of exceptions like this, general complaints:
1. The cost;
2. The time;
3. Other kids;
4. Other parents;
5. Child-safe everything;
6. Restricted travels;
7. Lack of sleep;
8. Stuck in a relationship “for the kids”…
One of them would divorce the mother of his kid, but he can’t afford child support + alimony. Plus, they’d have to sell the house, sell the cars, sell his motorcycle, and everyone would be worse off.
So, they choose to live in some kind of permanent loveless cold war type of family situation, you know, “for the kid”. Because that’s how you show your child what love is.
Image source: mahade, RDNE Stock project
#36
The balancing act of not raising an a*****e. Instilling discipline while not being to harsh or too permissive.
Luckily, while my kid does not look much like me (he favors his father in looks) he’s my little carbon copy on how he handles and responds to things so I know exactly how to communicate with him. His father and I are divorced, and he has majority custody right now (I have most of the kid’s life) so I get phone calls to solve issues weekly. Kid wanted to live mostly with his father this year, made it 3 months and wants to go back to living with me. I haven’t mastered the balance but I think I do ok, especially given my harsh father.
Image source: GloInTheDarkUnicorn
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