Come to think of it, each season has its own weather jokes. Spring brings allergies and wet sneakers, summer is for freaky tanlines and mosquitoes, fall is for being under the weather, and winter is for freezing your behind off. Yeah, we know, those are all the cons of the seasons, but you wouldn’t want to make funny weather jokes out of something that’s genuinely pleasant, right? We thought so! So, let us present to you our magnificent list dedicated to jokes about the weather – there’s a good chance that you’ll find most of them highly relatable.
Basically, weather jokes can be divided into two groups. One would be for when it’s hot and the other for when it’s cold. Now, hot weather jokes might sound alluring when you’re in the depths of winter, but truthfully, thinking about being sweaty all the time and having zero energy to do something due to a heatwave is all but pleasant and inviting. As for the cold weather jokes… Well, it’s never fun to imagine yourself being dressed in so many layers that you become Patrick the Starfish and only having the mobility to be rolled around rather than to walk on your own two feet. Sorry, we did try to come up with redeeming points for extremely hot and freezing cold weather, but there seems to be none! All the better, though, as this way, we get more silly jokes to laugh at.
Now, scroll down below to check out our selection of the very best weather jokes ever. Once you are there, give the best jokes your vote! And since we’re pretty sure your friends would like to laugh at these hilarious jokes, too, share this article with them.
#1
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the children have to play inside.
#2
What is the best day to go to the beach?
Sun-day, of course.
#3
Q: Where do lightning bolts go on dates?
A: To Cloud 9.
#4
Q: What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A: A snow-fake!
#5
Q: Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
A: Because she expected some change in the weather.
#6
What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you.
#7
What does everyone listen to, but no one believes?
The weather reporter.
#8
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
They peel!
#9
How do you prevent a Summer cold?
Catch it in the Winter!
#10
Q: What do snowmen eat for lunch?
A: Icebergers.
#11
Q: What is a king’s favorite kind of precipitation?
A: Hail!
#12
What do you eat when you’re stuck in cold weather and angry about it?
A brr-grr.
#13
“I’m going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It’s a very heated topic.”
#14
Q: What did the evaporating raindrop say?
A: I’m going to pieces.
#15
Why is the sun so smart?
It has over 5,000 degrees.
#16
You need to try meditating during a storm. It’s a really in-lightening experience.
#17
“I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.”
#18
What is a Mexican weather report?
Chilli today, hot tamale.
#19
Q: What does it do before it rains candy?
A: It sprinkles!
#20
Q: What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
A: Thunderwear!
#21
“Vacationing in Vermont, I picked up the local paper to check out the forecast. It read: Today: Sunny, 76. Tonight: Not so sunny, 55.” – Norrine Trono
#22
According to a news story, if global warming continues, in 20 years the only chance we’ll have to see a polar bear is in a zoo. So in other words, nothing is going to change.
#23
“The weather forecast says it won’t rain for three months, but I drought it.”
#24
“I saw a turtle during a thunderstorm, you could say he was shellshocked.”
#25
Lightning storms can be very striking.
#26
“It’s so hot that when I saw a heatwave, I waved back.”
#27
What did Santa Claus’s wife say during a thunderstorm?
Come and look at the rain, dear.
#28
Why do raindrops like lightning at night?
So they can see where they are going.
#29
“On a fishing trip to a remote lake in Northern Quebec, I asked the outfitter, “Do you stay here during the winter?” “No,” he said. “The snow gets too deep. We can’t get supplies in. Like many Canadians, I go south for the winter.” “Oh,” I said. “Where do you go?” “Vermont.””
#30
Q: How does a hurricane see?
A: With its eye.
#31
Q: What is a Queens favorite kind of precipitation?
A: Reign!
#32
Q: What do you call two straight days of rain in Seattle?
A: A weekend.
#33
Q: What goes up when the rain comes down?
A: An Umbrella.
#34
Q: Why does Snoop dog need an umbrella?
A: Fo’ Drizzle.
#35
Q: When does it rain money?
A: When there is “change” in the weather.
#36
Q: What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer?
A: You make my temperature rise.
#37
Q: What did the lightning bolt say to the other lightning bolt?
A: You’re shocking!
#38
Q: What type of cloud is so lazy, because it will never get up?
A: Fog!
#39
“Electricity is really just organized lightning.” – George Carlin
#40
“It’s been raining so much in Los Angeles that the Chia Pet I threw in the garbage is now blocking my entire driveway.” – Jay Leno
#41
Did you hear about the woman who wore sunglasses?
She took a very dim view of things.
#42
How did my cat know about tomorrow’s weather?
He looked at the fur-cast.
#43
If you think raining cats and dogs is bad, you should see hailing taxis!
#44
You never see owls being amorous in the rain. It’s too wet to woo.
#45
What bow can’t be tied?
A rainbow!
#46
“How hot is it?”
“It’s so hot, when I turned on my lawn sprinkler, all I got was steam!”
#47
“I received a message from the Sun. After reading it, I was enlightened.”
#48
It’s so hot outside everyone is wearing sweat pants.
#49
Why do hurricanes travel so fast?
Because if they travelled slowly, we’d have to call them slow-i-canes.
#50
There’s a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days.
It’s called Monday.
#51
What doesn’t get any wetter no matter how much it rains?
The ocean.
#52
What do hurricanes most like to eat for dessert?
Candy Canes.
#53
Why is the sky not happy on clear days?
It has the blues.
#54
Why did the weather want privacy?
It was changing.
#55
What type of sense of humor does a dust storm have?
A very dry sense of humor.
#56
What type of music do lightning bolts listen to?
Rock and Roll.
#57
Q: What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
A: Polaroids!
#58
Q: What is the Mexican weather report?
A: Chili today and hot tamale.
#59
Q: What did one raindrop say to the other?
A: Two’s company, three’s a cloud.
#60
Q: What’s the difference between a horse and the weather?
A: One is reined up and the other rains down.
#61
“We use a really strong sunblock when we go to the beach with the kids. It’s SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.” – Lew Schneider
#62
“Don’t knock the weather. If it didn’t change once in a while, nine tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation.” – Kin Hubbard
#63
Concerned about what will happen to cities if the polar ice caps melt? Don’t be. New names have already been chosen.
Atlantis City, New Jersey.
Pariscope, France.
Sail ‘Em, Massachusetts.
Floodelphia, Pennsylvania.
Helsunki, Finland.
Sao Marco… Paulo, Brazil.
#64
“For her summer job, my 18-year-old daughter arranged interviews at several day-care centers. At one meeting, she sat down on one of the kiddie seats, no simple task for most people. The interview went well, and at the end, the day-care center director asked the standard question, “Can you give me one good reason we should hire you?” “Because I fit in the chairs.” She got the job.” – Judith L. McKay
#65
What did one hurricane say to the other?
I have my eye on you.
#66
It was so cold, one man fell out of bed and broke his pyjamas!
#67
It was so cold outside that hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
#68
Never mind cats and dogs, it was raining chickens and ducks yesterday. Fowl weather.
#69
“A friend of mine did his pilot’s exam just after a storm and flew through a rainbow. He passed with flying colors.”
#70
Where’s the best place to store your rain?
In a cloud bank.
#71
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Want to go for a spin!
#72
What’s a tornado’s favorite game?
Twister!
#73
What falls but never hits the ground?
The temperature!
#74
What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
You might step in a poodle!
#75
Why shouldn’t you fight with a cloud?
He’ll storm out on you!
#76
Coming up with weather-related puns is a breeze.
#77
“I spent 60 seconds in this 90-degree weather. It’s been a hot minute.”
#78
How do sheep keep warm in winter?
Central bleating!
#79
Which weather features do druggies like most?
Highs.
#80
Why is it so wet in Great Britain?
Because of all the kings and queens that reigned there.
#81
What are hurricanes with a central dense overcast over the eye called?
Hurricanes with cataracts.
#82
If you are standing in the main street of Amsterdam, and can’t see the clock tower of the Central Railway Station, that means it is raining.
If you can see the clock tower, that means it is about to rain.
#83
Why did the Aggie take a golf club and a baseball glove storm chasing with him?
To golf the golf ball size hail and catch the baseball size hail.
#84
Q: What does daylight saving time mean in Seattle?
A: An extra hour of rain.
#85
Q: What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
A: England.
#86
Q: What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A: A rain of terror.
#87
Q: Can Bees fly in the rain?
A: Not without their yellow jackets.
#88
Q: What did the hail storm say to the roof?
A: Hang onto your shingles, this will be no ordinary sprinkles.
#89
Q: What do you call a wet bear?
A: A drizzly bear.
#90
Q: Why did the man use ketchup in the rain?
A: Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
#91
Q: What happens when fog lifts in California?
A: UCLA!
#92
Q: Whatever happened to the cow that was lifted into the air by the tornado?
A: Udder disaster!
#93
Q: What type of lightning likes to play sports?
A: Ball lightning!
#94
Q: How do hurricanes see?
A: With one eye!
#95
“If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.” – Bob Hope
#96
“Why does moisture destroy leather? When it’s raining, cows don’t go up to the farmhouse yelling, “Let us in! We’re all wearing leather! We’re going to ruin the whole outfit here!”” – Jerry Seinfeld
#97
“While editing announcements for a newspaper, I came across an item promoting a camp for children with asthma. Aside from all the wonderful activities the kids could enjoy, such as canoeing, swimming, crafts and more, it promised that its lakefront property offered something the kids probably did not expect: “breathtaking views.”” – Christy Nichols
#98
When are your eyes not eyes?
When the cold wind makes them water!
#99
What do you call it when it’s pouring ducks and geese?
Fowl weather!
#100
What does a weatherman wear under his trousers?
Thunderpants.
#101
Why did the lightning get into trouble?
It didn’t know how to conduct itself.
#102
What do you call a kidney doctor who can also predict the weather?
A meaty-urologist.
#103
The weather forecast was for freezing cold hail and sure enough, it was an ice day.
#104
Why should you avoid tornado chasers?
They’re always passing wind.
#105
Fred: “I’m sure I’m right.”
Betty: “You’re as right as rain – all wet!”
#106
How did the hail stone describe it’s life?
It really has a lot of ups and downs.
#107
What is the most popular game played by tornadoes?
Catch my drift.
#108
How can you tell if a tornado is stupid?
If it spins anti-cyclonically.
#109
How do you spot a happy motorcyclist in fair weather?
He’s got bugs on his teeth.
#110
How did you find the weather at camp?
It was easy. I just went outside – and there it was!
#111
If a band plays music in a thunderstorm, who is most likely to get hit by lightning?
The conductor.
#112
Why can’t meteorologists forecast the weather?
They are too busy studying comets and meteors.
#113
“It was so hot today I saw a robin picking earthworms out of the ground with a pair of tongs.”
#114
Q: What is a mountain’s favorite type of candy?
A: Snow caps.
#115
Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A: A snowmobile!
#116
Q: Where do snowmen keep their money?
A: In a snow bank.
#117
“No, I’m not walking on string-cheese stilts. These are just my first bare legs of the season.” – Una LaMarche
#118
“Red sky at night, shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night, day.” – Tom Parry
#119
“As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, the woman next to me mentioned that she makes a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold. I nodded knowingly. “It’s the early signs of typothermia.”” – Phil Noyes
#120
“We all grew up in a town on the New Jersey shore and spent our summers at the beach, swimming, surfing, hanging out with friends. One of my friends loved the season so much, we began calling him Mr. Summertime. “What happens when summer is over?” someone asked. I thought for a minute, then said, “In September he becomes the Fall Guy.”” – J. Cummings
#121
“I was getting ready for a tag sale one summer day. Since it was so humid out, I decided to stay inside my air-conditioned house and mark the special stickers I had bought for the sale. Then I slapped them on my blouse, ran outside, stuck them on the appropriate items and rushed back inside. I did this until every item was labeled. Later that day a UPS man came by the house with a delivery. I noticed that as I was signing for the package, he seemed ill at ease. It was only after he left that I noticed there was one sticker still attached to the front of my blouse. It read “Make me an offer.”” -Mary E. Koppelmann
#122
“While in the men’s room at a beach park in Florida, I noticed they had a plastic baby-changing table installed on the wall. Apparently, some sportsmen had co-opted this politically correct amenity for their own use. Above the table was a sign saying: “It is unlawful to clean fish on this table.”” – Cliff Revell
#123
“When I overheard one of my cashiers tell a customer, “We haven’t had it for a while, and I doubt we’ll be getting it soon,” I quickly assured the customer that we would have whatever it was she wanted by next week. After she left, I read the cashier the riot act.”
“Never tell the customer that we’re out of anything. Tell them we’ll have it next week,” I instructed her. “Now, what did she want?”
“Rain.”
#124
How do you find out the weather when you’re on vacation?
Go outside and look up.
#125
Local weather reports say there won’t be any rain for a year, but I drought it.
#126
When it rains chickens and ducks, you could say it’s fowl weather.
#127
Humpty Dumpty had a terrible summer, but he sure had a great fall.
#128
What is hail?
Hard boiled rain!
#129
Why do tornadoes move so erratically?
They are dizzy.
#130
Where is a tornado put in jail to be punished?
In a high pressure cell.
#131
What’s the difference between weather and climate?
You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate!
#132
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
Hang onto your leaves, this will be no ordinary breeze.
#133
Why was the lightning grilled on the stove?
To make heat lightning.
#134
What type of lightning likes to play sports?
Ball lightning.
#135
“It was so hot in Beverly Hills, people were frying egg whites on the sidewalk.” – Matt Wohlfarth
#136
“On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and noted several historical points of interest. The children were especially interested because they enjoyed the computer game “Oregon Trail,” which gives players a taste of the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped at the famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible in the dirt. Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my daughter nodded and said grimly, “This is where my oxen always die.”” – Quin Gilbert
#137
“My two-year-old cousin scared us one summer by disappearing during our lakeside vacation. More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline, and everyone was relieved when we found Matthew playing calmly in the woods. “Listen to me, Matthew,” his mother said sharply. “From now on when you want to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?” Matthew thought about that for a moment and said, “Okay. Disney World.”” – Leah Hallenbeck
#138
“The summer after college graduation, I was living at home, fishing in the daytime, spending nights with my friends — generally just hanging out. One afternoon my grandfather, who never went to college, stopped by. Concerned with how I was spending my time, he asked about my future plans. I told him I was in no hurry to tie myself down to a career. “Well,” he replied, “you better start thinking about it. You’ll be thirty before you know it.” “But I’m closer to twenty than to thirty,” I protested. “I won’t be thirty for eight more years.” “I see,” he said, smiling. “And when will you be twenty again?”” – Marshall K. Essig
#139
“On a recent vacation at a resort with my in-laws, we planned to spend an afternoon at the pool with our kids. We wanted to bring our own drinks, but were unsure of the hotel’s policy. My brother-in-law called the front desk, and assuming everyone was familiar with the brand of ice chest he had, asked if it was all right if he brought a Playmate to the pool. After a pause the clerk asked, “Does she have her own towel?”” – Tina M. Digiovanna
#140
“Some people just aren’t happy unless they have something to complain about. I stayed in a beautiful hotel right on the beach in California — an idyllic spot, you would think. But while I was waiting to check out, I heard the manager ask another guest, “Did you enjoy your stay?” “Not really,” the man said grimly. “I’m sorry to hear that,” the manager apologized. “What was the problem?” “The surf was too loud.”” – Daniel Vargas
#141
“I was talking on the phone with my son, who was stationed in Hawaii with the Air Force. He was explaining how the troops were learning to scuba-dive. They used the buddy system, he said, and occasionally dived into shark-infested waters. Listening on the extension, my daughter asked, “What do you do when you see a shark?” Said my son, “Swim faster than my buddy.”” – Joan Nozkowski
#142
It only rains twice a year in Seattle: August through April and May through July.
#143
“I’m saving for a rainy day. So far, I have an anorak, a couple of macs, and a dinghy.”
#144
What is the opposite of a cold front?
A warm back.
#145
What did the thunderstorm say to the lightning rod?
You’ll never catch me copper!
#146
We had a Bill Cosby thunderstorm recently, the kind that comes while you’re asleep.
#147
“I was with a friend in a café when a noisy car alarm interrupted our conversation. “What good are car alarms when no one pays any attention to them?” I wondered aloud. “Some are quite effective,” my friend corrected me. “Last summer, my teenager spent a lot of time at the neighbors’. Whenever I wanted him home, I’d go out to our driveway and jostle his car.”” – Sheila Moore
#148
“Before heading on vacation, I went to a tanning salon. I was under the lights so long the protective eye shades I wore left a big white circle around each eye. Gazing at myself in the mirror the next day, I thought, “Man, I look like a clown.” I had almost convinced myself I was overreacting — until I was in line at the grocery store. I felt a tug at my shirt and looked down to see a toddler staring up at me, “Are you giving out balloons?” he asked.” – Nina Secviar
#149
“Our first day at a resort my wife and I decided to hit the beach. When I went back to our room to get something to drink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I grabbed my cooler and was on my way out when I paused and asked, “Can we drink beer on the beach?” “Sure,” she said, “but I have to finish the rest of the rooms first.”” – Louis Allard
#150
“Visiting his parents’ retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. After a while, Tim’s father returned from his walk and called out, “I’m ready to leave.” Tim then turned to his new friend and announced that he had to leave because his father was calling. Astonished, the wide-eyed little boy cried, “You’re a kid?”” – Janice Palko
#151
“Our family took shelter in the basement after hearing a tornado warning. My husband told everyone to stay put while he got his cell phone out of the car, in case the lines went dead.”
“He didn’t return for the longest time, so I went looking for him. I was upstairs calling his name, when I heard our phone machine click on.”
“Hi,” a voice said. “This is Dad. I’m locked out of the house.”
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