Dallas and George seemed to have cleared a major hurdle during last week’s episode of Suburgatory, as they both decided to be honest with each other from here on out if they were ever going to have a chance at a real relationship. However, that edict gets tested during “Foam Finger”; the two are now at the stage of their courtship where consummation is expected and one evening, it seems like it’s going to happen. There are candles and the mood is right and…Dallas decides to (literally) put on a show in the bedroom. Complete with lasers, black light, grand entrance from the ceiling, and gospel choir, it’s not exactly the tender first time that George had in mind, particularly since Dallas only lets him touch on/kiss on her for a second. She does, however, fake an orgasm and proceed to compliment George profusely, which is repeated the next day when George tries to be spontaneous after a work out.
Dallas then spreads it around town to all that will hear (beginning at her spin class) that George is sexual dynamite; it makes it back to George in the locker room at the country club, where he admits to Fred, Noah, and Javier that Dallas will barely let him touch her. The guys laugh off George insinuating that the rumors are untrue, which leads him to do to Dallas to talk about the past two times they’ve tried to be intimate with one another. He only wants her – not the circus, not the show, not the rumors designed to build up his manhood – only a connection and closeness that the two haven’t had yet and that Dallas might not know how to give quite yet.
However, she decides to give it a try and the two fall into bed for real this time, Dallas referring to it as being “pretty decent.” George will, happily, take that, especially once Dallas pulls out the big red foam finger she had at one of their earlier encounters and “cheers him on.”
Dalia Royce, Shiksa Goddess?
Steven is getting married to a flight attendant on Air Singapore named Wa’ner and Dalia has been tapped to participate in the wedding, much to her delight. Her father hasn’t been around in quite a while and this might be her chance to reestablish a relationship with him if she can get in with his fiancÃ©e. To do this, she has to drop an unsuspecting KKK for good and leave the three girls without a leader for the first time in a long time, but Dalia does several unexpected things in addition that show just how lonely she is. Not only does she dye her hair black and fake-text Wa’ner during the first couple’s dinner with George and Dallas, she eats lunch by herself and takes up a sudden interest in Evan, a nerdy classmate of hers that’s into magic. Though she initially denies his offer to serve as his beautiful assistant, Dalia eventually accepts, thanks to finding out that Wa’ner and her father had already eloped, that there would be no wedding, and that he didn’t even tell her what happened to her face. Dalia was without a social group, a father, a mother whose relationship she approved of, and any type of positivity in her life…
…which obviously means that it’s time to do magic. However, Tessa grows worried about her and overhears the conversation with Wa’ner, deciding to break up the magic act at school and get Dalia back to being herself. After finding the practice room that they’re working in, their trick being a kugel disappearing act sealed with a kiss, Tess walks in to find Dalia being dumped by Evan. Safe to say, she didn’t expect to see the great Dalia Royce being brushed aside by someone who low on the social totem pole, but it did its job and Dalia dyes her hair back to blonde soon after.
That night, though, she awakens and digs out a copy of the Torah and a picture of Evan before beginning to read from the holy document. Might Dalia have an actual crush on Evan, or is she still reeling from what happened with her father?
The KKK and the New Queen Bee
Tessa finds the KKK out in the middle of the road walking, taking it upon herself to shepherd them onto the street and hear why they’re not behaving like, y’know, people. They’re incredibly lost without Dalia, evidenced by their willingness to get into a sketchy van with a sketchier driver before Tessa drags them away…to Lisa’s house. As Lisa dog-sat two summers ago, she’s the logical choice to take care of the KKK until Dalia comes back and very quickly finds them (literally) eating out of the palm of her hand. Unfortunately, though, all power ends soon enough and once one of the KKK has an accident on her bedspread, Lisa’s desperate to get rid of them and go back to being herself.
Additional thoughts and observations:
-George asking Dallas about Dalia’s whereabouts the first night they attempt to be intimate: “What about Dalia?” “Oh, we’re not into that.”
-Funny detail: the gospel choir singing/humming on their way out of Dallas’ bedroom.
-Dalia’s entire monologue about Wa’ner was too good. Talk of the Asian internet, becoming the Queen of Singapore, and the name Wa’ner being like the name Dalia, in that “all the hot girls have it.”
-Noah and Jill haven’t kissed on the mouth in 13 years. I believe it.
-Mr. Wolfe has amethyst contact lenses. Awesome.
-Dallas at her spin class re: George: “Wesley Snipes who? White Men Can’t what?”
-The KKK sleeping in a Human Centipede-type circle on Dalia’s rug was delightful.
-Next week on Suburgatory: Tessa decides to spend Thanksgiving in the city, while George hosts a meal with Dallas and has to hire Chef Alan to make the food edible.