Legend has it that there are people who go to bed every night at sensible hours and fall asleep within the first 10 minutes, in a comfortable position and with the intent to sleep for the next seven to eight hours.
The majority of us, however, operate in two general modes. We either fall asleep at every possible opportunity if we are given more than five minutes of inactivity (much like a computer). In this case, the convenience of the sleeping position has very little relevance. The other alternative is that you won’t fall asleep, no matter how tired you are or how comfortable your bed is. You will lie in bed for hours, counting not only sheep but every farm animal you can remember, unfortunately, to no avail.
Believe it or not, both conditions are caused by lack of sleep and incorrect schedules. And no, this is no joking matter because it can seriously affect your health, so you should really consult a specialist if you recognized yourself in the previous paragraph.
Yet, some sleep puns and good night jokes can still be a nice first step to deal with the anxiety around sleep. If you have trouble sleeping, funny stories and jokes about sleeping may be a good way to relax until you finally fall asleep. And not surprisingly, sleep jokes are often told together with coffee jokes and coffee puns.
Whatever time it is in your part of the world right now, we wish you a good night’s sleep when you decide to go to bed. And if you have any fun sleep-related stories, share them in the comments.
#1
I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
#2
My boss calls me ‘the computer’, not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.
#3
Insomnia is terrible. But on the plus side… Only three more sleeps till Christmas.
#4
What do you call it when a kid is fighting going to sleep?
Resisting a rest.
#5
My little cousin was showing off that he sleeps in a race car bed.
Jokes on him, I sleep in a real car.
#6
I like to sleep with a bedside lamp on. My boyfriend says it’s weird.
I don’t know why, it makes a great hat.
#7
How do you confirm that you have insomnia? You know that the farmer has 901 sheep.
#8
Someone stole hundreds of cans of energy drinks from our local store.
I don’t know how they can sleep at night.
#9
Do you think Jeff Bezos sleeps naked? Or with pajamazon?
#10
I sleep with a knife under my pillow. You never know when someone is going to break in and give you a cake.
Image source: shariv67
#11
You know you’re getting older when happy hour is a nap.
#12
Why do keyboards never sleep?
Because they have two shifts.
#13
Why did mom always tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
She didn’t want to wake up the sleeping pills.
#14
Why is insomnia not a joke?
Because people are losing sleep over it.
#15
What do you call making up for lost sleep?
Melatonement.
#16
Learning to sleep upside down is often hard for baby bats.
But they soon get the hang of it.
#17
If there is a king and queen-size mattress, where does the prince sleep?
On the heir mattress.
#18
The urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
#19
The patient said to the anesthesiologist, “Can I put myself to sleep?”
Anesthesiologist: “Knock yourself out!”
#20
Do you know at what time tennis players go to sleep?
At ten-nish.
#21
What do you do when you’re not sure if you like the new mattress you just bought?
You sleep on it.
#22
Did you hear about the lady who always goes to sleep on a chandelier?
She’s a light sleeper.
#23
Why does the man eat yeast and shoe polish before he goes to sleep?
So that he can rise and shine.
#24
A sumo wrestler once came to visit and ended up sleeping on my couch for a month.
It left a negative impression.
#25
Just bought a sleeping bag for $30.
No idea how to wake it up though.
#26
Why did the meatballs tell the spaghetti to close its eyes and go to sleep?
It was pasta bedtime.
#27
Why did the little girl take her bike to bed?
Because she didn’t want to walk in her sleep.
#28
What does James Bond do before he goes to sleep?
He goes under cover.
#29
Do you know another word for a sleeping bag?
It’s a nap-sack!
#30
Which is the best season for bed bugs to get married?
The Spring.
#31
If teleportation becomes a real thing, I’m just going to use it to zap myself to a different timezone and get three hours of extra sleep every night.
Image source: ch000ch
#32
What should you do if you can’t go to sleep?
You lie on the bed’s edge and soon you’ll drop off.
#33
What do you call it when you sleep next to a close relative?
Nap-kin.
#34
What do you do when someone is tired and doesn’t know how to nap?
You give them a crash course.
#35
Do you know what kind of dreams hotels have?
Suite dreams.
#36
What happened to the girl who was dreaming that she ate a huge marshmallow?
She woke up to find half her pillow gone!
#37
When does a bed become longer?
At night, when two feet are added to it.
#38
What happens when you dream that you wrote ‘The Lord Of The Rings?’
You start Tolkien in your sleep.
#39
What do you call a sleep walking nun?
A Roamin’ Catholic.
#40
I fitted an alarm clock to my shoe. It stops my foot from falling asleep.
#41
A farmer was taking a nap under grains and was arrested for perjury, for lying under oats.
#42
My deaf boyfriend was talking in his sleep last night.
Damn near poked my eye out.
#43
Why do clowns wear loud socks?
To stop their feet from falling asleep.
#44
What dinosaur makes the most noise when he is asleep?
Tyrannosnorus.
#45
I am so good at sleeping.
I can do it with my eyes closed.
#46
I would love to be paid to sleep.
It would be my dream job.
#47
I’m so tired, my tired is tired.
#48
What did the mommy broom say to the baby broom?
It’s time to go to sweep.
#49
When you dream in color, is it a pigment of your imagination?
#50
I went to a gig last night and the band’s guitarist passed out on stage.
He must have rocked himself to sleep.
#51
How will you prove that you are not a light sleeper?
Go sleep in the dark.
#52
Why are people with insomnia some of the coolest?
Because they’re up for anything.
#53
Which time of the year does a bed like the most?
Spring break.
#54
Where do lawyers go to buy a bed?
A mattress firm.
#55
What do you call it when a king and queen size mattress has a baby?
An heir mattress.
#56
What happened when there was an arson at the mattress factory?
The staff couldn’t rest until they found the criminal.
#57
How often should you sleep in a tower?
Every fortnight.
#58
What is a sleepy dragon’s favorite steak?
A flaming yawn.
#59
What do you call a rock band whose members are in deep sleep?
The Snoring Stones.
#60
Why do dragons often sleep during the day?
So they can fight knights.
#61
Scientists have finally discovered exactly how much sleep a human needs.
“Just five minutes more.”
#62
What does the gingerbread man sleep on?
Cookie sheets.
#63
What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bulldozer.
#64
How do you get an alien baby to sleep?
You rocket.
#65
Where do books sleep?
Under their covers.
#66
I know someone who was habitually late until his doctor recommended sleeping in a herb garden.
Sounds odd, I know, but now he wakes up on thyme.
#67
What’s it called when your feet go to sleep and won’t wake up?
Coma-toes.
#68
Why did the little boy hide sugar under his pillow at night?
So he would have sweet dreams.
#69
Where do burgers sleep?
On a bed of lettuce.
#70
I have a condition that makes me eat when I can’t sleep.
It’s called insom-nom-nom-nom-nia.
#71
Is your iPad making you fall asleep?
There’s a nap for that.
#72
My partner asked why I put a watch on the bed before going to sleep.
I told her I wanted to wake up on time.
#73
What do you get when you eat cookies in bed?
Crummy sleep.
#74
How did the sheep get to sleep?
She counted her friends.
#75
Why did the man run around his bed?
He wanted to catch up on his sleep!
#76
Why did the girl take a ruler with her to bed?
To see how long she sleeps.
#77
How do baby bats learn to sleep upside down?
They slowly get the hang of it.
#78
What do you call a sleepy herbivore?
A Zzzzebra.
#79
What do you call a music concert with a sleepy audience?
Lollapasnooza.
#80
What do you call a conference with tired delegates?
A snooze fest.
#81
Do you know why mountains are always sleepy?
Because they don’t Everest.
#82
What would you call a skeleton that’s very tired?
A Grim Sleeper.
#83
What would you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZa!
#84
What would you call a sleeping werewolf?
An unaware wolf.
#85
What do you call a woodcutter who fell asleep?
A slumberjack.
#86
Do you know where all the fish fell asleep?
On the seabed.
#87
What happened when the boy fell asleep on a bed of sugar?
He had sweet dreams.
#88
What do you find butterflies asleep on?
Caterpillows.
#89
What do you call a giant mammal of the bison family that dwells in the mountains but can’t sleep?
An insomni-yak.
#90
What do you call a horse who has insomnia and keeps you awake?
A nightmare.
#91
Do you know what’s common between insomnia and cashiers?
They will both give you bags and make you wretchedly uncomfortable.
#92
How do you write a story about your bed?
You make it yourself.
#93
Why is it difficult to get any specific information out of a bedding expert?
Because they are always making blanket statements.
#94
What happens when you eat a memory foam mattress after a long time?
You remember that they taste far better than traditional mattresses.
#95
What do you call it when a mass of white wool snores on a field?
A sleep.
#96
What do you call a person who snores a lot?
A sound sleeper.
#97
What do scuba divers always wear in bed?
A snore-kel!
#98
Why do worms hate getting up in the morning?
Because the early bird catches the worm!
#99
Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?
Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.
#100
I heard my teenager mumbling in her sleep. She kept repeating, “1,3,5,7,9”
Literally she can’t even.
#101
Who knocks?
Hugo.
Hugo who?
Hugo to bed right now!
#102
Who is there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Justin time for bed.
#103
One thing I’m passionate about is ruining a trip by being unable to sleep the night before I leave.
Image source: joshgondelman
#104
I couldn’t figure out why I haven’t been sleeping all night.
And then it dawned on me.
#105
If you notice cows sleeping in a field, does that mean it’s pasture bedtime?
#106
Where do fish sleep?
On the river bed.
#107
Have you heard about those new corduroy pillowcases?
They’re really making headlines.
#108
What is huge, grayish, and can send people to sleep? A hypno-potamus.
#109
Do you know which animal falls asleep with its shoes on?
A horse.
#110
How do you make yourself fall asleep faster?
You decorate your bedroom like a classroom!
#111
Why should you splurge on an expensive mattress for your bed?
So that you can have your dream vacation.
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