“The times they are a-changin’,” Bob Dylan famously belts out. Although written for a completely different time—the tumultuous and divisive ’60s—these words make more and more sense as the generations pass by. Back then, it was gay rights (barely existent but slowly gaining traction) that society had a hard time adjusting to. Today, it’s the importance of affirmative consent that people are still coming to grips with.
Traditionally, you may have heard this term tossed around when discussing sexual activity to which both parties have to agree (“no means no“). These days, however, parents and elementary school teachers try to teach kids—very curious little creatures—that consent is much more than a verbal agreement. Something they should pay attention to and notice when they’re a bit older and swarming with hormones. The problem: not every adult views consent as important of a topic as you might think.
As this parent shares in their ‘Am I The [Jerk]‘ story, they learned this the hard way after being accused of blowing “innocent playground fun” out of proportion. Although, all this concerned parent did was talk to their 9-year-old son that it’s not okay to touch other kids, especially those of opposite gender, without first asking for their permission.
Wishing to learn what other parents have to say about this, the author turned to the trusted ‘Am I The [Jerk]’ community to seek perspective.
Teaching children about the importance of others’ personal space is an important part of parenting
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema
While there is still confusion surrounding the misconceptions of affirmative consent — for example, what actions indicate a mutual agreement allowing a person to proceed with sexual activities — more and more adults (a promising 88% to be precise) agree that this is something kids should be taught at schools. After all, 1-in-6 boys and 1-in-4 girls experience some form of sexual abuse before they turn 18, studies have found.
In order to learn more about affirmative consent, we have reached out to Jayneen Sanders, the author of ‘Let’s Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent and Respect’ and a former elementary school teacher. Addressing concerns some parents have about teaching their offspring from the get-go, Jayneen reassures us that there’s no such thing as “the perfect age” for teaching children consent.
“We can actually teach our children about consent from birth,” Melbourne-based author told Bored Panda. “When they’re still very little and nonverbal, we can tell them what we’re doing with their body: for example, as you’re washing them or changing their nappy, you can say, ‘This is your leg.’ Or, ‘I’m just going to lift up your bottom now because I need to put the nappy on.'”
Sanders understands that without being able to express their thoughts by speaking, they can’t give you consent just yet. But that doesn’t mean you cannot subconsciously start setting the foundation.
After being blamed for blowing “innocent playground fun” out of proportion, this parent shared their story with the ‘AITA’ community
People were unanimous in reassuring this parent that they are doing everything just fine
In fact, Sanders believes that the foundation for the understanding of sexual consent starts when parents teach their kids firm boundaries. “A good example of that is when your little one takes something without your permission. So, before taking a cookie from the cookie jar, they should first ask you, right?” she explained. She says that similar to a person’s body, having an understanding of boundaries, or what a person can and can’t do without there being any consequences, is as important to be able to read a person’s body language well.
In the end, the author didn’t expect their story to receive so much attention and thanked everyone for their say
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