What works for some couples might not end up being a fit for others, which is why people need to collectively figure out the rules and boundaries of their relationship. Unfortunately, in some cases, even partners who have been together for a long time might be on completely different pages, which can cause problems.
This is what happened to one woman when her husband of fifteen years suddenly demanded a polyamorous relationship and had someone lined up to date him. She still tried to make it work, but ended up feeling broken.
More info: Reddit
It can be difficult to recognize red flags in a long-term relationship until one partner takes things too far
Image credits: Frolopiaton Palm/ Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster explained that she had been married to her husband for fifteen years and that he suddenly “came out” as polyamorous, and already had someone to date
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster felt blindsided by her husband’s declaration and tried to set boundaries around his dating, but she had to keep compromising as he’d throw a fit
Image credits: creativaimages / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster became insecure when her husband started flirting with their neighbor and told him to delete her number, but he continued the connection in secret
Image credits: Throw-Away-5862
Over time, the poster began feeling like her life was falling apart and that she didn’t know what to do because he kept making her feel like it was all her fault
As the poster mentioned, she and her husband had been together for more than a decade and had two children. Nothing seemed off about their relationship, and they faced the normal ups and downs of life. That’s why she was shocked when he suddenly decided that he wanted to be polyamorous.
According to researchers, people can’t just come out as polyamorous, especially if they are in a committed relationship. This kind of decision should be discussed multiple times between partners so that they can figure out what works best for them together, instead of just one person pulling the strings.
It’s clear that the man had blindsided his wife with his declaration, which is why she had said that she needed some time to take in the news. Unfortunately, before she even got a chance to research and figure out the path ahead, he told her that he wanted to date their neighbor, who was eleven years younger than him.
The OP found it odd that her husband already had someone lined up that he wanted to date, and experts explain that this kind of behavior is not what polyamory is about. It’s not a band-aid solution to wanting to cheat on one’s spouse. People can identify the red flags by seeing how collaboratively their partner approaches this kind of decision in the first place.
Image credits: DC Studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster obviously didn’t want her husband to start dating people so soon, but after he began throwing tantrums, she didn’t know what else to do. At the same time, he also got mad when she wanted to go on dates or meet someone new, which shows how imbalanced their dynamic was.
Eventually, the OP began to feel insecure about how much her partner was fawning over their neighbor, and she told him to delete her number. The problem is that the man still secretly kept in touch with the other woman, and his wife only noticed because of how suspiciously he was acting.
When it comes to monogamous or polyamorous relationships, they can only work if partners are on the same page and respect each other’s boundaries. According to psychologists, if there is a mismatch in a couple’s relationship style that can’t be fixed over time, then it might signal that they’re incompatible.
In this case, though, the woman still wanted to hold onto her marriage despite her husband’s red-flag behavior. Apart from this, she was also managing the finances of their family, and clearly, having to face all this on her own was taking a toll on her mental health, which is why she asked folks online for advice.
What do you think the woman should do about her husband’s behavior, and do you think she should stay in the marriage or leave him? We’d love to hear your thoughts on this situation.
Folks sided with the woman and told her that her husband was just using polyamory as an excuse to cheat on her
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