With the oldest millennials turning 40 this year, our Capri-sun and Harry Potter-fueled generation is officially turning into uncles and aunts. And although it’s hard (and honestly painful to wrap our head around) how little behind we are from boomers, the reality hits and sends you a cold shower—you’re no kid anymore.
So it’s time to reflect on our millennial childhood, which was basically just as surreal and somewhat hyperreal as playing The Sims for the first time. Being the first generation to grow up in the internet age, there were many weird things about the ways we were raised by our parents.
“Millennials of Reddit, what lie were you told growing up?” someone asked on r/AskReddit, sparking a hilarious and all too relatable thread on the level of absurdity we endured. Interestingly, some of the lies will surely hit close to home to kids from latter gens, proving that it may not be about the generation per se, but rather about the fundamental divide between children and parents.
#1
Money doesn’t buy happiness. Sorry folks. But in the world I’m currently living in, it absolutely does.
Image source: Don_Cheech, Celyn Kang
#2
America is the best. It turns out we are ok in many things, but not the best, and in many areas we are not even ok.
Image source: Mr_Mouthbreather, tom coe
#3
“You won’t have a calculator everywhere you go.”
Guess what Mrs. Diaz, I have a portable computer with access to the internet that fits in the palm of my hand.
Image source: -eDgAR-, Masarath Alkhaili
#4
You need to define yourself by your job. I wasn’t told this directly but we live in a culture of dream jobs or people asking “what’s your job” when they meet you. My work is cool but it’s just work. My hobbies are what I define myself around.
Image source: jnksjdnzmd, LinkedIn Sales Solutions
#5
Be loyal to your company. They’ll take care of you.
Also, follow your dreams, get a house with a yard, and you’ll be able to retire.
Image source: topagae, Alex Kotliarskyi
#6
“You’ll regret spending so much time on that computer when you’re older”
Nope.
Image source: Dubalubawubwub, Brooke Cagle
#7
That going to college meant you could get a job
Image source: thenewdoctorwhos, javier trueba
#8
Everyone in here is forgetting that WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE FLYING CARS BY NOW!
Image source: [deleted] , PapaP123
#9
Being a good, ethical person will unlock doors. I only become a stepping stone for others.
Image source: Fame-taker
#10
That some dude is gonna walk up to me and offer me free drugs.
WHERE THE [HELL] ARE MY FREE DRUGS GOD DAMMIT
Image source: PM_ME_MAMMARY_GLANDS, GRAS GRÜN
#11
“Most people on the internet are dangerous weirdos!”
Most people on the internet are really ordinary people.
Image source: CDranzer, Avi Richards
#12
“It will all make sense when you’re older.” [Screw] that, everything makes even less sense. Now I’m older and expected to be independent and STILL don’t understand half the sh*t I need to accomplish that successfully.
Image source: UppityDragon, Jason Strull
#13
I was told that sex was a reward gifted by women to be bestowed upon deserving men. Growing up it was awkward (and incredibly embarrassing) to understand that women can enjoy and want sex just as much as men.
Image source: Zebuzephyr, Spencer Davis
#14
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”
Image source: Mochiko_Ferret
#15
That if I don’t have my life figured out by the time I’m 25 then I have some serious problems.
Image source: Smigg_e, Joshua Rawson-Harris
#16
All guys will only want sex from you *all the time. Turns out that kind of thinking is harmful to a young woman’s sexual-psychological development.
*Edit to add/specify that this also includes the idea that men are always “ready” to have sex at a moment’s notice, and if they aren’t, it obviously means there’s something wrong with you (or them) or they’re cheating (ridiculous, just because it’s anecdotally true for some doesn’t mean it’s a certainty).
Image source: RogueLotus, Tibor Pápai
#17
So many movies growing up have people going to college, finishing at like 21, and already being engaged and married immediately after. Then within like 2 years of working they’re already buying a house with like 3 kids by 25.
Like Jesus Christ I’m 26 and just got engaged, only now getting a career in my field, and I’m still living at my parents after living away for like a year. Everything’s just so damn expensive and there’s just no money to be found. I can’t imagine raising kids yet.
Image source: lemonylol, Hassan Vakil
#18
“Student loans are normal, don’t be afraid to go into debt for that out of state graduate degree”
Image source: Drunkpostsbyme , Towfiqu barbhuiya
#19
That the government represented the views of the people.
Image source: panken
#20
In Finland, we were told that once the big age group born after WWII retires, there will be jobs everywhere, for everyone. That didn’t happen. The number of open positions has remained stagnant for ten years while the unemployment rate is rising.
Image source: ryijy , Jonathan Rados
#21
Don’t go into x y or z for the money, you’ll end up hating it.
Motherf*cker the only reason I’m even considering career fields is for money. Bonus points if it’s interesting, but literally everything gets reduced to a puddle of suck once you start doing it 40 hours per week. I would love to be the delusional sunshine day dream a**hole who comes to work because he likes it, but that just isn’t me. Pay me well and I will perform slightly better than average work, and whisper sweet nothing since my ear and I might even stay a little longer than necessary sometimes. But make no mistake. I am only in it for the money. Once that’s gone, so am I.
Image source: SSOMGDSJD, Travis Essinger
#22
That this war is worth fighting for. Join the infantry!
Two theaters later and a sh*t ton of baggage. I’ve been to rehab and have weekly classes dealing with PTSD. Now I get to look back on my handiwork and see it was for nothing. Nothing has changed.
Image source: [deleted]
#23
That I could be anything I want if I put my mind to it…
Image source: exophrine, Mario Álvarez
#24
That I’m smart. I was smart, sure- for a kid. But as I’ve gotten older that’s evened out significantly. I may know a lot of trivia and a lot about certain key subjects, but those are not actually marketable skills. So I work nights at a hotel and squeak by, living with my parents and racking up credit card debt to make ends meet.
Image source: [deleted]
#25
That turning on the lights in the car is illegal
Image source: p_mig, Tim Foster
#26
Get a Bachelor’s Degree and you are set for life as far as a job/career is concerned.
Image source: mseyre, JodyHongFilms
#27
“you go to work, earn money, after 50 years you can be happily retired.”
No, it doesn’t work that way. Not anymore.
Image source: HistoricalPeach
#28
Be a doctor, lawyer or engineer and you will be happy and make lots of money.
I know so many underemployed lawyers that it’s a little depressing. I don’t know a single MD that isn’t divorced (although I know a lot of happy DOs).
I do know a lot of happy, wealthy engineers though.
Image source: [deleted], Mulyadi
#29
That receiving ‘participation trophies’ were our fault. No kid was out there demanding a trophy for losing. Some dumbass parent thought it would be nice for their kid to get a trophy so somehow this has become normal and everyone claims some 5 year old masterminded the whole thing.
Image source: Felon, Fauzan Saari
#30
My mom told me to plan to take care of her when she got old, because she wouldn’t have retirement money saved up.
She died before I was out of the house.
Most everything else was great advice though:
“Get good grades, because we can’t afford to pay for your college.”
“Don’t marry the first guy who asks, just because you’re afraid no one else will.”
Image source: sweadle, Eduardo Barrios
Follow Us
