From the director of Tread and Grace comes Clean, a crime drama about a tormented garbage man who’s trying to live a secluded and quiet life of redemption, but his good intentions get him noticed by a crime boss, forcing him to use his murderous skills of from his past. The Paul Solet vehicle stars several big names including Adrien Brody, RZA, and Glenn Fleshler, who are no strangers to being a part of bad movies. This list will highlight the five bad films involving the cast of Clean. Each of the movies has ten or more unfavorable reviews. The only features exempt from this list are animated. Let’s get started with the first movie.
This muddled mess stars Liam Neeson as Michael, an acclaimed novelist who struggles to write an analysis on love in one of three stories of this feature. While Crash was an on-the-nose, overly melodramatic piece, Paul Haggis at least knew how to properly structure the interwoven stories including a compelling feature. However, Third Person fails on that front, struggling to piece together a solid narrative that features a cast of weak characters in the midst of an even weaker story. The feature is elevated somewhat by the top-notch cast headlined by Neeson, but the overall film ends up being a forgettable slog that crumbles under its own weight.
In the disappointing category comes American Heist, a criminal threatens to drag his brother back into his world that has drastically ruined both of the brothers’ lives. American Heist is by no means a terrible film. It has solid performances from Adrien Brody and Hayden Christensen and the story had the potential to be great. It’s also a very slick and polished feature. Unfortunately, American Heist never excels pass average, settling for the most obvious story beats and a notably bland first and second act. The third act is surely the best of this indie feature, but it doesn’t make up for the weak beats that came before it. With another draft polish or two, American Heist could’ve been something special, but unfortunately, it’s as forgettable as its title.
Add this George Clooney vehicle under the same disappointing list as Suburbicon is about the Lodge family, who’s living in a neighborhood that’s considered perfect by American standards in the 1959. However, underneath the picture-perfect homes and manicured lawns lies a darker reality, as the husband and father Gardner Lodge must navigate the town’s seedy underbelly that highlights violence. What should’ve been a strong and thought-provoking feature about race, society standards, and a suspenseful murder mystery fails to be competent at any of the themes addressed. One of the big issues is the tonal shifts that often plague the film. Since this script was written by Joel and Ethan Coel, it’s expected that Suburbicon would be layered in plenty of darkly comedic situations; however, Clooney doesn’t know how to properly balance these moments and the tonal shifts actually hurt the impact intended for every scene. The strong cast is unable to keep the feature afloat because of how uneven Suburbicon is. The George Clooney feature has its moments of brilliance, but it’s drowned out because of how messy the plot is.
This unnecessary sequel finds Commander Ross slowly becoming an alien with one goal is mind, to procreate with human women! Soon, female bodies start piling up and scientist Laura Baker, assassin Press Lennox, and Eve use a tempered clone to find Ross and his brood. Species II feels like a satirical film that’s unaware it’s a satire. The silly premise is taken too seriously, the story is nonsensical and clumsy, and despite the strong talent attached to the project, the acting is pretty bad. Species II will likely satisfy horny men, but everyone else will be turned off here.
The Final Destination
In this lazy and uninspired sequel, Nick O’Bannon becomes the latest person to have a horrific premonition of him and his friends dying in a freak accident involving racecars. Of course, Nick saves a bunch a people seconds before his vision comes true, but death doesn’t allow these survivors to change their fate, picking them off one by one. Packed with extremely bland characters who have minimal development, The Final Destination doesn’t even have the exciting thrills or cool kills to make up for its horrid characterization. You’re left with a movie packed with lackluster CGI, goofy deaths, and terrible dialogue that does no one any favors. The only redeeming moment is a premonition featuring an escalator death, but there’s not much else to enjoy here.
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