This Christmas, the prequel to the popular Kingsmen franchise will finally hit theaters exclusively and the film features an all-star cast including Ralph Fiennes, Djimon Hounsou, Gemma Arterton, Stanley Tucci, and Aaron Taylor-Johnson. The prequel focuses on one man’s quest to stop history’s worst tyrant and criminals from starting a war that can wipe out millions. This list will focus on the worst films involving the featured cast of The King’s Man, whether they were background extras to the leading man (or woman). As always with these lists, the only type of film that’s exempt are animated features. Let’s get started with our first movie:
Holmes & Watson
Netflix was wise to not buy this film. This hilariously bad attempt at satire sees Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly play Detective Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson; The duo investigates a mysterious murder at Buckingham Palace and must use their wits to catch the killer before the queen becomes the next victim. Holmes & Watson properly fails to adapt the popular source material with any type of charm or wit. Unfortunately, the filmmakers don’t seem to understand the characters all too well because Holmes and Watson are complete numskulls for a good portion of the film. Despite the fact that they have moments of genius in the movie, Holmes & Watson go for the easy jokes based on their pure stupidity, and the movie ultimately fails because both characters come across as obnoxious douchebags. More importantly, the plot is an incoherent mess that often doesn’t make any sense.
Relax, this is not the Marvel film that’s beloved by many. Instead, The Avengers is about an evil genius who discovers a way to use the weather as a weapon against London and the entire world. Secret agents John Steed and Emma Peel are the only people who can stop the dastardly villain from destroying the world. Uma Thurman, Ralph Fiennes, and Sean Connery do the best that they can with their roles; however, this spinoff of the 1960s tv series is a clunky bore that fails to generate any excitement or tension. Admittedly, the special effects are impressive for a film that came out in 1998; however, there’s not much else going on in this forgettable feature.
The Seventh Son
This bland and forgettable feature stars Jeff Bridges as Master Gregory, who is forced to train his apprentice to defeat Mother Malkin, a malevolent witch. Despite the level of talent in The Seventh Son, this 2014 movie is a poor man’s Game of Thrones essentially. It doesn’t have the intriguing characters, or a compelling story to boot, and despite having Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore as the main attraction, the two A-list stars aren’t able to overcome a muddled and dull script. On the bright side, The Seventh Son does have some strong production design, it’s just too bad that money wasn’t spent on a better script.
This tired romantic comedy sees Paula Patton as Montana Moore, who’s been unable to settle down and find the perfect man. However, her sister’s upcoming wedding adds pressure to her life and the flight attendant has a month to find a fiance of her own. Baggage Claim is far from the worst romantic comedy you’re see, and its heart is generally in the right place; however, there’s too many contrivances that holds this pedestrian film back. The themes of societal pressure that often plagues men and women should’ve translated into a better and more thought-provoking film; however, Baggage Claim ends up being your typical rom com that features over-the-top high jinks. Paula Patton is charming as the lead, though some of her male counterparts simply don’t have the comedic chops to pull of their role.
I think the Coen Brothers should stop writing for other filmmakers. This misguided attempt at comedy stars Colin Firth as an art curator who recruits a rodeo queen to scam his boss. Given the fact that Firth, Cameron Diaz, and Alan Rickman take center stage here, it should be no surprise that Gambit’s watchable due to the performances of the talented actors. However, Gambit chooses to tell weak slapstick jokes over a solid story, often leaving Diaz and Firth with bad material that they’re unable to overcome. There are tiny flashes of humor and wit when the Coen Brothers style slips through; however, that isn’t enough to overcome a project that still needed a couple more drafts to be considered finished. It’s a shame because Gambit has loads of potential and had the film been directed by the Coen Brothers themselves then they wouldn’t have reduced the script to an abundance of madcap buffoonery.