It’s no secret that every person has their own skeletons in the closet, gloomy or not, secrets that are better not known to others. Sometimes these are just some small facts that, according to people, can cast a shadow on them in the eyes of others.
On the other hand, we are all human and we all make mistakes. And just like that, we want to look better than we are. Especially in such an important and responsible business as cooking. Who among us hasn’t done little dirty tricks in the kitchen while no one is watching? Who hasn’t passed off store-bought sauces as an old family recipe?
Some time ago, the AskReddit community faced one simple question: “What’s your dirty kitchen secret?” The Original Poster herself was the first to admit – once she dumped out a whole bottle of her husband’s nice balsamic vinegar, deciding that it was old clutter, and then “honestly” joined her husband in looking for it all over the kitchen. The thread became very popular, with about 5.4K upvotes and nearly 2.7K comments.
Bored Panda collected for you a selection of the most original kitchen confessions from various people. Some of them are real masterpieces, and some can turn into very useful advice for any home cook. By the way, if you need any culinary ideas – here’s another one of our posts about “secret” ingredients when cooking, but for now, feel free to write your comments and maybe show something dark that is hiding in the back corner of your soul… and your kitchen as well.
#1 Differences In Cooking For Yourself And For Others
When I cook for other people, I’ll sterilize everything and buy most ingredients day of.
When I cook for myself, I’ll pick things up off of the floor and use any ingredient that passes the smell test.
Image source: TheMeanGirl, Rene Schwietzke Follow
#2 Losing One’s Passion For Cooking As The Family Grows Larger
As my family grows up and their various tastes/trends change I find it virtually impossible to please everyone or really anyone so I’ve basically lost my entire passion for cooking which used to be huge and now it’s a freaking chore and they’ve choked one of my remaining pleasures right out of my life. I resent every bite that I cook. I’ve lost my mojo
Image source: sal139, Scott Feldstein
#3 Hiding Chocolate From Kids
I ordered 250$ worth of Belgium chocolate online and after it arrived, I hid the box from my kids.
Image source: bad_russian_girl, terrykimura
#4 The Secret Ingredient Is Just Bought In The Store
My popular spinach dip recipe is just a specific store-brand deli item that I add things to (like sour cream, seasoning, etc).
Why don’t I make it myself? No idea, this just seems easier.
Why don’t I tell anyone? The pleasure of knowing I’m full of lies.
Image source: Jemma6
#5 Making Tomato Soup With Milk Though Being Asked Not To
On grilled cheese sandwich night:
Wife’s grandma: Make the tomato soup with water, not milk!
Me: *Makes it with milk*
Wife’s Grandma: This is how I like it. I hate it with milk.
Image source: Tralan, stu_spivack
#6 Drinking Half The Batch Of Caramel Sauce
I was inspired by Caramel week on the Great British Bake Off and made a batch of caramel sauce. It was so good I did shots with it until I drank half the batch.
Image source: MinervaZee, Amy Stephenson
#7 Using Mayonnaise In Spite Of Being Asked Not To
Had a friend ask me to bring deviled eggs to a party but use non-fat yogurt instead of mayo because they hate mayo.
I used mayo and didn’t tell them. They loved the deviled eggs.
Image source: girardinl, Alabama Extension
#8 Baking A Lot Without Even Tasting A Single Bite
I took up sourdough baking and serious home chef cooking prior the pandemic. I was home during throat cancer treatment (I’m fine now!) so I had time on my hands and my sleep schedule was wonky and I found that there was always something on Food Network to watch.
But the radiation killed my taste buds and I can’t swallow food.
I’ve baked hundreds of sourdough loaves, countless baked goods, hundreds of meals from simple to complex.
Haven’t. tasted. a. single. bite.
People rave over my new found skills.
Lol.
Image source: Displaced_in_Space, Andy / Andrew Fogg
#9 Using Tomato Sauce Jars
I use jarred tomato sauce.
Ain’t nobody got time to f**k with a bunch of tomatoes.
Image source: anon, Martin Cathrae
#10 Using Better Than Bouillon
I throw away my bones and used store bought broth or Better than Bouillon.
Image source: Blarfendoofer, Better Than Bouillon
#11 A Culinary Masterpiece – Just A Purchase From The Store
The snickerdoodle cookies that everyone loves and asks for every Christmas are just Pillsbury slice and bake sugar cookies. I roll em in a ball, coat them in cinnamon and sugar and call it a day.
Image source: Unchanging_window, star athena
#12 Wiping Out The Pan Without Washing It
Sometimes I just wipe out my non-stick pan with paper towel and put it back in the cupboard rather than washing it.
Image source: beanofreen, Alpha
#13 Using Nutmeg For Cooking Though One’s Wife Hates It
Nutmeg. My wife thinks she hates it. I put it in certain recipes to send them over the edge. She likes to cook, too, and hasn’t been able to replicate those particular recipes, which she loves . It doesn’t take much to enhance the nuttiness, or compliment the sweetness, or add a layer to the spiciness of certain dishes. For starters, try it in your quiche – nutmeg plays so well with gruyere and Swiss cheese!
Image source: bshef, Quinn Dombrowski
#14 Pretending That Asian Wing Sauce Is Cooked Very Long And Difficult
My Asian wing sauce is equal parts sambal Olek and honey. Cut it with soy sauce.
I told everyone that it’s “a process”
It’s literally the easiest thing I make.
Image source: usernamesarehard1979, Daniel Hanson
#15 Going Shopping Solo So Don’t Have To Share Meals With Anyone
I eat a fancy lunch at the fancy grocery store when I go shopping there. I purposely go solo so I don’t have to share my luxe meal with anyone.
Image source: janbrunt, Denise Krebs
#16 Using Jarlic Instead Of Fresh Garlic
On most days I just resort to using Jarlic instead of fresh garlic.
Image source: palmacosta1, Aaron Goodwin
#17 Used Stovetop Stuffing Instead Of Homemade
This is a long one, the long con if you will.
Last year my girlfriend and I hosted Thanksgiving. Her family being from the Maritimes insisted that the stuffing be homemade, since their stuffing was always homemade. We reluctantly agreed.
We used Stovetop stuffing (the boxed stuff) and come dinner time, we got compliments, naturally. Her sister said “this tastes like stovetop” … pause… “thank you!” I replied.
Her mother passed away a few months ago, and while we were saying our private goodbyes to her, while she was in a medically induced coma, we admitted that the stuffing was in fact the boxed stuff.
Nobody knows but her, and I love it.
Image source: Crocubots, lilszeto
#18 Using Knorr Beef Stock Pot As A “Secret Ingredient”
No one knows I use Knorr Beef Stock Pot in many of my sauces and stews.
Those pots are literally flavor bombs
Image source: RandomAsianGuy, knorr
#19 Being A Chef But Having A Microwaved Banquet Salsbury Steak For Favorite Food
I’m classically trained, worked in the industry for… S**t since 1994, when I was 15 folding boxes in a pizza place. I’ve cooked every kind of cuisine imaginable, I’ve worked in places with michelin stars… And my all time favorite food is microwaved banquet salsbury steak. I’ll buy and f**k up a [family size container of them at least once a month. I’m addicted.
Image source: iamaneviltaco
#20 Hiding The Jam From One’s Husband
I hide the jam from my husband. He’s British and eats it by the spoonful every day, so I had to take measures
Image source: StonyOwl
#21 Not Washing Fruits And Vegetables While Cooking
I only wash my vegetables/fruit if someone else is watching me cook (of if they’re visibly dirty obviously). I just can’t be arsed and I figured if pesticides/production contamination are what kills me, I was meant to eat fast and die young
Image source: Zowiezrr, Maciej Lewandowski
#22 Here’s The Closely Guarded Family Secret Brisket Recipe
My closely guarded family secret brisket recipe:
Brisket
Sliced onions
Heinz chili sauce (the whole bottle)
Lipton onion soup mix (must be the powder, must be Lipton)
12-16oz of the soda of your choosing. Mom does root beer, I do Dr Pepper.
Throw everything in the crockpot for at least 6 hours on low.
Also works for pork shoulder (for that I like ginger ale).
Image source: PersephoneInSpring
#23 Using Better Than Bouillon ‘Roast Chicken’ Flavor Base For Every Soup
i use Better than Bouillon ‘roast chicken’ flavor base/bouillon in every soup i make, or anything that calls for broth/stock. sometimes i also add a little BTB mushroom base too, for even more umami. it tastes amazing, lasts forever, and saves time/space/waste. sometimes on special occasions i’ll make stock from scratch, or i’ll make specific stocks from scratch as a recipe calls for it (shrimp stock is easy/fast enough to make, and if i make pho or ramen i definitely go from scratch. but that’s a rare project). but 9 times out of 10 i’m more than happy to use BTB, i think it tastes great.
Image source: emergencybarnacle
#24 Moving Parents’ Boxes And Cans Forward So It Looks Like Their Shelves Are Full So They Won’t Buy More Stuff
For the holidays I make cranberry sugar cookies for my grandma (her recipe), last year I completely forgot to mix the cranberry into the dough and she didn’t notice. She blamed her lack of taste for the holiday weather and I let her, she kept lamenting on how she knows I’m so good at cooking and yada yada. Oh well, try again to remember to mix it in this year!
Also throw out stuff from my parents pantry that’s old or that they’ll never eat (looking at you canned creamed spinach) but I move boxes and cans forward to it looks like their shelves are full so they won’t buy more stuff.
Image source: lilmidjumper, Phoebe
#25 Using Storebought Creamy Caesar Dressing In With The Meat
I chop storebought creamy caesar dressing in with the meat when I make a Philly cheesesteak. No one has ever guessed it, and everyone is blown away at how awesome they taste.
Image source: occidental_oriental, Creative Tools
#26 Making Balsamic Reduction Out Of 3l Of 25-Year-Old Balsamic
I worked at a restaurant where a kid made balsamic reduction out of the 3L of 25 year old balsamic.
To this day he’s known as “Money Bals”. That was 2012 😬
Image source: Bullshit_Conduit, CCFoodTravel.com
#27 Using Monosodium Glutamate Very Often
MSG seasoning on pretty much all things
Image source: Blimmmer, spice supreme
#28 Passing Off A Doña María Mole As A Family Recipe
As a mexican, Doña María mole with a couple of large tomatoes cooked in chicken broth, blended with extra mexican chocolate and peanut butter for a “homemade” classic, lol. Thanks to my ex sis in law for the “family recipe”.
Image source: aaalma_viajeraaaa, ANDR3W A
#29 Drinking And Eating Way More Than Usual
I drank more wine than usual a few weeks ago and ate half a bag of Cheetos (family size) for dinner.
Image source: No-Avocado-1768, Jason Dean
#30 The Secret Ingredient To One’s Famous From Scratch Mac And Cheese Is Velveeta
The secret ingredient to my famous from scratch mac and cheese is Velveeta. I have done it with real cheddar, gouda, swiss you name never as good as when there is a little Velveeta.
Image source: Any-Photojournalist2
#31 Having Very Under-Developed Taste Buds
All my friends and family think I’m a great cook.
They tell me that all the time.
My dirty secret: I have very under-developed taste buds.
I’m only good at shape & texture of foods.
Image source: kikimaru024, Joshua Rappeneker
#32 Replacing The Pepper In Sister’s Grinder With Grocery Store Pepper
My sister always insists only one specific pepper blend is any good to her. I replaced the pepper in her grinder with grocery store pepper. It still tastes good to her.
Image source: LallybrochSassenach, Dave Lundy
#33 Pinching Off A Corner Of The Bullion Cubes And Eating It
I use these bullion cubes that aren’t the super hard rocks, and before I drop them in l like to pinch off a corner and eat it.
Image source: LaLucertola, Andrew Gustar
#34 Making Tomato Sauce For Shakshuka “From Scratch“ By Adding Tomato Purée To Diced Tomatoes From A Can
I make tomato sauce for shakshuka “from scratch“ by adding tomato purée to diced tomatoes from a can. The tomatoes where I live suck and the stuff from the can is at least consistent with regard to flavour / acidity profile. Everyone loves me for “homemade” shakshuka ;)
Image source: thriftyalbino, Andrew Bowden
#35 The Family Lemon Bars Are In Fact From The Pillsbury Website
My lemon bars I make for my family/coworkers every July 4 is just from the Pillsbury website.
The recipe literally ended up in a cookbook thing we did at work like it was something special I made up
Image source: AskMeAboutMy___
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