Let’s face it, dating these days is already a wild ride with enough plot twists to fill a Netflix series. But dating someone with a kid? That can be a recipe for disaster. Your partner’s ex might hate you for no good reason, or even worse, the kid could feel the same way. Nobody needs that drama, right?
One woman has sworn off dating men with kids ever again after a, how should we put it, complicated relationship with her now ex-fiancé and his difficult daughter. Wondering if she’s overreacting, she’s turned to an online community for advice.
More info: Reddit
The modern dating game is hit and miss, sure, but romancing someone with a kid can be extra tricky
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One woman, who was engaged to a guy who was deeply devoted to his daughter, was looking forward to having a potential bonus kid once they got married
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The trouble started, however, when the preteen began acting out in hostile and toxic ways, which left the woman dreading having her over
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When the woman’s fiancé blindsided her by changing the custody agreement so that his daughter could live with them every summer until she was 18, she saw red
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When she tried raising her concerns, her partner slammed her for being unsupportive and reminded her that his daughter would always come first
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They ultimately ended up splitting up, and the woman swore off dating men with kids ever again, but still asked an online community if she was overreacting
When the 27-year-old original poster (OP) started dating her boyfriend, 33, one of the biggest green flags for her was his love for his daughter. He spoke about the girl constantly and seemed like a dad who would move mountains for her. At first, OP was thrilled at the thought of having a “bonus child” and eventually building a blended family.
Then her now-fiancé came clean that his kid’s behavior was spiraling. His response? Chalking it all up to ADHD and trauma from a broken home. But OP, who’d actually worked with kids dealing with similar stuff, knew that boundaries weren’t optional here. And as they got closer to tying the knot, things got even messier.
OP’s husband revealed he was altering custody arrangements so his daughter could live with them every summer until she turned 18. OP felt blindsided, since they’d never even talked it over. When she tried bringing up her concerns, he flipped the script, accusing her of being unsupportive and saying his daughter would always come first. Period.
Eventually, the engagement imploded. Though the split wasn’t directly because of the problematic preteen, the experience left OP drained. She’s since decided she’ll never date men with kids again, hoping to skip what she sees as inevitable drama. But some people have told her she’s overreacting, so now she’s asking if she’s the bad guy.
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Sure, choosing to skip dating anyone with kids could be less complicated, but there’s also the chance you might shut the door on meeting the love of your life. OP’s hard and fast decision may seem a bit harsh, but just what are the realities of dating someone with a kid? We went looking for answers.
Amy Schoen from MotivatedToMarry explains that, while having a relationship with one person is tough enough, adding kids into the mix can be even trickier. So, before anything else, you’d better be 100% sure the person you’re considering a future with is someone without communication issues.
Another reality check? Your partner will be stretched in many directions, and it can be difficult to get a grip on how hard it is for them if you haven’t been through it yourself. Try not to be put off or surprised by last-minute canceled dates because of a sick kid or an unexpected event – dating a single parent is pretty much a package deal
The pros over at Brainz have some rock-solid tips for dating someone with kids. Things like taking it slow with meeting their kids (and definitely not parenting them once you have), establishing boundaries together (like staying out of the kids’ room, if that’s what they want), and celebrating the small victories, like a hug, shared joke, or a good day out together.
Netizens had plenty to say in the comments, and some even shared their own experiences of dating partners with kids, some good, some bad. Still, most seemed to agree that OP would not be out of line to stick to dating non-dads if that’s what she really wanted, but she didn’t need to tell everyone about it.
What do you think? Is OP justified in swearing off dating men with kids ever again, or should she give it another shot once she’s cooled off? Share your thoughts in the comments!
In the comments, readers said the point of dating is to figure out what you want, so she should just date non-fathers, and others agreed that wouldn’t be a jerk move
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