Four legs, cleft hooves, and a mouth with no upper teeth. Two horns, an udder, and a swishy tail. These words create a truly wondrous image – one that comes before your very own eyes as if from a mist, slowly revealing a statuesque picture of a… cow! And we are pretty certain that cows with their wet noses and plate-sized eyes rimmed by luscious lashes deserve all the poetry on Earth. However, to us, poetry comes in a slightly different manner than the rest. You probably know where we are headed here, right? Yep, you guessed it – to us, poetry equals silly puns because having a little loving chortle beats any ballad or sonnet. For us, anyway. And so – this is our list dedicated to cow puns, and to cow puns only.
Out of the many topics for funny wordplays, animal puns are by far our favorite. See, animals are already cute, making all the witticisms about them into inherently cute puns. So, a double whammy – it’s fun, AND it’s cute. Try and beat this combo; we’re waiting! Also, talking specifically about these adorable puns dedicated to cows, they’re as rich with phonetic jokes as the sea is with fishes. And while a ‘moo’ is no siren’s song (as declared by many), to us, the very same ‘moo’ is the most calming sound to which we’d like to wake and fall asleep. So, incorporating it into a clever pun or two is basically a must.
But we’ve probably already done enough to show our devotion to these large ruminants, and now it’s exactly the right time to skip to the animal puns themselves. They are, just as always, a bit further down, and once you are there, give your vote for the best puns of the bunch. Also, it would be kind of you to share this article with your friends – we think they, too, would appreciate some cows and hilarious puns injected into their day.
#1 Got me cow-pletely charmed
How do cows say “thank you” for dinner in Spanish?
Moo-chas grass-ias.
#2 Call me a mind-moo-nreader
Déjà Moo is the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
#3 Udderly Punny Biology
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
They lactose.
#4 Well, That’s One Way to Brand Noise
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
#5 Un-bull-ievably Good Vibes
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic!
#6 Dad jokes hitting different today
What did the bull say to his son when he was going off to school?
Bison!!!
#7 Udderly Shaken, Not Stirred
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake!
#8 Udderly Lost in Translation
What happens when you talk to a cow?
It goes in one ear and out the udder!
#9 Udderly Unbelievable Tale
Did you hear about the famous cow?
They say her milk is Legend Dairy.
#10 Udderly adorable bedtime vibes
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
It’s pasture bedtime.
#11 Got milk and meds?
Where do cows get all their medicine?
The farmacy.
#12 Money mooooves differently here
What do you call the cow who hit it big playing the lottery?
A cash cow.
#13 Tiny cow, big sweet surprise
What you do get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
#14 Udderly disappointing but hilarious
What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?
A milk dud.
#15 Plot twist: it wasn’t the moon’s fault
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer’s hands were cold.
#16 Candy-coated cowboy vibes
If a cowboy is happy, does that make him a… Jolly Rancher?
#17 Udderly Unexpected Gas
Where do cow farts come from?
From their dairy air.
#18 When Pasture Drama Hits Peak Mood
What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?
A baaaaaaad mooooood.
#19 Mood: Spotted and Unheard
What did the cow say to its therapist?
“I feel seen but not herd.”
#20 Top-tier dad joke energy
What do you call cattle that tell jokes?
Laughing stock.
#21 Well, that backfired quickly
What time is it when a cow sits on your hat?
Time to get a new hat!
#22 Classic farmyard feud
Why did the two cows hate each other?
They had beef.
#23 Well, That’s Udderly Surprising
I don’t even know what to tell you about this divine bovine I just saw. I mean, just, like, holy cow…
#24 That joke really raised the steaks
Why was the cow so afraid of messing up?
Because the steaks were high.
#25 Plot twist: he milked it dry
Why did the farmer stop telling cow puns?
Because he butchered every joke.
#26 Milking It for All It’s Worth
What does a farmer talk about when she’s milking a cow?
Udder nonsense.
#27 This pun’s got me quacking up
What do you call two ducks and a cow?
Quackers and milk.
#28 Low-key Udder Control
How do you get a cow to keep quiet?
Press the moooote button.
#29 Udderly Addictive Content
What does a cow watch?
MooTube.
#30 This Joke Rode Right In
What do you call a redneck motorcycle?
Cow-a-sock-ee.
#31 Moo-sic to My Ears
What’s a cow’s favorite James Taylor song?
Something in the Way She Moos.
#32 Udderly Forgetful
What kind of milk do you get from a forgetful cow?
Milk of amnesia.
#33 When cow chips bring the heat
I have a farmer friend who heats his milk products to 212 degrees Fahrenheit using cow chips.
Yep. It’s called pasture-ized milk.
#34 When the cows threw in the towel
All the farmers cows stopped producing milk…
It was a case of real udder chaos.
#35 Moo-ving Beyond Biology
Did you hear that they genetically engineered a milk cow to have no teats?
It was udderly pointless.
#36 Udderly done with this nonsense
What did the cow say to her misbehaving calf?
I am not amoosed by you.
#37 Moo-ving On From Bad Days
Why was the cow sad?
She was moody.
#38 Cow traffic laws hit different
Why did the cow get a ticket?
Because of a mooing violation.
#39 Moo-ving Lawn Care Goals
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
#40 Stockholm Syndrome, but make it moo
Why doesn’t Sweden export it’s cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
#41 Plot twist: Cow-leted protection
Why did the Secret Service surround the president with dozens of cows?
They were trying to beef up security.
#42 Livin’ That Udderly Weird Life
How did the cow get to Mars?
It flew through udder space.
#43 Breakfast of moo-champions
What do cows eat for breakfast?
Moosli.
#44 Moo-ving On Up
What do you call a strong cow?
Beefy.
#45 Dad jokes hitting different today
What did the cow say to the cheese?
“I am your father.”
#46 Talk about being mood food
Why couldn’t the cow gain weight?
She was more of a grazer.
#47 Thick Skin, Zero Drama
Why is it so hard to hurt a cow’s feelings?
They’re skin’s as thick as leather.
#48 Udderly Punny Science
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lack-tose.
#49 Guess the cow’s family tree just leveled up
Cow telling her family history:
My grandfather was a knight. He was Sir Loin.
#50 Classic cow drama right here
Why was the farmer mad at his cow?
The excuse she gave was a bunch of bull.
#51 When cows pull tricks out of hats
What do you call a cow who does magic?
Moo-dini.
#52 Cowspiracy Uncovered
What do you call a cow with no spots?
A Moo-tant.
#53 Classic cow plot twist
Why weren’t the cows in the field?
They Moooooved.
#54 Because even cows need kickstands now
It is now legal to park bovines with foot coverings in motorcycle parking spaces.
They’re officially labeled as Cowasockies.
#55 Moo-ving on math jokes
What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?
A cow pi.
#56 I’m here for these puns
What’s a cow’s favorite newspaper?
The Daily Moos.
#57 Classic Dad Joke Energy
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cow says.
Cow says who?
No, silly. Cow say MOOOOOOOO.
#58 Classic joke, still gold
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow, wh — MOOOOOO!
#59 Udderly Bouncing for Joy
What do you get when a cow jumps on a trampoline?
Milkshake.
#60 Udderly Suspicious Activity
What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
#61 Udderly Addicted to Gossip
Why do cows read magazines?
They love the cattle-logs.
#62 Udderly hilarious, not gonna lie
What do you call a cow that’s laying down?
Ground beef.
#63 Udderly Sneaky Moves
How does a cow become invisible?
Through camooflage.
#64 High Stakes Drama
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana.
The steaks have never been so high!
#65 Moo-ving Onward With Jokes
What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
#66 I was not expecting that destination
Where do cows go on holiday?
Moo Zealand.
#67 God-level farm jokes
What do you call a cow that can part water?
Moo-ses.
#68 Moo-ving Waves Only
What does a surfing cow say?
Cowabunga!
#69 Udderly Unexpected Fashion
What do you get when you cross a cow and a goat?
A coat.
#70 This joke cracked me up
What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk?
An udder failure.
#71 I walked right into that one
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
#72 Got me wondering too
What are cow knees called?
Burger joints.
#73 Udderly Too Fancy for Ballet
Why was the cow banned from ballet class?
It kept practicing its Dairy Air.
#74 Udderly hilarious bedtime chat
What do cows tell each other at bedtime?
Dairy tales.
#75 Cow’s got receipts, hold the drama
What does the cow do when she’s got leverage?
Milks it for all it’s worth.
#76 Trust issues? Not this guy.
How did the bull earn the farmer’s trust?
He said, “Seriously, have I ever steered you wrong?”
#77 Moo-ving On Too Fast
Why couldn’t the cow learn?
Everything went in one ear and out the udder.
#78 Moo-ving Past That Joke
Why don’t cows understand what you say?
Because it goes in one ear and comes out the udder!
#79 Moo-ving on from dairy drama
What do you call a cow who’s forgotten how to make milk?
Udder-ly confused.
#80 Low-key the best playlist
What do cows listen to at parties?
Moo-sic.
#81 Udderly Dramatic Showdown
Did you hear about the two cows who fought to the death?
It was crazy, their lives were at steak.
#82 Moo-ving on up to lunch
Where do cows eat lunch?
In the calfeteria.
#83 Udderly hilarious, right?
What do you call a cow that just gave birth.
De-calf-nated.
#84 Udderly Relaxing, Seriously
Why did the cow get a massage?
To re-hoove-inate.
#85 Cow that really stands out
How can you tell if a cow is exceptional?
It’s outstanding in its field.
#86 Moo-ving Through Math Like a Pro
What’s a cow’s best subject in school?
Cow-culus.
#87 Udderly Terrified, Apparently
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow-herd.
#88 Udderly Unexpected LOLs
What happens when a cow laughs?
Milk comes out of its nose.
#89 Udderly Broadway Bound
Why do cows go to New York?
To see the moosicals.
#90 Udderly Genius Math Skills
How do farmers count their cows?
They use a cowculator.
#91 Udderly Unstoppable
What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?
Cowboom.
#92 Moo-ving into War Zone
What do you call a fight between two herds of cows?
A cattle battle.
#93 Udderly Classic Date Night
What did the cow and bull do for their first date?
Dinner and a moooovie.
#94 Guess they’re too on target
Why don’t bulls play archery?
They might hit a bulls-eye.
#95 Milk’s sassiest royalty
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
#96 Stable logic, low-key genius
Why does a milking stool only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.
#97 Well, that’s one way to dodge snacks in space
Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them?
In case they bypassed the milky way!
#98 I did not see that coming
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.
#99 Un-bull-ievably Funny
How do cows laugh?
Moo-haha.
#100 Guess cows missed the payday
Why don’t cows have any money?
Farmers milk them dry.
#101 Udderly punny detective skills
How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down.
#102 Guess this cow’s on a break
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
#103 Well, that’s a rare cut of humor
My butcher gave me beef from a female cow.
I said, “I believe this is a Miss Steak.”
#104 When Cows Go Full Drama Queen
I saw a cow spontaneously catch on fire the other day. Guess you could call it a rare experience.
#105 Udderly Weird Hacks
How do you tuck in a cow?
Bull Sheets.
#106 Udderly Irresistible Pun Alert
I have a decent joke about a cow, but it’s pretty offensive, so I’ll probably need to take it down. Or, you know, have it remooooooved.
#107 Peak bovine relaxation
What is an evening of self-care for a cow?
Moovies, moosic, and mooisturizer.
#108 Udderly Sorry, I Swear
How does a cow apologize?
It kowtows.
#109 Moo-ving on up
What did the cow say at the end of the workday?
An udder day, an udder dollar.
#110 That Pun Landed Like a Yak
What do you call a Russian bovine covered in lichen?
Moscow.
#111 Low-key livestock ninjas
What did one cow thief say to the other before their big heist?
Put on your cow-moo gear — we need to be sneaky.
#112 Well, that’s udderly peaceful
What do you call it when two cows live together in harmony?
Cowhabitation.
#113 Udderly Overdramatic?
Cow farmers say their job is hard, but I think they’re just milking it.
#114 When Even Cows Start Complaining
It’s so hot outside that my cow started giving powdered milk!
#115 When your bank account’s basically farmland
Why don’t cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
#116 Udderly hilarious, no kidding
Want to hear a joke about milk… No it’s too cheesey.
#117 Beefing Up Friendship Drama
Why did the cow start a fight with his buddy?
There was real beef between them!
#118 Family drama level: farm edition
What happens when a calf gives her mom attitude?
She tans its hide.
#119 Mood swings between these two bulls, honestly.
Why were the two bulls ignoring each other?
They had a lot of beef.
#120 Bold Moves Only
Why don’t bulls play archery?
They might hit a bulls-eye.
#121 Farm puns that milk laughs
What did the cow say to the other cow on the hill?
I’m udder-neath you.
#122 When cows throw shade, not milk
What did the farmer say when his cow wouldn’t produce milk?
This is udderly problematic!
#123 Udderly Genius Weather Hack
Why do cows lie down in the rain?
To keep each udder dry.
#124 Grassroots comedy, really
What do you call a short cow in tall grass?
Udderly tickled.
#125 When the cow keeps repeating itself
What do you call the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before?
Deja-moo.
#126 Udderly Celebrated
What’s a cow’s favorite day of the year?
Moo Years Day.
#127 Peak hydration vibes
What is a cow’s favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!
#128 Udderly Brilliant Tracking
How do ranchers keep track of all their cows?
They keep a cattle-log.
#129 Guess I’m basically a dance icon now
I got the mooves like Jagger.
#130 When Bessie’s mood is your deadline reminder
Make sure you show up on time, otherwise Bessie will have a cow.
#131 When Cows Crash Your Feed
Steer clear! Cows coming through!
#132 No One Cares About Your Hay Fever
Move! Get out of the hay!
#133 This One’s Udderly Painful
Where did the bull lose all his money?
At the cow-sino.
#134 Udderly Legendary, No Cap
How did the cow know he was noble?
He was a Sir Loin.
#135 Unbeefably Clucking Genius
What do you get when you cross a cow and a rooster?
Roost beef.
#136 I see what you did there
What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bull dozer.
#137 Milk’s glow-up game is real
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
#138 I’m not saying I’m a genius, but that got me.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a dog?
Hound beef.
#139 Udderly hilarious, not gonna lie
What did the cow say to all her friends?
I am legen-dairy.
#140 Moo you didn’t just say that
What did the Auntie cow say to her niece?
“You’re so udderly cute!”
#141 I’m Here for the Punniest Show
What’s a cow’s favorite TV show?
Dr. Moo.
#142 That’s udderly genius
What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
Blue cheese.
#143 Guess cows need their own version of AirPods
Why do cows wear bells?
Their horns don’t work.
#144 Plot twist: Milkshake or mystery?
If a cow is cold, you get a milkshake. But what do you get when the cow is even colder?
A dead cow.
#145 Moo-ving Past My Puns
I’d tell you a cow joke… but I would probably butcher it.
#146 Moo-ving On The Gram
What’s a cow’s social media handle?
Bo-Vine.
#147 Okay, this cow’s got jokes
What did the cow build it’s house out of?
Cottage Cheese.
#148 Cowspiracy Uncovered
Why don’t most cows lie?
They can smell bull.
#149 That Pun Was Udderly Too Much
Animal News Network had to fire its bovine news anchorman.
Because it was unrelia-bull.
#150 Udderly Romantic Night Out
What did the cow and bull do for their first date?
Dinner and a moovie.
#151 Cows Give Better Head Pats
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
#152 Hold Your Hooves, It’s Udderly Important
Seize the moo-ment!
#153 I see what you did there
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side!
#154 Milk snatched, mood ruined
How dair-y steal my milk!
#155 Moo-ving On From Regular Milk
This milk is udderly delicious.
#156 Guess It’s Cereal’s Turn Now
The milk’s gone bad – it’s enough to milk you sick.
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