What are the first three things that come to mind when you hear the word “Canada”? That’s right, extreme politeness, maple syrup, and weirdly pronounced “about” and “out” (by the way, I did ask my Canadian friends about it, and they had not the foggiest clue what I was talking about). These three things, along with severe weather conditions and maybe hockey if you are sports savvy, are the staples of Canadian jokes.
It may be the general good-naturedness of the Canadian people or something entirely else that inspires us, but even the laziest person on earth has made jokes about Canada at least occasionally. Every so often, you will find a Canada joke or some Canada puns in movies and TV shows too, and here we’re not even talking about Ryan Reynolds being… well, Ryan Reynolds.
Whether you pledge allegiance to the red and white flag with the leaf, know someone who does, or just love Canadian humor, we invite you to scroll down and treat yourself to some funny Canadian jokes with some maple syrup puns on the side. Share them with your Canadian friends, and if you know more jokes about Canada, tell us in the comments.
#1 Cold truths hit harder than maple syrup
Every time I hear a mean joke about being Canadian, I go to the hospital and get my feelings checked for free.
#2 Neighbor envy is real
What’s the difference between America and Canada? The Americans have really nice neighbors.
Image source: State_of_Iowa
#3 Four Seasons but Make It Canadian
In Canada the seasons are, almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
#4 Canada’s World Domination Plan
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world. And then you will all be sorry.
Image source: porichoygupto
#5 Only Canadians Get Healing Like This
You can tell that Wolverine is a Canadian character written by an American.
His superpower is healthcare.
#6 Canada’s A-List Secret
50% of Canada is the letter A.
Image source: kaio-renwar
#7 Too Much Fighting, Eh?
Do you know why there’s not much boxing in Canada? Every time there’s a fight in the ring, a hockey game breaks out.
#8 Cats that could star in a horror movie
A Scottish man walks into a bar in Canada. He noticed there is an animal’s head hanging on the wall and asked the bartender what is it.
“A moose” replied the bartender.
“Jesus Christ! How big are the cats here?” Said the Scot.
Image source: DerRaumdenker
#9 Polite Pool Party Exit
How do you get 50 Canadians out of a swimming pool?
You say, “please get out of the swimming pool.”
#10 Falling Hard But Still Stunning
What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
They both look good until they hit the ice.
#11 Canada’s way of saying “Oops, found it!”
What happens if you lose your wallet in Canada?
You’ll get it delivered to your house.
#12 When Buddies Build Moonships
So the U.S. and Canada are combining their space programs to send a spacecraft to the moon.
They’re calling the spaceship the Apollo-G.
#13 Canada’s Mild Remix, Unpacked
Canada could have had it all: American industry, British Culture, and French Cuisine. Instead, they got: French Industry, American culture, and British cuisine.
Image source: TacTurtle
#14 Insurance paranoia level: polite neighbor edition
The other day I bought Canadian insurance, but then I realized how stupid that was.
When am I gonna get attacked by a Canadian?
#15 Maths That Actually Pays Off
Why do uneducated Canadians get more job offers in the US than Americans themselves? This is because 0 degrees in Canada is equivalent to 32 degrees in America!
#16 That’s one way to divide a continent
Did you hear about the guy with a map of Canada tattooed on his butt?
Every time he sits down Quebec separates.
#17 Classic Canadian Logic
How do you get a Canadian to apologize? Step on their foot.
#18 Toronto Doesn’t Get Its Own Zip Code
You know you are from Canada when… You know Toronto is not a province.
#19 Only in Canada, right?
How do you know if your kidnapper is Canadian?
He pays your own ransom.
#20 Bilingual Confusion Hits Hot and Cold
A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.
“This is an outrage,” he complained. “The faucet marked ‘C’ gave me boiling water.”
“But, Monsieur, ‘C’ stands for chaud, the French word for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal.”
“Wait a minute,” the patron shrieked. “The other tap is also marked ‘C.'”
“Of course,” said the manager. “It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city.”
#21 Pun game: Stronger than maple syrup
Why do Canadians love helping people in times of trouble?
Because they are Can-aid-ians.
#22 Lumberjack Level: Polite
In honour of Canada Day: How does a beaver greet another beaver?
Ma’Dam.
#23 Canada’s Chillest Vacation Priorities
You know you are from Canada when… You don’t know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it’s just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.
#24 Classic Canadian chill, eh?
How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?
None — they accept things the way they are.
#25 Sole Mates, Eh?
What’s a Canadians favorite kinda footwear…
Aboot.
#26 Totally nailed the winter starter pack
You know you are from Canada when… You know what a toque is.
#27 Well, That’s One Way to Season
A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper.
“Black pepper, or white pepper?” asked the concierge.
“Toilette pepper!”
#28 Canada’s “Sorry” Was Legendary
What did Canada contribute to the James Webb Space Telescope mission?
All the apologies for all the delays.
#29 Peak Canadian Logic
If you’re Canadian when you go into the washroom, and you’re Canadian when you come out of the washroom, then what are you when you are in the washroom?
European!
#30 Plot twist: Borderline comedy
Why didn’t the American make a joke about the Canadian border?
They realized that would cross a line.
#31 Only Canadians Say It Right
In Canada, they use “B.C.E.” instead of “B.C.” It stands for Before Christ, Eh?
Image source: Plumsby
#32 Same thing, different accent
In Europe it’s called a Lift, in Canada we call them elevators. I guess we’re raised differently.
Image source: Visotto1
#33 Eh-dventure in Learning
Why are Canadian students so smart?
They get lots of ehs.
#34 Still bragging about 2010 goals, eh?
You know you are from Canada when… You know exactly where you were when Sidney Crosby scored the Golden Goal at the Vancouver Olympics in 2010!
#35 Puns That Score Every Time
Why do hockey players like baking cakes? Because they’re great at icing.
#36 Canada’s Deadliest Surprise
In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than a terrorist attack.
Image source: porichoygupto
#37 Maple Leaf Conspiracy Uncovered
I just found out Canada isn’t real. Turns out it was all maple leaf.
Image source: Sea-Economist1001
#38 Winter Then July, Because Why Not?
What are two seasons predominantly seen in Canada? It is just winter and then July!
#39 Mountain-level dad jokes, always.
What did the snow say to the Rocky Mountains? I’ve got your covered.
#40 Peak dad joke energy
Why shouldn’t curlers tell jokes on the ice? Because it might crack up!
#41 Classic dad joke energy
Knock Knock
Whose There?
Yukon.
Yukon Who?
Yukon see the Northern Lights from here!
#42 Talk to the hand, tree!
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest in Canada to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!” The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!”
Image source: 808gecko808
#43 Pun intended, totally got me
Alanis Morissette asked me what the capital of Canada was?
I told her “I’m not sure”
Then she blurted out “You ottawa know”
#44 Nature’s punniest predator
What has antlers and sucks blood? A moose-quito!
#45 Sorry, Canada, not helping with your flat today
What is the type of tire that fixes itself on its own without troubling the driver? It is a Canadian tire.
#46 Not Your Average Canadian Cougar Sightings
Which Canadian city is full of fierce cats? Vancougar.
#47 When Sports Make Unexpected Switches
In New Brunswick, I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.
I love hockey, but I want to follow a sport that’s a little less violent. Now I’m into boxing.
#48 Moose Better Than Your Winter Blues
What do people say about Canada in the winter?
It’s the moose beautiful time of the year.
#49 Mean, but polite—Canadian style
My wife says I get mean when I drink whiskey. Now I drink Canadian whiskey.
I am still mean but I am sorry, too.
#50 Ghosts know their poutine, eh?
What’s a Canadian ghost’s favorite food?
Boo-tine!
#51 This One’s Too Chill
What’s a Canadian’s favorite comedy show?
It’s Always Snowing in Winnipeg.
#52 Canada’s real MVP game?
What is Canada’s national board game?
Sorry.
#53 Leaf it to the Canadians
How can someone tell that another person is from Canada?
By how they draw leaves.
#54 When in doubt, pun it out
You can’t make statements in Canada.
But you can make provincements.
#55 Bone to pick with that play
What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game? Driving the zam-boney.
#56 Pop over soda, eh?
You know you are from Canada when… You drink pop, not soda.
#57 Fish over traffic, every time
You know you are from Canada when… Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
#58 Canadian Alphabet Problems
How do you spell Canada, eh?
C, eh?
N, eh?
D, eh?
Image source: loneliness-inc
#59 More shocking than your morning coffee
Why was the tourist terrified during their trip to Canada?
There was so much tundra and lightning!
#60 Wait, Canada’s PM is Actually Trudeau?
My brother didn’t believe me when I told him the name of Canada’s prime minister.
I replied, “You may not believe me, but it’s Trudeau!”
#61 Canada’s way of saying sorry
How does Canada respond to coin shortages in the U.S.?
They give us Nickelback.
#62 Alberta’s Low-Key Movie Obsession
People in Alberta love watching this one particular movie. It is called The Adventures of Tarsand!
#63 Plot twist nobody saw coming
An American and a Canadian wants to watch a movie together.
American: Lets watch Titanic.
Canadian: What’s that about?
American: Yes, it was. A big one that sank!
#64 Dinner’s about to get political
What time was it when the monster gobbled up the Prime Minister?
Eight P.M.
#65 That’s one ripe twist
What’s yellow, has red hair and freckles, and lives in PEI?
Banana of Green Gables!
#66 Oops, Canada’s new classic!
What do you call a Canadian sitcom about a naive boy?
Leave it to Bieber.
#67 Only in Canada, eh?
What does Canada do with hardened and dangerous criminals?
They give them red and white jerseys and call them the National Hockey Team.
#68 Only Canada’s Exclusive Export
What does Canada produce that no other country in the world produces? Canadians.
#69 Nice Try, Eh?
Someone tried to sell me Canada. I was having Nunavut.
#70 Lowkey punning all day
What did Victoria say to Vancouver? I’ll BC-ing you later.
#71 Fishing for trouble, literally
I was surprised to see the rate of crime on Canada’s east coast is pretty high. It was because the thieves never get cod!
#72 Pun Game: Unexpectedly Strong
Years ago, where did the Jamaican plant a tree in Canada? He did it in Mon-tree-al!
#73 Geography Just Played Us All
What is the only place in the world where the United Kingdom and Latin America meet?
They meet in British Columbia.
#74 Moodier Than Your Ex
Why is maple syrup always so sad? Because it’s sappy.
#75 Canada’s Low-Key Spy Starter Pack
You know you are from Canada when… Like any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you possess a Canadian passport.
#76 Canada’s Car Pun Just Hit Different
Did you know Tesla came out with a model exclusively in Canada?
It’s a Model Eh.
Image source: 2k6kid50
#77 Flexing his shell game
Why did the weightlifter move to Prince Edward Island?
To get the best mussels!
#78 When Dad Jokes Meet Business Advice
I finally decided to open a business in Canada.
My business advisors told me, “Don’t get cod feet!”
#79 Wiggle Before the Win
How do the Toronto Blue Jays get ready for a game?
They do worm-up sessions
#80 This Pun Just Woke Me Up
What do all the people in the Capital of Canada eat for their breakfast?
Ottawaffles.
#81 Nice try, eh?
What type of public transport do Canadians like for visiting America?
Zambonis.
#82 When you get politely benched in Canada
During the ice hockey game, I tried to sneak into the front of the line.
Unfortunately, the guard caught me and told me, “Quebec to the end of the line!”
#83 Only Canadians Say “Highway” Like That
You know you are from Canada when… You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
#84 Gotcha, but which camera though?
Although it is not illegal, why can’t you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg in Canada? You have to use a camera.
Image source: gary6043
#85 Canada’s Remix Nobody Asked For
What song do pumped-up Canadians sing?
“Who Let the Sled Dogs Out?”
#86 When “Eh” Turns into an Invite
How do you get invited to get-togethers in Canada?
Someone says, “Hey, we’re having a part-eh!”
#87 When Sparks Fly, Legends Are Born
What happened when two Canadian musicians met during the fire at the gaming stop?
They formed Arcade Fire.
#88 When the deer plays hard to get
While we were on a hunting trip to Canada, there was this deer that we kept tracking but couldn’t catch.
It led us on a wild moose chase.
#89 Soap so cold, it’s iconic
What’s every Canadian’s favorite soap opera?
The Cold & The Beautiful.
#90 Canada’s letter glow-up
Why did Canada add a C to its name in the very beginning? This was because it wanted to add anada letter to its name!
#91 Nope, That’s Definitely Not Cheating
Apparently, lots of Canadians use “married but dating” sites.
What a sorry state of affairs.
#92 When Penny Wars Spark Genius
How was copper wire invented?
Two Canadians were fighting over a penny.
#93 When puns make the party cooler
Knock Knock
Whose There?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow big deal. We’re celebrating Canada Day!
#94 Guess Nunavut Said Nope
How much of Northern Canada can actually be inhabited by humans? Sadly, Nunavit!
#95 Canadian wit level: expert
A Canadian man told me he was 100 years old.
I replied, “I Canada beleaf you are 100!”
#96 Plot Twist Incoming
A man from Newfoundland went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself, “I’m not hiring that lazy newf”, so he decided to set a test for the Newfie hoping he wouldn’t be able to answer the questions and he’d be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
#97 Eh, that’s one for the highlight reel
What did the super-fan say when the Canadian National Team won the Hockey World Cup?
“What eh time to be ehlive!”
#98 Plot twist: Canadians = unicorns
Whats the difference between a Canadian and a unicorn?
Nothing,theyre both fictional characters.
#99 Plot twist: geography wins again
Why aren’t there any Mexicans in Canada?
They can’t run that far.
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