You should never put your mental health on the back burner. Make it a priority, alongside your physical health. Always.
Though more and more people are becoming aware of just how vital it is to take care of their mental health, there’s still a certain sense of stigma and taboo when it comes to therapy. Plenty of people see no shame about going to sessions and feel better because of them. However, depending on where in the world you live, going to therapy can be seen as a sign of ‘weakness.’ Hence the lingering stigma.
Some of the most profound things you can learn in life are simple truths and crystal clear wisdom. And internet users from far and wide decided to enlighten everyone by sharing the very best things they’ve ever learned from their therapist in a thread on r/AskReddit. They felt that these things, thoughts, and ideas were something that absolutely everyone should hear.
Scroll down for a serious mediation about self-worth, boundaries, anxiety, and making sense of the world when everyone seems overwhelming and chaotic, Pandas. We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments, so feel free to speak your mind in the comments. And if you feel like you’d like to share something from your own therapy sessions that you personally found enlightening, go right ahead at the very bottom of this article.
Suzanne Degges-White, a therapist and the author of ‘Toxic Friendships: Knowing the Rules and Dealing with the Friends Who Break Them,’ kindly answered Bored Panda’s questions about the stigma surrounding therapy, how we can tell if we may need counseling, and how to determine whether a therapist is trustworthy. She explained that capable therapists are those who normalize our experiences, make sure we feel heard, and will always keep the focus on us. Degges-White is a Licensed Counselor, as well as Professor and Chair of the Counseling and Higher Education department at Northern Illinois University.
#1
Failure is an idea that not all cultures believe in. Native Americans believe you either succeed or you learn. “Failing” is a social construct designed to control you.
Image source: nornidentity, Razvan Chisu
#2
Just because you knew someone who had it worse does not mean your situation wasn’t abuse as well.
As a non-combat veteran: just because I wasn’t getting shot at doesn’t mean I don’t deserve VA assistance for the PTSD caused by my military role.
Image source: hermitatlarge, Pixabay
#3
“No.” Is a complete sentence
Image source: no-guac, Vie Studio
#4
You can bring up your mood if you reframe your thinking.
Instead of being annoyed that you have to clean your cat boxes, be grateful that you have an animal who keeps you company.
Having to wash dishes means that you got to eat a meal.
Having to take someone to the airport means that you have friends/family in your life that trust you.
Image source: purpleRN, Amadeo Valar
#5
That all emotions have their time and place. Also that I can’t control how other people feel. It’s not my job to keep them happy or satisfied. I am allowed to let people be angry or upset.
Image source: stewiesaidblast, cottonbro
#6
You have a limited amount of energy and time in any given day, and you get to choose where you place that energy. Like chips at a roulette table.
Every angry twitter response, Reddit argument, etc is me putting those chips on those squares. My stack dwindles each time.
Angry thoughts about a news article, an opinion I disagree with, that a*****e driver on the freeway, all of that takes energy, my chips. An extremely limited resource.
So I’m trying to live though that lens and make the best possible decisions with my stack. That a*****e driver gets none of my chips anymore. YA CANT HAVE EM F**KFACE.
Today I was about to have a negative interaction online so I got up and pet the ever loving s**t out of my cat instead. Like world class scratches – he was stoked.
Chips. Place them wisely.
I stop myself many times a day from doing it. I’m much happier now. Still f****d up, but happier in my stew if that makes any sense.
Image source: campoanywhere, Pavel Danilyuk
#7
How people act is a reflection of them, not me.
Image source: Commercial_Zombie196, Vince Fleming
#8
If you take good thoughts with a grain of salt why not also take the bad with a grain of salt? Hear it, recognize it, and let it leave.
Image source: findthefish14, kevin turcios
#9
A counselor at my university taught me that just because your anxiety tells you something will happen, that doesn’t make it true. One way to illustrate this is to place a pen on a table, tell yourself you won’t be able to pick it up, and then do it anyway. It feels so weird but also so comforting to know that your thoughts don’t have as much influence on your life as they want you to believe. The therapist who told me this was just an intern at the time. I really hope she has been able to help people the same way she did me where ever she is now.
Image source: BlossomtheMare, Joice Kelly
#10
People don’t know what you’re thinking or wanting if you don’t say it. If you don’t communicate your emotions and thoughts, you can’t expect people to mind-read, and then get upset at them for not doing what you expected.
Image source: lhy13, Priscilla Du Preez
#11
We judge others based on their actions but we judge ourselves based on our intentions.
Image source: Jesst3r
#12
My mom was a terrible person, and the therapist told me i didn’t need to treat her as if she was a loving mother. I was doing all the things a good daughter does for a mother that loves them, however i didnt have a mother that treated me as though she loved me. It was life changing to realise this and really helped me stop being abused by her.
Image source: Spiritual_Annual_276, Fuu J
#13
Overworking is a form of self harm.
Image source: PhreedomPhighter, cottonbro
#14
People aren’t always looking and thinking about you if you’re in public. If you enter a room full of people and they all turn to look at you, it’s just a knee-jerk reaction to movement/noise, they literally won’t even think about you past “this person just entered the room”
Helped soo much with social anxiety.
Image source: Fable_Nova
#15
Not from a therapist, but from pre-marital counseling:
Don’t try to “win” an argument with your spouse. It’s the two of you vs. the problem, not the the two of you vs. each other.
Image source: Bluedevil_10, Charlie Foster
#16
Progress not perfection.
As someone who has *extremely* high standards for myself I have to repeat this on the daily
Image source: driftwood-and-waves, RODNAE Productions
#17
To not make permanent decisions whilst in a highly emotional state
Image source: _NotTheBang_, cottonbro
#18
How people treat you is THEIR karma. How YOU respond is your karma.
Image source: alaskadavis, Christina @ wocintechchat.com
#19
My worth is not determined by my productivity.
Being raised by a workaholic Marine and then having a series of nightmare bosses led me to have a severe guilt spiral if I spent a most of day not “doing” something.
Image source: kayarreff, Mikhail Nilov
#20
People don’t care. They are not talking behind my back or thinking how I’m fat and ugly or that my shoes are wrong. People don’t care about me. And if they are? Who cares? Literally changed my anxiety. Also works in the sense that most people in my life have not cared about me and I need to stop trying to please people that don’t care about ME.
Image source: princessbitch123
#21
You cannot help people unless and until you help yourself.
My therapist asked me how I would explain the scars I had to future partners or future children one day. Do you want them to know that you were in a not so good place with your mental health but got help or do you tell them nothing?
Also when I was a teenager and had just been released from the adolescent inpatient ward, I was nervous about going back to school, my therapist just looked me straight in the eye and said I owed no one any explanations but I also could tell people nicely to get bent.
She is one of the reasons why I became a social worker.
Image source: Helpful-Obligation57, Dominik Lange
#22
I’ve struggled with infertility and I’m now sterile. It was a b***h to get through but my therapist taught me a few things.
Other peoples situations have nothing to do with me. People I’m close to are going to get pregnant and have kids. It’s ok for me to feel jealous and upset for a bit but that I needed to realize that it’s a part of life, and holding onto that anger wasn’t going to be good for me. Let it go. I still get bitter sometimes but I find it easier to let it go now and not let it consume me.
To not blame myself. I kept coming up with reasons for my infertility, things I thought I could’ve done differently and maybe if I did this or didn’t do that this wouldn’t have happened to me when in all actuality there wasn’t anything I really could’ve done. I have a medical condition and I got the s**t end of the stick.
Not to feel guilty. I felt so much guilt, because my husband wants to be a father so badly. I sometimes felt so bad he married me, and thought I wouldn’t blame him if he left me for someone who could give him children. He’s told me again and again he loves me and if we never have kids it’s ok because he has me. I didn’t feel I deserved that kind of love and sometimes it’s hard to accept but I’m so grateful for it. I do deserve love, I’m more than my ability to have children and it’s been a hard road to finally start having some acceptance of that.
If I hadn’t met my therapist I think I would just be in such a terrible state.
Image source: KayOh19, Fa Barboza
#23
I had confidence issues and the therapist said “on a scale from 1 to 10 with 10 being a famous movie star with millions of fans, and 1 being a homeless person screaming at people on the street. 5 being you can hold a conversation where do you put yourself.” I realised I wasn’t as bad as I thought.
Image source: Never_comment_polite, Campaign Creators
#24
You know, most people don’t actually feel guilty when saying “no” to someone or something. They don’t rush to “fill the gap”, or find alternative solutions that make everyone happy, or dwell on the awfulness of it all. They just say “no” and move on to the next thought.
I don’t know why it was such a startling revelation, but it made sense immediately after I heard it.
Image source: grumpy_hedgehog, David Gor
#25
If you spend time stressing or worrying about something that *might* happen or *before* it happens, you’re putting yourself through it twice. If worst case scenario *does* happen, then once is enough.
Image source: SabrinaSpellman1, TUBARONES PHOTOGRAPHY
#26
She told me not to think about a Pink Elephant.
I didn’t know what she meant at the time, but she gave me a few moments to think. I was trying not to think about a pink elephant but it’s all I could think about because she told me not to think about it. After the time was up, she asked me what I was thinking about. I told her I was thinking about a pink elephant.
She told me that the more you try not to think about something, and push it to the back of your mind; the more you tend to think about it. This is why my thoughts were consuming me and I was having awful flashbacks.
Thanks to her, I have been able to manage my PTSD, depression and anxiety. She was lovely.
Image source: ZoeDurrant1601, Geran de Klerk
#27
Just because you think a thought, it does not mean that thought controls your destiny or defines who you are. Our minds come up with some really weird s**t… and that’s okay. They’re just thoughts. How we choose to feel or act is what really counts.
Image source: Xerxes2004, Tingey Injury Law Firm
#28
That my traumatized child self still lives rent free in my head, and that’s okay, but that we are not the same person any more, so their fears and hurts should not stop my present from being happy.
That I don’t have to prove my worth through deeds and self-sacrifice. My worth is intrinsic.
That people can love you and mean well and still hurt me, so I shouldn’t be afraid to voice those hurts.
Those are just a few. She was great.
Image source: potatobutton, Ksenia Makagonova
#29
People lie with their words not their actions.
Image source: timmyisserpico, Mikhail Nilov
#30
Be kind and unconditionally loving toward yourself as though you were a little kid. A lot of us still have some trace of feeling like a child left within us, but we can still be inwardly harsh and cruel in ways we would never be to the softest parts of ourselves if they were manifested into another being.
Image source: threecolorless, Taisiia Stupak
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