For some, their English teacher was the reason they fell in love with English literature and linguistics. For others, their English professor was precisely why they dedicated their lives to the field of natural sciences instead. We bet the very first English jokes for teachers came from the second group of people.
Whichever the case might be, good or bad, hilarious or not, we should all be grateful to our English teachers for guiding us on the extensive learning journey of the language spoken by over 1.5 billion people worldwide.
However, there’s one more thing that we should be grateful to our English tutors for. And that’s all the English jokes for teachers and puns worth getting an F for. Isn’t it ironic that we use the language they taught against them to make funny English teacher jokes? Oh, how the tables have turned. You better believe our English teachers would be proud of us for using this idiom!
However, don’t take these funny teacher jokes too seriously, but as tongue-in-cheek or light-hearted humor instead. And it’s very likely that the English professors themselves would have a good giggle at these puns for teachers.
Below, we’ve compiled a list of funny jokes for teachers that will surely bring a bit of fun into the classroom or the mysterious place no student has ever stepped foot in, aka the teachers’ room. Whether it was a bad teacher experience or a hilarious mistake in the class, we bet you’ll find something relatable.
Do you know any more jokes for teachers and students? Let us know! And also, make sure to upvote your favorite from 148 funny jokes about teachers!
#1 Grammar jokes never get old
“I bumped into my old English teacher that I fancied. ‘What’s new?’ she asked. I said, ‘An adjective.’”
#2 Grammar tears hit different
What do you say when your English teacher is crying?
“There, their, they’re.”
#3 Plot twist: librarian’s got jokes
“My English teacher said I had to write 1000 words on the new Margaret Atwood novel. I managed about 50 before the librarian snatched it back off me.”
#4 When in doubt, bribe the file
“My english teacher told me that the file I sent her was corrupt, and that she couldn’t open it. I suggested bribing it.”
#5 Code meets commas and chaos
“What do you get when you cross a Software Engineer with an English teacher? A programmar.”
#6 Burned by the Calendar Heist
To the English teacher that stole my calendar. “Your days are numbered. Mark my words.”
#7 A+ pun energy right here
The English teacher wished the class good luck before the poetry test. She said, “Metaphors be with you!”
#8 Missing that one like always
“I am friends with 25 letters of the alphabet, I don’t know why.”
#9 Grammar police in their natural habitat
What does English teachers do on Reddit?
Edit grammar.
#10 Prepositions: My Daily Roast
“My English teacher constantly makes fun of me, because I confuse my prepositions. He’s always rubbing it out.”
#11 This escalated quickly
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. “Give me all your money or you’re geography!”
“You mean history.”
“Don’t change the subject!”
#12 Called out but not cut out
“My English teacher got really angry about the format of my essay. It wasn’t justified.”
#13 Brain cells officially lost their way
“English teacher: ‘Give me the opposite of this sentence: Children in the dark make mistakes.’
Student: ‘Mistakes in the dark make children.’
Teacher: ‘Get out.’”
#14 Breakfast, but make it punny
What does an English teacher eat for breakfast?
Synonym rolls.
#15 No more periods, literally
Did you hear about the English teacher who went to prison for so long she went through menopause?
She was most upset that there would be no period at the end of her sentence.
#16 Grammar Goals, But Make It Hype
“What do you call an English teacher with a social media addiction? Instagrammar.”
#17 Plot twist: Compassion wins the day
Teacher: “This class is so bad! All dumb people stand up!”
A student stands up.
Teacher: “Shohag, are you dumb?”
Student: “No sir, but I felt bad seeing you stand alone.”
#18 Wait, So Double Negatives Are A Thing?
My teacher always says, “Double negatives are a big no-no.”
#19 Puns That Win Teachers Over
“When my teacher asked what I want to do during the vacation, I said, “Go to Italy, Rome around and pasta time.” I am one of her favorite students now.”
#20 Plot twist in six words
“Teacher: ‘Tell me the longest sentence you can think of.’
Student: ‘Life imprisonment?’”
#21 Dinosaurs Who Actually Speak Fluent English
“I think my English teacher is a dinosaur, because he said he is a walking thesaurus.”
#22 Sibling synergy strikes again
Teacher: “Where is your essay about your dog?”
Student: “Here you go.” (Hands teacher his paper.)
Teacher: “This is exactly like your brother’s essay!”
Student: “Sir, it’s because we have the same dog.”
#23 Classic mic drop energy
“My english teacher used to quote lord of the rings to us. She used to say: ‘You shall not pass.’”
#24 Grammar Patrol’s Greatest Hits
What is an english teacher’s favorite Radiohead song?
Comma Police.
#25 Dreams Don’t Pay Rent, Apparently
“Teacher: ‘I’ll always encourage you to follow your dreams!’ Student: ‘But you never let us sleep in class!’”
#26 Classic excuse level: expert
Teacher: “Where is your homework?”
Student: “I made the paper into a paper plane, then somebody highjacked it!”
#27 When Your Grammar Gets Dark
“Teacher: ‘We will get rid of global poverty by 2050. What tense is this sentence in?’
Student: ‘Future impossible tense.’”
#28 Plot twist they didn’t see coming
Teacher: “Make a sentence with the words “defense, detail and defeat”.”
Student: “When a horse jumps over the fence, the feet go before the tail.”
#29 Paul’s Summer Fix, Honestly
The teacher wrote on the blackboard: “I ain’t had no fun all summer.” “Now Paul,” she began, “What shall I do to correct this?” “Get a boyfriend?” Paul replied.
#30 Not the motivational fruit story I expected
Why do teachers keep an apple on their desk?
Because they are poor and hungry.
#31 Plot twist: unfinished business
Why did Jeffrey Epstein’s English teacher fail him?
Because he never finished his sentences…
#32 Plot twist level: Expert
“My English teacher told me I had no complete sentences. Then I asked her how she knew I broke out of prison twice.”
#33 The Struggle Is Real
“My English teacher asked if I could explain brevity better. Short answer, no. Long answer, yes.”
#34 Wait, syntax affects my paycheck?
“My English teacher asked me what I knew about syntax. I never knew part of my earnings were dedicated to wrongdoings.”
#35 When Teaching Gets Too Literal
Why was the English teacher arrested?
She practiced capital punishment in her classroom.
#36 Bee-lieve it or not
What insect do English teachers love the most?
The spelling bee.
#37 Now You See Me, Now You Don’t
“What do you call a parent-teacher conference where the teacher is invisible? A transparent teacher conference.”
#38 Grammar’s cutest helpers
What does an English teacher call Santa’s elves?
Subordinate Clauses.
#39 Teacher Took It Personally
“I forgot who wrote The Great Gatsby so I asked my English teacher… what did Scott Fitzgerald ever do to him?”
#40 Grammar’s Pun-ishment Zone
“I once dated an English teacher. But when she saw my dangling participle, she was afraid I would split her infinitive.”
#41 Plot twist: Valentine’s roast edition
“My high-school English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper. In hopes of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the valentine season, I sent her an extravagant heart-shaped box of chocolates with the pre-printed inscription: ‘BE MINE.’ The following day, I received in return a valentine from the teacher. It read: ‘Thank you, but it’s still BE MINE-US.'”
#42 Classic teacher clapback energy
A teacher walks into a bar and says “Can I have a beer?” The barman says “I don’t know, CAN YOU?”
#43 Season Pass, Please!
My English teacher told this one to my whole class. So a guide in an university does a quick tour of the campus with new male students. She shows the science department, the arts and sports departments, and then she stops at the women’s dormitory: “You guys are not allowed to go there, the first time we catch you in the women’s dormitory, the fine is 25$. The second time is 50$, the third time is 100$ and so on.” This is when a guy in the back raises his hand to ask a question: “How much for the season pass?”
#44 Plot twist: Daddy’s fine, probably just silent now
The teacher asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, “My daddy fell in a well last week.” “Good grief!” the teacher exclaimed. “Is he OK?” “He must be,” said Little Johnny. “He stopped calling for help yesterday.”
#45 Plot twist: the homeschooler strikes back
“I just saw my high-school English teacher the other day and she didn’t remember me. I was homeschooled.”
#46 Plot twist: Vocabulary fail
This guy’s an English teacher, and he still can’t think of a synonym for ‘market’! It’s bazaar.
#47 Plot twist: math wins this one
How do you tell the difference between a math teacher and an English teacher?
Ask them to define “hyperbolic”.
#48 This kid’s got wordplay on lockdown
The English Teacher in India.
Teacher: “Tell me a sentence that starts with an “I”.”
Student: “I is the….”
Teacher: “Stop! Never put ‘is’ after an “I”. Always put ‘am’ after an “I”.”
Student: “OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
#49 Mile-ing in the Wordplay Game
“Teacher: ‘What is the longest word in the English language?’
Student: ‘Smiles.”
Teacher: ‘Why?’
Student: ‘Because there is a ‘mile’ before the first and the last letter.’”
#50 Well, At Least I’m Consistent
Teacher: “I know you are bad at spelling. That’s why I told you to copy the sentence 10 times! But you only wrote it down 4 times. Why?”
Student: “Sir, looks like my counting is also bad.”
#51 Clear as day, literally
Why did the teacher write on the window?
Because she wanted the lesson to be very clear!
#52 Time-Traveling Teachers, Brace Yourselves
The past, present, and the future walked into a bar where teachers were drinking. Everyone tensed!
#53 Relatable Definition Game Strong
“My English teacher asked to “define money”. I responded “something you don’t have”.”
#54 Plot twist: Germaphobe Meets Shakespeare
“I’m an English teacher and I’m obsessed with staying clean. I hope there isn’t any literature house.”
#55 From behind to behind-the-scenes laughs
“Did you hear about the proctologist who became and English teacher? He specializes in teaching analogies.”
#56 Not the answer I expected
Teacher: “Whoever gets my next question right may go home.”
Student throws book to the front of the class.
Teacher: “Who threw that??”
Student: “Me! I’m going home now.” (And the student leaves class.)
#57 Fastest joke in class
A English teacher asked the class… “Use the word ‘dandelion’ in a sentence.” The Jamaican kid then stood up and proudly exclaimed, “De Cheetah is fastah dandelion?”
#58 Plot twist: Grammar meets memory lane
What are the two types of people who love the words “Who, what, when, where and why?”
English teachers and Alzheimer’s patients.
#59 The Plot Twist You Didn’t See Coming
“What do English teacher and Coke dealers have in common? Focus on the last line.”
#60 That’s one way to mambo with literature
“In high school I knew we had an alcoholic Mexican English teacher. When she had us read Tequila Mockingbird.”
#61 Bossing it from day one
A new student arrives at class so the english teacher asks him some questions.
Teacher: “What’s your name?”
Student: “Shohag.”
Teacher: “What does your father do?”
Student: “Whatever my mom says.”
#62 Plot twist: The student teaches the teacher
“Student: ‘Sir! I think we need a new teacher.’
Teacher: ‘Why??’
Student: ‘Because you always ask us for the answers.’”
#63 That pun just schooled me
What is a teacher’s favorite nation?
The Expla-nation.
#64 Grammar Troll Level: Expert
I asked my English teacher whether I should pronounce “either” as “ee-ther” or “eye-ther”. He said, “You can say either.”
#65 Plot twist: She loved wordplay
“Last semester I had an English teacher names Mrs. Gaye. She was a huge homophone.”
#66 Playground lawyer vibes
“Teacher: ‘I killed a person, tell me this sentence in future tense.’
Student: ‘In future tense, you will go to jail.’”
#67 Goals: Blank and proud
An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they’d do if they had a million dollars. 5 minutes before the bell, Bob handed in a blank sheet of paper. “Bob!” yelled the teacher. “You’ve done nothing. Why?” “Because if I had a million dollars, that’s exactly what I would do.”
#68 That’s one way to drop a comma
My English teacher had part of his intestines removed. Now all he ever talks about is his semicolon.
#69 Mastering the Art of Nobody-Knows-What-I-Mean
“My English teacher started called me over to his desk for an idiom test… I wasn’t prepared so I had to beat around and push.”
#70 Birds of a pun feather
What do you call 2000 mockingbirds?
2 kilo mockingbird.
#71 Shelf-inflicted wisdom strikes again
“Student is rubbing his head.
Teacher: ‘Shohag, what’s wrong?’
Student: ‘Yesterday a book fell on my head.’
Teacher: ‘Well, you only have your shelf to blame.’”
#72 That’s one way to dodge homework
Teacher: “How do you spell crocodile?”
Student: “KROKODAIL.”
Teacher: “No, that is wrong!”
Student: “It might be wrong but you asked me how “I” spell it!”
#73 Spilling Truths, One Nap at a Time
Teacher: “What is the definition of a lecturer?”
Student: “Someone with the bad habit of talking while other people are sleeping!”
#74 Sleep math is not in my syllabus
Teacher: “Shohag! Why are you sleeping? You should sleep for 8 hours every day.”
Student: “Sir, that’s impossible?”
Teacher: “Why? How is it impossible?”
Student: “Because school is only 6 hours a day!”
#75 Plot Twist: The Dog Ate Me
Teacher: “Where’s your homework?”
Student: “I ate it.”
Teacher: “Why did you eat your homework?”
Student: “Because I don’t have a dog.”
#76 Plot twist: Teacher’s the real MVP
Teacher: “Shohag, please wake up your friend next to you.”
Student: “Sir, you put him to sleep so you can wake him up.”
#77 When Independence Goes Wrong
Teacher: “Did your parents help you with your homework?”
Student: “No sir. I got them wrong all by myself.”
#78 Law and order, word style
“How is an English teacher like a judge? They both give out sentences.”
#79 Grammar teachers: masters of second chances
What is the best thing about English grammar teachers?
They never write the students off.
#80 Plot twist energy
A teacher is quizzing her class.
Teacher: “You use forest for?”
Students: “Getting wood.”
Teacher: “Fertile lands for?”
Students: “Growing food.
Teacher: “Sea for?”
Quiet kid: “Explosions.”
#81 Wait, French Was Just Code for Swearing?
“When I was a kid, my parents would always say “Excuse my French” after a swear word… I’ll never forget that day at school when the teacher asked if we knew any French.”
#82 Grammar, but make it contagious
Student: “My grandma was arriving at the train station so I was centimeter.”
Teacher: “No, no, that’s ‘Sent to meet her’. Okay, try another one. Use ‘contagious’ in a sentence please.”
Student: “I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!”
#83 Grammar humor that hits different
“What do you call an English teacher who used to have anxiety? Past tense.”
#84 Plot twist: Grammar saves lives
“My English teacher banned me from using apostrophies. She doesn’t want me to contract the C’rona Virus.”
#85 Vowels and Y Walk Into a Word
“Is there a word in the English language that uses all the vowels including “y”?”
“Unquestionablely!”
#86 Homework’s got a sweet side, apparently
“Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.”
#87 When Grammar Goes Rogue
“My English teacher told me that using a colon in a sentence can really change its meaning. For example, Jane ate her friend’s sandwich. Becomes, Jane ate her friend’s colon.”
#88 Grammar Flips the Script
An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: “Woman without her man is nothing.” The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly. The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”
#89 Pun Intended
How does an English teacher laugh?
Ha(d) ha(d).
#90 Plot twist: Biology gave it away
“How did the english teacher know his student was pregnant? She started missing periods.”
#91 Wait, that’s not what pathetic fallacy means?
“I had an awkward moment with my english teacher. Apparently pathetic fallacy has nothing to do with erectile dysfunction.”
#92 Classic “Innocent Until Proven Lazy”
Student: “Teacher, you wouldn’t punish me for something I didn’t do, right?”
Teacher: “Of course not.”
Student: “Good! Because I didn’t do my homework.”
#93 Well, that’s brutally honest
“Student: ‘Teacher, I don’t think I deserve 0% on this test.’
Teacher: ‘I agree, but that is the lowest grade I can give you.’”
#94 Mood called in sick
Student: “Teacher, I’m not feeling well today?”
Teacher: “Where don’t you feel well?”
Student: “I don’t feel well at school.”
#95 Parenting Level: Expert Excuses
“Teacher: ‘Shohag, this note from your father looks like your handwriting.’
Student: ‘Well, yes. He borrowed my pen.’”
#96 Pointless but relatable lol
“As I struggled in the class with a half pencil, my teacher looked at me and said, ‘Writing with a broken pencil is pointless, my child.'”
#97 This Teacher’s No Basic Catchphrase
“My teacher avoids cliches like the plague!”
#98 Plot twist: Teacher’s pun game strong
“My classmate was late for class, and he said, “It was raining cats and dogs.” To which our teacher smiled and asked him, “Did you step in a poodle, then?” He was truly startled.”
#99 Plot twist: The teacher’s less fun
“What is the difference between a teacher and a train? A teacher says to spit our gum out, a train says choo choo choo.”
#100 Silent but studied
Why couldn’t the teacher fart in front of her class?
Because she was a private tutor.
#101 That teacher was on another level
“I used to have a teacher called Miss Aisle. If you upset her even slightly, she would go ballistic.”
#102 Plot twist: Noah’s biggest flex
An English teacher asked their students: “Of all the characters in the Old Testament, who do you think is the most developed?” A student responded, “Noah, because he has the largest story Ark.”
#103 Grammar police just showed up
“Knock-knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“To.”
“To who?”
“To whom.”
#104 Well, that’s brutally honest
“My English teacher only left one comment on my entire essay. “Vague”.”
#105 Teachers will fight you on this one
“How do you get ten English teachers to agree on the best teaching method? Shoot nine of them.”
#106 Classic Ramu Logic
Teacher: “Why are you late?”
Ramu: “Because of the sign.”
Teacher: “What sign?”
Ramu: “The one that says, ‘School Ahead, Go Slow.'”
#107 Classic Billy Energy
Teacher: “Billy, name two pronouns.”
Billy: “Who, me?”
Teacher: “Very good!”
#108 Plot twist: Grammar gets real
“I teach in a rough neighborhood. I asked my students what comes at the end of a sentence and they said “an appeal”.”
#109 Pun and snap!
“What does an English teacher say when taking a group picture? Simile.”
#110 Grammar rebel vibes
“My English teacher said you can’t make a sentence with only nouns. Wheel sea.”
#111 Plot twist: grammar won’t save you here
A English teacher has been sentenced to life without parole. The ex-teacher, seemingly unaware, asked the judge if that really was his sentence. The judge questioned why he would ask such a ridiculous question. “Well you see,” The English teacher explained. “Life without parole’ is a phrase.”
#112 Grammar got me questioning reality
“Our English teacher said that in English, using double negatives implies a positive, and in other languages, using double negatives implies a negative. But, in no languages does a double positive imply a negative. I said, ‘Yeah, right.’”
#113 When Grammar Bees Won’t Buzz Off
“I changed my career as an English teacher to beekeeping. Got sick and tired of explaning the difference between am is are was were etc. But man, there’s still too many bees.”
#114 Plot twist meets history class
So there’s an American English Teacher that went to Germany… He went to a school to teach children how to speak English. One the first day, he taught them all words that began with the letter A. On the second day, he taught them words that started with B. On the the third day, which was words with C, he thought to himself, “How are they gonna handle D-Day?”
#115 That’s… one way to remember grammar
Teacher: “Let’s review some tenses. I am handsome. What tense is that?”
Student: “Obviously the past tense!”
#116 Plot twist: Time’s a savage
Teacher: “Who is the best teacher?”
Student: (quietly) “Not you.”
Teacher: “Time is the best teacher.”
Student: “Unfortunately time also kills all Its students.”
#117 Plotting future favors like a pro
“Teacher: ‘Well done Shohag! You got 100% on your test.’ Student: ‘Thank you sir! I hope you will print the question papers at my uncle’s printing shop again!’”
#118 When copying goes too obvious
Teacher: “Shohag, did you copy Danika’s exam paper?”
Student: “How did you find out?”
Teacher: “Because when she said “I don’t know”. You said “me neither”.”
#119 Grammar police on patrol
English teachers are always write!
#120 Tea-cher’s Best Brew
What is an English teacher’s favorite kind of tea?
Punctuali-tea.
#121 Wait, That Got Dark Real Fast
“A woman stands on the edge of a bridge about to commit suicide. An English teacher spots her, ‘Don’t jump!’ He cries, ‘You have so much for which to live!’”
#122 Stretching my vocabulary, huh?
What’s the longest word in the dictionary?
Rubber-band, because it streches.
#123 Oof, That Hit Different
Teacher: “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”
Student: “A teacher!”
#124 Plot twist: Who’s really joking?
Father: “Son this time, you have to score 90% marks in your exams.”
Son: “No father I’ll score 100% marks.”
Father: “Why are you kidding?”
Son: “Who started?”
#125 Plot twist: Wrong sport, right shade
So a baseball coach and an English teacher are watching a game in a bar. The coach gets up to go to the bathroom. He comes back 10 minutes later and sits next to his friend. He squints at the TV and says, “Bases are loaded, but who’s on first?” The English teacher sighs and says, “I’m not getting into that tired old joke with you. And it’s ‘whom’, not ‘who’.” The coach rolls his eyes and says, “How are you an English teacher?” The teacher says, “Why do you ask?” And the coach responds, “Because, joke aside, that’s not even remotely the correct usage for ‘whom’.” The teacher rolls his eyes this time and says, “How are you a baseball coach?” The coach, of course, responds with, “Why do you ask?” The teacher says, “Because we’re watching tennis.”
#126 Grammar Played Me Like a Fool
“I used to date an English teacher, but she dumped me for inappropriate use of the colon.”
#127 Plot twist: orange actually rhymes
“My English teacher said that nothing rhymes with orange. ‘There was a young man who had nothing, until one day he happened upon an orange.’ That rhymes?”
#128 When Grammar Feels Personal
An English teacher pulls his student aside after class and goes off on him. “Every time you forget to properly punctuate your work. Please, it’s the hundredth time I’ve asked you, can’t you get it through your thick skull? Seriously, it’s not that hard. The last time I told you off was what, a day ago? Every time it’s the same thing, the same mistakes. It’s not a hard thing to learn. No one else in the class struggles with this.”
#129 This Pun Hits Different
“Where did the English teacher and the student fight? In the MLA boxing ring.”
#130 Plot twist: Dad’s the real MVP
Teacher: (Picks up the telephone) “Hello, Eric speaking.”
Student: “Hello, Shohag can’t come to school today.”
Teacher: “How are you related to Shohag?”
Student: “This is my father speaking.”
Teacher: “Shohag!”
#131 This kid’s charm can’t be stopped
Teacher: “Does anyone have a question?”
Student: “Is Bubbles a good name for a hamster?”
Teacher: “Your topic is Mexico. So please keep your questions to the topic!”
Student: “Is Bubbles a good name for a hamster in Mexico?”
#132 Plot twist: Taking things literally
“Teacher: ‘Everyone, take a seat.’
Student: ‘Where would you like me to take it?’”
#133 Silent but deadly hunger
Teacher: “In some words we ignore the pronunciation of certain letters. For example, in honor and hour we don’t say the “h”. We call those, silent letters. Shohag, can you go to the cafeteria and heat up my lunch?”
The student goes to the cafeteria. When he returns, the teachers lunch is all gone.
Teacher: “Why did you eat my lunch?”
Student: “I thought the “h” was silent.”
#134 School’s a whole mood, honestly
Teacher: “How do you feel about coming to school?”
Student: “The coming part is fine, the going part is also good, it’s the part in between that I don’t like.”
#135 Lowkey the smartest pun today
“Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because his class was so bright!”
#136 Close Enough, Johnny
During English class the teacher asks Little Johnny “Have you ever heard of the word contagious before?” “Of course miss” Johnny replies “My father actually said it when we were talking yesterday”. “Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence?” “Yes, miss. We were watching the neighbour take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over the driveway, dad said ‘it’s going to take the contagious to pick all that up.”
#137 Grammar class turned drama hour
Have you ever heard a grammar teacher tell a story?
It’s always intense!
#138 When “Mother, There Is Only One” Gets Real
Children, you have to write an essay that ends with the sentence “Mother, there is only one.” One child presents his essay about the time his mother saved his puppy from being run over and killed: “And that’s why I say that mother, there is only one.” Another child presents his essay about the time he was sick, with fever, and his mother did not leave his side: “And that is why I say that mother, there is only one.” And then it was Timmy’s turn.” Let’s see, Timmy, what have you written.” “Once some of my mother’s friends came home and she told me “Timmy, go to the fridge and bring 8 beers”, and I came back and said “Mother, there is only one”.”
#139 Plot twist nobody asked for
“I finally slept with my English teacher. Home-school is great!”
#140 Plot twist: Grammar meets freedom
An English teacher has volunteered to educate prisoners at a local prison. Teahcer: “Can you tell me please, what comes after every sentence?” One of the prisoners then responds with, “That’s easy. Parole.”
#141 Plot twist: I nailed the assignment
“My English teacher assigned me 10 stories to go through… so I went sky diving. I went through 10 stories in 2 seconds!”
#142 Love locked in grammar jail
“While in prison, I started a relationship with an English teacher and I wanted to marry her when I got out… but apparently she wouldn’t let me end a sentence with a proposition.”
#143 Grammar Doesn’t Buy You Romance
An English teacher goes into a butcher shop. As the butcher puts the meat on the scale he asks the teacher “Can you tell me what the scale says?” The English teacher says “A scale cannot say anything, a scale can be read, you would say that the scale reads.” The butcher cant help but agree as he packs up the teachers meat and sends him on his way. The next week the teacher comes back in for more meat, and as the butcher is putting it on the scale he asks the teacher “Can you tell me what the scale reads?” The English teachers face lit up, “Romance novels.”
#144 Grammar Nerds Unite
When English majors get married, the pastor says, “I now pronouns you, he and she.”
#145 Teach and let teach, I guess
“What do you call a teacher without pupils? Blind.”
#146 Plot twist: Teacher’s still in class
“I had to stop going to school after being hit on by my teacher. The bad news is I’m homeschooled so my teacher just followed me.”
#147 Plot twist: I was homeschooled
“I just met my high school English teacher the other day and she didn’t remember who I was and it made me sad, because I was her favorite student and was homeschooled.”
#148 Caught me off guard, not gonna lie
Teacher: “What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?”
Student: “What sir?”
Teacher: “A train goes ‘chew chew’ and a teacher goes ‘Spit that gum out!'”
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