Since humans are social animals and tend to thrive in healthy relationships, it’s no wonder we surround ourselves with people we love. Unfortunately, even if we’ve bonded with someone, things can go wrong if they are toxic, manipulative, or selfish, as that can be hard to accept.
This is what a lot of folks have experienced, who struggled to cut off their terrible loved ones until one incident served as a reality check. This list is full of such stories and might give you an insight into how complicated relationships truly are.
#1
An ex boyfriend from years ago. “I think I could be in love with the person you’re going to become.” I moved out the next day and he was SHOCKED that I did. He thought we’d keep on keepin’ on. Nope. Been happily married for 26 years now to someone who loves me for who I am and isn’t waiting for me to change.
Image source: bookcrazymama
#2
Left for a 2 week business trip. This happened the day I got home.
Ex Husband: You were gone for 2 weeks and I didnt miss you once.
Image source: TensionElectrical910, senivpetro / magnific (not the actual photo)
#3
“Don’t give me the opportunity to hurt you again”
Image source: lady_mapetite, pixaflow / magnific (not the actual photo)
In relationships, certain behaviors, situations, or words from the other person can feel unacceptable or hard to move past. According to BetterHelp, these are called deal breakers and might even signal that the bond is in trouble and beyond repair.
Knowing each person’s red line in a relationship can help them set boundaries earlier or figure out what their loved one is doing that they don’t like. Unlike minor preferences or pet peeves, these deal breakers are often bigger issues that an individual might struggle to accept, especially in a long-term friendship or relationship.
#4
“Guys like you don’t leave women like me”
That’s when I knew the divorce I asked for was definitely the right decision.
Image source: Wonderful_Price2355, senivpetro / magnific (not the actual photo)
#5
Spent 9 months planning a Japan trip for me and my ex gf, even built her a series of google maps so she could find a gluten-free place to eat in every city (this is surprisingly hard in Japan). I did all the planning, booking, etc.
Second day there, she tells me, “I’m not as attracted to you as I was two years ago, but I guess I’ll have to settle”
She acted shocked I dumped her the day we got back, even told her friend she was suprised I didnt propose to her in Japan.
I’m with someone now who makes me feel appreciated.
Image source: omgflyingbananas, simonapilolla / magnific (not the actual photo)
#6
I left an extremely toxic job without a backup. My friend said something along the lines of “I’m excited to see you struggle for once.” Yikes.
Image source: Whole-Procedure6060, magnific (not the actual photo)
Some big things happen in relationships that people shouldn’t put up with, and one of them is controlling behavior from a partner or loved one. If someone feels afraid, worried, or nervous around another person, it could signal toxicity that needs to be addressed.
Along with this kind of terrible behavior, folks may find it a deal breaker if their partner cheats on them or develops connections outside the relationship. This shows the bond between the individuals might need more attention, or it may be time to call it quits.
#7
We were best friends in high school but hadn’t seen each other since starting uni. First summer back home we met up and she had really gotten into religion in like a BIG way, which I didn’t mind but was just a bit odd as she’d never been religious before.
I told her that since I’d last seen her, my Dad had sadly been diagnosed with Early Onset Parkinson’s and how hard it was on our family. She, with a completely straight face, told me that the devil had given my Dad Parkinson’s and he must be a terrible person.
We haven’t spoken since that day.
Image source: Cr8zyC8tL8dy, shurkin_son / magnific (not the actual photo)
#8
‘ I cant marry you ‘. Said so nonchalantly after years of dating, with a known expectation of marriage. I was so numb I just said ‘ok….then get out of my house’. I literally made him pack and leave that night.
Image source: Open_Constant3467, benzoix / magnific (not the actual photo)
#9
College buddy of mine didn’t want the party to stop after we graduated. Would constantly show up at my door unannounced, wanting me to meet his latest girlfriend of the week, or to go on random road trips with him.
A few years later I moved in with my GF, who is now my wife, and when I told him we were engaged, he said quote “I never thought you’d sell out like that.” I was like “Ooookay the hell with you then.”
Image source: Keefer1970, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
One of the saddest things to deal with in a relationship is losing trust, which can happen because of dishonesty or secrecy. This kind of behavior can make the other person doubt themselves and, in the long run, even damage their self-esteem.
Beyond that, people might also struggle to build trust in other relationships because of this experience. That’s why it’s so important for individuals to set boundaries with their partner early on if they notice that they are constantly fibbing or hiding things.
#10
My ex-husband told me that I was a bad mom because I didn’t lay in bed every morning and cuddle our children.
I couldn’t lay in bed every morning because I was working 2 jobs to bring in income after he was laid off and refused to apply to any jobs that were “beneath him”.
Jerk.
Image source: Individual-Sherbet-3, drobotdean / magnific (not the actual photo)
#11
And another one, this one was a mom friend when our kids were little. Sue already had 4 kids and the youngest was medically fragile. She casually told me one day while we were watching the kids play “Husband doesn’t want another baby but I do so I stopped taking the pill and haven’t told him.” I didn’t even know how to respond to that. Never hung out with her again.
Image source: bookcrazymama, magnific (not the actual photo)
#12
I lived with my parents in Tulsa Ok, My fiancé told me he would give me permission to pursue acting. Permission? Broke up, moved to LA became an Emmy winning tv writer. Turns out I can’t act.
Image source: Coady417, wirestock / magnific (not the actual photo)
A less obvious but clear sign of a dysfunctional relationship is a breakdown in communication. Folks who don’t know how to share what’s on their mind with their partner, friend, or family members might struggle to be completely honest and may always feel misunderstood by their loved ones.
This lack of communication can also lead to resentment and stress as people keep their feelings to themselves instead of releasing them. Rather than trying to be stoic, folks should be more vulnerable and share what’s on their mind.
#13
She said, “I feel like me cheating on you was me subconsciously trying to drive the final nail in the coffin.”
Image source: Cyanescens4Breakfast, drobotdean / magnific (not the actual photo)
#14
We were having a tense discussion for the umpteenth million time about why he didn’t do the dishes while I cleaned the entire apartment. When I started to escalate he said, “hey! let’s go look at engagement rings!’ Like, “this will shut her the hell up!” It was over that second. 5 years and all it took was one condescending, manipulative sentence to blow it all up.
Image source: eliz1bef
#15
Ex-boyfriend told me “I don’t see either of us getting married.” Well, we didn’t marry each other. I met my husband after that guy and we just celebrated 15 years of marriage.
Image source: adisgirl, Vitaly Gariev / unsplash (not the actual photo)
It can be hard for folks who love their friends and family to notice red flags along the way. That’s why experts say it’s best to spend time thinking about boundaries across different relationships, because it gives you insight into what’s a dealbreaker for you.
If this also feels difficult, folks can look back at past relationships to understand what worked, what didn’t, and when to draw the line in the future. Learning from past difficulties can be the best way to build healthier relationships later on.
#16
New friend invited me over to her apartment for dinner. Showed me her balcony and said “I love it out here because I can look down at all the poor people and laugh.” Immediately cut the night and friendship short.
Image source: stay_foxy-die_lonely
#17
Said by my ex wife, I never loved you, I just needed a place for myself and my daughter! Divorced a year later.
Image source: jjgator74
#18
He came with me to a dinner with my family. And their comments (you should lose weight, wow why aren’t you don’t with college yet, etc) toward me were making me upset so I got real quiet and didn’t really engage with him much.
As we were walking back to the car he said “Why’d you have to act like that? You embarrassed me in front of your family.”
That’s when I realized he was just like my mom. I dumped him and started seeing a therapist.
Image source: StarDustLuna3D
A healthy relationship requires self-reflection and communication between two people. They can start by exploring their values and life goals together to see whether they are on the same page or have very different ideas about how to behave and live.
The earlier people have these conversations, the better they can figure out their compatibility and whether the bond can last long term. Topics related to religion, spirituality, money, child-rearing, relocation, aged parents, and work-life balance are all important to discuss and understand.
#19
“If there’s food there, I can’t come.”
My ex had severe untreated anxiety. In social settings, it was so bad that anytime he ate he would throw up. We were gonna go to my family’s house for Easter but that was his response. I come from a big Italian family so there is ALWAYS gonna be food there. But it just hit me right then that this guy needs help, he’s not doing anything about it, and I can’t keep waiting around for it to magically get better.
I spoke to him a few years later and he thanked me for dumping him because it finally made him realize this wasn’t normal and he needed help. He got diagnosed with generalized anxiety and PTSD, is on medication and in therapy, and doing much better. I’m actually really proud of him and happy for him. He’s not my guy but he’s a good guy.
Image source: nedshmur
#20
I used to have a gym friend. We would work out together. We were both quite overweight when we met and stayed that way for a year or two. I finally got myself together and started changing my habits and losing weight. A spinning teacher that we both loved said to me in passing one day, You’ve lost weight, you look terrific, good for you. My friend got this sneer on her face and said in a really nasty voice, Yeah, don’t you think she’s too thin? I was not but I knew that our friendship was not going to survive this shift, this would always come between us.
Image source: WilmaValley1226
#21
” (late husband) is lucky, he doesn’t have to put up with your bs.” Said by an ex partner that I’d known since I was 14.
Image source: Otherwise-Wall-6950
One of the most difficult things for people to do is end a friendship, and according to YouGov research, nearly 68% of Americans have done it before, while 24% have never cut off a buddy. This behavior seems more common among Generation X and Baby Boomers than among Millennials and Gen Z, which may seem surprising.
About 52% of folks say they’ve been on the receiving end of a friendship breakup, and 24% feel they’ve experienced it but aren’t sure. That’s because with acquaintances or buddies, it can be tough to cut them off, and some folks may opt to ghost instead of being direct.
#22
“How long until you get over your mom passing?” – this was 3 months after I palliated my mother with stage four lung cancer in my mid-twenties – in the spring of 2020.
Edit: thank you for the awards to all those who have experienced the same thing, I’m so glad we’ve all escaped those people.
Image source: NotOnD
#23
Friend I was close with for years. She said about my black SO who had a good career and a master’s degree: “He’s not black black, he doesn’t sell illegal substances or anything.” She’s a white woman. That single statement made me go “huh, I think I’m done here.”
Image source: aliveinjoburg2
#24
My ex partner. Was together about a year, loved her endlessly. She was acting really weird over text whilst I was at work, so I stepped out for a minute to call ask her if she was okay… “I really don’t want to do this over the phone.”
Knew there and then it was over. Picking up my stuff was hard, not getting to say goodbye to her kid I’d bonded with over the past year was harder.
Image source: squidgy7sb
Breaking up with a partner can be the most painful thing to do, and research by Connected, which is a couples app, mentions that 45% of marriages tend to end in divorce, and 50% of cohabiting unmarried couples break up within five years.
In college relationships, 60% end within the first year of graduation, and the peak window to break up is within 3-5 months, or 1-2 years if there are deeper issues. Many things can push people to end a close bond, from infidelity to financial issues.
#25
She said, “You’re not worth it.”
There was context to it, but it still snapped me out of trying any longer.
Image source: sdss9462
#26
Both of my parents passed within 6 months of each other last year. While we were in the middle of an argument 4 months after my dad passed and like 9 months (?) after my mother passed… she pulled out her phone to call her mom and tell her what I had just said while we were fighting. When I asked “why are you calling your mom right now?!?” She said to me “Because I have one!”
Image source: GlassRegular496
#27
“He begged me not to fire him.” My ex ran a business and someone omitted a detail in his minimum wage app about having been in prison. The person was a good employee but as soon as my ex found out, he fired him, seemingly enjoyed it. I think he really enjoyed having someone beg.
My ex is a cruel man who can wear a mask of niceness.
Image source: Sir-Lady-Cat
Breaking up with someone can be the toughest thing to do, but according to this list, there are some valid reasons for folks to go through with this decision. Whether it helps them thrive later on or becomes a regret is something each individual has to figure out later.
What do you think would be a dealbreaker for you in a relationship? We’d love to hear your stories in the comments below.
#28
History: at a friends house my kid got hungry. I askes if there was some kind of snack we could give the kids. Friend was on their last bits of food, showed me less than half a loaf of bread and most of a fish he had to last the next 3 days. Wife and I took our kid for some takeout. Then we went shopping and got my friend maybe $80 in groceries. Dude was plenty happy, his wife may have cried a bit.
Much later: Friend came to me with the same down on his luck body language and passive personality he had when he showed me how little food he had. Told me he had to sell his Xbox 360, and he needed at least $80. I talked it over with my wife, it set us back a bit but the $80 didn’t make us miss any bills.
The next time I see him he holds out a preorder receipt for the Xbox 1 and wiggles it back and forth, doing a little “I’ve got a newer one than you!” song.
If he wanted the money for a game system I’d have helped out. He made me think his kids were going hungry. I don’t like being lied to like that.
Image source: Beowulf33232
#29
After telling a friend I was going to have my second c-section instead of a VBAC, she said “you know, I thought you were more of a warrior than that.”
Uh, sorry that the health and safety of myself and my soon to be born baby trumps being a “warrior”. She had no idea what my doctor and I had discussed as options or why that was chosen for this birth. All she wanted was to pass some sort of smug judgment because she had a VBAC.
Image source: palekaleidoscope
#30
I took her kid all summer to give her time to work extra hours and save up to move out of her room rental. Took the kid on vacation, bought the kid a whole new wardrobe, got them eating stuff that wasn’t just white bread and chicken nuggets. After telling me about how she spent $300 on a new tattoo because she missed her baby so much, the mom said “You kidnapped my kid. I should have called the cops on you.” Nope. Just nope.
Image source: characterk4l3
#31
When I was trying to explain that I felt my needs weren’t being treated as relevant and that I missed having companionship, two phrases closed the deal: “This is a non-issue” and “Who in their right mind would want to keep you company in this?”
Image source: Quiquitri
#32
Closed a really good work deal. Huge thing for me (I was WFH as was she when it happened). I was super excited. She knew this was possible.
First thing I did was go to tell her, I’m grinning ear to ear, SO happy.
She’s “Oh. Ok. I don’t get anything out of it do I?”. Completely flat. That’s the moment I realised she basically had no empathy.
Took a while longer, but broke up yesterday.
Image source: geeeking
#33
After we broke up and she had ruined my sister’s wedding for me. Her response was “I wish your sister had never got married” made me realise she would never take accountability for any of her actions and was the most self centred person I have ever met.
Image source: AverageMug
#34
“Why are you crying, it was just a dog.”
My ex-girlfriend.
Image source: ComfortMisha
#35
I got accepted for a short 9 week course to privately study music by an acclaimed professional… When I told my partner she said “Why are you telling me? You know I don’t care about that stuff”.
My next words were “We’re done, you’ve got until I get back to move out”.
Image source: RememberThinkDream
#36
Husband of over ten years- “if you want someone to care about your feelings, get a therapist.”
Image source: NotTheMooingAgain
#37
I (then 22) asked my mom why she was suddenly making so many racist jokes, when she put such effort into my childhood to teach me tolerance and to treat everybody equally.
She replied “Oh honey, that was just for when you were a kid! You’re an adult now!”
Image source: twopurplecats
#38
A close friend said “There are other teams you can join, you don’t need to be on mine.”
This was for a volleyball league we had played on the previous summer, and the team she had created. Apparently I was no longer welcome to join them.
Image source: HearingConscious2505
#39
I was trying to talk to my boyfriend about how for a long time, I had felt like I had to approach every conversation carefully, because if what I said wasn’t “perfect”, using the exact right words, spoken in an acceptably calm voice, he’d pick it apart and dismiss everything I was saying as irrational, reactive, a “logical fallacy”, etc. (he was very proud of having been a judge for his high school debate team ).
At one point he squeezed his eyes shut, put his hands together as if praying and said through gritted teeth, “Get to the point, get to the point.”
Nope. Done. I blurted out “I don’t want to be with you!* without thinking. I had started that conversation hoping that if I could finally get him to understand me, we could try to work on our issues and save the relationship, but in that moment, I realized it was not worth saving.
Image source: S0uvlakiSpaceStati0n
#40
I said I was lonely and sad and I had called a counsellor and they do couples appointments, which I suggested was a good idea. He said “sounds like you are the one with the problem but I hope counselling helps you.”
Later he told me in passing “I just wanted to say that since you have been going to counselling we have been having much better conversations.” Little did he know that I had completely disconnected and lost all my fight as soon as he said our relationship was my problem to sort out alone. My feelings were gone and I built my escape plan. Of course he felt blind sided.
Image source: the_swearing_knight
#41
“I lied about my vasectomy”.
Image source: gmanose
#42
“I still wonder what you did to make me hit you.”
Image source: JohnCleesesMustache
#43
My best mate of 20 years who had watched me struggle that entire time said ‘Depression isn’t real’.
See ya jerk.
Image source: grtsqu
#44
I had a friend who got really into racial justice. That’s very important. I get that. But it’s possible to take anything too far, even good things. She kept going after me about my white privilege and it’s like, yes, I have white privilege. I’m white. But what do you want me to do??? I didn’t choose my race. The best I can do with my privilege is use it to help the not privileged, like the free school I built in Sierra Leone and maintain with my factory job wages. I pointed that out to her and she said that was white privilege. At that point I conceded there was no winning with her.
Image source: LadyCordeliaStuart
#45
Former bestie said ‘well you’ve had her for 35 years, that’s not too bad’ when my mom’s cancer came back. Haven’t talked to her since.
Image source: tobmom
#46
“am I going to have to listen to you complain about this for the rest of my life”
Im here but not the same.
Image source: Tess47
#47
Had a lifelong friend as my roommate in college. I had helped this person through so much over the years. Always there, always available, always helpful. End of my first semester and I had a big chemistry test coming up that I absolutely had to do well on. Some of the class was meeting at the library to study that evening and I desperately needed to be at that study session covering a section I was struggling with. That afternoon my truck broke on me. Starter went out. I called the friend who was at a camp house 20 minutes away playing cards and asked for help (a ride to the parts house to get a starter, or just bring me to the study session). He said no, they had just ordered pizza and he wasn’t leaving since he had put money towards the pizza. I told him I would gladly reimburse the cost or even buy a whole pizza or whatever he wanted really, I just needed some help. Still said no. Called another friend who was not in a position to help and he bent over backwards and somehow through sheer willpower was able to provide help. Late that night I mentally went through all the times I had been there for my roommate, but he hadn’t been there for me. Turns out the whole friendship had been that way.
Image source: kuriosityseeker01
#48
We’d been living apart for more than a year while she took a job out of town. Things had had been bad for awhile. She always threw out divorce as a threat everytime we fought but never meant it.
Months before when she did we had a long talk. I asked her to stop that. Told her I’d never do it, if I ever said divorce it was over. It’s not a word to threaten.
Fast forward to she was supposed to have come home on a Friday for the weekend, didn’t come. Barely said anything. Shows up at like 5pm on Sunday to “grab some stuff she needed” but was going to stay the night. We fought and she walked out.
We didn’t talk all day Monday. Tuesday morning I call her at work. She said “morning babe what’s up” and I just said “I think we should get a divorce” and her only response was “darn, I knew the moment I left Sunday this was going to be the next thing you said to me”
31 days later we were divorced and 12 yrs of marriage and 16 yrs together was over.
Image source: Slade_Riprock
#49
My brother passed at 42 of a heart attack last Saturday. He was driving with my sister and 16 year old niece in the car when he went unconscious. When I went to ask my husband if he could rub my back at 2am that night while he was downstairs playing video games he said no. Got angry, slammed the door so hard the trim fell off, broke a glass picture frame and my vaccum in a rage.
Image source: Aware_Matter_7832
#50
My ex-boyfriend and I got into a big argument because he wanted to watch an R rated movie when I had my 9 year old son with me. He said he can just go in his room and I said, I have him 50% of the time, we can wait to watch a movie until he is with his dad.
He turned to me and said, “He(my son) needs to realize that I’m your #1 priority.”
I had no comeback to that. We were done.
Image source: SheepherderFresh
#51
She went out to a bar, I showed up when she didn’t think I would, she was with another guy. This was the second time this had happened. The first time was crying, I’m so sorry, the whole show, but this time she said “you’re so controlling, you don’t let me do anything, I hate you”.
That cut me badly. She had cheated on me a bunch before that, but she had never said the words I hate you.
And now, she’s divorcing me. As I type this, she’s out with other men. Still live in the same house because neither of us has money to go anywhere. 19 years down the drain because an almost 50 year old woman can’t just be happy with a decent man that takes care of her and wants to relive her 20s.
Image source: therealdanhill
#52
I know I have mood swings, but if I have mood swings for 30 days, you should be able to take it.
Image source: Rough_Supermarket_99
#53
Context: I used to work as a model.
Two non-model friends changed my name in the group chat to “cheerleader effect”. I asked what it meant, and they said it just meant I cheered people up with my presence. My now husband (also in gc) msged me later with the real meaning from the show How I Met Your Mother.
Cheerleader Effect refers to a group of women who look super hot all together (referring to me and my model friends), but if you look at one of them individually they’re actually very average.
I confronted them about it, and they said they knew i hadn’t watched the show and the rest of the groupchat had, and that it was so funny to them that I’d thanked them for the nice name.
Image source: Demiaria
#54
“Acting like im not the biggest patron to your charity case of a life”
He never had to worry about my presence, friendship or most importantly charity case ever again, even after making 10 alt accounts begging and not wanting to lose his “day 1” sorry gofund me to my charity case is closed.
Image source: Sad-Swan4000
#55
“There are too many Asians here”.
ex-husband, at Hershey Park, about 20-25 years ago. I’d give more context but there was no more context.
Image source: NibblesMcGiblet
#56
“You’re obsessed with me, you won’t ever leave.” Holy hell I went from head over heels to disgusted in two seconds.
Image source: MuffinRhino
#57
Not friend or partner, but family. I asked my dad if he supported my transition. His response wasn’t just a single sentence, it was a single word.
“No.”
This was said while not even looking at me. With a smirk on his face. Cold and monotonous. This man said he’d try to get things right with name and pronouns, tried once then complained every time after I corrected him. Said he didn’t have a problem with my presenting fem. Was told everything my doctor told me, thinking that way he’d understand the treatment. I did everything I could to try to make him understand for years before I even started hrt, and it never broke through because there was no effort. The single word made me finally realize, accept he wouldn’t be changing.
I told him he could “go to hell, forever” and left. Two years later, and still one of the best decisions I’ve ever made for myself.
Image source: ThatKehdRiley
#58
“If you were single, you’d have to make food for yourself so I don’t understand what the difference is having to make extra for me”
Well, I became single only cooking for myself real quick after that one.
Keep in mind he said this when I said I was exhausted carrying the whole cooking and meal
Planning load while I was working full time and going to school and he was working part time if that.
Are a whoooooole lot of beautiful girl dinners in that period.
Image source: OnlyEmphasis5628
#59
First date, back when the Apple stores were brand new and jam packed full of people. This guy I met at work took me to the mall and I was really excited because I thought he was super cute. Just as we are walking by the front of the Apple Store, he yells at the top of his lungs, “NERRRRRRRDS!” I never saw him again after that.
Image source: kemkem16
#60
Im a guy and I had a friend who was a girl that later on I noticed would only ask me to hang out after she broke up with whichever guy she was seeing at the time.
One day she asked me to go out for dinner and suggestted a fancier spot. I thought we’d split the bill, but when the bill came she said “do you mind paying for this one? I do this thing with my friends where we each take turns paying for dinner” so I said sure and paid the $200 bill. 2 weeks later, I ask her out for dinner and jokingly said that she needs to pay this time and she replied with “sorry I’m doing this thing where I stop going out to eat, happy to have you over for dinner and I can make roast chicken”.
What a cheapskate and F your chicken. I felt so used especially after noticing that she used me as a emotional rebound after a break up. I never spoke to her again. In hindsight, the $200 was well spent in order to find out that I needed to cut off a this toxic person.
Image source: Easy-Broccoli-2453
#61
A little more than just one sentence but…
At the birthing center, ten minutes after getting our 3 day old baby to latch on for breastfeeding for the first time ever, he said, “How long does this take? I’m not waiting any longer, we need to go get lunch now, I’m hungry.”
Image source: Sad-Echo-9892
#62
I stayed with my ex husband seven years too long. But I knew i was in bigger trouble than I thought when, the night before I began chemo, he told me, “Don’t you know how easy it would be for me not to care?” And left me crying in a booth at a restaurant. He came back but.
Then, after staying out of religious obligation, he came to me and said he couldn’t be around “living things” anymore and that I was perfect except for being alive.
Divorce took less than two weeks. I fled with almost nothing once I got my half of the money for the house. Have him blocked on everything.
Hes a politician. Has a kid now. Therapists have said he displays traits of a family annihilator.
Image source: Witty-Sweet-2832
#63
“I feel like I know everything about you.”
You knew nothing. You were just done learning.
Image source: renswann
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