Being constantly on call is exhausting even for work. But when you’re retired and it’s your family who treats you like a free on-demand nanny, the strain can feel much heavier.
Last week, one Mumsnet user made a post on the platform, asking others if she was being unreasonable for wanting to reduce the amount of time she spends caring for her grandchildren.
The woman explained that while she agreed to help with school and holiday childcare, the arrangement has left her feeling “trapped,” unable to visit friends or see her son in London.
Grandparents can help a family with childcare whenever parents are overwhelmed, and a lot of the time, they are happy to do so
Image credits: choreograph / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
But this retired grandmother feels like her daughters are taking advantage of her
Image credits: Wavebreakmedia / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: lucigerma / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: djoronimo / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: NannyNinn
A lot of families rely on grandparents to help with childcare
Image credits: nd3000 / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
It’s hard to imagine how someone can place such a huge burden on their loved ones without honest conversations and hearing about the type of support they are not just willing, but also able, to provide.
According to a survey from the UK, where the author of the post is from, more than half (57%) of parents with children under the age of thirteen rely on childcare support from at least one grandparent.
The research also found that half (50%) live fewer than five miles from their child’s nearest grandparent, and seven in ten (68%) live within a 30-minute journey.
And when you look solely at parents who are less than half an hour away, the share of those who rely on grandparents’ help rises to more than seven in ten (72%).
However, only a third (36%) of parents who have grandparent support said they could not afford to be without it, and nearly two-fifths (19%) of parents reported that, since having children, they had moved closer to their grandparents, while 11% are currently planning to do so.
And as long as it doesn’t become overwhelming to them, seeing their grandkids can be a wonderful and fulfilling part of their lives
Image credits: shapoval08 / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Data from the National Poll on Healthy Aging, based at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Healthcare Policy and Innovation, suggests that people with at least one grandchild are more likely than those without grandchildren to say they hardly ever feel isolated.
In all, 72% of those with grandchildren say they hardly ever feel isolated, compared with 62% of those without grandchildren. People without grandchildren are also more likely to say their mental health is fair or poor compared with those who have grandchildren (13% versus 9%).
“For many older people, becoming a grandparent is a major milestone in their lives. Our findings show there are many dimensions to grandparenting, and possible positive effects of grandparenting, some of which may not be widely recognized,” says Kate Bauer, Ph.D., an associate professor of Nutritional Sciences in the U-M School of Public Health who worked with the poll team.
Hopefully, the author of the post and her family can find an arrangement that works for everyone, as childcare should never come at the expense of a person’s well-being.
People who read the lady’s story said she’s not being unreasonable
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