All relationships are built on trust, and there’s just no getting around that. Whether you’re in a committed monogamous relationship or an open one, being honest about your intentions is what keeps a relationship from falling apart.
One guy recently shared a story online about his long-term relationship. Out of nowhere, his girlfriend of four years asked to “open” their relationship.
While her request isn’t earth-shattering, the story is much more convoluted.
Her lies and betrayal quickly came to light when he started digging a little deeper.
To make sense of this story, Bored Panda turned to Effy Blue, a relationship expert and coach, for some insight.
A man said his girlfriend of four years suddenly wanted an open relationship
Image credits: denisapolka (not the actual image)
The request came out of the blue and the man didn’t like her suggestion
Image credits: Wavebreak Media (not the actual image)
Image credits: prettiergenghis
Millions of people have explored open relationships or polyamory
Open relationships and polyamory are not as uncommon as they used to be. Millions of people have tried either, and even more say they’d consider it.
About 4–5% of US adults say they are currently in an open or consensually non‑monogamous relationship, according to recent relationship statistics reports.
And around 20–25% of people in the US have engaged in some form of consensual non‑monogamy at some point in their lives. Roughly one‑quarter say they wouldn’t mind trying one.
In the UK, one in six people say they would be open to a non-monogamous relationship if it were more accepted by society.
However, the key word in all these stats is “consensual” — meaning both people are actually on the same page.
Bored Panda asked Effy Blue, a relationship expert who coaches people exploring ethical non-monogamy, to give her insight on this story.
“Ethical non-monogamy is a relationship structure built on transparency, communication, and clearly defined boundaries that everyone involved agrees to. It can take many forms, from couple-centric open relationships to polyamory with multiple committed partners, and the defining feature is informed consent,” she says.
Blue believes monogamy and seriousness are not synonyms. “A relationship can be deeply committed and non-monogamous at the same time.”
The biggest relationship downfall is a lack of honest conversation
Problems tend to arise not from being monogamous or non-monogamous, but from misalignment and lack of honest conversation.
Blue believes that even after being in a long-term serious relationship, it’s not an odd request to suggest options. “Relationship structure has nothing to do with how committed or meaningful the connection is,” she adds.
“In fact, couples who have been together for years may be well-positioned to transition into non-monogamy because they often have trust, shared history, and emotional intimacy to lean on.”
However, she says, opening a relationship is not a casual tweak. “It’s more like a renovation. Opening a relationship turns on stadium-sized spotlights. Suddenly you can see the cracks, the dust bunnies, and the unresolved tensions that were easier to ignore before.”
At the same time, a sudden request to “open” a relationship doesn’t really make sense at all if one partner has already cheated.
Infidelity is not that rare and can affect any kind of relationship
While monogamy is still seen as the ideal or fundamental relationship model, betrayal inside it is hardly rare.
In a survey, 54% of Americans said they had been cheated on in some way. Around a third (33%) admitted they have cheated on someone — whether physically, emotionally, or both.
“Cheating happens when someone violates the agreements of their relationship. It is not about the number of partners involved. It is about secrecy and broken trust. That can happen in any structure, monogamous or non-monogamous,” says Blue.
In consensual open relationships, partners usually have explicit agreements about boundaries. Who can they see? What counts as emotional intimacy? What needs to be disclosed?
“For example, if a couple agrees to only date other people who are also in open relationships and one partner secretly dates someone single without telling the other, that is considered cheating because it is breaking an agreement. Non-monogamy does not excuse betrayal. No relationship structure does,” she notes.
But why do some people in serious relationships suddenly want to date other people?
“For some couples, non-monogamy offers a way to resolve specific tensions while preserving what is already working. Many couples share deep emotional intimacy, shared values, and a meaningful domestic life. They may co-parent well. They may feel like true partners in every sense. Ending the relationship would mean losing something that is working,” Blue answers.
She believes that transitioning into non-monogamy is not a downgrade. “It is not the final stop before a breakup. When done consciously, it is a restructuring.”
At the same time, Blue says infidelity in any kind of relationship can feel like an earthquake. “It shakes the foundation of the relationship and leaves emotional wreckage in its wake.”
“The first step is to allow space for grief. The relationship as you knew it is gone. Even if you decide to rebuild, you are rebuilding something new, not returning to what existed before. That loss deserves to be acknowledged.”
She says the real conversation is not about monogamy versus non-monogamy. “It is about whether people are building relationships by default or by design. When couples consciously define their agreements, revisit them, and take responsibility for their impact on one another, they move out of reactive relationships and into intentional ones.”
Many people supported the man’s decision to break up with his girlfriend
The man gave an update on the situation and the secrets that were revealed after the breakup
Image credits: tetyanaafshar (not the actual image)
Image credits: wirestock (not the actual image)
Image credits: prettiergenghis
Several readers praised the man for trusting his instincts
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