Insecurity can make people do the strangest things, often in an attempt to hide the very fact that they are insecure. This tends to become painfully apparent in the dating world, where everyone really wants to leave a good impression. However, insecurity tends to also make people behave in ways that just show off their supreme lack of confidence.
A woman shared her bizarre and red-flag-laden experience of going on a first date with a man who decided to devote a considerable amount of time making fun of her car. We got in touch with her and she was kind enough to share some more details.
A first date is when you want to leave a good impression
Image credits: svitlanah / envato (not the actual photo)
But one man decided that mocking his date repeatedly was a great strategy
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThinkAboutItMyGuy
As it turns out, this man really just kept digging a hole
Bored Panda got in touch with the woman who made the post and she was kind enough to answer some of our questions. First of all, we wanted to know if she had any follow-up to this story. “There has been an update. He actually found my reddit post and sent me a ( I hope drunk) text saying that I overreacted and that I wouldn’t know a good man if he slapped me across the face. I blocked him. Then he sent me a DM on Instagram calling me a b****. Blocked him there too,” she shared.
We were also curious to hear her thoughts on why the post went viral. “I think people found it engaging because he’s a type of man that sadly many women have come across. Deeply insecure about where he’s at in life and so he pursues younger women that wouldn’t know any better. But then the younger woman he meets (me) is doing better in life than him, so he tries to make her feel as worthless as he does. I appreciated all of the support I got in the post. I learned a lot about negging and I reacted accordingly.”
Some men see their car as an extension of themselves
Image credits: Hassan OUAJBIR / pexels (not the actual photo)
Men will put a value or identity on the car they drive because it is more than simply a means of transportation from point A to point B, it’s a highly publicized symbol of achievement, taste, or freedom. When someone feels insecure regarding his or her status or achievement, that shiny finish or powerful engine can give that quick shot of self-assurance: if the automobile is attractive, then they must be attractive by extension. But the price of investing so much emotional capital in an object is that any perceived slight, whether a casual criticism of the model, a joke at the expense of its vintage, or the lack of excitement for the date, is felt as personal rejection. Rather than admitting to vulnerability around deeper fears, about career development, financial stability, or self-esteem, some men find it easier to rant against the individual invoking the flaw.
At the time of date, such defensiveness manifests as crankiness when parking, irritability if they object to the music being played, or stubbornness in not agreeing that there is a mechanical problem. Deep within, most people have a fear that defects in a vehicle are their own, so they protect their ego by shifting the criticism to the other person. At times, they might inflate or brag about performance specifications as a defense mechanism for insecurity, then hold grudges if the date doesn’t respond with admiration. After a while, such a pattern turns a casual night out into a minefield of unexpressed hurts, where any hiccup along the way or offhand remark about mileage propels them into a melodramatic overreaction.
Breaking the cycle starts with learning that a car is not a measure of self-worth, but to give up the defensive position takes more courage. When both the people on a date feel free to speak, about fear of judgment, about why some comments sting harder than they have to, a better relationship might emerge. Gradually, the car is restored to its rightful place as a mode of transportation, not safety, and the focus is removed from protecting an image to simply enjoying each other’s company.
People didn’t think highly of her date
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