As much as a wedding is a special day for the happy couple, it’s hard to deny that more often than not, family drama is just one misstep away from occurring. It can be pretty hard to exclude someone without a good reason, but there are times when the couple’s preferences and the realities of a guest’s life clash just a little too much.
A father walked out of his sister’s supposedly “child-free” wedding when he learned why it was only his son being excluded. Not only had his sister allowed over a dozen other kids to attend, but she had banned his son in particular for a pretty heartless reason.
Planning a wedding can be stressful, but it’s also possible to take a vision too far
Image credits: alvarocvg (not the actual photo)
A man asked the internet if he was right to walk out of his sister’s wedding when he discovered that his son had been excluded
Image credits: Taha Samet Arslan (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ladanifer (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ladanifer (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Disastrous_Bug_6354
OP’s sister unsuccessfully tried to mask her ableism toward his son
Image credits: Marcus Aurelius (not the actual photo)
Why exactly OP’s son would disrupt the wedding is somewhat unclear, as a twelve-year-old boy is unlikely to be the main focus of attention in any case. It is quite hard to imagine the circumstances where he would somehow distract others and, presumably, take attention away from the bride. But, potentially just as bad, the somewhat overlooked elephant in the room is that the sister explicitly lied to her brother (OP) about the wedding being child-free. The fact that she lied, does, unfortunately, indicate that she knows his reaction would be negative. Instead of communicating clearly, looking for a compromise or just inviting the kid, she chose the very worst option in the vain hope that, somehow, her brother would not notice. Similarly, she mentioned that OP’s son would “draw attention,” diverting attention away from the fact that most likely she was the only person who, for some reason, would not want someone with a disability present.
The real reason for her actions, unfortunately, is most likely rooted in some form of ableism. Simply put, this is the belief that people who are less able in one way or another are somehow less deserving of basic rights and good treatment. Some might attempt to justify the sister’s decision by arguing that maybe she didn’t want other guests to be uncomfortable. However, this is no reason to exclude her nephew or lie to her brother. Regardless, if her brother’s presence was so important that she would cry without him, she should have not taken multiple steps to alienate him and his family.
It’s unlikely that any of her guests would have sided with the bride after learning why OP’s kid was excluded
Image credits: Aleksandr Kadykov (not the actual photo)
While the reasons behind someone’s ableism can vary, it ultimately comes down to seeing another person as lesser. Sometimes it might be sugar-coated in a paternalistic belief that an “able-bodied” person can and would just know better than someone who isn’t, despite the fact that definitions can be pretty loose. There is a degree of evolutionary anxiety many people feel when meeting a disabled person, however, a few positive experiences are generally enough to remove it. Incidentally, this might also be an indicator of the sister’s ableism, as she has not developed a good relationship with her nephew, even though there are no indications of a barrier to it.
In fact, her behavior seems so abhorrent that many comments, particularly about the messages he was getting, indicate that most guests did not know why his son had been excluded. Presumably, most people would be just as disgusted as OP and would elect to leave. While there still is a way to go, openly discriminating against someone with a disability, particularly a child who no doubt suffered an injury or illness is enough to turn public opinion against you. If OP did anything wrong, it was to doubt for even a second that he could have been in the wrong and ask the internet for advice.
All in all, the sister chose to indulge her ableism, lie to her brother, then throw a fit when a single guest left, all over having her wedding be exactly how she wanted. It’s not a bad thing to try and have a dream wedding, but there is a very real human cost of excluding certain people. If she had communicated clearly, it still wouldn’t have justified her actions, but at the very least she would have avoided the scene of her brother leaving and wouldn’t have been caught out in a very obvious lie.
The dad answered some more questions in the comments
He also gave some follow-up for what he did with his son
Readers were shocked at the sister’s behavior and overwhelmingly sided with the dad
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