Very often, when people open up about their problems or negative thoughts they have, the first instinct of the other person is to cheer them up, try to reassure them that everything will work out and that there are worse things that could happen. People who try to make the troubled person feel better don’t usually mean any harm, but they actually are forcing positivity on a person that can’t see the lighter side of the situation at that moment.
Dismissing negative emotions, trying to forcefully see something good in a terrible situation and trying to find false reassurances is called toxic positivity. It often becomes a way to respond to a distressful situation when you don’t know what else to say. But feeling the emotions that you’re having is important, regardless of whether they are positive or negative.
People in the subreddit AskWomen understand that and share some phrases they would consider to fall under the toxic positivity category and would like to stop hearing. What they would like to hear instead is compassion and well wishes.
More info: Reddit
#1
“It all made you stronger”
It rubs me the wrong way because it invalidates all the bulls**t I had to claw through. I made me stronger. Trauma made me weak, tired, and a repulsive version of myself. If I allowed that to control my life’s outcomes I would be in a dark ass place.
I put in the work. I made me strong. All that destroyed me.
Image source: AevumFlux, franchise opportunities
#2
My grandma telling me that I have to put up with nasty family members “because they’re FaaaMilYYYYYyyyy”.
Gtfo, they are bad people and I’m not going to let them poison my life because we’re related.
Image source: dream_bean_94, Bev Sykes
#3
“You don’t need medication for depression or anxiety. You just need to go outside and smile more!”
Image source: DoubleDuke101, Jonathan Rolande
#4
When my husband passed away unexpectedly at age 50 (together 32 years) more than one person said to me ” my divorce was like a death too”. Nope, not even close.
Image source: mich2va96, Gisela Giardino
#5
When my dad passed away, a lot of people told me ‘he’s in a better place.’
I know it’s super common to say, but we’re not religious in the slightest and we wanted him here, for f**k’s sake.
Image source: Sensitiverock85, Jerzy Kociatkiewicz
#6
“You’ll change your mind” and every sentences I can hear when I tell people I don’t want kids. That toxic mentality of women have to be mothers. I’ve realized at 12yo that I never want kids. 13 later, I still haven’t changed my mind. My husband also doesn’t want kids so at least we’re on the same page.
Image source: alienonymous2, Sunny Ripert
#7
Everything happens for a reason or God never gives you more than you can handle.
Image source: Beginning-Barnacle-5, Gareth Williams
#8
Just don’t think about it.
Thanks mom, sure my constant headaches will go away when I just don’t think about it! A 12 year old shouldn’t have headaches non-stop in the first place but whatever.
Image source: Red_tiny_Panda, Gareth Williams
#9
Pretty much everything about using the power of prayer and positive thinking to attract good things to your life and protect you from negative experiences and outcomes. It’s all victim-blaming bulls**t. Telling someone that they should simply put more effort into their positive thoughts/prayers and that they are attracting the negative things that are occurring in their lives is incredibly inappropriate and sh**ty.
Image source: nevertruly, Chris Hunkeler
#10
‘you have it much better than other people’
Okay, I know that’s true. But I hate it when people invalidate my experience without being in my shoes.
Image source: thattallgirlinblack, vanguardist
#11
‘You think that’s bad? Wait til you hear what happened to me – it’s worse!’
Image source: photosquirrel, Susanne Nilsson
#12
I lost my first pregnancy earlier this year. It sucked massively and I fell into a depression. A close family member just kept trying to make me ‘see the positive side of it’. It’s been a while now but to this day, I see no frigging positive side of having lost my child. That, to me, was toxic positivity at its best.
Image source: EnvironmentalDonut68, Ernest James
#13
“At least he doesn’t hit you!” like wow I’m supposed to put up with allllllll the BS because he’s doing something he should?
Image source: postmclone, Ricardo Liberato
#14
Different variations of “You can’t have kids? Take mine for a day and you’ll be happy you don’t have one of your own! Kids suck lol” Yeah, you being a s***ty parent certainly makes me feel better about being infertile.
Image source: Kitteh_Kate, lecates
#15
In group therapy someone said that they’re proud, they never got depressed, no matter what life threw at them. Because they’re such a positive and strong person. With a person with depression sitting right next to them.
I am glad I don’t have a tendency towards depression either. But I’m not proud of it, because it’s a sickness you’re prone to, or you aren’t. It’s not a weakness. And the fact that we’re all sitting together in group therapy shows that we all have one or another unhealthy coping mechanism in place and so far, we weren’t able to positive-think our way out of them.
Image source: Zeiserl, JourneyPure Rehab
#16
“Pain is all in your head”
Do f**k off with that.
Image source: GlumMathematician884, Andy
#17
There’s someone for everyone. You just need to believe and you will find love. No, there isn’t and no, love isn’t guaranteed.
Image source: arcticshqip, Kevin Simpson
#18
Someone told me I was “polluting” their space with “my sadness”. I asked them wtf they meant (because I wasn’t acting sad or even saying anything) and they said they could “feel” a “deep sadness” in me and that my presence itself was harmful. Like holy s**t talk about thought police
Image source: Odeiminmukwa, Gareth Williams
#19
“You’re really pretty for a chubby girl” Thaaaaaanx.
Image source: [deleted], Susanne Nilsson
#20
“I just strive to be an honest person. I’m sorry if it hurt you”.
Some s**t should just not be said ok?
Image source: Cute_Mousse_7980, Ben Stephenson
#21
Why can’t you just be happy?
#22
Family is meant to hurt and forgive.
I call bs.
Image source: justsidle, Tamas Ring
#23
“Happiness is a choice.” Shudder.
Image source: CampVictorian, Marina
#24
“Life will be easier if you just accept that you’ll be doing most of the house work”…. Ex-boyfriends mom in response to a conversation about how ex-boyfriend did not help with chores.
Image source: BabyGotCats, Daniel M. Hendricks
#25
Something along the lines of “you have as many hours in the day as Beyoncé.” I just can’t even begin with how much I hate everything about that.
Image source: mediumsizedbootyjudy
#26
“Having expectations on relationships only lead to disappoiment” So am I supposed to put up with whatever the f**k they want to treat me? Wtf.
Image source: Waste-Win, Britney M
#27
“If I can do it, you can do it.”
Image source: numbersrejectedbypi, bloomsberries
#28
‘You’re not like the other girls’
Image source: plateauh*e, Funk Dooby
#29
“You either trust me or you don’t. Trust doesn’t get built” – said my disgusting ex earlier in our relationship
Image source: pierrots, klndonnelly
#30
A YouTube video opened my eyes on how body positivity can be toxic. I’ve realized I’m just body-neutral. I don’t think my body is beautiful and I don’t have to! I’m more than my body and I’m at peace with it even if I wish some things were different. They don’t affect my self-esteem.
Image source: Beth-BR
#31
“well, everyone has a little bit of depression here and there.” ok and that’s supposed to make me feel better or something?
Image source: Blue_ish
#32
“You are only hurting yourself when you are crying look I’m unaffected.”
Image source: miyavmisa, Aubrey Arcangel
#33
“Don’t waste your time worrying about it.” Sorry but I can’t help it
Image source: lnthefall
#34
Fake it till you make it. Ugh. The f**king worst.
Image source: PrincessConsuela02, Shannon
#35
“Its not your situation. Its about how you react to it.” – my bff
And how am I suppose to react to office sexual harassment of a senior management without the risk of losing my job and not be able to pay my rent, dare I may say???? There’s also the risk of ruining connections and forever barring me from the industry completely.
I was venting to my friend. All I needed was to vent and cry. I know the consequences involved with even a tiny move against this person who has such great influence my chosen feild. No, I cant just “react” my heart out, dear.
Image source: lavenderpug, Aaron Stidwell
#36
The HR person at my old job told me to “lean in more” when I requested a meeting about sexism in the office.
Image source: ResearchLogical2036, Alan Cleaver
#37
Not sure if this fits, but “Just keep eating. Don’t worry about how much. Eat until you’re happy” Eat until I’m happy? I prefer to separate food from emotion, thank you. I’ve seen people approach the brink of passing aaway by tying food and emotion. No thank you. Not for me.
Image source: smashmyburger, Eric.Ray
#38
“the act of smiling makes you feel better, so even if you’re feeling really bad you can start smiling and eventually your feelings will catch up” No thank you
Image source: greenandleafy, Katy Warner
#39
When I vent I don’t enjoy a certain aspect of my jobs to a friend/colleague: “but it won’t be any different in a different field”
Well thank you that is very relevant
Image source: michelle867
#40
It’s not you it’s me
Image source: Outrageous_Length639, Georgie Pauwels
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