Watching over kids is a full-time job. Unsurprisingly, not everyone is equally excited about looking after them, especially when the little ones are not their children.
Redditor u/No_Writing9686 told the AITA community about having to babysit her sister’s kids whenever she visits. That was the reason she got out of a family vacation to Disneyland when she learned her sister’s family was also going. The OP found a way to dodge the babysitting, but received comments from the family that made her wonder if she was being a jerk.
To get a better idea of how similar situations can affect family relationships, Bored Panda turned to a developmental psychologist, author Dona Matthews, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions. We also got in touch with the OP, who did so as well. You will find both their thoughts in the text below.
Looking after someone else’s children is rarely how one wants to spend their vacation
Image credits: David Guerrero (not the actual photo)
This young woman got out of a family trip to Disneyland so she didn’t have to babysit her sister’s kids
Image credits: Vinta Supply Co. | NYC (not the actual photo)
Image source: No_Writing9686
Disneyland is a popular destination for a family vacation, attracting tens of thousands of visitors each day
Image credits: Tyler Nix (not the actual photo)
Going on a vacation with the entire family can be challenging for numerous reasons, from accommodating everyone’s needs to finding the right activities to enjoy together. For the OP, another somewhat off-putting thing about the family trip was the idea of having to watch her sister’s children.
Developmental psychologist and author Dona Matthews pointed out that every family is different in their history and experience, and every person in each family develops different habits and attitudes over time. “When you assume your sister or someone else will be happy to take care of your kids while you rest or go shopping or do something else, you might be wrong. Your sister (or other person) might do it, but resent your expectation, which can damage your relationship over the long run.”
“It bugs me that I have to change my plans to help her when she visits,” the OP told Bored Panda. That might be one of the reasons she decided to get out of the Disneyland trip and enjoy some peace and quiet at home instead. For those seeking peace and quiet, Disneyland might not be the best choice, considering the sheer number of visitors there. Gitnux uncovered that on a peak day during the holiday season, Disney World attracts roughly 155,000 people. It also revealed that the destination is a rather popular one among families, as back in 2017, 42% households in the US with children under 18 had visited one of the Disney theme parks.
Whether it’s a trip to Disney or staying at home, most parents would likely appreciate a little help watching over their little ones. That’s why they often turn to friends or relatives for such assistance. According to Pew Research Center’s survey, 39% of parents in the US receive at least some support from friends or extended family, while an additional 44% believe they receive quite a lot of it.
It is common for parents to ask for help from their friends and relatives
Image credits: Marisa Howenstine (not the actual photo)
Friends and family helping out with child care is not as uncommon as one might think. Known as Family, Friend and Neighbor (FFN) Care, it is arguably the most common type of child care for infants, toddlers, and school-age children before and after school.
The National Women’s Law Center reports that grandparents are the typical choice when it comes to relative care. Data revealed that out of roughly 5.2 million children under six years of age, 79% were watched over by grandmas and grandpas. An additional 13% were looked after by aunts and uncles and 9%—by other relatives.
Parents’ siblings are often among the aforementioned 9% of FFN care providers. As the OP’s example showed, they are sometimes used as unpaid babysitters, mostly just because they are family. And while some would agree that the time spent with their nieces and nephews is something they wouldn’t trade for the world, it might get tiresome nevertheless. Especially when the responsibility is placed on one’s shoulders without discussing it beforehand.
The OP told Bored Panda that when the sister comes to visit, their mother typically tells the redditor that she’s looking after the kids while they go out. “But I think I’m done watching them without being asked in advance and compensated,” she added.
“Sometimes, especially in a family, people assume you’ll enjoy taking over the job of taking care of their kids for a short time,” Dona Matthews suggested. “Also, some people are just generally more demanding and entitled than others. That can easily extend to their attitude to others taking care of their kids. They might realize it’s inappropriate with friends, but have a history of being indulged by family members. They might do it with you because they think they’ll get away with it.”
The OP’s sister likely believed that would be the case with the Disney trip as well. But the redditor wasn’t willing to babysit anymore, which is why she pretended to have lost her passport. Fellow Reddit users didn’t consider her a jerk for doing so and they let her know in the comments.
The OP answered some comments providing more information on the situation
Quite a few redditors thought the young woman wasn’t being a jerk to her family
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