A few would perhaps argue that parenting, especially when you have multiple children of school age, is an incredibly stressful and exhausting process, in which it’s really crucial for an adult not to “explode” at the most inopportune moment. To prevent yourself from that, you always need to have some space and time to unwind…
So, the story we’ll tell you today, from the user u/Miserable_Item_2249, actually tells us how important it really is to have some unwinding time and space, and how vital personal boundaries are for literally any one of us. Especially when the described person has three kids.
More info: Reddit
Parenting three kids can actually be incredibly stressful sometimes, and any parent really needs some space and time to catch their breath
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author of the post has three school-aged kids, and two of them have ADHD, so life in her house sometimes can be truly chaotic
Image credits: Miserable_Item_2249
Image credits: photoroyalty / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman has her unwinding place outside the house, where she goes with her coffee and a book sometimes
Image credits: Miserable_Item_2249
Image credits: Raj Tuladhar / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
However, now the family has new neighbors – five men with various special needs, who try to talk to her every time they see her on the porch
Image credits: Miserable_Item_2249
The author failed to explain to them that she actually needs silence and quiet, so she just set a privacy sheet – but the spouse called this “rude”
The original poster (OP) says that she and her husband have three school-aged kids, two of whom have ADHD, so the atmosphere in the house can sometimes be incredibly messy and chaotic. Oh, and the family also has a very active dog and two cats. So, it’s no surprise that the woman sometimes just wants to grab a coffee and a book, step out onto the porch, and leave her husband to deal with all the chaos inside.
The family lives in a big city, so even when the author steps out, she’s still surrounded by noise and din from everywhere. But it’s still an opportunity to catch her breath. However, the building behind their house was recently renovated to become an adult group home. Now, the OP’s neighbors are five men, a few with autism, one with special needs, and one with severe social anxiety.
They all try to be very polite and friendly, and whenever they see the author with a book on the porch, they start talking to her about various things. Well, this is absolutely not what an exhausted mom of three, looking for at least a few minutes of peace, really needs… The author has politely tried several times to explain to her new neighbors that she needs peace and quiet, but to no avail.
Our heroine solved this problem by purchasing a privacy sheet and installing it on her porch. Now, when she goes outside, no one sees her. And, accordingly, no one bothers her with small talk. At the same time, the author’s husband considered her actions “rude” and claimed she was disrespectful to her neighbors. So the woman decided to seek some advice online.
Image credits: Bbalrog / Reddit (not the actual photo)
“The key issue here is that a neurotypical person’s reaction to a familiar person appearing in their field of view is significantly different from that of a neurodivergent person,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. “It’s simply a matter of being able to construct a chain of logical connections in their head.”
In other words, the expert says, if a neurodivergent person sees someone familiar on the porch, they simply feel the urge to communicate. This connection “works” directly, without considering the possible reasons why the acquaintance might have gone outside, and that they probably simply need some silence. In other words, they may just not feel these “invisible” boundaries.
As for the author’s husband, he’s probably more understanding of the new neighbors, but he should also recognize that his wife needs peace and quiet, at least for a while. So, installing a privacy sheet in this situation wouldn’t be so much a sign of disrespect as a visual, physical confirmation of her boundaries, Irina Matveeva summarizes.
Incidentally, some people in the comments noted roughly the same thing, confirming that the author is doing right here. Well, and that her husband should think more about supporting his wife than strangers. In any case, the responders are pretty much confident that taking care of one’s own mental health is actually the most important thing. So do you, our dear readers, also agree with this?
Most commenters, however, sided with the woman and urged her husband to give support to his spouse rather than to the strangers
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