Raising a kid (or two… or twelve) must be one of the hardest, if not the hardest, things out there. And even if you give it your best, things might still not turn out the way you had hoped.
Well, parents and offspring of Reddit are sharing their bits and pieces of wisdom in response to the question what aspects of your parenting journey do you wish you could’ve changed? after having given their all, yet the kids turned out less than desirable in terms of compassion and being a good person.
Scroll down to see what folks shared from their experience as well as our interview with Sarah Ockwell-Smith, parenting expert and author of The Gentle Parenting Book.
#1
Apologize when you make a mistake, learn to listen not just hear
Image source: P4S5B60, August de Richelieu
#2
100% apologize to your children through adulthood. It’s a great example but it also forces your kids to see you as a human being which in turn creates empathy.
Image source: IamMBRN, Liza Summer
#3
I’m the kid of pretty good, but flawed, parents. I’d just like to say, consistency is key. I never knew what response my behavior would get. I’d even test my dad by telling him the same thing on different days and would get totally different reactions. Plus, he’d obviously forgotten what I said earlier so that didn’t feel great either. Punishments also never lasted, one day I was grounded but the next they didn’t care what I did. So, I’d do what I want until they got mad again.
Don’t make your kids walk on eggshells. Be consistent in your responses, be consistent in your punishments
Image source: Objective-Safety3601, Jordan Whitt
#4
I wouldn’t have spoiled him so much. It’s okay for him to not have everything. Just because “oH iM gOnNa gIVe theM eVrEytHiNg I NeveR hAD!!” Dumbass idea. There’s middle ground and I flew right past it
Image source: glitterpumps, Anna Shvets
#5
Less social media, more reading and interacting without phones in their hands.
Image source: CTnaturist, Christopher Ryan
#6
Chores. I did everything and robbed my child of a job well done. Consistent chores to help the family unit by teaching responsibility and patience
Image source: Sufficient-Survey877, Gustavo Fring
#7
Being more present for them. I was so obsessed with doing things right that I spent more time researching and acquiring things than actually being in the same room as them, hanging out and actually interacting with them.
Image source: crazyditzydiva, Daiga Ellaby
#8
I would focus more on teaching empathy and positive conflict resolution, promoting a deeper understanding of the feelings and perspectives of others.
Image source: damplyClaw900, Tatiana Syrikova
#9
Pull her out of Private school ( very high achievement oriented) and enroll in public school that could meet her learning disabilities and emotional health.
Image source: Justalurker11111, Rubén Rodriguez
#10
Coming from the messed up child not the parent: don’t ever say or imply you regret having your kids to them. Irreparable damage. So much therapy and people trying to love me and me trying to love myself to teach myself I can still have value. If you say that to your kid, in my eyes you’re more monster than parent.
Image source: No_Juggernau7, cottonbro studio
#11
I would have pushed harder for my oldest to be in therapy and work with a tutor more when he was younger. I really think most of his struggles stem from the fact that nobody recognized he was dyslexic until he was 17 and about to graduate high school. There were so many years of him being hard on himself and me thinking he just wasn’t trying hard enough. I regret that more than anything.
Image source: Visual-Fig-4763, cottonbro studio
#12
I was a young adult when my parents started adopting my brothers through foster care. One thing I will say having watched them grow up is that a lot of damage can be done even before the age of two that will last their whole lives.
Taking care of yourself when you’re pregnant, interacting with your baby/toddler (talk, read, sing, play), trying your best to feed them nutritious food, and keeping them safe (traumatic events change a kid’s brain) are all so so important.
Some of my adopted brothers are straight up scary and violent, some are drug addicts and drop outs. And I have no idea what my parents could have done differently.
Image source: ambereatsbugs, BBC Creative
#13
I’ll never forget the look on my daughter’s face when I said you’re right, I’m wrong.😂
Image source: rackfocus, Ketut Subiyanto
#14
I should have been much more strict and less “fun” with my son.
Image source: NiteGard, Monstera Production
#15
Compassion without proper boundaries can morph into codependency and feeling like you need to fix people. I think I messed that up.
Image source: GoreMay, Dominika Roseclay
#16
My children are still young (8 and 6) but I find myself getting hurt when they say things like “you yell a lot” because I don’t really yell that often but I need to remember it’s not personal – it’s about how they feel. I need to accept that I yelled and yell more than I should and that isn’t okay.
Tl;Dr: When your child tells you they are hurt don’t get offended listen and do better.
Image source: redditaccount1_2, Monstera Production
#17
This is probably small scale compared to most but I’d try hide my fears/anxiety better. I think my kiddo is only afraid of spiders and bugs because I am. As in they’ve learnt this fear from me.
On the flip side I do think it’s good to show we’re all human and scared of different things and being afraid is OK but yeah there’s a line there somewhere.
Image source: Gennova666, Sofia Alejandra
#18
Just from general observation of kids, family, classrooms, and society at large….IMHO the goal is to raise good people who can stand on their own without you. Nurturing a solid ethical foundation is springboard for all other virtues like kindness, compassion, etc. Emulate the values you want your kids to learn, don’t just preach them.
Image source: Gethsemanee, Stefan Lehner
#19
My son’s dad used to say awful things about me all the time when he was with him. When he’d come home he’d repeat them and I would not defend myself against it. I made a point of not saying anything bad about his dad, including him lying about me. I thought that was the right thing to do.
Now he is 14 and his dad has moved to another country and doesn’t talk to my son. My son opened up and told me it used to make him really sad and it made him hate me, but he sees it wasn’t true now. I can tell it’s messed him up a bit.
If I could go back, I would have told him it isn’t nice for his dad to say bad things and that they the things he said were not true. I was so concerned about not making my son thinking his dad was a bad guy I basically endorsed everything he said. I see now he needed me to tell him that those things were not true so he didn’t have to feel ashamed of his mum.
Image source: kandikand, MART PRODUCTION
#20
My mother told me that she wishes she gave attention to all her kids and my father told me he wishes he spent more time at home instead of business trips,
Image source: MillyZeusy, Hunters Race
#21
I never overly praised my daughter, but I did praise her accomplishments and would tell her how smart she is, creative, talented..I was genuinely impressed by her. She’s 18 now and thinks she is better than everyone else. Hoping it passes as life should start to humble her soon.
Image source: SignificanceSalty525, Brett Sayles
#22
Being a parent has been one of the most interesting things I have had the blessing to be apart of. (I’m a science person. Biology major.) I truly feel blessed with my kids. They are incredible people. Before kids I thought parenting had everything to do with how people “turned out”, but upon having kids, I feel very strongly that people are who they are from birth. Both of my kids came out with their own personalities. (My kids have very different personalities.) Not much has changed since they were babies. I do think that substantial abuse can drastically change an individual, but a parent who genuinely tries to do their best really isn’t going to do too much damage, so to speak. Now if the parents are proper c***s, yeah the kids have a good chance of being a c**t, but I really feel like personalities and mental disorders are already shaped when the person is born.
Image source: lizerpetty, Vidal Balielo Jr.
#23
I work on the trauma floor of a hospital and a lot of grown men have what my boss calls “mijo syndrome.” Their parents and specifically their moms have always made things happen for them, and because of this they have little to no emotional regulation. They fly off the handle at any little inconvenience and boy are they made when we tell them NPO means no food whatsoever, not even treats
Image source: liberty285code6, Tom Fisk
#24
My mom is the most caring, wonderful and just the most super human mother ever. She was so patient with us and just all around amazing.
The one thing I wish she did do though was show us more of her emotions and show her standing up for herself. My dad is kind of a total d**k so it would’ve been nice to see her stand up for herself.y siblings and I are people pleaser to a fault and now that I’m old I feel like I’ve only ever seen one side of my mom. Almost like I don’t even know who she is really. She’s an amazing mother and this is just being a bit nit picky but yeah
Image source: Ginger_Snapples, Daria Obymaha
#25
I was horrible. Angry screaming mess. I got really sick when my kids were little. It affected my mental health, caused a lot of physical pain, and put us into deep poverty.
The one thing I did do was apologize a lot. I let my kids go to their friends whenever they wanted and had us all in therapy the entire time.
Thankfully I got diagnosed and treated for a genetic disorder and instantly became a much nicer person and with a lot of therapy I’ve become a pretty solid and supportive mom. It explains my father big time. He was horrible and died of dementia.
All that being said. My kids are great. Thoughtful. Considerate. They talk to adults which I guess isn’t common. Not sure what I did aside from apologize a ton and always do my best to take the high road. Their dad was very abusive but we are on good terms. My kids having a solid stable life is more important than their father and my c**p.
We all have adhd and other issues and we’re not perfect but we are really nice to each other and say we love you often.
Image source: Admirable_Key4745, Simran Sood
#26
Can I answer on behalf of my aunt & uncle?
Listen to our nephew, who started warning us our son was becoming a racist a*****e before he was even 10, but we did nothing to change course.
Image source: SomeVelveteenMorning, Izzy Park
#27
When I was younger, my parents did their best, but I still behaved in less desirable ways.
Selfish, underachieving, entitled, overspending, with a sprinkle of criminality.
They just toughed it out, I think. Not ignoring this behaviour, but not treating me as if that’s *everything* I was. They gave me love, and an opportunity to grow the f**k up, whilst calling me out for the most egregious stuff.
That seems to have worked out OK.
Image source: Federal-Ad-5190, Caleb Ekeroth
#28
Nothing. You can do the BEST you can. They’re still individuals with their own minds and thoughts,sometimes they disappoint, i’m sure you did too.
Image source: touchmydingus, Szilvia Basso
#29
I would have never bought a Nintendo Switch during the Pandemic.
Image source: glitterpumps, SCREEN POST
#30
Realizing sometimes genetics win and there’s nothing you can do about it. I spent an insane amount of time and energy making sure they ate healthy. Never had a real career because I was home early to make sure they had freshly cooked meals and didn’t snack. Now both my kids are overweight adults and my friend who always let them eat whatever they wanted, has superslim kids.
Image source: Better_Protection382, Ella Olsson
Follow Us
