Childhood can be a very strange time, since one has all their senses but not a good frame of reference for things. The result is that new settings, be it a foreign country or just visiting a friend’s home for the first time. So it shouldn’t be surprising that upon getting to adulthood, people often see their entire childhood in a new light.
Someone asked “What’s a “normal” childhood experience you later realized was actually traumatic?” and people shared their experiences. Be warned, some of these get a bit dark. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to add your own thoughts in the comments below.
#1
Never receiving any hugs from my parents. Or valuable advice. Not even when I cried/was hurt physically. Comfort was quite absent, too. I only realized few years ago when I saw an 17 year old teenager leaning against his dad and telling him about his struggles about an upcoming big decision.
Never have had that level of support and comfort and it still makes my eyes water when I think about it in weak moments. .
Image source: magischeblume, Andrew Neel / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#2
Constantly walking on eggshells to avoid making my dad angry.
Image source: Moosef45, Alexander Grey / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#3
“Talking back”. Turns out they just wanted me to be silent and have no opinion or feelings. My mother and stepfather used to constantly say how I was mouthy and constant talked back- well yeah, how else am I supposed to communicate? Smoke signals?
Image source: SeraphRising89, Volodymyr Hryshchenko / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#4
The silent treatment. I still assume that someone is angry when they’re quiet. I’m 70.
Image source: Yajahyaya, David Hinkle / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#5
I wasn’t really allowed to complain or express frustration with my experiences because someone in my family had had it worse when they were my age.
Image source: secomano, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#6
Being told ‘stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about’—like, oh cool, emotional suppression unlocked at age 5.
Image source: Best_Sherbet2727, Kateryna Hliznitsova / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#7
Getting teased and/or made fun or for liking certain things as a young child.
My older sister often teased me for the tv shows i liked to watch and made fun of my drawings when i created my own pokemon for example.
Same thing in school.
I still remember every single instance in of it in detail. To this day i dont like to share my passions with people and supress strong displays if positive emotions around others.
Image source: absedy251991, Brooke Cagle / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#8
Always getting ‘constructive criticism’ instead of praise. Draw a picture? “That looks weird, you should fix the eyes on that.” Make a painting? “You chose weird colors. I wouldn’t have done it like that.” Get a 95% on a school project? “Why didn’t you get 100%?” It created people-pleasing tendencies which led to never feeling like anything I do is ENOUGH. I’m grown and married to a man who thinks sunshine radiates from my pores, but still feel often that my best isn’t great.
Image source: awkward_turtle_2121, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#9
Being told to eat everything on my plate, regardless of whether I was still hungry or not. I now have no idea when I’m full unless I’m over full.
Image source: screamingintothedark, Curated Lifestyle / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#10
Being a parent’s therapist. You shouldn’t be talking someone out of s*****e when you’re 12.
Image source: alreadynaptime, Ben White / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#11
Being made fun of when you go to parent with an uncomfortable situation. I was at a sleepover and another girl wanted to “play house” by laying on top of me. I was so uncomfortable I wanted to go home and afterwards my mom made fun of me for it. Guess who never went to their mom with feelings again.
Image source: Charming_Caramel_303, Curated Lifestyle / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#12
Waiting for my dad to be in a good mood to ask him something.
Image source: StraightTale9857, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#13
Thinking that I’m inherently a mean, evil, broken person at age like….8 or 9.
When I watched inside out 2 it honestly shocked me that Riley thought she was inherently a good person lol.
Image source: ctortan, Thomas Park / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#14
My uncle tickling me until I cried.
Image source: bekisuki, Brooke Cagle / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#15
Every time I had knee pain and told my mom I wanted to go to the doctor I always got “you think that’s bad? You wanna hear about all of my problems?!”
That was until my cartridge broke off and it was floating around under my skin by the time I was in high school.
Image source: Jackattack111888, Vitolda Klein / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#16
Being told we have no where to live at the end of the month. Everything being hand-me-downs and smelling like other people, you never feel settled, like you’re in a strangers house, bed and clothes.
Poverty, real poverty in general. Don’t have kids if you can’t afford a great life for them.
Image source: Striking-Kiwi-417, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#17
Avoiding my dad when I could tell that he was angry.
Image source: Altoid_Addict, Siavash Ghanbari / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#18
Being ‘spanked’ with a leather belt doubled over.
I had broke yard sticks and wooden spoons so.. they ‘had’ to find something g else.
I don’t even remember what I did wrong?!… I know I was a ‘bad kid’ but I honestly don’t remember doing bad things. 🤷🏻♀️.
Image source: Neither-Attention940, Hermes Rivera / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#19
Pretty much my entire childhood, it wasn’t normal to be at the pub till close on a school night with the local alcoholics helping me with my homework,
It wasn’t normal to be kicked out of the pub and be taking to the complete strangers house so it they could carry on drinking.
It wasn’t normal to beg your mum while crying to turn the music down so you could get some sleep.
It wasnt normal for the kids at school to push you down the stairs or follow you home throwing rocks and rubbish at you.
That most kids didn’t get themselves up for school, skipping breakfast cuz you couldn’t reach the cereal, then carefully pick your way past the needles, glass and human s**t to get out of the estate so you could get there.
Image source: ProperDustySombrero, Victor Clime / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#20
Unintentionally traumatic: “They’re just bullying you because they’re jealous of how smart/pretty you are!”
Oh cool, make me feel ashamed of my positive traits AND it’s my fault for getting bullied for existing. Win-win!
Image source: HolidayInLordran, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#21
Having my hair chopped off because I wasn’t taking care of it to my mother’s standards.
I was 6, and had very long, very curly hair. Of course I struggled to take care of it!
Image source: ellieellieoxenfree, ManuelTheLensman / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#22
My mom yelling at me when I was hurt or sick instead of being nurturing. She has bad anxiety and doesn’t handle stressful situations well. This has lead me to crave a ton of sympathy/attention when I’m sick as an adult.
Image source: NearlyZeroBeams, Annie Spratt / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#23
Anytime I brought up something my mom did that I didn’t like or was uncomfortable with I was told that never happened. In fact she still does it. It’s really messed with my memory because now I have a hard time remembering what actually happened and what I was told happened and what I was told didn’t happen. They are all sorta mixed up in there.
Image source: Dobbys_Other_Sock, Ivonne Lecou / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#24
Being told to suck it up, boys don’t complain when they get hurt or sick.
Image source: Azari18, Kateryna Hliznitsova / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#25
I wouldn’t say I’m traumatized from it, but I realized I’m a people pleaser because my father never showed me that he was proud of me when I was younger. His attitude towards my achievements would lead me to believe they were expectations more than things to be proud of.
It was an internal conflict I struggled with throughout my teen years and into my early 20’s, but I’m glad to say I’ve been working on it since recognizing the root cause of my people pleasing.
Image source: GlitteringLook3033, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#26
So apparently obsessively praying to not go to hell is a disorder.
Image source: Oddish_Femboy, Josue Michel / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#27
Being told we (mom dad and I)can’t leave my uncle’s house when we were about to leave from a family dinner until I gave my uncle a kiss on the cheek.
Image source: heathen16, Isaac Quesada / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#28
Having emotionally volitile parents does a ton of damage. When kids can’t predict the moods of their parents it leads to heightened threat scanning behaviour and people pleasing. These tendencies cause tons of self esteem and burnout issues later in adulthood.
Parents, from a therapist, I beg you to be more emotionally consistent with your kids. And stop being children yourselves about this stuff. Ive had grown a*s adults in my room jealous of and angry at their own children because the kids take attention away from them with their partner. It’s a mess. And have some boundaries. Your kids are not your therapist.
Image source: CombustiblSquid, Curated Lifestyle / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#29
Being told that a boy trying to kiss/touch me in school & making me very uncomfortable/scared was just because he had a crush on me.
Image source: peteetchou, Andrej Lišakov / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#30
My mom would go into these insane cleaning frenzies where you got yelled at if you didn’t suddenly start cleaning along with her. As soon as you heard the vacuum, you knew she was gonna be in a terrible mood. Day ruined for sure.
Whenever my partner vacuums, I get really upset no matter how many times she tells me she’s not mad.
Image source: im_dylan_it, Kateryna Hliznitsova / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#31
I don’t know if traumatized is the right word, but the way nobody expected anything good out of me. Growing up I was always told “you’re not ready” or “how are YOU going to be able to handle that” especially when it came to big dreams or life milestones (telling everyone I’d never be ready to drive or I’d never be able to keep a job yet they’re the only ones who kept me from those things) it really did a hit on my self esteem and it’s still nearly impossible to do things that feel too “big”.
Image source: No_Software3786, Carolina / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#32
“Stop crying. Your brothers are just being boys.”.
Image source: amoodymermaid, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#33
Falling asleep under my bed instead of in it because it was safer down there, and I wasn’t allowed to wake my parents up if I was scared.
Image source: brattykattea, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#34
Really mild, but my pulse still shoots up whenever I hear my mother walk or breathe heavily, since that’s what she did before what we kids called a “cleaning rampage”, in which she angrily and bitterly cleaned my two little sisters’ messes while blaming me and my big sister for it. I used to dig through the trash to retrieve the things of mine she threw away because she hated “junk” and “I wouldn’t even notice”. I thought I was a bad, messy kid. Nope, turns out she had impossible standards for cleanliness with four little kids running around and she’s so much happier now that she’s accepted she cannot maintain that.
Image source: LadyCordeliaStuart, Andrej Lišakov / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#35
Waking up to find my guinea pig gone one morning after I wasn’t able to understand some of her behavior and started complaining. My father likely put her out in the woods and let her become food for a predator. I didn’t say anything because I knew it wouldn’t have mattered to my dad.
Later I always felt such guilt and thought that if I just kept my mouth shut she wouldn’t have had that done to her.
Image source: Rabbitrules87, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#36
My mom taking me to a juvenile detention center at age 12 or so and having the warden threaten to lock me up because I wouldn’t do my homework. It wasn’t until I told a friend that story and saw her reaction that I realized lol.
Image source: LeaChan, Joshua Hoehne / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#37
Being worried about food and money.
Image source: Upstairs_TipToe
#38
Being raised where any first attempts at doing anything should not have any imperfections or problems (while not having a source to learn from).
Always expected to be on-call to fix anything and everything (again without a source to learn from) that’s thrown at me. Oh, and at the same time being refused help every time I asked for it.
The whole “children should be seen but not heard” and “we are raising adults, not kids”.
End result: only 2 of the 8 kids have ever interact with parents anymore. Lol.
Image source: Own-Masterpiece5714, Vitolda Klein / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#39
When my father was angered by my brother and my behavior he would take his leather belt and whip us across the back of our legs. I also got my ears and hair pulled by him a lot as a child. he was a real d**k. Now he sits at home by himself because no one wants to socialize with him.
Image source: ojait2, L S / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#40
Being yelled at in my face drill sergeant style, with added poking on forehead as well.
Image source: randomlady2001, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
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