Ever thought you had your life figured out, only to find out there’s a hidden plot twist in your own family? Like turning 15 and realizing that the “family” you knew was actually missing a sibling you never even knew existed.
Today’s Original Poster (OP) didn’t just find out that he had an older brother he never knew, he also found out he had a neurocognitive disorder and was expected to take care of him in case something happened to their parents. However, when he refused, his twin sister’s accusations left him wondering if he was being unfair.
More info: Reddit
Imagine thinking your family life is perfectly normal, only to discover that there’s a whole sibling you never knew existed
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Until age 15, the author believed he only had a twin sister, but his parents revealed an older brother with a severe neurocognitive disorder who had been living in care facilities
Image credits: TA5045
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
While his sister chose to build a relationship with their older brother, he remained distant, seeing him as a stranger due to minimal contact
Image credits: TA5045
Image credits: stockking / Freepik (not the actual photo)
After a recent health scare with their father, the parents discussed future caregiving plans, prompting him to state he would not take responsibility for his brother
Image credits: TA5045
This left his sister upset, as she felt morally obligated to care for their brother and resented his lack of involvement
Until he was 15, the OP thought his only sibling was his twin sister, so when his parents revealed an older brother who had spent most of his life in specialized care due to a severe neurocognitive disorder, he was shocked.
The brother’s condition made him entirely dependent on others, so his parents had been diligent, covering expensive care and visiting regularly, but he had rarely been part of the family’s everyday life, to the point that even extended relatives knew nothing about him.
While the OP shrugged off the revelation, his twin sister actively joined parental visits and tried to create a bond with their older brother. Unfortunately, their father had a health scare that triggered serious conversations about the future. His parents wanted to ensure their older son’s care if they passed away.
The OP, who saw the brother as a stranger and had only even seen him three times, was unwilling to shoulder the responsibilities or financial burden of his care but was willing to handle administrative tasks. Meanwhile, his sister felt the responsibility should be shared equally. When he didn’t budge, the sister accused him of not loving and caring for their brother.
Image credits: cookie_studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The beginning of it all was a family secret. Family secrets can significantly affect both individuals and the family as a whole, and Psych Central acknowledges this. They state that when important information is deliberately hidden within the family, the revelation can be shocking and destabilizing and often leads to suspicion, resentment, and a breakdown of trust among family members.
The OP finding himself in this moral dilemma after the revelation is normal. Philosophy Now affirms that deciding whether to care for a disabled sibling involves complex ethical considerations influenced by personal, family, and cultural factors. While it is morally commendable for siblings to share caregiving responsibilities, it is not strictly required.
Instead, setting boundaries is also recommended. Mobilise emphasizes that setting boundaries while deciding to care for a disabled sibling is essential for protecting your mental and emotional well-being, and that involves clearly defining what you can and cannot do and communicating openly with your family.
They also note that it’s important to recognize your limits and be honest about them, while also showing empathy for your sibling’s needs. Saying no or limiting involvement doesn’t mean neglect; rather, it ensures that caregiving is sustainable and that your own health is prioritized alongside your sibling’s care.
Netizens sympathized strongly with the OP, arguing that he was not at fault for feeling detached from a brother he barely knew. In fact, they placed the responsibility squarely on his parents, criticizing them for keeping the sibling a secret for so long and essentially denying him a chance at a natural family bond.
Do you agree with this? Should the OP’s parents be blamed more for the strained relationship? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens leaned toward seeing the author as understandably conflicted rather than morally wrong, as they insisted he had no obligation to take care of his brother
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