First crushes are a beautiful, awkward, and usually fleeting part of the teenage experience. You watch your kid navigate the clumsy world of romance, offering gentle advice and trying not to be too embarrassing. It’s a sweet, low-stakes preview of the person they’re becoming.
But for some over-the-top parents, that first innocent crush can spell a binding, lifelong contract. They think this one choice will dictate their child’s entire future. For one father, the fact that his son’s new girlfriend uses a wheelchair was enough to trigger a full-blown panic about a future that was, at this point, entirely imaginary.
More info: Reddit
A teenager’s first crush is a beautiful, awkward, and usually harmless milestone
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After a 13-year-old started dating the ‘prettiest girl in school,’ he eagerly shared the news with his parents
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
But when dad learned that the girl was in a wheelchair, he had a full-blown panic attack about his son’s future
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Image credits: Wavebreak Media / Freepik (not the actual photo)
His wife called his ableist fears ‘silly,’ and he exploded in a rage instead of seeing his neurotic fear as the problem that it is
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It was later revealed that he was projecting his own brother’s ‘cautionary tale’ of a high school romance onto his unsuspecting son
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The mom calmly dismantled his flawed logic with two simple questions, leaving him speechless and slightly regretful
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She asked if the dad knew anyone else who married their first crush, and also if he would have still dated her if she were in a wheelchair
Lucas was your average 13-year-old, simply excited to tell his folks about his new girlfriend. Yuki was the “prettiest girl in school,” and he thought he had hit the jackpot. The mom, hearing her son gush about how “cool” and “pretty” she was, was thrilled for him. The dad, James, also seemed fine with it, at least at first. But there was one detail that was about to send James into a full-blown parental panic: Yuki is in a wheelchair.
Later that night, the dad’s cool facade crumbled. He cornered his wife, expressing a flurry of “concerns” about their son, not knowing what he’s getting himself into. When his wife, completely baffled by his ableist freak-out, called him “silly,” he got mad, and an unexpected conflict was born in their household.
His wife pushed him to explain his bizarre reaction, forcing him to admit he was projecting a very specific family trauma onto his son. His own brother had met his wife in high school, and their relationship was apparently a cautionary tale in his mind. Because Lucas had also admitted to his dad that he was “in love,” James was fast-forwarding this innocent, teenage crush into a lifelong commitment.
The mom dismantled her husband’s entire argument with two brilliant questions. First, could he name anyone else who married their high school sweetheart? (He couldn’t). Second, would he have chased her if she had been in a wheelchair? (He admitted he probably would have). This, combined with a sweet conversation with her son, has thankfully brought her husband back to reality.
The mother, ever the voice of reason, knows that teenage love is a fleeting, if beautiful, thing. Her son is happy, her husband is “coming around,” and she’s ready to just let her son enjoy his first, innocent crush without the weight of his father’s projected anxieties.
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The husband’s entire panic is based on a statistically flawed premise. His fear that this relationship will inevitably lead to a premature, life-altering marriage is an extreme outlier, not the norm. According to a wide range of studies, only about 2% of marriages are between high school sweethearts. His emotional reasoning is overriding statistical reality, and he will drive himself nuts with this way of thinking!
His “concerns” are explained by Psychology Today as a typical case of parental projection. Parents often project their own anxieties about the future or their own past experiences onto their kids. The father isn’t really worried about his son’s future. Instead, he’s re-litigating his own family’s history, and in doing so, he is placing an unfair and unnecessary burden on his son’s first experience with romance.
In contrast, the son’s reaction to Yuki is a beautiful and natural example of a child who has not yet been tainted by societal prejudice. Education resources remind us that “ableism” is a learned behavior, a set of biases against people with disabilities. Lucas’s ability to see Yuki as just a “super cool and super pretty” girl, without even mentioning her wheelchair at first, is a sign that he sees her as a whole person, not just a disability.
The mother’s approach is conscious parenting done right! She is actively protecting her son from his father’s projected anxiety and his ableist views. By giving her son the space to be excited and to explore his feelings without judgment, she is fostering an environment of acceptance and teaching him that his own heart is a more reliable guide than his father’s fears.
How would you have handled this dad’s wild point of view? Share your thoughts in the comments!
The internet gave this mom the “parent of the year” award for her open-minded and calm approach to this potentially damaging fallout
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