Few experiences change a couple’s life as significantly as the arrival of their first child. Suddenly, days are filled with diaper changes, late-night feedings, and sleep deprivation.
On r/TrueOffMyChest, a Reddit user known as Street-Level-7850 shared his struggles during this turbulent time, but they weren’t caused by the baby; rather, they stemmed from his wife’s difficulty caring for it.
The man’s post offers a raw glimpse into the challenges of figuring out parenthood together, showing how even spouses who love each other deeply can find themselves thrust into unexpected conflict.
This man enjoyed feeling smarter than his wife
Image credits: EmilyStock/Freepik (not the actual photo)
But after a month with their newborn, he found himself losing patience with her
Image credits: EyeEm/Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Street-Level-7850
‘Mom brain’ is a real thing
Image credits: EyeEm/Freepik (not the actual photo)
“When I was pregnant with my first child, I thought pregnancy was a one-time, transient hormonal event, and that when [my daughter] was born, I would just go back to myself,” says Lucy Jones, a journalist and author of Matrescence: On the Metamorphosis of Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood.
“But that’s just not what it is at all. It’s actually the most dramatic, seismic, endocrinological, and neurobiological experience you can have in adult life.”
According to her, it’s common knowledge that women undergo massive hormonal shifts on their way to becoming a mom, but there’s been a lack of research into new moms’ brains until very recently.
However, several groundbreaking neuroscience studies have been published in the past few years. One demonstrated that pregnancy leads to significant structural and functional changes in the brain, while another showed alterations to gray matter in certain areas of pregnant women’s brains.
With time, however, challenges can bring out the best in us
Image credits: Drazen Zigic/Freepik (not the actual photo)
During the early postpartum period, the learning curve is immense and as we just saw from the Reddit story, this phase can feel overwhelming. But one study suggests that if the cognitive challenges present during this time are continued across someone’s lifespan (meaning, they are actively parenting for many years), it can actually be beneficial for brain health later in life.
Study author Edwina Orchard, a postdoctoral research associate at the Yale Child Study Center at Yale University, says novelty and complexity, and cognitive challenge are very stimulating, and with another paper, Orchard has even shown that the more children someone has parented, the younger their brain looks—and that middle-aged parents actually have quicker response times and better visual memories than their childless counterparts.
And it’s not just humans going through it. In a study published in 2019, researchers discovered that female rodents got better at completing mazes after they weaned their pups, which supports the notion that, with time, mothers’ brains improve.
So, as difficult as it seems now, perhaps the dad should have more trust in his wife and the process?
People have had a lot of reactions to the story, with many saying it’s too soon to judge the wife
The author of the post responded to the comments, emphasizing that he truly loves his wife
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