Every marriage goes through ups and downs, highs and lows, and plenty of mundane in-betweens. Because living with another person and meshing your lives together is no walk in the park, no matter how much you love each other. All coupledoms encounter the occasional bumps in the road, after all. But when you throw problems in your physical relationship into the mix, it’s a whole new level of complicated.
This is what happened to Redditor redditthrowaway121, who reached out to the AITA community asking if he had been too harsh to his wife after she started showcasing detachment in their marriage. As the man detailed in his confession, she seemed to slip into a pattern of letting the physical part of their marriage fall by the wayside.
Feeling hurt and frustrated by the loss of intimacy in their relationship, the man finally snapped, threatening to “get it somewhere else”. The story caused an immediate backlash from people who jumped at the chance to deem a verdict. Scroll down to find the story in full and see some of the replies from readers. Then be sure to decide where you land on the matter, and feel free to let us know your thoughts down below as well.
After his wife consistently refused to show intimacy in their marriage, this husband finally snapped and threatened to “get it somewhere else”
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)
Unsure of how he handled the situation, he reached out to the internet for advice
Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)
Later on, the user clarified a few details about the situation
Image credits: redditthrowaway121
The story caused quite a commotion in the AITA community. Readers immediately took the chance to share their opinions about the matter, with some siding with the user and others deeming his actions completely inappropriate. However, in the end, the vast majority determined that both sides are at fault here, as the wife could show at least some effort in untangling the issues in their relationship, and the man should reconsider making threats and ultimatums like that.
We’ve all been long told that a successful and healthy marriage takes hard work. But when one partner is completely uninvolved in the physical part of your relationship, it may be hard to know how to cope. This can certainly lead to heated arguments, irrational behaviors, and hurtful words that can harm a relationship to the point of irreparable damage.
However, conflicts like this one are more common than you may imagine. Research from the sociology department at Georgia State University in the US found that 15% of married couples have not had sex with their spouse within the past six to 12 months. Lack of intimacy in relationships is real, whether it already started this way or the passion faded somewhere along the way.
To gain some insight from an expert, we reached out to John Kenny, a relationship empowerment coach, host of The Relationship Guy podcast, and author of The P.E.O.P.L.E. Programme: How to Overcome Your Blocks to Success. According to him, there are many reasons why the physical part of a relationship can face issues. “It could be that someone has low self-worth or esteem, that they have experienced abuse or that they feel uncomfortable with that part of a relationship.”
Even if there were no problems at the beginning, people might allow affection to leave the relationship during the years they spend together. “When we first meet someone, we have a rush of hormones and are in the ‘in lust’ phase of the relationship. These hormones are intended to create connections so that we can get together and have babies,” Kenny told Bored Panda. “These lessen over time and so the physical urges slow down.”
“As you spend more time with someone, the excitement can fade and things become mundane and familiar, the effort to impress wears off, and therefore, so can the passion.”
But the relationship coach pointed out that intimacy is a crucial part of a relationship and can cause problems for one or both parties whenever it wanes. “The person withdrawing can be struggling internally and this will have wider implications,” Kenny explained. “The other party could feel rejected, unloved or unwanted, triggering this and other issues that will put a strain on the relationship.”
Moreover, experiencing problems in your physical bond can make one partner feel undesired. It can also impact their self-worth and self-confidence, “which can lead to issues elsewhere in their lives. Resentments can build and so things that weren’t a problem can get blown out of proportion leading to regular tensions and fallouts.”
Thankfully, it’s possible to rekindle intimacy back in the relationship, but it does take effort from both partners. “Communication is key to getting the passion back,” Kenny told us. “Understanding what each other needs and what is going on for them is imperative.”
Begin with a lengthy and honest conversation about your partner’s needs, desires, expectations, and fears. “Are they stressed, overwhelmed or distracted by other things? Start making time for each other and increase the levels of intimacy,” coach Kenny suggested. “This rebuilds the physical familiarity you have lost and closer bonds start to reconnect.”
“Talk about fantasies and things that will turn each other on. Where possible, put them into practice,” he added. “If there is a hormonal issue, such as lack of testosterone, then seek medical assistance as in most cases this can be remedied.”
While communicating with your partner about the issues in your relationship is crucial, you also need to have a genuine chat with yourself. “Understand what is going on within you that means you may have backed off. Are there unresolved issues within you that need addressing?”
“Once you have discussed how you are both feeling, what you want and need, and your own personal blocks are removed, then move forward together. Passion usually dies, but a deeper feeling of connection makes the whole experience so much better anyway,” Kenny said.
We’d love to hear your thoughts about the whole incident in the comments below. Do you think the wife should step up and show more interest in her marriage? Or should the husband find healthier ways to communicate his wishes in their relationship? Feel free to share your takes, stories from your personal lives, and any tips on how you would handle this scenario in the comments below.
The story caused a stir online as people jumped to the comments to share a mix of reactions, here’s what they had to say
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