Some of the categories are: Booze, Cigars, Strippers, Fear For Our Lives, Mind-Blowing Entertainment, Karate Kid Appearance, “Alone time” for me during strip show, Tell Crazy Sex Stories.
In the present Barney tells Robin his life is perfect. They have plans to have dinner with Barney’s Mom but first he has to drop off the catering deposit. He’ll meet them at dinner. Barney gets outside only to get kidnapped by Marshall and Ted for his surprise bachelor party.
Barney calls Robin to tell her he isn’t going to make dinner and he is sorry. He tries to call his Mom to cancel but it is too late, she is already at the restaurant.
The boys get to Atlantic City, or rather a hotel outside of Atlantic City, they don’t want to temp Barney’s gambling habit. They have the booze and cigars covered so next on the list is Fear For Our Lives. They cover this by watching The Inconvenient Truth and taking a shot every time they hear the word “catastrophic.” Barney is less than impressed with this idea. He is momentarily distracted by a call from Robin to yell at him for telling his Mom she is a virgin. This leads to Barney’s Mom showing Robin the fundamentals of sex with a breadstick and a napkin ring. It is as disturbing as it sounds. Barney is sorry but he has to go.
Next on the list is Mind Blowing Entertainment something the boys interpret as a clown/mime that makes balloon animals.
Barney is ready to leave when there is a knock on the door. It is Lily with The Karate Kid Appearance. She actually has Ralph Macchio with her. Turns out, not surprisingly, Barney admired Will Zabka not Ralph Macchio. He can’t stand Ralph Macchio, even though he is quite a bit like Barney.
Seeing how much he bothers Barney, Ralph Macchio decides to hang around to see how this night turns out.
There is another knock on the door, this time it is the stripper who is none other than Quinn in a Police “uniform”. She is mad that Barney is engaged less than a year after they were together. Quinn’s life hasn’t gone so well after they broke up and she refuses to strip for Barney. She will strip for everyone else, just not Barney. So he has to sit in the bathroom while Quinn does her thing in the other room.
While poor Barney is in the bathroom lisenting to the revelry going on in the bedroom he gets another call from Robin, She finally came clean and told Barney’s Mom she wasn’t a virgin. Now Barney’s Mom is holding up a napkin ring and three breadsticks. She had a night with Crosby, Stills and Nash. Barney says he will be home soon.
He goes out into the bedroom to tell them this is the worst bachelor party ever and he is going home. They head home with everyone including, Ralph Macchio, the clown and Quinn. On the return trip Ralph goads Barney into gambling and Barney just can’t resist. He pulls out the catering deposit and promptly loses all $5K. More goading from Ralph Macchio and Barney loses $80K that he just borrowed from the mob running the casino.
Again they head home but they don’t seem to have Marshall with them. Turns out Barney used Marshall as collateral. Barney assures Lily he is going to go back for Marshal after he gets some money.
When Barney gets home Robin is waiting on the sidewalk. She had to pour Barney’s Mom into a cab and she is mad about how her night turned out. She doesn’t get too yell at him too much though because Quinn hops out of the car and tells Barney she is going to need her regular fee. Robin physically attacks Quinn, says this is unforgivable and throws Barney’s ring at him before storming away. All while Ralph Macchio looks on with glee.
Robin gets around the corner and calls Ted, “Ted its Robin. We are right on schedule.” She grins.
Quinn runs up to Robin and they jump up and down at the fact that Barney is almost suicidal. So that’s nice.
Turns out this is the plan, it started three weeks ago when Barney told them they would for sure disappoint him but they should try their best to plan a bachelor party anyway. They can’t decide how to make a memorable night for a guy that lives every night like it is the best night. Robin declares they will make it his worst night.
Cue ,The Barney, worst hotel, worst entertainment, worst Karate Kid and the last stripper Barney would want to see. Get Barney’s arch nemesis (Ralph Macchio) to goad him into gambling where Robin has talked the casino into rigging the game Barney plays so he would lose.
Everything was staged, even the bad dinner with Barney’s Mom.
The finale is Marshall and the mobsters pulling up in a black sedan where, in front of Barney, they chop off Marshall’s hand and drag Barney up to his apartment where everyone is waiting to yell, “Surprise!”
They decided to give him everything on the list of things he wanted for his Bro Mitzvah in the most twisted way possible. Barney loves it. He thinks this was awesome! He thanks everyone for an incredible Bro Mitzvah. Barney says the only problem is they didn’t get the real Karate Kid. That’s when the clown speaks. He starts to take his make-up off and says Barney is one of the few people who really got The Karate Kid. It’s William Zabka. Barney is ecstatic.
Looks like Robin really is perfect for Barney.
How I Met Your Mother airs Monday 8/9c on CBS