I am a HUGE fan of bad dad jokes! I tell them to anyone and everyone, and the more groans and eye-rolls I get, the better! Throw yours into the ring for a joke-off of epic proportions! I’ll go first: Why did the old grape become a rancher? Because he was so good at raisin’ the steaks!
#1
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
#2
Why did the old man fall down the well?
He couldn’t see that well
#3
A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit looks at the others and says “I think I’m a typo.”
#4
what’s brown and stickey?
a stick
#5
Why did the scarecrow win the award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
#6
What do you call a white drunken rhinoceros? An albino wino rhino.
#7
What did the tomato say to his son when they went on a walk?
Ketchup son you’ll be left behind
#8
What’s Medusa’s favorite cheese?
Gorgon-zola
#9
My Dad would say before a dance You can dance cheek to cheek or turn around and face each other
#10
A dung beetle walks into a bar. Looks around and decides to leave. All the stools were taken.
#11
Three pieces of string walk into a bar.
The first piece of string goes up and asks for three beers.
The barkeep says. “Are you a piece of string?”
The String replies “yes”
“Sorry… we don’t serve string here.”
The second piece of string tries his luck.
“Are you a piece of string?”
“Yes…”
“Sorry, we don’t serve string here.”
Before the third piece of string goes up to the bar, he goes into the restroom and twists himself up and one end and fluffs out his edges.
He goes up to the bar and asks “Can I have three beers please”
The Barkeep eyes him suspiciously. “Are you a piece of string?”
“No… I’m a frayed knot”
#12
Kid: “dad I’m hungry”
Dad:”I’m Austria the country nextdoor”
Kid:”How long until dinner”
Dad:”about 3 and a half foot”
Kid:”Am I adopted?”
Dad:”if I had a choice do you reckon I’d would’ve picked you?”
These are all joke my dad says lol
#13
Two ppl are arguing abt Orion’s Belt. One says it’s just a waist of space *badum tiss*
I’m sorry that joke is only a 3 star.
#14
Me: Hey Dad i’m hungry
Dad: Hey hungry i’m Dad
#15
Me: *Turns on Call Me Maybe*
My Dad: Why does she want to be called Maybe?
And that is my favorite bad dad joke. Actually, I have another one.
Me: *Listening to Savage Love*
My Dad: *singing along* SHELLFISH LOVE
That’s my two favorite Low Quality Dad Jokes™
#16
Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines!
#17
My all time favorite joke is kinda a dad joke. So a lion and a giraffe walk into a bar and order a ton of drinks. The giraffe gets drunk and falls down. The lion gets up and the bartender says “Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there” to which the lion replies, “that’s not a lion, that’s a giraffe” lol never fails to make me laugh.
#18
What is the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind as it flies into the car driving down the highway? It’s butt
#19
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to your house!
*say it like its absolutely hilarious, and then a minute or so later say…*
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
The chicken!!!
#20
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9
But why did 7 do that you ask? Well, you should have 3 squared meals per day
#21
So a father walks in and catches his son masturbating and he says son if you keep beating that thing you’re going to go blind he said Dad I’m over here
#22
What do you call a ship that lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers……… A nervous wreck.
#23
Are you freezing? Go to the corner there it is 90 degrees
#24
What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth hurty.
#25
What did the hyena say when she saw the five elephants coming up the hill?
“here comes the five elephants up the hill !”
What did the hyena say when she saw the five elephants coming up with sunglasses ?
Nothing, she didn’t recognize them.
#26
Why did a scarecrow win an award?
.
.
because he was outstanding in his field!
#27
What do you call a well-dressed fish?
So-fish-ticated!
#28
Hey, did you know male bees die after mating? So their whole life is Honey, Nut, Cheerio.
#29
Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. Coincidence? I think not…
#30
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
You have my Word.
#31
What part of the body dies last?
The pupils. They dilate.
#32
I go to my favorite band’s concerts and stand next to them and blow. I’m a big fan.
#33
Sweden recently started putting barcode on their fleet of ships. It’s so they can Scandinavian.
#34
What do mice use to floss their teeth? String cheese! (I work for a dental office)
#35
What word starts with “F” and ends with “uck”?
Firetruck
#36
Why did the coffee cup go to the police station?
He was mugged.
#37
Put the kettle on! It doesn’t fit. I love my dad.
#38
why do Bears have a hairy coats?
Fur Protection
#39
Dad: What do you call a dog with no legs
Son: I don’t know
Dad: A dog with no legs!
Son: *Under breath how did I not see that coming*
#40
Him: why did the chicken cross the street?
Me: idk why?
Him: To get the Chinese Newspaper! … do you get it?
Me: No
Him: Me neither, I get the (insert local newspaper)
#41
What’s the difference between an old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean.
#42
This is a long one….
Three workers sit down for lunch. They all open their lunch boxes and groan.
‘oh no’ says the first one, ‘not cheese again!’
‘oh no!’ says the second one ‘not honey again!’
‘oh no’ says the third one ‘not marmite again!’
The next day, they open their lunches, and it’s the same again. this time, they all decide that, if they have the same again tomorrow, they’re all running away. The day after, they all have the same sandwiches again, and all run away. The next day, their partners meet up to comisserate.
‘Its my fault’ said the first one’s partner ‘ that was one cheese sandwich too many.’
‘Its my fault.’ said the second one’s partner ‘ that was one honey sandwich too many’
‘I don’t know what happened’ said the third ones partner ‘he made his own lunches!’
**Apologies for the clunky phrasing, the original was quite sexist
#43
Shall I tell you the joke about the empty house?
No, there’s nothing in it
Shall I tell you the joke about the body snatchers?
No, you might get carried away
#44
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie into it.
#45
What do you get when you put your hand in a blender? A handshake lol
#46
Do you know the difference between girl babies and boy babies???? Blue booties.
#47
What did the mermaid wear to math class?
An algae bra.
#48
There was a balloon that had to go to hospital.
The nurse asked him to pop up on the bed.
#49
Why did the chicken walk half-way across the road? She wanted to lay it on the line.
#50
Who can run faster, Usain Bolt or a Grizzly?
A grizzly, they can run bear fast.
#51
I used to have an invisible pencil but I got rid of it, could see the point of it.
#52
I used to have a broken pencil but I got rid of it, it was pointless.
#53
I have two
1) what did one sea say to the other sea. Nothing it just waved
2) how heavy is darkness. I don’t know but I do know it sure isn’t light
sorry if they’re bad
#54
#55
Paddy is interviewing for a job as a construction worker. “Well,” says the interviewer, “You certainly seem strong and healthy enough for the job. Just a quick check to see what your knowledge is like. Can you tell me the difference between a joist and a girder?” “Sure and that’s an easy one!” replies Paddy. “Joist wrote Ulysses, whereas Girder erote Faust.”
#56
Your mama
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