Kids are the future. One day, we’ll all be old and gray while our generation’s children or grandchildren are the CEOs, politicians, doctors, scientists and educators making the world go round. Every loving parent works hard to ensure that their kids grow up to be productive, empathetic and well-adjusted individuals, but despite our best intentions, sometimes dangerous ideas find a way to permeate these young minds.
Last week, Reddit user Savings-Actuator-571 started a conversation by posing the question, “What harmful ideas are being taught to children?” And thousands of people weighed in with ideas they heard as kids or have observed being taught to other children. Whether these lessons are taught intentionally to protect kids or learned through society and media, it’s important that adults are aware of what ideas are being taught so we can either shut down these messages or steer children in the right direction.
Below, you’ll find a list of some of these harmful ideas being sold to kids, so you can know what to look out for or what ideas to avoid accidentally passing on yourself. Be sure to upvote the responses you particularly resonate with, and then let us know in the comments what other harmful messages you’ve seen taught to children. Then if you’re interested in reading Bored Panda’s last article on the same topic, you can find it right here.
#1
Abstinence only sex education. Seriously, teens are going to have sex, even when told not to. Teaching them to be safe while doing it is not going to increase the odds of them f*****g…. It is just going to decrease teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.
Image source: CylonsInAPolicebox, Hayley Murray
#2
“Anyone in this classroom able to play piano?” An elementary school teacher asks.
Nobody raise a hand until this one little girl doubtfully raise her hand.
“Really? You can play piano? Please show us how you play.”
With a heart pounding so hard like it’s never before, the little girl plays a simple classic song. Definitely not perfect; missed notes here and there but she keeps going. After she finished playing, the teacher says “What was that? It’s not a real song. Anyone else able to play piano?” Everybody laugh. Later, the little girl begging her parents to let her quit her piano lessons.
It happens to me when I was about 8 years old.
If people are wondering why kids are mean and bully, the answer is: adults taught them to be.
Image source: Big-Bell6898, Klara Kulikova
#3
Your parents are always right.
Image source: holaxamigo, Benjamin Manley
#4
I used to work at a movie theater back in the day and I’ll never forget witnessing a kid pick up their trash on their way out like a responsible person and their mother instructing them to put it back down because it is not their responsibility. Probably way more harmful things being taught to kids, but the story just came back to my mind.
Image source: mrada34, Jasmin Sessler
#5
That anyone you spend time with of the opposite sex is automatically your boy/girlfriend. Instills the idea that you can only be friends with those of the same gender as you, which is messed up.
“What did you do at break time today?”
“I had fun playing with Sarah.”
“Oooh, is Sarah your girlfriend?”
Image source: MegaMachina, Alvin Mahmudov
#6
“Boys don’t cry!”
Image source: VeryCreativeSwede, Annie Spratt
#7
That questioning authority is a bad thing.
Image source: Spluff5, Hunters Race
#8
That if someone teases/bullies you, that person may like you. Basically teaching kids at a young age that it’s ‘ok’ when someone is being mean and rude to you.
Image source: ohmystelena, James Sutton
#9
Welp time to get downvoted.
I’m a proponent against bubble wrapping kids feelings. I’m not saying let’s bully and abuse the children, but we don’t let them feel tough things anymore. And I’m not here to get political or anything. I’m just saying, kids aren’t encouraged to explore trails of thought without acting on them, they’re not encouraged to be scared or push themselves physically and mentally, they’re not encouraged to challenge status quo and I mean real status quo, not the whole “society will tell you this but don’t listen little timmy” meanwhile every other kid is being told that thing and not doing it. Yes let kids laugh, but also let them know it’s okay to cry, and if they want to hold back the tears sometimes, that’s okay too, just, don’t go your whole life trying to keep things “good”. Bad things in our lives make us better sometimes and we don’t always have to suppress that as terrible as it sounds.
Image source: AdventureEngineer
#10
Finish everything on your plate!
Image source: 88TacocaT88, Ella Olsson
#11
Not specifically taught, but moreso an effect of how we teach kids.
Smart and gifted kids in school aren’t challenged enough. Those that do very well, even in a specific subject instead of overall, aren’t taught proper work ethic because they excel already and don’t need to work as hard. Since they aren’t challenged early, they don’t learn how to work when challenged, and they end up doing poorly in school later in life. I know it’s hard to do, but we really need to be aware that we’re setting kids up to fail when we don’t properly challenge them.
Image source: Damurph01, Kenny Eliason
#12
That EVERYONE should go to college. Such BS.
This is the myth that school districts use to justify the near total elimination of vocation programs.
Image source: Edward_the_Dog, Dom Fou
#13
“Tattling” is bad. That kind of mentality is what leads adults to say nothing when they hear/see domestic violence and various forms of neglect, because its “not their business”.
Image source: MooshAro
#14
that crying is bad. parents don’t learn to regulate their own emotions and expect their kids to do it. then they start suppressing crying. and then they grow to be adults with zero emotional regulation. it’s a cycle.
Image source: lonelysof, Zhivko Minkov
#15
Teaching them they’re responsible for how other people feel “mommy is so sad you won’t hug her” child then feels obligated to hug her to make her feel better. Think about what this means as an adult…
Image source: Cellar_door_1, Hisu lee
#16
you have to respect ppl that are older than u, even if they are wrong
Image source: starlightforevr
#17
That saying you’re sorry is showing weakness.
Image source: jdith123, Caleb Woods
#18
They don’t have an opinion. I’m breaking generational curses by simply listening to my kids.
Image source: LovableLayla, Tim Mossholder
#19
The worst one I ever witnessed was a single father of a two year old girl who was leaving a social gathering with his daughter, as it was time for her to go to bed. He picked her up and walked her from one guest to the next, strangers and friends alike, making her give each guest a hug and a kiss goodnight. Whether she wanted to or not did not matter to him, she was going to do it because he thought he was teaching her to be polite. I pulled him aside and gave him my thoughts on what I saw. By making her kiss people she did not know, he was violating her boundaries and making it much easier for a pedophile to touch her inappropriately in the future. Not only might she not object, she may not talk about it either. Because an adult asked her to, meant it was expected of her, right? He was aghast at his own lack of foresight, thanked me for my perspective, and promptly ended the practice.
Image source: Afraid_Angle
#20
External validation.
Constantly chasing likes and followers. The unbearable weight of keeping up appearances. Lives and bodies that aren’t perfect seem to have no value.
Image source: MzFrazzle, Benjamin Dada
#21
I’m dyslexic, but no one would test me as a kid because my grades “weren’t low enough”. Nope, instead I had to be in tutorials for ALL OF ELEMENTARY, where I still wasn’t getting help/ understanding anything. I thought I was stupid until I found out about my dyslexia when I was in 7th grade. I cried all night. The idea that in order to be tested for something like dyslexia (which is really common!) you basically need to be failing is a really harmful idea to engrain into kids. Like I said, I though I was stupid because I couldn’t spell or understand math. Now I’m all A’s. Big difference it makes to just KNOW and get help. I never actually did get help or accommodations, btw. BUT, I’ve done my own research on how to help myself. So, yeah. There’s my 2 cents.
Image source: Aggressive_General_
#22
That you can do anything if you set your mind to it. Because it’s not true. There are external forces that can hinder us from reaching our goals. There’s privilege, and lack thereof. It doesn’t take just pure mindset to reach a goal.
Image source: feintou
#23
That a child can’t have boundaries because they are a kid.
Image source: FryingPanZ
#24
That they’re dumb and don’t know anything. Kids are incredibly bright and will call you out on your s**t.
Image source: publichotboxes
#25
1) Parents thinking mental health issues don’t exist
2) Parents are always right
3) If you question something that has been going on since long, you’re wrong
4) Religion.
Image source: Superior_Human_69
#26
That one shiny fish book in elementary “the rainbow fish”. Where the main character had all these beautiful scales, then the other fish got jealous of/resenting him. So he gave all his scales to everyone. It was suppose to teach kids about sharing?
From a disturbing metaphor involving—let me say it one more time—self-dismemberment to a message that basically says, “Don’t be special. If you are special, people will hate you for it and the only way to be happy is to shed yourself of that special trait,”
Image source: bunny7578
#27
“You NEED to have children!”
Image source: RantAgainstTheMan
#28
As I was leaving elementary school, they decided to implement some sort of “reading level”. You were not allowed to read a book that was higher than your “level”.
Now, for context, I am avid reader. I got an eighth grade level of reading. I was reading Sybil by sixth grade. However, I do not do well in subjects such as math because it doesn’t make sense to me.
So, we got tested and I got my score, a nice, high score. Something my parents would be proud of me for.
In the schools library, I go to grab a book I thought was interesting. A Secret Garden I think it was called? It was a high level, so of course, nine/ten year old me thought I was allowed to read it!
My goddamn fifth grade teacher yanked it from me, and I wasn’t allowed to read it because I wouldn’t understand it and gave me a picture book. I tried to protest and say I got a good level, but he said no, I didn’t and I was lying.
To this day, I hold massive resentment towards him and the system that says, “You can’t do this because you got a poor grade on it.” Think of how easily that could turn people away from doing things?! How many more kids could we get into reading if we didn’t say, “No, you can’t because you won’t understand.”
Then, if they won’t understand, help them. Teach them. Isn’t that why we’re here? To teach kids?
Anyways, I looked up a book I received for Christmas because I wanted to learn how to write reviews for autobiographies.
I’m disgusted to say that stupid level system is still around. The system is awful, we need to change it and start encouraging and, you know, being adults to our kids instead of letting things be as they are.
Image source: Good-Negotiation-272, Alfons Morales
#29
Telling kids they have to be nice to everyone. If people are mean to them they won’t fight back with that mindset. They need to know it’s okay to set boundaries without it being an issue. Respect and boundaries are so important for kids.
Zero tolerance policies in general are absolutely backwards.
Image source: Pure-Contract7101
#30
That all males are perverts and there are no female perverts
Image source: Extreme_Youth8773
#31
That they need to have everything lined up by age 16-18 and if they don’t, it’ll have serious consequences.
Bad grade? No one will ask about it in a couple years. No friends/social life? Get some new ones in college. Don’t know what to do with your life yet? Join the club, honey, we got jackets, most of us grownups aren’t sure either. The amount of high school kids I’ve seen beating themselves up, even having full breakdowns over all these things is honestly worrying. 18 is not a deadline. Your life isn’t set in its tracks forever by 20. Who on earth is teaching them these things?!
Image source: RubyleafIsHere
#32
That different is bad. That if I don’t understand it, there must be a conspiracy. If I don’t win, the opponent cheated.
Image source: Commercial_Cold7614
#33
That children can’t be sad. Children can be sad and as someone who had struggled with mental illness ever since I was 8, I can confirm. Children are humans just like us, they have emotions. You can be depressed even if your age isn’t in the double digits.
I would also like to add another one; the “It will get better” and “Just put on a happy face” mentality. Unfortunately, life is a b***h. It will not get better. **You** get better. Depression doesn’t fade away just because you are smiling. I wish it was that easy, but it isn’t.
Stop trying to reassure and make excuses for your child’s mental health. Actually, get your a*s up and help them.
Image source: imaginaryghost2, Guillaume de Germain
#34
That everything they’re good at/enjoy as a hobby needs to be monetized.
I played competitive piano and all the time was told “you’ll be a great teacher, work from home, etc.”
I liked making jewelry and was told “you should make lots of those then sell them at the local market/online/etc.
I liked writing poetry and short stories and was told “you should be a English tutor/newspaper columnist/sell your short stories /publish a poetry book”.
I have pretty much stopped doing all of those things, and if I do something creative nowadays, I keep it to myself because otherwise, me just enjoying something to enjoy it is judged as a waste of time if I’m not making money from it.
Image source: ZookeepergameSea3890
#35
That your right to privacy no longer exists. Lack of privacy is being normalized on all levels of society.
Parents posting every little picture of their child up til adulthood is so f****d up imo. They can’t consent to that and then their whole life history has been willingly given up by their own parents.
Government and big businesses should not be allowed to know every tiny detail about us. Listening/recording us will hurt all of us.
Image source: plzThinkAhead
#36
Staying quiet means good behavior
Image source: earthycarl, Jelleke Vanooteghem
#37
It isn’t ok to fail or make mistakes. People aren’t perfect and you will make mistakes. Just don’t set yourself up to make ones that can hurt or kill others (drink or drug to the point where you don’t know not to drive or assault someone).
Image source: datagirl60
#38
“Minor attracted persons”. Pedophiles. They’re pedophiles.
Image source: dinopandaz23
#39
That the reason to behave and do the right thing is to avoid eternal punishment from mommy and daddy’s imaginary friend in the sky.
Image source: Factsaretheonlytruth
#40
That they can do anything and not face consequences.
And I don’t mean that in a “you wanna be an astronaut? That’s awesome!” kind of way, I mean that in “anyone who tells you no is bullying you”
I’ve got a 16 year old at my second job who tried to get me fired because I expected her to do her job when she was hungover. Sorry, but you chose to drink the night before a shift. Live with the consequences.
At my main job in a school, I’ve got a 12/13 year old who thinks he can ignore the staff and get away with it. On Thursday, because I escalated the situation to his head of year, he said that I was a weirdo and noone even likes me anyways. (I really started looking inwards at that and re evaluating my entire personality, especially with how creative the insult was /s) I asked him to change his shoes and when he didn’t I told him he couldn’t play football. Then he got another kid to give him their trainers.
Today, I’ve overheard a mother say “surely it’s illegal to make a kid carry their school bag, a Chromebook (that the school has lent the child for free) and their PE kit but not give them a locker” … I’m sorry what??
It really feels like we are teaching our kids to be victims who believe they are all special little heroes and it’s never their fault if something goes wrong.
Image source: NuttyDounuts14
#41
Buy buy buy work work work buy buy buy work work buy die
Image source: answermethis0816
#42
Lack of conformity and daring to express yourself can result in lost education.
Kids being suspended from school because they dared to express their individuality. Whether its clothing, dyed hair or whatever. None of it really matters compared to sending kids away from their education.
Image source: Mardanis
#43
That you should always go ‘above and beyond’ or whatever. Your workplace wont care and give you more work.
Image source: QuentinDeTerre
#44
The “be yourself” trope. It’s fine for things like hobbies or interests, but some people are just inherently toxic whether it’s genetic or a learned behavior. And then people justify their bad behavior by saying they’re just being themselves and if other people don’t like it that’s their own problem. There’s no incentive to curb harmful behavior and kids are being taught that it’s okay to act out because it’s just who they are.
Image source: Kamikaze_Cloud
#45
Misogyny. Toxic gender roles. Whatever else Andrew Tate is shoveling down the throats of his young and impressionable audience. I’ve seen kids as young as middle school age repeating some of the insane s**t he says, to their own mothers.
Image source: Fast-Low4205
#46
I have one.
This is very common in my country. You know kids run a lot, and they fall a lot. Most of the time (luckily!) they do not get hurt seriously. Sometimes, they simply are just fine. But they cry regardless. I was one of those kids.
Whenever that happen, parents would rush to their kids, and they slap on the ground (or whatever object near by) saying “Punish the ground for hurting my baby!”. Now, that may sound sweet if you are that kid, but gradually it could teach the kid something so dangerous: When you fall, it is something else (or someone else)’s fault. Kids will grow up blaming everything around them for their failures, before questioning themselves.
I remembered clearly this time when I just fell off the ground while playing, cried my lung out, and my whole family was in a mess. Especially my dad. He was so worried, checking my (totally pain-free) body for any wound, and kept asking “What made you fall? Was it a rock? Or was it your friend? Did she push you?”
Dad – I wanted to say – I really just fell off myself.
Image source: Own-Text7602, Emma Frances Logan
#47
That everyone is a winner.
Image source: DementedProfessor
#48
That your worth is in anyway linked to the number or ranking from an assessment. For most people how you do in standardised tests is not as important an indicator for the rest of your life as we bring the children up to believe it is.
My kids are both in primary school. For me I hate that this focus on assessment results at this early stage is more important than their learning journey.
I am not sure if that makes sense but a 7 year old should be learning and discovering and not worried about the assessment tools used by the school”s reporting and administration processes.
Image source: elfelettem
#49
Saying “parents aren’t perfect” as a justification for toxic or abusive parenting.
Image source: Animeking1108
#50
That your worth is tied to obedience and functioning. Your punished for many things, often with scorn and anger, even when you’re still very young. It can be very impactful on your life and as a das it often breaks my heart hearing what people tell their children when they are emotional. Examples being „Stop crying, it’s nothing“ for the most basic and „if you don’t stop crying, there will be consequences X“ to amp it up a little.
Image source: Vannausen
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