It’s pretty normal for siblings to go through a phase where they hate each other, but when one wages all-out war on the other for their entire youth, things can get really messy, really fast. That’s the kind of thing that will leave family hopelessly estranged.
And that’s exactly what happened to one woman and her bullying brother. Then he showed up out of the blue (and out of the closet,) begging to make peace, all because his parents told him if he didn’t, they’d cut him off. That’s when the drama really started.
More info: Reddit
Almost all siblings will scrap at some point, but things usually calm down once they’re adults
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
That wasn’t the case for a woman who spent her entire youth being bullied and harassed by her golden child brother
Image credits: SkelDry / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When she got a college scholarship, she left home and never looked back, and her family couldn’t even be bothered to make it to her wedding
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
She was understandably stunned when her brother crawled out of the woodwork (and fresh out of the closet) begging her to forgive him, or their parents would cut him off
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She wasted no time telling him to get lost but now he’s calling her petty about the years of torment he put her through, so she’s asked netizens if she’s being a jerk about things
The original poster (OP) grew up feeling unwanted while her older brother basked as the golden child. He lied, bullied her, and wrecked her friendships and relationships. The worst part? Their parents sided with him every time. She finally escaped via a scholarship, while he stayed home, funded, praised, and shielded from consequences.
Once OP left, communication basically dried up. Family group chats celebrated her brother’s milestones, while she rebuilt her life in silence. Her family even skipped her wedding and never offered her any financial help. Now married and expecting again, she’s finally found steady love and support through her husband’s family instead.
Her parents are rigidly traditional, fixated on male heirs and bloodlines. When her brother came out, though, panic erupted over the family name. Suddenly, her brother got in touch after years of estrangement, eager to make peace, all because their parents wanted access to her children as backup heirs.
He flew to her state, sobbed, and blamed his cruelty on the stress of hiding his homosexuality but she told him to get lost, just in more colorful language. Now he’s accusing her of being petty and even homophobic. She’s unmoved, refusing to offer her children as consolation prizes, but still turned to netizens to ask if she’s out of line.
Image credits: faststocklv / Freepik (not the actual photo)
To be honest, the only jerks here are OP’s family. After the hell they put her through, who can blame her for wanting less than zero to do with them? The fact that they’re only reaching out now because they want something only adds insult to injury. What’s the deal with going no contact (for good) with family, though? We went looking for answers.
According to the pros over at Psychology Today, there seems to be a cultural shift happening as people put their mental health first and rethink what family might look like. Some experts suggest that while estrangement has always been a phenomenon in families, it’s only recently being acknowledged publicly and analyzed in a significant way.
Family estrangement may defy what we’re taught as kids, things like “honor your parents,” “family is forever,” and “blood is thicker than water.” Yet, people don’t usually choose it out of rebellion, resentment, or a lack of forgiveness; they do it for their safety and emotional well-being, and the well-being of future generations. Sounds a lot like OP.
The folks from VeryWellMind say societal ideas about estrangement often put reunification or reconciliation on a pedestal and ignore the reality that estrangement can be painful, beautiful, illuminating, and a whole range of other experiences, often all at once. Whichever route OP decides on, both are valid choices.
We’d say OP’s got more than enough reasons to cut off her toxic family. Letting them back in will probably only lead to more drama, and who needs that noise? Here’s hoping she can get the closure she needs and move on with her life.
What’s your take? Should OP give her family another shot, or is she better off without them? Drop your thoughts in the comments!
In the comments, readers seemed to agree that the woman was definitely not the jerk and blasted her parents for creating the whole mess in the first place
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