Finding the right person to spend the rest of your life with isn’t about finding somebody who’s perfect. It’s about finding somebody who’s perfect for you. Because as you can see from this hilarious list of marriage tweets compiled by Bored Panda, it’s important for a healthy relationship to have a husband or wife who can handle all of your weird, annoying, and a downright unbearable sense of humor!
From the woman whose husband neglected gardening duties to buy the cat an inflatable unicorn horn, and hilarious marriage advice to the man whose wife forced him to go to IKEA despite the fact that they didn’t need to buy anything, the collection of marriage jokes below is sure to make married life seem awesome. Don’t forget to vote for the best pranks and funniest situations!
#1 My Wife Didn’t Appreciate My Fridge Magnet Poem
Image source: FaisalSharif
#2 Asked My Wife Where My Eye Drops Were. She Responded “In The Bedroom On The Tv Stand Under The Lightswitch Slightly Trapped Between The Wall”
Image source: mrbojingles1972
#3 For The Past Two Years, Anything Sitting In Our Garage That The Wife Says We Can’t Get Rid Of, I’ve Hung As “Art” In Our Otherwise Useless Front Room
Image source: michaelsiemsen
#4 My Husband Sure Knows How To Make A Pregnant, Bloated Girl Feel Special On Her Birthday
Image source: cassieko
#5 My Hubbys Reaction When He Tasted That I Added Whiskey To His Coffee
Image source: dina_mrs_k
#6 Wife And I Spend An Hour Trying To Get The Cat To Turn Off The Lights, So We Didn’t Have To Get Out Of Bed
Image source: ThunderKrunk
#7 Told The Wife The Floor Was Gross And Needed Cleaning. Told Her I Was Willing To Do It. She Said We Don’t Need To. Clean Half She Said And Let’s See The Difference… Mission Accomplished. (We Don’t Have Tiled Floors)
Image source: ordin22
#8 My Wife Has Been Trying Anything To Remind Me To Bring My Lunch To Work
Image source: bsegovia
#9 Marriage Is All About Compromise. For Example, I Didn’t Really Want A Dog. My Wife Did. So We Compromised… And Here Is Our New Puppy Copper
Image source: slommyg21
#10 I Wore This Custom Shirt During My Wife’s Labor. Wife Was Not Amused
Image source: robin60062
#11 After Working An 18 Hour Day, I Came Home To Find This Note Left By My Wife In The Bathroom
Image source: Jacksoffwithhotsauce
#12 Whenever We Get Into A Heated Argument, My Wife Stops Mid Argument To Take A Selfie With Me, I’m Never Amused
Image source: hmmunoz
#13 What I Love About My Parents Is That After 41 Years Of Marriage, They Still Know How To Embarrass Their Kids
Image source: spikeypeach
#14 My Pregnant Wife Sent This To Me At 2:12am This Morning. I’m Going To Guess That My Snoring Was Quite Bad Last Night
Image source: batgaz
#15 When You Ask Your Husband To Pack Your Lunch
Image source: RemorsefulArsonist
#16 I Needed To Borrow My Wife’s Phone… She Said Her Password Was Our Anniversary. I Gave The Phone Back And Said I Didn’t Know What Happened
Image source: StarskyAndHutch
#17 We Were Looking Through Old Pictures Of Me When My Wife Started Laughing And Got The Dog’s Flea Pills From The Cupboard
Image source: phelyan
#18 My Wife And I Accidentally Got Each Other The Same Gift For Our Second Anniversary
Image source: myworkaccountatwork
#19 Marriage Milestone
Image source: XplodingUnicorn
#20 My Wife Said I Could Decorate The Guest Bathroom As My Own. Multiple Screams Have Ensued
Image source: ChefCthulhu
#21 My Wife Includes Little Notes In My Lunch When She Packs It. I’ve Been Saving Them In My Desk
Image source: Katoptrizo
#22 Married For 62 Years, But My Grandpa Will Still Pull Out His Road Atlas To Prove My Grandma Wrong
Image source: Upstream15
#23 My Wife And I Do Not Lead A Very Exciting Life
Image source: xxNixonxx
#24 Caught My Husband Red Handed… Thought He Was Working Out
Image source: GorJess229
#25 Year No. 4 At My Wife’s Family Reunion
Image source: switchfootball
#26 Whenever I Asked My Husband What He Wanted For Dinner He Always Answered, “Bacon-Wrapped Shrimp And Asparagus With Hollandaise Sauce” Just To F*ck With Me. Today I Served Him This
Image source: lacquerroneous
#27 My Wife Said This License Plate Made Her Think Of Me
Image source: betterguesser
#28 Never Have I Been So Mad At My Wife Before
Image source: skaschmidt
#29 Marriage Is About Sharing (Almost) Everything
Image source: bizcat
#30 Trying To Sent Subtle Hints To My Wife Last Night
Image source: MISSINGxLINK
#31 When My Husband Shops Online For Me
Image source: viaminorviator
#32 My Husband Is An Asshole
Image source: amosfargus
#33 I Love Making Cookies With My Wife
Image source: n33hai
#34 My Husband Didn’t Want A Birthday Cake
Image source: Montification
#35 My Pregnant Wife Demanded I Go To The Store For Frozen Yogurt. I Was Temped To Play A Joke, But Wanted To Live
Image source: ThePantser
#36 This Is What Happens When My Wife Leaves On A Business Trip And I’m Home Alone. When She’s Home Vs. When She’s Gone
Image source: Nattyiceforme
#37 My Husband Challenged Me To See If I Could Fit In My New Suitcase… I Sent Him This Response
Image source: something_something1
#38 Marriage Status
Image source: XplodingUnicorn
#39 I Came Home To This Last Night. I Married The Right Woman
Image source: irishike
#40 My Wife Hates Comic Book Movies. Thanks Universal
Image source: holmw13
#41 The “My Wife/Girlfriend Made Me Go To The Mall” Support Group Is Underway
Image source: 8amHangovers
#42 My Husband Got Tired Of Wine Stains Everywhere So He Got Me A Sippy Wine Cup
Image source: ozfrogs
#43 I’m Starting A Fight With My Wife
Image source: ComcastNeedsToDie
#44 Marry Your Best Friend
Image source: fourzerotwo
#45 My Wife’s New Hand Towel
Image source: toremygooch
#46 I’m A Super Nervous Flyer. My Wife Just Took This Pic Of Me At The Airport Restaurant, About To Board The Plane A Part Of Our Honeymoon
Image source: wynstn
#47 Asked My Husband To (Hand) Whip Some Heavy Cream. Hear Strange Noises And Walk In On This
Image source: Lilaflockensocke
#48 My Wife Wanted To Make Sure That Someone Took A Picture Of The Expression On Our Faces When Our Daughter Was Born Today. So I Took One
Image source: gilsolano12
#49 I Have My Reasons For Making My Wife Use Her Own Tube
Image source: jimmyg4life
#50 Was Wondering Why My Wife Was Giggling When She Asked Me To Change The Air Filters
Image source: AelyneMB
#51 My Husband Always Leaves Me Notes When He Has To Leave Town For Work
Image source: StagKen
#52 My Husband Attempted To Help With The Laundry. I Don’t Buy Pink Towels Because I Don’t Like Pink
Image source: Jessie599
#53 Because This
Image source: KalvinMacleod
#54 My Husband Bet Me I Couldn’t Shave His Foot Without Him Waking Up. This Is What He Woke Up To This Morning
Image source: Potatoprincessa
#55 Wife And I Had A Big Fight Last Week – On Valentine’s Day She Gave Me This Along With My Gift
Image source: elusivemrx
#56 My Wife Asked For A Coach Bag For Her Birthday. Let’s Just Say She’s Pretty Happy Today
Image source: armiesofants
#57 My Wife And I “Share” A Cabinet In The Bathroom
Image source: jackpot
#58 Bedroom Is Really Sunny In The Morning. Found Husband Sleeping Like This
Image source: Kat211
#59 Clear Communication Is The Key To A Successful Marriage
Image source: Hoofhearted523
#60 My Wife Bought A New Hairbrush With A Suction Cup At The End. I Found This On The Bathroom Mirror. I Love My Wife
Image source: ApologeticKid
#61 I Asked My Husband To Clean Our Room. This Triggered His Inner 5 Year Old And He Fell Asleep
Image source: missespanda
#62 Wife Left A Note In My Lunch
Image source: xjrider
#63 Picking A Fight With My Wife
Image source: Goodgardo
#64 I Was Complaining About My Recent Cold So My Wife Made Me A Cake To Help Me “Feel Better”
Image source: wherediditype
#65 Wife Is Out, Packing My Own Lunch This Week
Image source: TheChosenPeeples
#66 I Might Have To Kill My Husband
Image source: HapEGoLucky
#67 I Couldn’t Find My Wife Until I Looked In Her Closet. I Said, “What Are You Doing?” She Says, “I Have Nothing To Wear”
Image source: Augray_Sorn
#68 Sent My Husband To The Store For Milk And Kitty Litter. He Came Back With This. He’s Now Back At The Store For The Milk And Litter
Image source: SidePone
#69 Tried To Put A Heart In My Husband’s Pancake. Made A Ballsack Instead
Image source: hillshmill
#70 Husband Told Me To Make Sure The Wine Didn’t Break In The Back Of The Car On Vacation. Don’t Judge Me
Image source: whitvw
#71 Thanks To Our Toaster Oven We Now Have Matching Husband And Wife Scars For Life
Image source: Itsjustme50
#72 After 20 Years Of Marriage, And My Mother Asking Every Morning How My Father Takes His Tea, He’s Finally Had It
Image source: jamjam1090
#73 Left This Note For My Wife
Image source: horstmac
#74 Told My Husband Not To Eat The Ice Cream In The Freezer. Then I Saw This Shadow Form In The Kitchen
Image source: SloanethePornGal
#75 Prefect Description
Image source: moooooog35
#76 My Wife Wanted Her Sandwich Cut In Half. She Was Non-Specific As To How
Image source: leftnotracks
#77 My Wife Made Me A Passive Aggressive Flow Chart To Use Every Time I Get Hungry
Image source: biscoff_nutella
#78 My Wife Hates Rollercosters. After I Pitched A Fit About It, She Finally Picked One She Would Ride With Me
Image source: chopbustre
#79 My Husband Told Me That He Bought Me A Diamond Necklace
Image source: Breakingbay
#80 My Husband And I Have Two Small Children And Just Came To The Realization That We Don’t Own Any Shot Glasses
Image source: aubra_cadabra
#81 My Wife Awards ‘Cat Of The Month’ In Our House. But We Have Only One Cat
Image source: eisenh0wer
#82 Sent My Husband To Buy A Baby Shower Gift Bag. Dammit
Image source: MangoBlisters
#83 My Husband Added A Task To My Prethanksgiving Checklist
Image source: erinkella
#84 My Wife And I Visit IKEA Again And I Try To Figure Out Why
Image source: fantafano
#85 When Chipotle Mails Free Burrito Coupons, My Husband And I Shamelessly Check The Mailbox Recycling Around Our Apartment For Discards. Today’s Search Went Pretty Well
Image source: h-h-c
#86 Called My Wife A Sandwich Maker
Image source: vollkommenes
#87 After 60 Years Of Marriage, My Grandparents’ Minds Have Melded. Either My Grandparents Both Scrambled To Buy The Only Valentine’s Day Cards Cvs Still Had In Stock Today Or They Just Really Are Meant To Be Together
Image source: bvhaugen
#88 I’m 3 Months Pregnant With Our First Child, And Today My Husband Bought This Book ‘to Get Some Tips’
Image source: SlashedSpoon
#89 Wife Said She Packed A “Special Treat” In My Lunch Today
Image source: Spicy-Chicken
#90 They Tied The Knot. Literally
Image source: vvexedd
#91 Learning How To Crochet, Husband Is Now Kept Warm
Image source: crochettinyblankets
#92 My Wife Thinks I’m Stupid Too
Image source: bmwhd
#93 My Brother And His Wife Got In A Fight Last Night. She Apparently Used His Phone As A Ninja Star
Image source: phantasmagori
#94 Wife Sent Me To Get Milk
Image source: adonisgq1
#95 My Wife Bought Me Monogram Pajamas For Xmas
Image source: blubberbot
#96 After Almost 6 Years Of Marriage, This Is My Favorite Way To Give My Wife A Hard Time
Image source: Mr_Locke
#97 Well, My Marriage Was Nice While It Lasted
Image source: sfr87
#98 I Asked My Husband To Put Away The Leftovers
Image source: Asher64
#99 Anyone Know A Good Divorce Lawyer? I Just Saw My Wife Eat A Kitkat
Image source: TroutBum801
#100 Today Is The 6 Wk “Point” After My C-Section… Here’s How My Husband Brought Me Breakfast This Morning
Image source: Willmuzik
#101 Someone… Please
Image source: moooooog35
#102 This Was The Card I Got My Husband For Our Anniversary. What Can I Say? I’m Sentimental
Image source: SweetLilLies
#103 My Husband Cleaned The Kitchen. I Think He Wants A Reward
Image source: felesroo
#104 Asked My Wife To Get More Magnets For The Fridge With No Restrictions On What Kind
Image source: Ghotifett
#105 He Was Trying To Argue With Me In The Car So I Whipped In This Spot And Said I Have Something To Tell You (I’m Not Actually But It Shut Him Up Quick)
#106 My Husband Travels For Work. He Gave Me This So I Am Never Really Alone
Image source: hamleteatsoatmeal
#107 My Husband And I Have Different Ideas Of What Love Is
Image source: minnie631
#108 My Husband Was “Too Tired” To Change The Babies Pooped Diaper While I Pumped… I Sent Him This Photo, He Didn’t See It Until The Morning. Diaper Was There For About 1 Hour
#109 What Happens When I Send My Husband To The Store And There’s An Ice Cream Sale
Image source: 2workigo
#110 Saw This On My Friend’s Facebook With The Title, “When Your Husband Puts The Groceries Away…”
Image source: Sentriculus
#111 The Wife Said I Could Do Whatever I Wanted To The Guest Bathroom
Image source: smellyPlastic
#112 After 22 Years Of Marriage This Is How We Communicate With Each Other
Image source: steveherndon
#113 So My Wife Is Going Away For A Few Months. This Is How She Left Our Bed This Morning
Image source: SelfishMentor
#114 My Husband Fell Asleep On The Couch. I Gave Him A Goldfish Beard
Image source: reddit.com
#115 First My Wife Said The Walls Were Too Bare, And Now They Are Too Bear
Image source: Childofdust90
#116 My Southern Husband Objects To The Soda I Bought
Image source: Terreon
#117 My Wife Hates Greek Yogurt
Image source: LifeWithAdd
#118 There Comes A Time In A Married Man’s Life Where He Has To Ask Himself The Question: Do I Get My Wife The Exact Halloween Costume She Asked For Or The Slutty Version And Deal With The Consequences?
Image source: HadManySons
#119 My Husband And I Just Pissed Off Both Of Our Families
Image source: TheKittenButcher
#120 Marriage Means Creative Ways Of Saying “Stop Doing That”
Image source: r0b0tjunkie
#121 My Wife Asked Me If I Wanted Half Her Twix. She Thinks This Is A Game
Image source: Actuarial
#122 Asked My Husband To Do Laundry
Image source: Cradnee
#123 I Asked My Husband To Take A Photo Of Me Using The Jackhammer. After 14 Years Of Marriage He Still Has His Priorities
Image source: Always_be_awesome
#124 Couldn’t Afford To Get My Wife A Lexus For Christmas So I Got One Of Their Bows Instead And Put It On Her Car
Image source: JeremyMcLellan
#125 I Asked My Husband To Iron My Pants And He Gave Me The 1980’s Creases
Image source: Litacaptain
#126 My Friends Husband Thought He Could Microwave His Shirt To Dry It Faster
Image source: NotKay
#127 The Note My Husband Left Me That I Woke Up To
Image source: db05820p
#128 My Wife Was Not Impressed With Her Birthday Gift
Image source: TrippDouglass
#129 Why I Keep A Secret Tube Of Toothpaste From My Wife And Children
Image source: ionchannels
#130 My Wife’s Jenga Submission
Image source: raleigh_tshirts
#131 My Wife Says I Don’t Understand Breakfast In Bed
Image source: Theowlhoothoot
#132 Came Downstairs And My Wife Gives Me These This Morning. Uh… Thanks Honey
Image source: Rambo_Brit3
#133 So My Friend Asked Her Husband To Wrap At Least One Shirt, This Is What She Got
Image source: CanadianBeard
#134 Husband Did The Laundry
Image source: zuzanni
#135 Wife Asked Me To Pressure Wash And Get A Welcome Mat. Nailed It
Image source: smokyartichoke
#136 How You Can Tell My Wife Is Working Tonight
Image source: ShayWhitey
#137 Wife Is Leaving For A Week. Pretty Much Confirming She Thinks I Have Alzheimer’s
Image source: DyerMkr
#138 Wife And Teen Daughters Said Vacuum Wasn’t Working, Checked Roller Brush
Image source: imnotmarvin
#139 Guess I’m Still Getting Used To This Whole Marriage Thing
Image source: thatmink
#140 As A Husband, I Decided To Make The Bed Properly
Image source: Gay4Allah
#141 In 5 Years Of The Relationship She Has Never Asked Me To Hold Her Purse. Within One Hour Of Picking Up The Marriage License
Image source: ubculled
#142 Wife Wanted To Be “That House”, I Say She Went Overboard
Image source: spooniemclovin
#143 Marriage Is About Compromise
Image source: IEatConcrete
#144 My Husband Is A Jerk… Yes Every Cookie Has A Bite Mark In It
Image source: Anaria32
#145 Found Stacked Like This In The Garage To Be Sold/Donated. Married 12 Years With A 6 & 7 Year Old. Starting From The Bottom… The Stages Of Marriage
Image source: sellcell1971
#146 Wife Said “Lets Renovate The Bathroom, We Both Need More Shelf Space.”
Image source: notnexus
#147 My Wife Finally Found Out Where I’ve Been Getting My Frozen Snickers Bars
Image source: Standard_Candle
#148 After 3 Years Of Marriage, The Fight Rages On
Image source: Helagak
#149 My Wife Found Out My Office Is Closing Down
Image source: Larissa714
#150 Instructions To Husband
Image source: david8hughes
#151 My Husband Told Me There Was An Early Xmas Present Under The Tree. This Is Pretty Perfect
Image source: SloanethePornGal
#152 Coz It Would Have Been Like Climbing Everest To Go The Last Few Inches… Can You Cite Lazy As A Reason For Divorce?
Image source: mumma_of_littles
#153 My Wife Called To Say She Picked Up 50 Shades Of Grey… This Was Not What I Was Expecting When I Got Home
Image source: completem
#154 I Love To See That After Nearly 25 Years Of Marriage, My Father Still Knows How To Troll My Mother
Image source: lewolfmano
#155 Placed My Husband’s Heavy Shoe On A Cockroach For Him To Find
#156 At Least He Tried
Image source: tiniemilei
#157 My Husband Is Out Of Town For A Few Days… He Sent Me This Today. I Think He Misses Me
Image source: lonelywife
#158 Is This A Shower Bench Or A Shampoo Table? Our Marriage Depends On This
Image source: jackjack3
#159 After 14 Years Of Marriage This Is The Sexy Pic I Sent My Husband
Image source: Opandemonium
#160 My Friend Made This For Her Husband
Image source: thesockbunny
#161 A Mate Posted This To Facebook, Saying “The Secret To A Happy Marriage Is Knowing How To Compromise”
Image source: Dnoze
#162 The Secret To A Successful Marriage (30+ Years) With A Shared Bathroom
Image source: The_Angry_Uterus
#163 My Husband Is A Monster
Image source: budgiebum
#164 Out Of All The Advice Of Marriage, Nothing Prepared Me For This
Image source: Ryvo
#165 My Husband Smilingly Asked “Why Are There Vegetables In The “Beer Crisper”? So I Did This
#166 Great Dad! Awful Husband
Image source: thexrickx
#167 Keeping Marriage Fresh
Image source: usedwigs
#168 I Asked My Husband To Make A Grocery List… This Was On The Fridge This Morning
Image source: narwhalunicorn
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