When talking about comfort TV shows that never go out of style, you just can’t miss one of the best sitcoms of all time—Friends. And what part of the show can best describe its quality? Dialogues and monologues. While it’s full of iconic lines, there are quite a few Friends TV show quotes that take the cake.
The characters pool together a good number of different experiences throughout their adventures, which makes their sayings relatable to most of the viewers. And what’s best is that with the show’s timelessness and countless reruns, it will never go out of style.
This list contains the best quotes from the TV show Friends, which should bring you back to the time when there was no better relaxing activity after work than just sitting down, listening to the show’s specific humor, and enjoying a few episodes.
With popcorn and a chilling drink ready, take a deep dive into these Friends show quotes. Let us know which are your favorites, and if this list makes you want to rewatch the show yet again, hey, we’re not judging!
#1
“Oh, I’m sorry. Did my back hurt your knife?” — Rachel
#2
“I wish I could, but I don’t want to.” — Phoebe
#3
“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” — Chandler
#4
“No uterus, no opinion.” — Rachel
#5
“Oh my God. I’ve become my father. I’ve been trying so hard not to become my mother, I didn’t see this coming.” — Rachel
#6
“You don’t own a TV? What’s all your furniture pointed at?” — Joey
#7
Rachel: “Go tell him he’s cute. What’s the worst that could happen?”
Monica: “He could hear me.”
#8
“Hi, I’m Chandler. I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.” — Chandler
#9
Joey: “If he doesn’t like you, this is all a moo point.”
Rachel: “A moo point?”
Joey: “Yeah. It’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s moo.”
#10
“Joey doesn’t share food!” — Joey
#11
“They don’t know that we know they know we know.” — Phoebe
#12
Ross: “No, Homo habilis was erect. Australopithecus was never fully erect.”
Chandler: “Well, maybe he was nervous.”
#13
“I’m a pacifist. But when the revolution comes, I’ll destroy all of you.” — Phoebe
#14
“Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, it’s not your fault.” — Phoebe
#15
“Fine! Judge all you want, but: married a lesbian, left a man at the altar, fell in love with a gay ice dancer, threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire, LIVE IN A BOX!” — Monica
#16
“How you doin’?” — Joey
#17
“Come on, Ross, you’re a paleontologist. Dig a little deeper.” — Phoebe
#18
Ross: “I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.”
Chandler: “Was that place the Sun?”
#19
Joey: “Hey, Ross, I got a science question: If the Homo sapiens were, in fact, HOMO sapiens… is that why they’re extinct?”
Ross: “Joey, Homo sapiens are PEOPLE.”
Joey: “Hey, I’m not judging!”
#20
“Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it.” — Monica
#21
“Until I was 25, I thought the response to ‘I love you’ was ‘Oh, crap.'” — Chandler
#22
“I say more dumb things before 9 a.m. than most people say all day.” — Chandler
#23
Rachel: “I’m not someone who goes after a guy five minutes after he’s divorced.”
Monica: “No, you go after them five minutes before they get married.”
#24
Monica: “Do you have a plan?”
Phoebe: “I don’t even have a ‘pla.'”
#25
“You’re over me? When were you… under me?” — Ross
#26
Monica: “You can’t live off your parents your whole life.”
Rachel: “I know that, that’s why I was getting married.”
#27
“Didn’t you ever run so fast you thought your legs were gonna fall off, you know, like when you were running toward the swings or running away from Satan?” — Phoebe
#28
“You love divorce so much, you’re probably gonna marry it — and then it won’t work out, so you’re gonna have to divorce it.” — Phoebe
#29
“I hope it’s still funny when you’re in hell.” — Rachel
#30
“I KNOW!” — Monica
#31
“Oh. My. God.” — Janice
#32
“Isn’t that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?” — Rachel
#33
“Ross! We broke up two years ago. You’ve been married since then. I think it’s okay that we see other people.” — Rachel
#34
“Oh, are you setting Ross up with someone? Does she have a wedding dress?” — Rachel
#35
“You-you-you… You threw my sandwich away… My sandwich? MY SANDWICH?!!” — Ross
#36
“See? He’s her lobster.” — Phoebe
#37
“What’s not to like? Custard: good. Jam: good. Meat: good!” — Joey
#38
“Guys can fake it? Unbelievable! The one thing that’s ours!” — Monica
#39
“I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be, and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way.” — Chandler
#40
“And I have to live with a boy!” — Monica
#41
“Now, I need you to be careful and efficient. And remember, if I am harsh with you, it is only because you’re doing it wrong.” — Monica
#42
“Not just clean, ‘Monica clean.'” — Monica
#43
“We were on a break!” — Ross
#44
“I grew up with Monica. If you didn’t eat fast, you didn’t eat.” — Ross
#45
“Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?” — Monica
#46
“When I was growing up, I didn’t have a normal mom and dad, or a regular family like everybody else, and I always knew that something was missing. But now I’m standing here today, knowing that I have everything I’m ever gonna need… You are my family.” — Phoebe
#47
“She’s my friend and she needed help. If I had to, I’d pee on any one of you!” — Joey
#48
“Well, the fridge broke, so I had to eat everything.” — Joey
#49
“Okay, you have to stop the Q-Tip when there’s resistance.” — Chandler
#50
“You can’t just give up. Is that what a dinosaur would do?” — Joey
#51
Monica: “Where’ve you been?”
Ross: “Emotional hell.”
#52
“When I first meet somebody it’s usually panic, anxiety, and a great deal of sweating.” — Chandler
#53
“Princess Consuela Bananahammock.” — Phoebe
#54
“Ah, humor based on my pain. Ah, ha, ha.” — Ross
#55
“Pivot!” — Ross
#56
“Look at me! I’m Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes?” — Joey
#57
“Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you.” — Ross
#58
“I’m fine. Totally fine.” — Ross
#59
“I tend to keep talking until somebody stops me.” — Chandler
#60
“13 bathrooms in this place, I threw up in a coat closet.” — Phoebe
#61
“It’s like all of my life everyone has always told me you’re a shoe, you’re a shoe, you’re a shoe, you’re a shoe. And then today, I just stopped and I said, what if I don’t want to be a shoe? What if I want to be a purse, you know, or a hat?” — Rachel
#62
“Everybody looks so happy. I hate that.” — Phoebe
#63
“You know what? I just shouldn’t be allowed to make decisions anymore.” — Rachel
#64
“Over the line? You’re so far past the line that you can’t even see the line! The line is a dot to you!” — Joey
#65
Ross: “My marriage, I think my marriage is kind of over.”
Phoebe: “Why?”
Ross: “Because my wife’s a lesbian… And I’m not one.”
#66
“Well, maybe I don’t need your money. Wait, wait, I said maybe!” — Rachel
#67
“I’m the holiday armadillo!” — Ross
#68
“Nestlé Toulouse.” — Phoebe
#69
“Oh, you like that? You should hear my phone number.” — Phoebe
#70
“My sister’s gonna have my baby!” — Frank Jr.
#71
“I’m gonna go get one of those job things.” — Rachel
#72
“Isn’t this exciting! I earned this! I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally… not worth it. Who’s FICA? Why’s he getting all my money?” — Rachel
#73
“Your collective dating record reads like a who’s who of human crap.” — Phoebe
#74
“Just so you know, it’s not that common, it doesn’t happen to every guy, and it is a big deal!” — Rachel
#75
“It’s baby time. Pants off, Bing.” — Monica
#76
“This is the nicest kitchen… The refrigerator told me to have a great day.” — Phoebe
#77
“We are dessert stealers. We are living outside the law.” — Rachel
#78
“You can’t fire me. I make your decisions and I say, ‘I’m not fired.’ Ha.” — Monica
#79
“In Vegas. I was so drunk, I could’ve married Joey.” — Ross
#80
“Is it obvious that I’m wearing six sweaters?” — Joey
#81
“Oh, come on, Will, just take off your shirt and tell us.” — Phoebe
#82
“Oh, I know. This must be so hard. ‘Oh, no! Two women love me. They’re both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet’s too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!'” — Chandler
#83
“Oh, my God, a woman flirting with a single man? We must alert the church elders!” — Phoebe
#84
“Seven!” — Monica
#85
“Some girl ate Monica!” — Joey
#86
“I’m hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!” — Chandelr
#87
“Well, if she isn’t (dead), cremating her was a big mistake.” — Phoebe
#88
“How long do cats live? Like assuming you don’t throw ‘em under a bus or something?” — Rachel
#89
Ross: “How about the time I cut the legs off your Malibu Ken?”
Monica: “That was you?”
Ross: “Uh… They were infected. He wouldn’t have made it.”
#90
Rachel: “Maybe we should take a break.”
Ross: “You’re right. Let’s cool off, get some frozen yogurt.”
Rachel: “No, a break from us.”
#91
“I’m sorry, it was a one-time thing. I was very drunk, and it was someone else’s subconscious.” — Chandler
#92
Janice: “What a small world.”
Chandler: “And yet I never run into Beyoncé.”
#93
Ross: “You got a job?”
Rachel: “Are you kidding? I’m trained for nothing!”
#94
“I’m a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I’ve missed the last twelve hundred times.” — Chandler
#95
“Oh, man. In my next life, I’m coming back as a toilet brush!” — Chandler
#96
“I hope everyone likes Mexican food because I’m making FAJITAS!” — Ross
#97
“That is brand new information!” — Phoebe
#98
“He’s so pretty, I want to cry.” — Rachel
#99
“I’m gonna love you so much that no woman is ever gonna be good enough for you.” — Monica
#100
“I can handle this. ‘Handle’ is my middle name. Actually, ‘handle’ is the middle of my first name.” — Chandler
#101
“I’m glad we’re having a rehearsal dinner, I rarely practice my meals before I eat.” — Chandler
#102
“It’s so exhausting, waiting for death.” — Phoebe
#103
“Brussels sprouts? That’s worse than no food.” — Ross
#104
“Yeah, well, Hurricane Gloria didn’t break the porch swing, Monica did!” — Ross
#105
“You’ve been BAMBOOZLED!” — Joey
#106
“Whapah!” — Chandler
#107
“Today, it’s like there’s rock bottom, 50 feet of crap, then me.” — Rachel
#108
“Well, I got to buy a vowel because oh my God.” — Janice
#109
“If I were a guy and… Did I just say ‘if I were a guy?” — Chandler
#110
“Cheese. It’s milk that you chew.” — Chandler
#111
Rachel: “Hey, I cook!”
Chandler: “Offering people gum is not cooking.”
#112
“I’m very wise, I know.” — Phoebe
#113
“I think the most romantic song is the one that Elton John wrote for that guy from ‘Who’s the Boss?’… You know, ‘Hold me closer, Tony Danza.'” — Phoebe
#114
Joey: ”Ross! How much do you weigh?”
Ross: “I’d really rather not answer that, right now. I’m still carrying a little holiday weight.”
#115
“Get off my sister!” — Ross
#116
“They’re still not coming on, man! And the lotion and the powder have made a paste!” — Ross
#117
“Your little Harmonica is hammered.” — Monica
#118
“Dear God, this parachute is a knapsack!” — Chandler
#119
“So it seems like this Internet thing’s here to stay.” — Chandler
#120
“Unagi.” — Ross
#121
“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in ’99!” — Ross
#122
“Ugly baby judges you!” — Ross
#123
“Something is wrong with the left phalange.” — Phoebe
#124
“If you’re too afraid to be in a relationship, then don’t be in one.” — Monica
#125
To Ross: “If you’re not careful, you might not get married at all this year.” — Chandler
#126
“Food? Oh, give me.” — Joey
#127
“I’m so happy, and not at all jealous!” — Rachel
#128
“Why don’t you stop worrying about sounding smart and just be yourself?” — Monica
#129
“It tastes like feet!” — Ross
#130
“Here come the meat sweats” — Joey
#131
“I have no idea what’s going on, but I am excited.” — Chandler
#132
“What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing?” — Chandler
#133
“It’s always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.” — Chandler
#134
“I am against innocent trees being cut down in their prime and their corpses grotesquely dressed in, like, tinsel and twinkly lights.” — Phoebe
#135
“You should see me when I actually… Oh actually, no, I look good.” — Phoebe
#136
“Why can’t parents just stay parents? You know? Why do they have to become people?” — Rachel
#137
“Unagi is a total state of awareness.” — Ross
#138
“Can’t hold her own head up, but yeah — jumped.” — Ross
#139
“I’ve got this uncontrollable need to please people.” — Monica
#140
“I’m a lady, Monica. I don’t kiss and tell. But this hickey speaks for itself.” — Phoebe
#141
“Does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?” — Rachel
#142
“Man, I’m starving. What was I thinking at dinner? ‘Do you want soup or salad?’ Both. Always order both.” — Joey
#143
Ross: “Rach, you balded my girlfriend!”
Rachel: (About Bonnie’s baldness) “See, she doesn’t look that bad.”
Ross: “You can see the moonlight bouncing off her head!”
#144
“I got off the plane.” — Rachel
#145
“I had a very long, hard day.” — Chandler
#146
“I am this close to tugging on my testicles again.” — Ross
#147
“Alright, I took the quiz. And it turns out I do put my career before men.” — Chandler
#148
“If you want to receive emails about my upcoming shows, please give me money so I can buy a computer.” — Phoebe
#149
“These are just feelings. They’ll go away.” — Joey
#150
“Are you in there, little fetus? In nine months, will you greet us? I will… buy you some Adidas.” — Phoebe
#151
“No more falafel for you!” — Ross
#152
“Oh God can open. Worms everywhere!” — Chandler
#153
“You’re a door. You only like knock-knock jokes.” — Chandler
#154
“I think I can safely say that we all have family issues, work, and/or are sick.” — Chandler
#155
“That’s a great story. Tell it while you’re getting me some iced tea.” — Rachel
#156
“Oh, that’s okay, girls tend to not like me.” — Rachel
#157
“Look, it’s the artist formerly known as Chandler.” — Ross
#158
“Grab a spoon!” — Joey
#159
“You and those vegetables have, uh… real thing going, huh?” — Ross
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