Being a host can be a lot of fun, especially if the guests are close friends or family members. Having people around, spending time with them, and being able to treat them to your hospitality is a wonderful feeling, as long as folks don’t take advantage of it.
This is what a woman faced when her friend repeatedly stayed over at her place with her kid and expected to be waited on hand and foot. The friend kept taking advantage of the woman’s hospitality and never returned the favor, which finally irked her.
More info: Mumsnet
Hosting close friends is a great experience as long as they don’t overstay their welcome or demand too many things from the host
Image credits: olia danilevich / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that her single-parent friend kept coming to stay over with her kid just so she could visit London and never reciprocated an invite to them
Image credits: Dominika Gregušová / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This entitled behavior had been going on for a decade, and the poster felt that their friendship was getting affected by the woman’s selfish behavior
Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster felt overwhelmed with hosting duties like having to cook, clean, and cover the costs of everything while her friend did nothing
Image credits: Achurchi
She didn’t want to confront her friend about the issue because of the woman’s poor mental health, but she didn’t know what else to do
The woman couldn’t hold back her feelings about her friend’s entitled behavior. She felt that she had been taken advantage of for nearly a decade, whereas the other woman didn’t seem to realize how much her behavior was affecting her friend, which is why she kept doing the same thing again and again.
The OP also mentioned that her friend never brought any gifts along as a thank you for being hosted. She also didn’t contribute to the food or drinks that were bought for her. She seemed okay to mooch off the poster, even though she had a sizable inheritance. She kept making excuses and pretended like she had no money.
To understand how to handle entitled guests like this, Bored Panda reached out to Christine Schaub. She’s the best-selling author and host of the web series, ‘Come On Over,’ which is about reinvigorating the art of hospitality with an emphasis on gardening, home decor, and no-fail recipes. Her book is called, ‘Queen of the Side Hustle: Unleashing Your Potential for Extra Income.’
Christine explained that “some guests have no hosting history, have never benefited from elders teaching/demonstrating the art of hosting, and don’t even notice the planning, shopping, cleaning, organizing, and general prepping required to successfully host. It may never occur to them to bring a gift or offer to treat their hosts to a dinner out.”
“They wouldn’t dream of buying, let alone writing and mailing a thank-you note for your hospitality. It is not your responsibility to teach them proper guest etiquette. Read that again. Not. Your. Responsibility. You can only change your reaction, your tolerance, your willingness to host a terrible guest,” she added.
Image credits: Mikael Blomkvist / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman shared that she had to do everything for her friend and kid, right from cooking to cleaning, and even covering all their expenses. She felt exhausted and resentful of the fact that her friend never even lifted a finger to help or do anything that would lighten the load.
Christine said that “suffering in silence as we chop vegetables, wrangle and entertain guest children, hemorrhage money, and constantly clean up solves nothing, and worse, silence only encourages disrespectful behavior. What we hosts need to do—but don’t really want to do—is set firm boundaries: hard, inflexible, line-in-the-sand perimeters.”
The woman was also reluctant to confront her friend about anything because of the other woman’s poor mental health. She felt that it wouldn’t be right to voice her feelings because it would end up upsetting the other woman greatly. Unfortunately, keeping all these feelings in only stressed out the OP more.
Christine suggested that “most inconsiderate people won’t want to make the effort to pack, travel, and move in for 24 hours. If they agree to the timeframe, your deadline must be no more than 24 hours—to the minute. Make absolute plans to ensure guest time is up. Walk out with them and leave town if you have to.”
She also mentioned that host should be clear about their expectations, meal plans, and schedule so that there is no misunderstanding. Christine explained that one should “include mealtimes, wake-up and bedtimes, and any other activities you have planned. Do not vary from that schedule. You are neither a hall monitor, short-order cook, nor taxi service.”
Nobody wants to be on bad terms with their friends, but sometimes, it’s important to take the hard route and speak about difficult things so that the relationship can improve. The OP might be worried about how her friend will react, but maybe she might end up surprised by the woman’s response.
How do you think the poster should handle the situation? Share your opinions in the comments.
Folks urged the woman to talk to her friend, and many were shocked that the behavior had gone on for a decade
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