You can share a home, a bed, and years of your life with someone without knowing some important details about them. Some secrets stay hidden throughout a marriage, only to tumble out when the relationship ends and lawyers start digging into the details. A few of these revelations are enough to make you wonder how anyone managed to keep them under wraps for so long.
Divorce lawyers have a front-row seat to some of the messiest secrets in people’s relationships, and they’ve heard plenty of stories that would probably make your jaw drop. These cases show just how much spouses can learn about their partners when a marriage falls apart. Pandas, prepare for some eyebrow-raising confessions!
#1
Family lawyer here. The clients are the worst part of family law because you see them in their worst moments during a very difficult time in their lives. Having said that, I certainly wasn’t “rooting” for this one client who video taped his ex wife without her knowledge when she would get drunk to use her behavior against her which just rubbed me the wrong way. He was also very pompous, snobby, yet would send rambling emails with numerous spelling and grammar mistakes. He just grossed me out.
I had a client in a custody case that initially I thought had a great case against her ex but as the case went on, I believe her behavior was potentially more harmful toward the children than the ex, borderline munchausen by proxy.
Image source: honestimposter102691, prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
#2
Raleigh digital forensics guy here, worked a thousand divorces in Raleigh over the last 20 years.
What’s more typical, is to have a client come to you with a horror story about how horrible their spouse is, and then you find out that both of them are absolutely horrible people and deserve each other.
One story that comes to mind, was investigating a doctor his wife was upset because he was supposedly having an affair with one of the nurses. She tells me that her and him had gotten into an argument, he didn’t push her or hit her he just gently moved her out the front door and locked it. She said she had to go around to the back door and crawl in the dog door to get back in the house. She told him that she was not going to have intimacy with him until he apologized. Apparently he never apologized and 8 years later he decided to have an affair with a nurse.
I can do this all day….
Image source: ellingtond, magnific (not the actual photo)
#3
NAL but a guy I worked with got sick and needed an organ transplant. His wife was a match but he was too high risk for the surgery. He quit smoking/drinking, got in shape and was able to get the surgery with his wife donating the organ.
After the transplant… he divorced his wife for a younger hottie.
Image source: MongoRabbit, stefamerpik (not the actual photo)
In the United States alone, 662,950 divorces and annulments were recorded in 2024, according to the National Center for Health Statistics. That’s a staggering number of marriages coming to an end, and not every couple parts ways because they grew apart.
Sometimes, one partner discovers that the person they shared a home and a life with has been keeping some pretty serious secrets. These revelations can make an already painful divorce harder to stomach.
#4
My Ex was a lawyer and the saddest case was when both parties were fighting over two little kids…
Because neither parent wanted them.
Image source: AlreadyOlder, The Yuri Arcurs Collection (not the actual photo)
#5
Client got caught cheating on his wife, wanted a divorce but didn’t have bravery to tell her so and asked me to inform her he was filing for divorce two days after she had his child.
Image source: Batfern, Drazen Zigic (not the actual photo)
#6
I have a cousin that was a divorce lawyer and she always said “crime law is the worst people on their best behavior and divorce law is good people on their worst behavior”.
Image source: Flimsy_Dinner_6092, pressfoto (not the actual photo)
Keeping secrets from your spouse might seem like an easy way to avoid an uncomfortable conversation, but it can create problems that are harder to deal with later. Research has found that when people suspect their partners are hiding things, it can damage trust in the relationship.
This can gradually wear away at the connection between two people, leaving one partner constantly wondering what else they haven’t been told. Nobody wants to feel like they need detective skills just to get an honest answer in their marriage.
#7
I wasn’t the lawyer: my close family member was.
Couple had two kids: one healthy, one severely disabled. Like 24-hour-a-day care, more surgeries than birthdays, will never have a normal life, might maybe possibly learn to speak a word or two eventually, will never be out of diapers.
Client’s idea of the divorce was that his soon-to-be ex wife would take the disabled kid and move out of the house. He would keep the house and the healthy kid, and his girlfriend would move in. He would contribute nothing to the ex wife, and nothing toward the care of the disabled kid, for the rest of his life. They would just… evaporate.
The judge was not impressed.
She got everything the judge could possibly give her. The house, the nicer car, both kids, alimony and the maximum child support allowed by law. I think the judge would have turned the guy over his knee and spanked him if it had been possible.
Image source: hahahahthunk, fxquadro (not the actual photo)
#8
One time a wife ask me to defend her in a criminal case in wich her husband accuse her of buying a house on her name with his money while he was on a bussines trip, the wife move out to that house with her affair partner and file for divorce. When I finished to read the file I ask her for her version of the facts and she just confirmed all of them with no remorese, my jaw dropped and though “if Im gonna take this case at least let the pay be worth the trauma of defending her” so when she ask for how much would cost her to hire me I said an amount four times what I would charge, she never called, and TBH I´ m glad she din´ t.
Image source: SalvadorM1, gzorgz (not the actual photo)
#9
My client didn’t mind paying child support but wanted to make sure they couldn’t force him to see his kids. That he adopted from foster care.
Image source: ecwhite3516, shisuka (not the actual photo)
One particularly painful secret a spouse can uncover is finding out that their partner has been seeing someone else or carrying on a whole relationship behind their back. A study that looked at people’s reasons for divorce identified infidelity as the most commonly reported cause among those interviewed.
Being cheated on can shatter the trust a couple has spent years building, leaving the betrayed partner feeling hurt and humiliated. To make matters worse, they may also have been exposed to infections without even knowing it.
#10
People who ask me to use their kids as leverage for more money. I don’t do that, but it’s hard for me to forget they asked.
Image source: milliondollas, rawpixel.com (not the actual photo)
#11
I can’t remember but there was a post a couple years ago with a similar question. I remember a couple involving a pet, one of them who wanted the Dog just had it euthanized a few days later. I remember another thread a while back that involved a family grandfather clock that was passed down to the wife after he father passed away. In the divorce they had later on, the Husband was able to “claim” it due to its value. He ended up not being able to sell it at any auctions because it had the name engraving on it. It was worth like $30k in the settlement and he barely got $5k out of it.
Image source: WizardMoose, diana.grytsku (not the actual photo)
#12
I was working with this old rich sailor one time and he was giving most of his money to academia but the guy who he was divorcing was the head of this institute dedicated to academia and this guy was funding the place, so already some really murky waters. They didnt know what would happen to the institute if the funding went away, so I started asking some of the other lawyers that were around about them, because the people are pretty high profile and I though a few would know about them, and most of the divorce lawyers have dealt with the exact people, they’ve had these clips before. It turned out that they had had 47 DIVORCES BEFORE.
Image source: Tree__8765, Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)
Sometimes, the biggest shock isn’t another person, but the resentment that’s been quietly building up over the years. One spouse may have felt neglected, struggled with unequal responsibilities, or grown unhappy with the direction of their marriage without ever being honest about it.
Instead, they bottle up their feelings until the frustration becomes impossible to ignore. By the time those feelings spill out, it’s already too late to work through.
#13
am lawyer, but not divorce lawyer. I met someone who used to practice in matrimonials but switched to crim defense. Their logic was simple. You can reason with most criminals, they want to look out for themselves. But clients in divorces? They will hurt themselves to spite others. To this day I have since heard all the stories and I will never practice in that field.
Image source: Wide_right_, KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA (not the actual photo)
#14
My brother’s ex burned through her trust fund in just a few years (would have lasted 50 for a normal person).
She kicked my brother out of the house several times for 1) having a job and wanting to actually keep a small portion of his earnings, 2) accused him of cheating even though his ONLY time away from her was his time at work and the few minute drive to and from it. 3) opening his own bank account. 4) opening it again after having closed it on her demand (she had actually driven him to the bank to make him close it the first time)
She literally wouldn’t let him have an account of his own, and would then lock him out of the house for weeks on end.
That was the end of that.
Pro life tip: don’t marry a malignant narcissist.
Image source: millenniumtree, Cup of Couple (not the actual photo)
#15
While going through initial divorce my ex wrote up most of his own stuff and had his lawyer sign off.
My ex was a disbarred Yale Law grad who knew nothing about family law. He was also an extreme narsisist/sociopath who couldn’t grasp that everything wasn’t his.
His lawyer called my lawyer to apologize on a professional level for the documents he was about to be send- explaining my ex insisted.
He wanted her to know he didn’t write it and it wasn’t to be taken seriously.
Image source: ThatGirl_Tasha, Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Financial secrets can also cause a lot of tension between spouses. Some people rack up debt or hide how much they’re spending, hoping their partner won’t notice.
A National Endowment for Financial Education survey found that 43% of U.S. adults who shared finances with a partner had hidden some financial information from them. About 85% reported that it affected their relationship. That’s a lot of couples dealing with money troubles that could have been avoided with a little honesty.
#16
This was in the uk so it’s solicitors but all the same.
Someone else in the office had a family case where she decided she wasn’t going to work for the client anymore because they were becoming increasingly difficult to deal with. It was a long time ago so I can’t remember for sure but after we stopped working for them I think they started harassing the solicitor. Calling her multiple times a day and just generally being a nuisance.
A couple of days later I realise a car has been sat in our car park for quite a while with people inside and just staring into my ground floor office. I ask the receptionist what’s going on and we realise it’s this person that has been ditched as a client. The branch manager went out to the car and told them it was a private car park and they were going to have to leave. There was a lot of shouting on the ex-client’s part plus whoever was in the car with them.
Eventually they leave but the strange part was that they filmed the entire thing as if them sat on private property attempting to harass the staff was a win for them? I’ve no idea what happened to them but I sure hope they didn’t get custody of the kids.
Image source: cosmicharmander, Getty Images (not the actual photo)
#17
Not a divorce lawyer but I did do some family work in my articles. Never had a client so bad that I hoped they didn’t get anything but I certainly had one that I lost a lot of sympathy for.
Had a client who had visitation with his daughter every two weeks over Skype. He comes to me saying that she never shows up. I go to the other side and ask what is going on. They tell me that the daughter waits every time and my client never shows up. I resend the schedule out to my client and the other lawyer and remind everyone to show up.
Two weeks later and my client is back telling me that his daughter didn’t show up. I send the schedule to everyone again with stronger wording about showing up. The other lawyer tells me that my client is lying because the daughter has showed up every time and he has never even logged on.
We go through this charade a few times and finally I start sending reminders to both parties about the evening’s Skype session. After about the third time of sending reminders on the day of, my client emails me that it’s not the right day for the Skype.
This idiot had been signing in on the wrong every other week for months and had never once bothered to check the schedule that I had repeatedly given him or read the reminders I had sent. I had felt bad that he hadn’t been able to see his daughter before this but after… not a whole lot of sympathy.
Image source: anon, Getty Images (not the actual photo)
#18
A previous time this was asked one person chimed in and mentioned a pet parrot. They were to share custody until the parrot passed away (they can live a long time) but neither were allowed to teach the parrot to swear at the other.
Image source: discostud1515, David Clode (not the actual photo)
Once a couple starts sorting out their finances during divorce, some of those hidden details can become harder to hide. In cases involving financial settlements, both parties may have to disclose information about their income, property, debts, and other assets.
The UK judiciary’s guide to sorting out finances after divorce explains that spouses are expected to provide full and honest financial information during the process. So that account your partner never mentioned, or the debt they conveniently forgot about, may need some explaining after all.
#19
My dad ugh was the walking dictionary description of a narcissist. We lived in a very rural area when he and my mum split (living on the same rural road approx 10 min drive from each other btw) he wen through every lawyer in the next town over trying to double-cross her with continuing custody disputes, demanding stuff that wasn’t legal, having the police raid our house for guns and substances even though he was the one with those things just to make her look bad. Some fired him, most he fired. FF 20 years my stepmum is in the process of divorcing him, his kids from that marriage were late teens and did not want a bar of him so he couldn’t use them as a weapon but used the farm instead to try and kick her out of settlement, he did the same thing with different lawyers bar getting the police involved. Funniest thing was my stepmum ended up using the same lawyer my mum did all those years ago, the mums are great friends now. Dad passed away of a heart attack last year, left no will so we had to call every lawyer in the 3 surrounding towns to see if he had one with them, they did not, but they all remembered him, word got around fast and most wouldn’t work for him. So yeah his farm has cost us around $10k in lawyers fees, plus his funeral costs, that selfish jerk.
Image source: Any-Difficulty-8694, Getty Images (not the actual photo)
#20
Not a divorce lawyer, but this happened with a family member. Both parties were unhappy, and mutually decided they didn’t want to be married anymore. This was back in the day where it was more viable to be a single income family. She was a homemaker for 30+ years, raising their 4 kids. He was fine with her leaving and them getting a divorce. However, he felt that she shouldn’t get anything in the divorce. She didn’t deserve the house, or one of the cars, or any portion of the savings/retirement, because he was the one who worked. Since he was the only one who worked, every one of the assets was his to keep. Obviously, their respective divorce lawyers, and the court, disagreed. He went through 3 different lawyers, who each fired him b/c of his toxic attitude when they weren’t able to secure the divorce judgment he wanted (he keeps everything, she gets nothing). Then, he decided that the court wasn’t allowed to pass any judgements in the case if he wasn’t present. So he just stopped attending any of the hearings. Which worked the first two times. After rescheduling twice, the court lost patience and just ruled in her favor on every item b/c he wasn’t there to contest anything. I’m very sure that in the end, they just followed the state’s given guidelines for dividing things up. But yeah…..he probably deserved to get burned a bit more than he did, given how he handled it all.
Image source: sephiroth3650, Curated Lifestyle (not the actual photo)
#21
Not an attorney, but my parents spent tens of THOUSANDS on a divorce and led us kids through all the things associated with it. Only to get back together 8 months later, not fully going through with the divorce, and setting us back financially for years. We lost all of our cattle and most of our land. Then 10 years of them constantly fighting and hating each other until they got divorced when I was 19. They once again spent thousands and led us kids along with them, using us as pawns against each other with threats of cutting us off if we didn’t comply.
One reason they fought so much was because of money, money they had spent on the first divorce.
Moral of the story, if you’re going to get a divorce, go through with it the first time. Also, don’t stay married for the kids, I’d much rather have split time between my parents than live with two people who hated each other.
She got back with him because she believed he’d “changed” #facepalm.
Image source: FeelingIndependent91, Curated Lifestyle (not the actual photo)
Of course, not every marriage ends because one partner has been hiding something, and not every secret comes to light in court. Still, these stories divorce lawyers shared offer a glimpse into just how much spouses can keep from each other.
Pandas, have you ever discovered something about a partner that completely changed how you saw them, or heard a divorce story that left you speechless? Drop it like it’s hot in the comments. We’d love to hear from you!
#22
I got a good one. I’m not a lawyer, this happened to a family member. When the divorce happened two of the three kids where adults and the third was two years away from going to college. The wife took half of everything, including retirement accounts. She made him sign a divorce agreement that said among other things he would keep a life insurance policy to her name until he passed away, and to pay her 11k a month until she passed. They were both in their early fifties, and that was almost 3 decades ago and he is still paying her. 11k a month is still a pretty decent amount of money per month. Neither were exactly wealthy. She didn’t work most of the time they were married, and hasn’t worked a day since they divorced. He was a doctor and now has cancer, and most of his retirement goes to paying her. He probably doesn’t have much time left. But the ex wife has threaten their children saying that everything he has must go to her when he goes. He’s so out of it now, that he doesn’t even remember the agreement, and the children are stuck managing his finances now and having to pay their mother every month, even though they don’t speak to her anymore and she doesn’t even want to see her grandchildren. The whole situation is unbelievable.
Image source: Doctor_Raro, Cytonn Photography (not the actual photo)
#23
I am not anything near a divorce lawyer, but my clinical psych teacher specializes in kids and relationships and he said the worst place in the world is divorce court (sometimes he has to sit in with divorcing couples). He said until you witness divorce court, you’ll never see anyone so brutal, spiteful, and sometimes just plain evil. Props to divorce lawyers I suppose, because someone has got to do it. It seems tough.
Image source: SpencerRenwick, Getty Images (not the actual photo)
#24
Not a lawyer, just a client myself, spontaneously got married, been used for a donor, then kicked out, she took her ex back in, she filed for divorce asking for €1000s in moral and whatnot compensation for not fulfilling her image of marriage and wanted at least 50% of my paycheck for child support…
Edit. Its getting ridiculous, no need for witch hunt, key points people missing and jumping the gun. Firstly I would’ve taken this girl in my care in a heartbeat was I given the opportunity. To hell, if it was my mess up that marriage broke up I wouldn’t have second thought of paying for the child! But the whole set up just imbalanced my whole world, I couldn’t think straight, I stayed awake for multiple nights in a row analysing myself and what I did wrong, while she comfortably was sleeping in another man’s arms, at the end she had audacity to take advantage of a “victim” and ask for compensation claiming “I failed her”. We lived together 2 weeks after wedding and that was enough for her to make a lifelong decision that affected multiple people, my whole family suffered together with me. Part of me went away with the fact that my daughter growing without me taken care by someone else. I will never be the way I once was, and here people spitting on you and insulting. No surprise that man are ashamed to be victim. No surprise the amount of mentally neglected people.
Image source: Kingstony, Getty Images (not the actual photo)
#25
Not a lawyer. Divorced twice. At the first divorce hearing, my lawyer was listing the details of the split financially and came to the part where she would have to get her own health insurance. Apparently this was the tipping point for her and she starts crying and yelling about it being unfair. Her own lawyer looks at her and says for everyone to hear “what did you think was going to happen? You kick him out of the house and keep all the benefits without him being there? That’s not how it works.”
Image source: Rando1974, Getty Images (not the actual photo)
#26
My ex had 7 lawyers during our divorce proceedings. The first 6 fired her. Finally got to trial day and they started to negotiate (which she would not do up until then). Her lawyer would shuttle back and forth between us and her. At one point we were talking about a couple of points and he blurted out “well you can have them, she’ll never know the difference”. He only took her because she paid a very heavy fee up front. Which she did by getting a new credit card with a pretty high limit, and then declaring bankruptcy the next week. And yes, before you all beat me up, I know it doesn’t say a lot about my judgement that I married her. But we all make mistakes.
Image source: Rosemoorstreet, Getty Images (not the actual photo)
#27
not a divorce lawyer, and my parents haven’t had divorce but this is only because they never married. they separated when my mum found out she was pregnant as he did not want another child. he is very wealthy and my mum spent a few years with lawyers getting a settlement to make sure I had money.
my mum was very silly and didn’t know a lot of tactics, but basically the settlement was never agreed for 3 years because he was playing for time until he retired so he had to give my mum less child support and put less money away for me. she always thought that was just how long things took and only realised recently.
one of the things we always believed was that there was a trust fund set up for me when i turned 18. my name is a word and the trust fund was called ‘(my name) trust fund’. turns out the jerk never set up a trust fund for me he just set up a discretionary trust fund ‘for his children’ (he has 3 sons (30+) and me (20f) ). because my name is a word there was actually nothing in writing saying the money was for me, and my mum had never checked cos she was too busy being a single parent when i was born and thought my father wanted the best for her (they were together 6 years).
when we found this out around my 17th bday, we contacted lawyers and wanted to take him to court. we found out if he had not waited until he retired for the settlement we would be getting 6x as much money my whole life and we would be provided for until i got a job (was no longer a dependent on my mum). we were trying to get assurance my university fees would be payed and i would get a personal allowance whilst i was at uni (like he gave his sons). after a year or so dealing with lawyers we settled as we didn’t have the money to go to court as we would need a very good lawyer to go up against his legal team (he used to be a lawyer so had money and contacts). he made us sign a document saying we wouldn’t take him to court ever and that he was being generous in what he was giving me. this was ridiculous to me and my mum, but we needed the money.
But because we didn’t agree with it, we didn’t want to sign it in our names… so we didn’t. my mum and I legally changed our names to Minnie Mouse and Daisy Duck to sign the document.
so somewhere in the world there’s a very rich man who has to pay Daisy Duck money every month because he used to be with Minnie Mouse.
Honestly wish we could have got more from him since he has the wealth and has never treated me the same as his other kids (i have met him once before in my life). he has never cared about me or my mum and didn’t want another child but he could have been nicer about everything knowing that we had nothing.
(Also note – my mum was a very successful business woman before she had me and owned a house in london, but she hasn’t worked my whole life and we have been living off that money for 20 years. just making sure nobody thinks my mum was a gold digger because back then she was pretty wealthy in her own right).
Image source: electra1800, Getty Images (not the actual photo)
#28
OMG. And here I thought divorce lawyers had it easy compared to criminal lawyers. I at least hope the pay makes up for it.
Image source: whoatethebacon, Getty Images (not the actual photo)
#29
A man took half a million and retired to a home in miami.
Image source: VisualSuitable7677, Kampus Production (not the actual photo)
#30
I filed nearly 4 years ago and my ex is STILL dragging this out. No, I don’t have millions but, you’d sure think I do. My ex retired 8 years ago and I am considerably younger and have at least another 10 years before retiring. He’s done everything to make me completely miserable you can think of…(removing me from the title of our vacation home without my knowledge and then losing it to foreclosure) since he had no desire to pay the mortgage and my ex knew I’d go livid. My mantra has been (stay cool and stay out of jail!)
My regular emails or communications to my lawyer often starts….”I hate to bring up this petty bad but, we should really document it…) (way too many to list!)
I’ve come home to find my clothing, personal property and more in the garbage collection for pickup. (and retrieved it JUST in time!)
Yes – we still live in the same house – because I refuse to give up my stake in the house and he won’t leave. (He can’t buy me out but, doesn’t want me to have the house either). Kind of a “if I can’t have it nobody can” scenario – (in his mind anyway).
I’m buying my ex out but, he refuses to sell to me (as if..) he could actually do that – since his income is considerably less than mine – he wants EVERYTHING… alimony, child support and 50% equity a share in my businesses (that I started after I filed but, they are profitable – so he sees dollar signs.)
Because we were married for 22 years in a community property state, I do have to give him 50% equity – (but we’re negotiating less because of his shenanigans).
I’m fighting the alimony and child support but, because he is retired and I am not, the court is entertaining this motion. (The kid will stay with me) We discover that my ex was using our son’s account as his own personal piggy bank and basically stole over $50K – (you should have seen his face when my lawyer had the account frozen!)
Yes, women want equal rights (and some of you would say what’s good for the goose is good for the gander) I get it but, I haven’t stooped to childish behaviors because the marriage is over.
This whole thing has been a nightmare. I told my ex for YEARS that I was unhappy. I moved into another part of our home so we could avoid each other.
He literally kept saying (“she’ll never go anywhere – plus she can’t afford it”) – We’ve had separate bank accounts for years – so this was a guess on his part at best.
When I finally did file (and we had to share financial disclosures he couldn’t believe that I was quietly making a very generous salary, while living very humbly) he asked if we could go to counseling. I said ok. He proceeded to bad mouth me and badmouth me to the counselor. I basically said “if this is how you feel, then I was right to file and I’m done with counseling!”
He said… “but YOU are ruining our family! It’s all your fault!”
At this point, I’ve personally spent more on attorney fees than we did on our wedding..($30K more than 20 years ago!).
I’m done people – sign me up for the BEEN THERE, DONE THAT! (Never again!)
Image source: anon, Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
#31
We could save ourselves a lot of legal trouble and money by just making it law that if you knowingly have intimacy with a married person then you assume their spouses’ financial responsibility to them in the divorce. If you can have intimacy with her you can also fund her and the cheated on spouse keeps the assets.
Barring that it’d be neat to see dueling make a return. Only rule is men can’t challenge women but can accept if a woman challenges them. If you get challenged you either pay what the other side wants or fight- there are no stand ins.
I’d pay good money to see affair partners have to face down for their stupidity.
Image source: Adventurous-Doctor43
#32
It’s not that I hoped my client would get shafted… it’s just that he was shafting himself, AND I TOLD HIM HE WAS SHAFTING HIMSELF, and he refused to listen.
I represented the husband in a nasty divorce case. Custody fights. Protective orders. Subpoenas for text messages. Allegations of infidelity on both sides. Lots of assets in play. The guy had a stereo installation business. Good margins, good money.
Legally, it was going okay… until my client started giving his wife temporary maintenance payments USING COMPANY CHECKS. I said, “Hey bud, that is unwise.” See, if you treat your business like a personal asset, the court will conclude it should be treated like a personal asset, viz., shared 50/50. My client disagreed with this. He felt it was important to show the court how good his business was doing.
As it turns out, the judge DID think it was important, and the wife essentially got a 50% share of the business’ profits.
Book-learnin’ folks call this “hubris.”
Image source: intend
#33
When my ex moved out he said he “didn’t want to continue his relationship” with the child we had adopted, and he “wanted some me time” for a few months before having to take the teenagers “maybe one weekend a month”.
Our mediation lawyer was absolutely dumbfounded. She flat out told him “I can’t go before the judge with an agreement that says you just aren’t ever going to see your kids again. That will look VERY BAD for you.”
EDIT: She was actually still very fair after that and he got away much better financially than I did, so he can’t complain.
Image source: 143019
#34
When my ex and I got divorced we were fairly poor. Mostly a DIY divorce, but we had to appear in court to finalize it. He was violent and an alcoholic, so when it came to splitting our belongings I let him take everything to make the process easier (literally everything, I moved into an empty apartment with the clothes I owned, and that’s it.) The only thing I wanted was a blanket his best friend’s mother had made for me as a wedding gift. He chose that one thing to fight tooth and nail about. He got the house, the dog, everything in the kitchen, the car, the motorcycle… I just wanted the blanket. On the day of court I finally relented, and said he could have it. When we went before the judge he asked if anything was contested, and I just looked at the floor and said no. He said “You agree to him having everything?” I said “Well, there is this blanket…” My ex lost it, the judge was incredulous, and I have a divorce decree that says my maiden name is restored to “Smith” and lists the blanket as the “asset” I got to keep! … I threw the blanket away a few months later.
Image source: 5You_Are_My_Sunshine
#35
Not a lawyer but when my parents got divorced my father suggested a Parent Trap-like arrangement, where he would get full custody of my brother and my mom would get custody of me because “it’s only fair that each parent gets to keep one child, it’s 50/50′. Pretty sure this is illegal here and even if it were possible no sane lawyer would ever agree to this.
He actually sent that to her over text and we still have the screenshots. Mom only sent back “are you delusional?”.
Image source: child_of_the7seas
#36
I used to volunteer at an animal shelter. There was one beautiful large dog there who barely fit in the kennel. He had been surrendered because his owners had divorced and couldn’t agree on who got to keep him.
Image source: anon
#37
Not a lawyer, but this is one of the memories my husband has of his parents’ divorce.
They were ordered by the courts to go to family therapy so they could learn how to coparent. They each refused until their lawyers told them that they would be held in contempt of court for not going. So they finally went. At the end of the very first session, the therapist said that the best course of action was for them to interact as little as possible because they were in no way capable of being civil, even for the sake of their children.
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#38
I’m not a lawyer, but I had a friend who interned for one as an undergrad. There was a child custody case (though I don’t think it was a divorce case) on zoom (COVID times) and the mom took a hit off a water pipe on camera. When called out, she turned the video but not microphone off and they could still hear here until they called her out again. Not sure what the outcome was.
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#39
Obligatory not a lawyer, but I had the displeasure of meeting a women who swore that she was going to ruin her soon to be ex-husband’s life once she got out of jail. He had called the cops on her for attempting to take her kids in the car while she was on substances.
That same night she had gotten into an accident, running off road and hit a pasture fence.
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#40
NAL, and never got the full details, but just about a week before our final hearing, my ex’s lawyer voluntarily withdrew from the case. My ex ended up being a piece of work so God only knows what she did to cause that. Still wishing I could find out the details some day.
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#41
Not a lawyer. But pretty much everyone in the parenting apart class required by my state. All total pieces of work.
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#42
I was a legal assistant and a woman opted to give everything in return for her husband’s mother’s china, which was beloved to him and his family. It went on forever and eventually he relented.
On the day the divorce decree was signed, she showed up and she broke every piece, put it in a box and mailed it to him.
Edited commas.
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#43
My mom let my dad keep the house, and in the chaos of everything did not prioritize getting her name off the mortgage. My dad foreclosed on the house just to spite her and her credit score. This foreclosure was on her credit from when I was 13-20, and I never knew it – we still did all our activities (dance and cheer is not cheap), went on a vacation every year, and had a clean and safe house in a nice neighborhood. My mom budgeted like a BOSS and paid for everything on a debit card! Brand new furniture, $1,500 dance team fees, I even got a car when I turned 16. We thrifted almost all of our clothes and hardly ever went out to eat, but I never felt the stress that she undoubtedly felt and carried by herself for that time. My mom rules!
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#44
Early in the marriage, parents adopted a child. Twelve years later during divorce proceedings, father filed petition the terminate his own custody and child support because his attorney found a defect in the final adoption order. Dad was able to dump his wife AND his kid.
EDIT: This was 20ish years ago in Virginia. I did not represent mom or dad. There was a procedural error in the adoption to such extent that the adoption was invalid – similar to a marriage void ab initio.
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#45
Not a lawyer, but worked for a bank many years ago. I had a client come in because there was no money in her account. Her future ex had taken everything out of all of their accounts. He remortgaged the house and drained their HELOC so that she had no access to any money. He cancelled her credit cards too. She had nothing. She was a stay at home mom and couldn’t buy food for her 2 and 8 year old. They were still living in the same house together, and he would bring food home for himself but nothing for anyone else.
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#46
Opposing counsel on one of my cases called my client “too emotional” during a hearing – after finally coming clean about years of domestic violence.
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#47
somebody actually went as far as planting some fake text messages on an old cellphone, putting it in the car of his wife and then calling the police on what was clearly a made-up story about domestic violence. the amount of effort that people put into breaking the law to have an advantage in a custody battle is ridiculous.
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#48
During my divorce mediation the ex made a big deal about wanting custody of LD the cat. I got the other dog & cat. He kept postponing pickup of LD. Months later he messages me about wanting a kitchen knife that was sentimental for him. I told him OK but the trade was for LD the cat. Deal.
I hope he finds comfort in his knife.
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#49
Dude who lived next door to me accepted a job on the opposite coast, moved his entire family, then resigned the new position as soon as they got there.
Then he turned around and found an apartment back in my town (which is how I know), moved back, and filed for divorce. When I asked him why he did that, he said that he didn’t want them around and this was the cheapest way to get rid of them.
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#50
Divorce attorney for about 13 years, based outside Philly. Had a client who lived in Ohio, 8yo son living with mom in PA. He got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (terminal of course, about 2 month timeline). Mother refused to let the kid visit dad one last time before he passed; wouldn’t even let the kid’s older half-siblings pick him up for a weekend visit. Took it to court to try to force mom’s hand and the judge’s response blew my mind even more than mom’s obstinance. Per the judge, “Can’t the kid just Facetime dad? I don’t see what the big deal is with forcing mom to do something she doesn’t want to do.” Left that courtroom feeling like I got dragged through the liquid garbage pit in Star Wars. Dad passed a few weeks after the hearing without ever getting to say goodbye to his son and without his son getting any sense of closure. Don’t think mom even let him have the Facetime call with dad. Can only hope that kid is doing alright and has gotten all the therapy.
Edit: Oh yeah almost forgot, at the time of the hearing, mom was awaiting sentencing for her 4th or 5th DUI in the past 5 years, but rich blonde white ladies apparently don’t go to jail in Bucks Co so she got to skate with community service and probation somehow. If that kid is still alive and not in foster care, it would be a miracle.
2nd PS- For those wondering “what Dad did to lose custody,” Dad had primary after Mom’s 3rd DUI, which she actually did the mandatory minimum for. Custody judge transferred primary to Mom upon her release because Dad stopped taking the kid from Ohio to Pa to visit Mom in jail toward tail end of her sentence. Kid was getting freaked out by the visits because Mom was in full blown withdrawal psychosis, making insane promises about the future, totally age inappropriate conversations, etc.
By no means a men’s rights activist attorney, but this was a good guy and both he and his son got stiffed by the system.
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#51
Opposing counsel on a case said she was dealing with another case where the wife stole all of her husband’s left shoes.
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#52
My ex BIL asked not to fight and be friends. He told my sister who was a SAHM that the next weekend he would pick her and the boy up and get new tires for her car. He then called child services on my sister for driving the kids around in an unsafe car. It did not get better from there.
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#53
Couple divorced, woman got ~$100k as a lump sum. Fast forward to a year later, they’re in mediation because she’s got contempt motions against him for minor violations of the parenting agreement — things like his being late to pick up the kids.
In mediation, she says she also wants child support because she’s flat broke. I ask her what about the $100k. It all went to her team of divorce lawyers to fight over these contempt motions.
The whole time we were mediating, her three(!) lawyers were leaning over to her to say “You can’t let (your ex) get away with this,” and “(Your ex) is so disgusting.” Winding her up and telling her the only way forward is to fight.
She could have had a soft landing, led a dignified life, and never seen the inside of the family court again. Her lawyers manipulated her into fighting over every little thing so they could convert her alimony into their alimony.
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#54
A spouse who didn’t even like animals fighting tooth and nail for full custody of the family dog—not because they wanted the pet, but purely because they knew it was the other person’s primary emotional support animal.
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#55
In the course of getting divorced, the now-ex-wife decided to have the family dog put down to get back at the kids, who preferred to live with dad.
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