As a parent, there are many things you could do to a child that could cause them lifelong trauma. It could be various forms of physical and mental mistreatment, sibling favoritism, or giving them a name that they’d be ashamed to carry or say out loud.
A Reddit thread from a few years ago explored some of the worst baby names ever bestowed upon a person. While some were tolerable enough, others were so bad, you’d likely wonder what the parents were thinking (if they were, at all).
Scroll through the list and maybe have a few laughs, but if you’re planning to have children, be sure not to commit the same mistakes these people did.
#1
Triplets named Joy, Joyful and Joyfulness.
Hamsternoir:
If ever there is a trio doomed to a lifetime of crippling depression and therapy it’s those three.
Image source: ayoboris16, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#2
Areola.
I know someone who literally named their daughter… Areola.
I asked “you know what that is, right?” And she was like “I know but the sound of the word is her name, not the meaning.” My response? ” Tell that to her classmates in 5th grade when they won’t stop bullying her over her name…” Poor kid.
NoCompetitiveHum:
This is edging close to ab**ive.
Image source: littleln, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#3
I knew a Smerlin once. We all called him Smerlin of Smamelot.
Image source: gardenhoze14, Andriyko Podilnyk / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#4
King and his brother Prince.
brianna_sometimes:
We know who the favorite is.
Image source: Shynerbock12, Omar Lopez / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#5
My friend’s sister named her twins Danger and Fury.
1questions:
That’s just asking for trouble really.
Image source: domestic_omnom, Tim Bish / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#6
Well they weren’t babies, but at the summer camp where I worked this summer. 3 brothers: Honor, Heritage, and believe it or not, Henceforth. I felt a little bad for those kids.
Image source: fabook, Adam Winger / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#7
Gynyfyr
Pronounce: Jennifer.
SpiritAxolotl:
Do the parents have any history with epilepsy?
Because they had a stroke making that name.
Image source: anon, Chris Hardy / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#8
A girl named Berlin-Germany. And she had a brother Dublin-Ireland.
erpods:
They had to have been conceived in these places.
Image source: bigdaddymax33, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#9
Noodles and Papoose.
I heard these 2 magical names uttered in a single sentence by a woman. “Noodles! Put Papoose down!”.
Image source: MrScribz, Oakville Dude / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#10
Coworker grew up with a girl named Kelly Kelly Kelly.
Image source: Jimbo—, serjan midili / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#11
Blue and Pinky, brother and sister, their surname is Green
So yeah Blue Green and Pinky Green.
Image source: Scribb74, Meritt Thomas / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#12
Twins Adam and Eve. Twins Jett and Deezel (like if you’re going to play matchy, at least spell Diesel correctly).
Image source: Lenaballerina, Jennifer Kalenberg / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#13
Jamie Oliver the chefs kids. One of them is named BUDDY BEAR MAURICE.
OtterCat79725:
And people trust him to cook. All his kids are stupidly named.
Poppy Honey Rosie, age 19, born March 2002
Daisy Boo Pamela, age 18, born April 2003
Petal Blossom Rainbow, age 12, born April 2009
Buddy Bear Maurice, age 11, born September 2010
River Rocket, age 5, August 2016
Some taken individually are fine like River, Daisy or Poppy but then you add some more bulls**t and its just awful.
Image source: OtterCat79725, Scandic Hotels / wikimedia
#14
They named the kid Tic Tac because it was smaller than the average newborn, like what.
Image source: SpiritAxolotl, Christian Bowen / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#15
I have a cousin named Merry Christmas. As if Christmas wasn’t bad enough. No, she wasn’t born on the 25th. She was born Dec. 23rd.
From that same side of the family. My other cousin named his son Xyz. I don’t even know how to pronounce it.
I also know at least 2 people whose name is April. Yeah, normal. Except one was born in March, the other in May.
Image source: throwAheyyyAccount, Mike Cox / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#16
I was at the park with my nephew last week and a woman started calling for her son to get off the swings. His name was Messiah. That seems like a lot to live up to!
Image source: BatmansKhaleesi, Myles Tan / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#17
Best friend’s cousin named his son Lucifer. Not a joke. Wish it was.
Image source: Biirdly, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#18
Boy. True story.
Image source: anon, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#19
I knew a doctor that collected unusual baby names. One lady was actually going to name her baby girl Chlamydia. The lady who puts names on birth certificates refused and told the lady what it meant. In a kindergarten class a little boy had 23 letters in his name. It was unpronounceable. Everyone called him a nickname “Trey” ( not the name) Even his family called him “Trey”. It was sad. Why name a kiddo something no one can pronounce.
Image source: Longjumping_Pain_470, Jonathan Borba / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#20
Occultist Diablo. Who would name their sweet boy such an awful name?
Image source: Individual_Serious, Mariela Ferbo / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#21
A boy named Shrek started in my local school. A few years later his sister, Fiona, also started school there.
Image source: anon
#22
My mom is a teacher and one year she taught someone named Rusty Pots.
Image source: Rose_Clan, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#23
I met a young man named Jor-El.
Yes, as in Jor-El, father of Kal-El who became Superman on Earth.
Image source: CowboySpencer, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#24
Jam Metallica for a baby girl.
Commander_Doom14:
If you absolutely must name your daughter after a rock/metal group, Pearl works just fine.
Image source: wordofmouthrevisited, Christian Bowen / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#25
Quevahn (pronounced Kevin).
Image source: liv_free_or_die, Lia Bekyan / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#26
The was a girl in my class named Chardonnay.
Image source: Logical-Ad2288, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#27
I knew a boy named Shadow in elementary school.
Image source: blackday44, Glenn M Horgan / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#28
I’ve met 2 people named after the lord of the rings characters. one being Frodo, and the other being Eowyn. now, I love LOTR, but that’s just too much. one of them came to resent their name so much that they refused to consume any of the media.
Image source: mr-blindsight, Warner Bros.
#29
Went to school with a guy named Cedar and his last name was Post. I always wonder what his parents were thinking.
Image source: jellyschoomarm, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#30
Thunderbird, Winter Star, Rainbow, Baby Girl.
Culturally not that weird, but day to day life outside of the Rez, strong names to live with.
Image source: ghastlyglittering
#31
Had a guy I worked with named Stallion. Stallion is from India.
Image source: pirate737, Lara Baeriswyl / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#32
There was a boy named Nemo and a girl named Jello at the elementary school I went to back in 2010.
Image source: SheepDotX
#33
Jathan. Not Jason, not Nathan. Jathan.
I tried the trick to remember his name by using it four times quickly. “Hi Jathan. Nice to meet you Jathan. How are you Jathan?”
He looked at me and said, “Are you theriouth right now?”.
Image source: papahet1
#34
I work at a preschool. We once had a child named Nebula.
Image source: buzzywuzzy75
#35
I knew a guy names Don Phan. Surprisingly he was born before the pokemon donphan was released.
I met two brothers once named Cain and Abel. Cain hasn’t killed Abel yet.
Image source: anon
#36
I knew someone named Aquanet. Also, a kid named Collin, but mom wanted a “unique” spelling, she spelled it Colon, poor kid.
Image source: BlackWidow21968
#37
Knew someone who’s name was Rubella.
Image source: minombrevanillamamba
#38
Tiaralynn-Angel. I laughed. We don’t speak anymore. Nothing was lost.
Image source: Trixgrl
#39
I had a friend named Lyric. Yes her name was Lyric.
Image source: Limitz24
#40
Knew a guy named Jasmine he went by Jazz.
Image source: rorwhs04
#41
Tiffany.
He was a big black dude.
Image source: beleth____
#42
Joey Jojo Junior Shabadoo.
Image source: stryph42, Kateryna Hliznitsova / unsplash (not the actual photo)
#43
I currently have a Hayhey and an Aristotle in my class.
Image source: Simple_Significance_
#44
A young girl named Nemesis.
Image source: EntrepreneurOk7513
#45
Kavanah (alternative to Cavanaugh) but people kept calling her Cabana and it’s just terrible.
Image source: _ism_
#46
Greg, for a girl.
Image source: Adventurous-Dish-485
#47
I worked at an after school program in college. There was a little boy there named Thunder. His older brother Storm would come pick him up.
Image source: cocobeanz33
#48
Corinthian and Leviticus.
Image source: anon
#49
Xerox.
Image source: anon
#50
Harley Davidson she didn’t know who the father was only that he rode a Harley Davidson.
Image source: Imthatjohnnie
#51
Met a pair of toddler twin boys named Remington and Ruger.
Image source: 1-800-eatmyshorts
#52
My sister’s friend named her child Carodie. Pronounced Carrot-y.
Presumably because Rutabega-ish was too lengthy.
Image source: LisesPiecesWA
#53
Blue Pyramid (first and middle names)
And I know I’m going to not get this totally right, but it was something like
Madysynn Ayshlynn
It was just an ungodly number of y’s and n’s in that name.
There was also a family I knew who they were putting a double-N somewhere in each of the grandchildren’s names, which is fine. But one of the boys they decided to name him Brian with two n’s in it…so they named him Brionne.
Image source: deagh
#54
Not so much forenames, but seen a few wild middle names.
I worked in a school and the three that stand out are:
1. Kenny Stevie Shankley Paisely [long line of Liverpool FC legends]
2. Tupac.
3. Budweiser.
Image source: anon
#55
I have a friend who’s naming her baby, Laurana (Laura and Anastasia), you know the female lead for 50 shades of Gray and 365 Days cause she loves those movies. I don’t wanna be that baby. I feel bad for that baby. I’m sorry for that baby.
Image source: vintageordainty
#56
Hilton and Sheraton. I’m not kidding.
Image source: flowerfaeirie
#57
Kiwi and Sunshine, met them in a mental hospital, that was their real names. they were pretty chill.
Image source: Rayne42106
#58
Kale. the guy is nice and cool and all but what the heck was going through his parents head thinking naming their kid after a vegetable.
Image source: Gayest-Cloud
#59
KVIIIlyn. Pronounced “Katelyn,” just uses the Roman numerals for 8.
Image source: Amazing_Excuse_3860
#60
I know someone who knows someone who knows someone who named their kid Shampoo.
Image source: Imperfect_Beluga
#61
My moms cousin named her son Cuthbert. They call him “Cutty” for short.
Image source: bump_a_dump
#62
Sno White, 9th grade classmate.
Image source: cmac1425
#63
My brother-in-law was banned from naming when he threw out “Justice America” for my niece. His own mother just looked at him, dead faced, and told him f**k no.
Image source: Singingpineapples
#64
These girls at my Korean church were named one and two in Korean. It wasn’t that bad since they went to school here but any time a Korean person heard it it was like wtf.
Image source: Kimchiandfries
#65
I knew a lady who waited a year to name her baby, and, after all that time to decide, ended up with “abcde”. Pronounced (abb – sid- é). Horrific.
Image source: FriskyJanitor
#66
Not the craziest ever, but I’ve come across some odd spellings of normal names that made me question what the parents were thinking.
Last year I met a Kohl (kree8tiv spelling of Cole) and a Gerrit (kree8tiv spelling of Garrett).
Both of those guys are going to be correcting people on how to spell their names for their whole lives.
Image source: DraytonSawyersBBQ
#67
Abcde but said like ab-sid-ey. She is in my sons class. I wish i was joking!
Image source: InstanceQuirky
#68
An extended family member had a baby during the height of Covid. They named their son Covie. I didn’t know what to say. Me: oh… that’s…original?
Image source: kandm1983
#69
Legend has it that the child in the nursery bed next to mine was named Meconium, because the mother heard the doctor say it and thought it was pretty.
Image source: ITstaph
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