Holy scriptures should be taken very seriously, as well as any faith in general. Yet, living by the Holy Word does not mean one isn’t allowed to have some good old-fashioned clean fun! And this is our cue to bring you our list of the best Bible jokes any faithful one will find funny, if not a bit silly or maybe at times even cheesy. But that’s for the better!
These Christian jokes/memes are filled with funny puns that every kid will find hilarious and every dad will find worthy of memorizing. From fishy oceans to ancient Egypt, no stone is left unturned in resurrecting this form of innocent entertainment. But you will figure this out by yourself if you check our list! So, believe in the fun these Church jokes give; they will make your days brighter. Also, these Bible dad jokes multiply the giggles, so be careful reading them at work!
Well then, are you truly ready to find out who put the Ha- in Hallelujah? Prepared to accept the fun into your day? If so, scroll down below and check out our funny Bible jokes! Besides, there are also some pretty cool Bible jokes for kids here, which might give you an hour of respite if you’re taking care of a flock of little ones.
Once you’ve reached the end of this list, be sure to vote for the best jokes so they find their way to the top of this roster. Also, it would be very Christian of you to share this article with your friends, don’t you think?
#1 Brewing with Biblical Flair
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
#2 Divine prescriptions, coming right up
When is medicine first mentioned in the Bible?
When God gave Moses two tablets.
#3 Timing is everything, apparently
At what time of day did God create Adam?
Just before Eve.
#4 Exorcising H2O Like a Pro
How do you make Holy Water?
Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.
#5 Rocking Giants to Sleep Like a Pro
Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
#6 Fruit over feelings, every time
Did Eve have a date with Adam?
No, just an apple.
#7 Punny Wisdom Drop
Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
Abraham. He knew a Lot.
#8 Classic dad joke energy
Who was the fastest runner in the race?
Adam, because he was first in the human race.
#9 Ham and history, straight from the ark
When was meat first mentioned in the Bible?
When Noah took ham into the ark.
#10 Divine Comedy, Literally
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
#11 Top Gear Meets Heavenly Humor
What’s a missionary’s favorite type of car?
A convertible.
#12 Divine nose knowledge, apparently
What does God call his nose?
God knows.
#13 Plot twist: He wanted it messy first
Why did God create man before woman?
Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
#14 Genesis, but make it math
When is the first math homework problem mentioned in the Bible?
When God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply.
#15 Sweat and Psalms, same energy
I went running with my Bible…
Now my Psalms are sweaty.
#16 Master of Mood Swings
What’s a miracle that can be done by a complainer?
Turning anything into whine.
#17 Ancient dad jokes hit different
Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?
To get to the other side.
#18 Guess Mom Took the Snack War Too Far
What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Your mother ate us out of house and home.
#19 Fishing for puns, caught a good one
How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
By his net income.
#20 Genesis League: Old Testament Baseball Drama
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
#21 Brotherly hate expired on schedule
How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Abel.
#22 Noah Way, That’s Funny
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
#23 Divine Aspect Ratio Energy
“And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best.”
Sony 16:9.
#24 Fractional faith vibes
“Guys pray for my friend. He told me he only believed 12.5% of the bible…
He said he’s an eighth theist.”
#25 Final Exam Energy Activated
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.
Then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.
#26 Plot twist morality check
The thief that stole my diary and my Bible died today.
My thoughts and prayers are with his family.
#27 Biblical highs and lows
Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
Nebuchadnezzar — he was on grass for seven years.
#28 Angel puns that actually fly
How do angels greet each other?
Halo, halo, halo.
#29 Garden of puns, anyone?
What did Adam say to Eve when handing her something to wear?
“Take it or leaf it.”
#30 Ancient Wi-Fi Goals
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
#31 Faith in furniture, apparently
Recently, I’ve been using the Bible for support.
I’ve got a wobbly coffee table.
#32 He Found a Job… Sort Of
Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?
He thought he saw a job.
#33 Ah, bird puns never get old
Why did the hawk sit on the church steeple?
Because it was a bird of pray.
#34 Holy pun, that one’s a classic
Why are there no Hondas in the bible?
Because Jesus never spoke of his own Accord.
#35 Expectation vs. Harsh Reality
Why couldn’t the Israelites initially enter the Promised Land?
It wasn’t the Pinky Promised Land.
#36 Preaching to the pulp
How do pastors like their orange juice?
With pulpit.
#37 This One’s Too Quack-Up
On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
Quackers.
#38 Decoding Moses’ Hair Mystery
How do we know Moses wore a wig?
Because sometimes he was with Aaron and sometimes he wasn’t.
#39 River Jordan’s flexing wealth game
Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
The area around the River Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
#40 Bible editions be like, “Wait, who said that?”
I’m reading a book that compares the different versions of the Bible.
Turns out, there is a lot of cross referencing.
#41 Twitter’s Own Gospel Truth
Trump’s Twitter is like the Christian Bible.
Both believers and nonbelievers read it to reinforce their views.
#42 Ignoring stuff like it’s a superpower
Problems are like Bible salesmen…
If you pretend that they are not there, sooner or later they disappear.
#43 Budget bait strikes again
Why didn’t Noah go fishing?
He only had two worms.
#44 Plot twist: Nile bank CEO?
Who was the greatest female businessperson in the Bible?
Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
#45 Aye, That’s Punny
What did pirates call Noah’s boat?
“The arrrrrrk.”
#46 Big Guy, Big Nope
Why didn’t anyone want to fight Goliath?
It seemed like a giant ordeal.
#47 When Adam Went Full Toddler Mode
What was the first word out of Adam’s mouth when he first saw Eve?
Whoa man! Thus, the word “woman” was created.
#48 When you’re vintage even the Bible noticed
Yo mama is so old that she’s mentioned in the shout out at the end of the Bible.
#49 Upgrade complete, obviously
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine.
But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
#50 Ocean’s got trust issues too
Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?
Because he knew there was something fishy about it.
#51 Liquidity never looked so biblical
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
#52 This history lesson got weird
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
#53 Serving up divine surprises
Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
#54 Honestly, Same Energy
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
#55 Now That’s What I Call a Dad Joke
Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark?
Because Noah was standing on the deck.
#56 Plot twist: Not Mr. Nice Guy
What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
Ruthless.
#57 Plot twist: No parents, still epic
Which Bible character had no parents?
Joshua, son of Nun.
#58 Not Your Average Health Complaint
At Sunday School the children were learning how according to the Bible God created everything, including human beings.
Johnny paid particular attention when the teacher told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later that week, Johnny’s mother found him lying on his bed as though he were ill, and asked him, “Johnny, what’s the matter?”
Johnny replied, “I’ve got a pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”
#59 Breaking rules like a boss
Who is the biggest sinner in the bible?
Moses, he broke all the commandments at once.
#60 Holy holes, Batman!
There’s a lot of crossover between the Bible and Spongebob?
Both are quite holey.
#61 Unexpected Bestseller Vibes
The bible is one of the best-selling books in the world.
It’s very prophetable.
#62 Now that’s a Moses joke
What do you call the parts of the Bible without Moses?
Mosn’t.
#63 Fact-Checked and Weaponized
The Holy Bible is proven to be 100% accurate.
When thrown at a close-range, especially.
#64 Now that’s a divine ride
What type of car does Jesus drive?
A Christ-ler.
#65 Holy carpool vibes
How did the 12 disciples travel?
By driving a Honda. The Bible says they were all in one Accord.
#66 Truth Over Drama, Always
Why did Boaz hate lying?
Because he loved truth.
#67 Had me fruit guessing for a second
What’s a believer’s favorite fruit?
Spiritual.
#68 Lawyer Humor That’s On Point
What did the lawyer ask when someone started talking about God’s will?
“Was it notarized?”
#69 Holy hand wins
What’s a Christian’s favorite card game?
Eucharist.
#70 Denial Level: Pharaoh Mode
Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile.
#71 Plot twist: Eden wasn’t the vibe
Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York?
She fell for the Big Apple.
#72 Guess That Trust Issues Animal
What animal could Noah not trust?
Cheetah.
#73 Locksmith Skills: Zaccheus Edition
Which Bible Character is a locksmith?
Zaccheus.
#74 Divine Doggos, Apparently
What do they call pastors in Germany?
German Shepherds.
#75 Job’s roast was legendary
Which biblical character was the youngest to speak foul language?
Job, because he cursed the day he was born.
#76 That Fruit Could’ve Waited, Adam
How do we know Adam was a Baptist?
Only a Baptist could stand next to a naked woman and be tempted by a piece of fruit.
#77 Plot twist: holy cravings revealed
I think I have a bible fetish.
I just came to that revelation.
#78 Plot twist: even in death, he’s negotiating
A lawyer gets diagnosed with a terminal Illness.
On his deathbed, he asks for a Bible. The hospital staff thinks he has become religious now that his end is near. The doctor notices him going through every line carefully with a grave expression, so he asks, “what are you doing?”. The lawyer looks up and replies dryly, “looking for a loophole.”
#79 Bible version juggling level: expert
Trying to read multiple versions of The Bible at the same time is really difficult.
You have to do a lot of… cross referencing.
#80 Dad jokes leveled up
In the bible, Samson was a tough man.
But his father Samsonite was a real hard case.
#81 Holy jazz vibes only
There are only two instruments mentioned in the Bible.
Trumpets and saxophones when they mention the “wailing of the damned.”
#82 When the backstory won’t quit
The Bible, 5/10.
Too much Worldbuilding.
#83 Plot twists older than your favorite shows
The Bible has so many fantastic stories.
It’s unbelievable!
#84 Puns Make Learning Divine
What is the best way to study the Bible?
You Luke into it.
#85 Chemistry Meets Church Humor
How do you know that atoms are Catholic?
They have Mass.
#86 That Pun Just Walked In Short
Who was the shortest man in the Bible?
Nehemiah (knee-high-miah).
#87 Pecking Order Problems
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
Because they were using “fowl” language.
#88 Surf’s Up, Apostle Style
Who was the 1st surfer in the Bible?
Paul. In Acts, he “came ashore on a board”!
#89 Sibling rivalry, but make it biblical
To what extent did Cain abhor his sibling?
For whatever length of time that he was Abel.
#90 Solo but still wise
Which king in the Bible preferred to do everything alone?
King Solomon.
#91 This Just Made Sunday School Way Cooler
Which nursery song would Jesus have heard the most?
“Mary Had a Little Lamb.”
#92 Ezekiel Made Me Say What?
Which book of the major prophets is the easiest to understand?
EZekiel.
#93 Row Your Faith Boat
What types of boats do believers want to go on?
Discipleship and worship.
#94 When hair drama gets too real
Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
He didn’t want to split hairs.
#95 Not Your Average Donation Drama
Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?
The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.
#96 Living Proof That Age Is Just a Number
If Moses were alive today, why would he be considered a remarkable man?
Because he would be several thousand years old.
#97 Friendship Goals with a Bend
Who were Gumby’s favorite Bible characters?
Shadrack, Meshack & AhBENDago.
#98 I see what you did there
What sort of lights were on Noah’s Ark?
Floodlights.
#99 Well, that’s a grim plot twist
My uncle got shot by a stray bullet. By some miracle, he had a bible in his jacket pocket.
So he had something to read as he bled to death.
#100 Wordplay that drives you nuts
How do we know that cars are in the New Testament?
Because Jesus was a car-painter (carpenter).
#101 Steeple Talk Got Real
For what reason did the falcon sit on the congregation steeple?
Since it was a feathered creature of ask.
#102 Locksmith? More Like Tree Climber
Which Bible character is a locksmith?
Zacchaeus.
#103 Flexin’ in ancient style
Which Bible character was super-fit?
Absalom.
#104 Chef Habakkuk’s in the kitchen
What do you call a prophet who’s also a chef?
Habakkuk.
#105 Pun level: Expert
How did Paul greet his friend?
“Give me Phi-lemon!”
#106 Grandpa’s Legendary Pep Talk
How did Jacob cheer on his grandson?
“You’re the Manasseh!”
#107 Plot twist, but make it spiritual
What do you call person who’s read every word of the Bible cover to cover twice?
An atheist.
#108 Divine Curveball Alert
Is baseball mentioned in the bible?
Yes!
In the “big inning.”
#109 Priest Without a Script?
Do priests who do mass without a bible…
Doing it priestyle?
#110 Plot twist: Ark’s the real MVP
The Bible is not a very good book.
But Noah’s arc was flooded with good story.
#111 Faith in numbers and words alike
How is number π like the Bible?
Both are believed to contain all the wisdom mankind will ever have. Most people think that one of them has a proven value. While the other is irrational.
#112 Dark humor level: expert
I went to Hell for burning a Bible and shooting up the ashes with a syringe.
I guess I shouldn’t have taken the Lord’s name in vein.
#113 Blessed Be the Typos
I started a new job and was handed a book.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“This is our work bible” replied the manager.
“Why call it a Bible?”
“Because it’s written by man and it’s full of errors.”
#114 This Joke Actually Blanked Me
Did you hear about the the evangelical atheist?
She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.
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