How a person behaves during a surge of feelings varies per person and, often, per situation. Sometimes, caught in emotions, we might say or do something we will grow to regret later. Or, on the contrary, blame ourselves for not responding at all. While some say that the best comeback to an insult or a fight is no comeback at all, it’s not always possible nor desirable. And sometimes, some nasty yet savage comebacks may come out of one’s mouth and burn as hot as ice.
In no way do we promote being rude and strongly encourage not engaging in mean behavior instead. However, some humans are natural-born savages with the best comebacks just piping hot and ready to be served at the first opportunity. Hence, the abundance of savage insults and comebacks on the internet. Yet, while we do not encourage you to seek inspiration from there, some of the best comebacks to a rude person are genuinely stone-cold-blooded and, well, impressive. Let’s give them that.
Below, we’ve compiled a list of the best comebacks that would certainly leave any bully or hater speechless. Also, this is some good banter material if your friends get the joke and won’t be offended. As long as this witty banter doesn’t turn into bullying! Nevertheless, these savage comebacks are a frolic to read, so scroll below and upvote the wildest, most brutal, best comebacks ever!
#1
I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.
#2
I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
#3
I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed.
#4
Somewhere out there, there’s a tree working very hard to produce oxygen so that you can breathe.
I think you should go and apologize to it.
#5
It’s kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.
#6
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.
#7
I am returning your nose.
I found it in my business.
#8
Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you really abuse the privilege.
#9
Don’t be ashamed of who you are.
That’s your parent’s job.
#10
You are like a cloud.
When you disappear it’s a beautiful day.
#11
Remember when I asked for your opinion?
Me neither.
#12
Scientists say the universe is made up of neutrons, protons and electrons.
They forgot to mention morons.
#13
You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.
#14
I’ll never forget the first time we met.
But I’ll keep trying.
#15
Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?
#16
Light travels faster than sound which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
#17
You’re not simply a drama queen.
You’re the whole royal family.
#18
Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.
#19
Have a nice day, somewhere else.
#20
I love the sound you make when you shut up.
#21
Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain.
#22
I thought of you today.
It reminded me to take out the trash.
#23
I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.
#24
You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about.
#25
I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
#26
Someday you’ll go far… and I hope you stay there.
#27
Don’t you get tired of putting make up on two faces every morning?
#28
Please, keep talking.
I always yawn when I am interested.
#29
May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm.
#30
I understand everything you said.
I’m choosing to ignore you.
#31
You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.
#32
I’ve been called worse by better.
#33
The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.
#34
Please just tell me you don’t plan to home-school your kids.
#35
Too bad you can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.
#36
If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.
#37
You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.
#38
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
#39
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
#40
I envy people who have never met you.
#41
You should really come with a warning label.
#42
Don’t blame me for your stupidity.
Take that up with your mom and dad.
#43
Feed your own ego.
I’m busy.
#44
Save your breath – you’ll need it to blow up your date.
#45
Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon or is that it?
#46
This is a lose-lose situation for me.
I lose my valuable time and any semblance of compassion I had left.
#47
It’s better to let someone think you’re stupid than open your mouth and prove it.
#48
Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?
#49
Your only purpose in life is as an organ donor.
#50
Stupidity’s not a crime, so you’re free to go.
#51
You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
#52
You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
#53
People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore.
#54
Your skin is glowing, but I think it’s from the radiation emanating from your toxic personality.
#55
I can’t think of anything to celebrate on your birthday except you being closer to death.
#56
I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission.
#57
Aww, it’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.
#58
I hear there’s a new app called a sense of humor.
You should try downloading it.
#59
I’d spell it out for you, but that’s assuming you know your ABC’s.
#60
Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results.
Good news – they found your head.
#61
Hey, your village called – they want their idiot back.
#62
Do you always act like an idiot or do you just show off when I’m around?
#63
You are the architect of your life.
Unfortunately, the blueprints are messy, written in Mandarin, and waterlogged beyond all recognition. Good luck.
#64
I’m sorry I didn’t get that – I don’t speak idiot.
#65
I’ve got higher heels than your standards.
#66
If you’re waiting for me to care, you better pack a lunch.
It’s going to be a while.
#67
You are the human version of period cramps.
#68
If you were an inanimate object, you’d be a participation trophy.
#69
You’re impossible to underestimate.
#70
I must have been imagining things. For a second there, I thought you made a valid point.
#71
It takes me a lot of effort to smile when you’re around.
#72
Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?
#73
Your absence would affect me greatly.
I’d finally get some peace and quiet.
#74
Row, row, row your boat gently down a raging waterfall.
#75
Brains aren’t everything.
In your case they’re nothing.
#76
You are so full of crap, the toilet’s jealous.
#77
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
#78
If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.
#79
I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.
#80
Jealousy is a disease.
Get well soon.
#81
Earth is full.
Go home.
#82
All mistakes are fixable, yet you aren’t.
#83
I love what you’ve done with your hair.
How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
#84
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
#85
I’d slap you but I don’t want to make your face look any better.
#86
Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up?
#87
Were you born on the highway?
That is where most accidents happen.
#88
Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it.
#89
I typed “Idiot” into Google yesterday.
Your picture came up.
#90
You know, you’d be much more likable if it wasn’t for that hole in your mouth that noise comes out of.
#91
Hold still.
I’m trying to imagine you with personality.
#92
There are some remarkably dumb people in this world.
Thanks for helping me understand that.
#93
The Department of Homeland Security added your existence to the list of “Natural Disasters.”
#94
Grab a straw, because you suck.
#95
I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up your butt.
#96
Your face makes onions cry.
#97
That sounds like a you problem.
#98
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
#99
Jesus loves you… but everyone else thinks you’re an idiot.
#100
What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.
#101
When you were born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to your dad:
“I’m very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through.”
#102
Your secrets are always safe with me.
I never even listen when you tell me them.
#103
I told my therapist about you.
#104
You’re the corner piece to an unsolvable puzzle.
Everyone looks right past you.
#105
I’m not going to repeat myself, but I’m also glad to do anything that prevents you from talking.
#106
If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
#107
You need a kiss on the neck from a crocodile.
#108
Some people hatch into beautiful butterflies.
Some people hatch into whatever the hell you are.
#109
I don’t want to rain on your parade.
I want a typhoon.
#110
I’m surprised your teeth aren’t brown from all that nonsense-talking you do.
#111
Did God make you with his eyes closed?
#112
The 0.01% of germs are afraid of contracting stupidity from you.
#113
I wanted to live life without many regrets.
Then I met you.
#114
I may love to shop but I’m not buying your bull.
#115
People like you are the reason I’m on medication.
#116
You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
#117
Don’t worry. Everyone makes mistakes.
Your parents, for one.
#118
Louie Armstrong would have never released “What a Wonderful World” had he met you.
#119
You’re an unscented candle in a store full of beautiful fragrances.
#120
You’re lucky intelligence isn’t measured in negative numbers.
#121
Your lips keep moving but all I hear is “Blah, blah, blah.”
#122
Just because you have one doesn’t mean you need to act like one.
#123
You’re not as dumb as you look.
I mean, how could you be?
#124
I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.
#125
I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.
#126
The zoo called.
They’re wondering how you got out of your cage?
#127
Isn’t there a bullet somewhere you could be jumping in front of?
#128
You’re like the end pieces of a loaf of bread.
Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.
#129
They say our brains don’t stop developing until we reach 25; looks like yours stopped a bit early.
#130
I didn’t put garlic over my door because I think you’re a vampire.
It just smells much better than you.
#131
You’re like my fridge: always full of yourself yet offering an abundance of empty calories.
#132
Did you know they used to be called “Jumpolines” until your mum jumped on one?
#133
You’re such a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful person.
Oh I’m sorry, I thought we were having a lying competition.
#134
You see that door?
I want you on the other side of it.
#135
If you’re going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard.
#136
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
#137
If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?
#138
Don’t get bitter, just get better.
#139
Who ate your bowl of sunshine this morning, thundercloud?
#140
No amount of self-editing can fix the massive failure your autobiography would be.
#141
You’re the type of person that uses their 3rd grade research paper as a resume booster.
#142
The amount of meaningful things you’ve done in your life wouldn’t be enough to fill a single page.
#143
I’d hate to come across a universe where you’re funny.
#144
You’re the reason the divorce rate is so high.
#145
I just stepped in something that was smarter than you… and smelled better too.
#146
Child, I’ve forgotten more than you ever knew.
#147
You’re my favorite person…
Besides every other person I’ve ever met.
#148
Are all your friends this stupid as well?
Maybe we can invite them over and, together, you’d constitute one working brain cell.
#149
You’re so ugly when you look in the mirror, your reflection looks away.
#150
You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth.
#151
The series of mental backflips I had to do to try and understand your point should have broken my neck.
#152
Good job. You almost reached a level of coherency resembling my newborn son.
#153
I’m sorry, was I meant to be offended?
The only thing offending me is your face.
#154
I would like some tips on how to clear my mind from someone with nothing meaningful to contribute.
Care to help?
#155
Funny, I don’t remember you raising your hand.
I’m going to call on someone else.
#156
Don’t place your self-worth in other’s hands.
That being said, allow me to redirect you to the discount section. I found a spot for you.
#157
Don’t worry about me.
Worry about your eyebrows.
#158
You look like a ‘before’ picture.
#159
The fact that someone wakes up to your face in the morning should be alarming.
And yes, I’m referring to the mirror as well.
#160
A corpse is better company than you.
#161
I’ve never had many life goals.
I’m just really grateful I’m not you.
#162
Has anyone ever tried to smack some sense into you?
Allow me to be the first one.
#163
When they said grow a pair, they didn’t mean for you to have kids.
#164
I applaud your effort, but I think I’m the only one in the audience.
And I’m leaving early.
#165
Did I hurt your ego? Do you want a kissy on your boo-boo?
#166
Every cloud has a silver lining.
I’m still trying to figure out yours.
#167
If you ever cross my mind, I’ll make sure it’s a busy intersection.
#168
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
#169
Hey, you have something on your chin… no, the 3rd one down.
#170
What’s the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
#171
If I wanted to hear from a butt, I’d fart.
#172
You hit the nail right on the head.
Too bad your parents took it literally.
#173
I don’t have any trash to take out today, but I volunteer you as tribute.
#174
The truth will set you free. You suck.
Ok, you’re free to go.
#175
The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait.
#176
It looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.
#177
If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.
#178
The jerk store called, they’re running out of you.
#179
You look like something that came out of a slow cooker.
#180
I like you just the way you are: uninspiring, uninteresting, and dreadfully unfunny.
#181
Your brain is working overtime today. You better pay it extra.
#182
I’m an acquired taste.
Don’t like me, acquire some taste.
#183
Earth has a population of over 7 billion, and I had to meet the biggest loser imaginable.
#184
Glad I could be of assistance.
Allow me to assist you in never walking again.
#185
You’re so fat you could sell shade.
#186
No, those pants don’t make you look fatter – how could they?
#187
Where’d you get your clothes, girl, American Apparently Not?
#188
Large and in charge isn’t your excuse to be a fat douchebag.
#189
When God made you, you must have been on the bottom of his “to-do” list.
#190
You’ve got something on your face.
No, not there — everywhere.
#191
The song “Army of One” is an ode to your loneliness.
#192
If I had a face like yours I’d sue my parents.
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