Every adult is free to choose what kind of family they build and whether or not they want to have children. The decision is very personal and nobody should feel like they’re pressured to choose one way or the other. However, every decision—no matter how major or minor—has consequences, both positive and negative.
Redditor u/winter-thv went on the r/AskWomen subreddit and asked its ‘childfree’ members to share the “toughest and best” parts of choosing not to have kids. What followed was a very candid thread about the upsides and downsides of such a lifestyle.
Scroll down to read what these redditors had to say, dear Pandas. Are you ‘childfree’? Do you have kids? How do you feel about your choices? Don’t forget to share your honest thoughts in the comments.
#1
The best part is total freedom. The hardest part? I don’t know. It’s not hard to not have something you don’t want.
Image source: GrandRub, Danilo Ćalić
#2
Toughest? Just dealing with people who think they know me better than myself. From parents and acquaintances to doctors, it’s always “oh you’ll change your mind/it’s different when it’s yours/what if your partner wants them” etc. I’m 30. If I wanted them by now, I would have. If I get pregnant, I’ll terminate.
The best part? All my time and money (besides work and neccesities) are mine to do with what I please. No screaming children, no diapers, no worrying about babysitters, etc. You could not pay me enough to have kids. We are more than just potential mothers. We are people with our own wants, desires, and dreams.
Image source: VioletViola, Inspa Makers
#3
As a woman who still has doubts about being childfree, the toughest part is wondering if I’ll regret my decision.
The best part, is the freedom of conscience, knowing that I’m not bringing a child into the world without knowing if I really want to.
Image source: Ser_Curioso, Fuu J
#4
Toughest part:
Being looked at as less of a woman, as less of a person, because I don’t have children. I don’t think it’s fair.
Best part:
There’s one less person that I’m at risk of disappointing. I always told myself (when I was younger) that if I had a kid, I’d have to be the best mom on the planet and with my current state of mind, I know that wouldn’t be the case.
I’m at peace knowing I’m not ruining another person’s life or giving them less than they deserve. There are enough “bad mothers” in the world, I won’t be one of them.
Image source: callmegoldee, Anthony Tran
#5
Toughest is finding like-minded people who don’t make children the centre of the universe.
The best part is everything freaking else. My life is a stress-free, flexible, travel-filled, well-financed, well rested, and greatly enjoyed breeze. I love it.
Image source: Vast_Ad3963, Felix Rostig
#6
I love the freedom I have, my money is entirely my own, I can be selfish with it and I don’t need to worry about ensuring a small person is fed and warm.
For me the toughest part is that all my friends have kids, I’m single and so I have no one to do spontaneous things with because my friends all have to consider childcare etc but I’m happy doing things alone so that’s not the worst I guess. Also one of my friends became a mum and that became her whole personality, to the point that she stopped bothering to talk to me because I couldn’t possibly relate, she was my closest friend, that sucked.
Image source: ReadsHappy, Holly Mandarich
#7
Toughest:
Finding out my partner of over 15+ years actually DID want kids the whole time and just assumed I would change my mind eventually. Also, learning they actually never wanted to get married without kids in the equation, because “what’s the point?”. We built an entire CF life together, and now I’m working on my exit because there’s no other way this can go.
Best:
Having the ability to devote my time and efforts into things that make me happy for myself, and having full control over how I choose to spend my life.
Image source: GypsyShiner, Henri Pham
#8
I haven‘t faced any negative parts except people‘s assumptions I‘d still “change my mind” or misogynistic remarks because I‘m so young.
The best part is simply not having to take care of a child, struggle with the child‘s father and go through pregnancy/childbirth/postpartum etc.
Image source: realstareyes, Priscilla Du Preez
#9
Toughest: annoying people who think that’s there’s *no way* a woman would ever *choose* to be child-free, I “just haven’t met the right man yet” or “it’ll happen” or “I used to think that way too, until I had kids of my own.” Ok, that’s great, please leave me alone, because I don’t have the energy to justify my VERY valid reasons for foregoing kids, the most prominent being I have absolutely *zero* urge or desire to procreate. I am completely lacking the “biological clock.”
Also, when I tried internet dating, it was pretty damn tough trying to find a dude who didn’t want or already have kids.
Best: F*****G FREEDOM. Everything that comes with NOT having my life revolve around spawn. Do I want to change jobs? Travel? Get another tarantula? Move? Have disposable income? Sleep in and then waste the day playing video games? Not have my things covered in boogers, feces, or whatever else kids get into? Use the restroom in peace? I can do it! And there are no regrets or questioning, just a quiet validation.
Oddly enough, I like *working* with kids and am getting my MA to be a therapist (I want to help kids/adolescents with trauma). I also love being able to send them back home, lol.
Image source: Wikeni, Autri Taheri
#10
Best part: more financial freedom, and I get to finally put myself first.
Worst part: people telling me it’s my duty as a human with a uterus to have a child. And other intrusive questions.
Image source: rifrif, Bewakoof.com Official
#11
Toughest was being taken seriously by medical professionals to get a surgery.
Best? I have all the money and time in the world and zero extra responsibility.
Image source: code-sloth, JESHOOTS.COM
#12
Worst part – wondering if you’ve made a terrible mistake about not having kids.
Best part – not having made a terrible mistake and had kids
Image source: lemala2
#13
Toughest part – the idea that I may end up in a care home one day or living alone as a feeble old lady and have no family to come and visit me ever.
The best – I enjoy not having the responsibility, I have young niblings and my friend has recently had a baby, they’re hard f*****g work and they cost a fortune. I like that I can go where I went, when I want. I like that I can buy myself silly luxuries that I wouldn’t be able to afford if I was off work looking after a child or paying for childcare. I like my peace and quiet too much.
Image source: machinehead332, Danie Franco
#14
Toughest? Being berated and belittled for most of my 20s, 30s, and early 40s that I couldn’t possibly know what true love is because I’d never be a mother.
Best? I’ll never regret having a kid.
Image source: zen_avocado
#15
Worst part is feeling excluded and cast aside by mom-friends once they become moms. Best part is living my best life.
Image source: Meowserss22, Rosie Sun
#16
Greatest part is everything lol. I’m living my best life. I have money, I travel, I can relax, I sleep in, I am able to engage in self care, I make art, I go to concerts and restaurants whenever I want, basically I do what I want when I want and I love the freedom being childfree gives me. also the peace and quiet and my home is beautiful and clean and relaxing at all times. I feel so free.
Oh and smashing the patriarchy. I freaking love smashing the patriarchy.
The hardest part is probably the judgment and parents thinking my partner and I are weird for not having kids. But I try not to let it bother me and it usually doesn’t! :)
Image source: lalalibraaa
#17
Worst: the stupid questions/misogyny
Best: not losing my identity by becoming “Mom”
Image source: PrincessTrashbag, Ivana Cajina
#18
The hardest part is that my mom is great, and she truly deserves the joy of being a grandmother. But I can’t make that choice for her. If I could make her a grandma without becoming a mother, I would. I’m lucky, she’s nice about it, not one to always drop passive aggressive comments, but I know she feels the void.
The best part is not having that same, deep worry for the future. I still want the best for society and our planet, I want my goddaughters and the children of those I love to inherit a functional world — but, it’s not the same I don’t think. I’ve formed a detachment to the future that I didn’t have when I was younger snd don’t think I could have if I had children of my own
Oh, and money. Being a DINK is nice
Image source: NoFilterNoLimits, Christian Bowen
#19
The best part is not being tied to a man after you break up lmao
The toughest is you almost always get forced to work when everyone else gets time off cause “BbBuTttt i HaVe KiDs”
Image source: Smart-Deer-72, Annie Spratt
#20
Hardest: people telling me my life is incomplete about children. It is super invalidating of all everything I have accomplished.
Best: I have spare money. I do what I want. I don’t have to instill morals and ethics into a tiny human. I can eat cake for dinner and not feel like I am setting a bad example. I spend entire weekends playing video games.
Image source: katkashmir
#21
**Toughest:**
Being treated like I’m lesser or not an adult because I don’t have children.
Getting doctors to prioritize my health over my fertility or some hypothetical baby I am never having. It took me years to finally get the care I needed (a hysterectomy).
I know my mom would have loved to be a grandma, so I feel bad for denying her that opportunity (and my sister also has no children).
**Best:**
Freedom. Do what I want, when I want.
No fear of something bad happening to my child in school.
Never having to deal with pregnancy and birth.
Also never worrying that I might be pregnant since I am now sterile.
Image source: rgrind87, freestocks
#22
My family and friends. I’m Hispanic and not having children is basically a sin. My aunts specifically came at saying “whose gonna take care of you when you get old?”… like that’s not why you have children. My friends are either on their 2nd or 3rd and always invite me to kid events. Nope, don’t wanna do that. I’ll send the gifts and FaceTime happy bday.
Doctors who won’t help me stay child free. “You might change your mind” 🙄…. It’s been 20 years since I made this decision, but sure Doc, you must be right. I hate BC and just want my tubes tied, burnt or sacrificed to the Gods.
Image source: Blixie318
#23
Best part?
Today, I’m 36.
My boyfriend surprised me with a trip about 6 hrs away. Complete with hot springs, couples massage, and a nice French restaurant.
He’s currently making French press coffee, bacon, and pancakes. Later we’ll go to the zoo for dinner and holiday decor.
Far too many people told me I’d regret not having kids by now. But here I am. No ragrets.
Image source: BigVulvaEnergy
#24
Best part: Freedom, peace and quiet, silence, no responsibilities over anyone but myself, spending my money and time on things that actually brings me joy and happiness.
There is no worst part.
Image source: ssssejin
#25
Childfree and single here, 49F. The best part is the freedom. The worst part is the near total social ostracism by everyone who has a husband and children. That’s how you make friends in adulthood- through your spouse and kids. I have made almost no new friends since I was about 32 or so. And of course you lose some of the friends you do have when they have kids because you no longer fit together, sometimes their choice sometimes yours. Interestingly, I’ve started making friends again with divorced women whose kids are older. They tell me that when they get divorced, everyone disappears, even friends that were theirs alone before the marriage. Married people with kids do NOT want you around, and married people without kids want you to be their unicorn. F*****g hell man.
Image source: MaritimeDisaster, Joseph Pearson
#26
Best part: I don’t have a child. Which means I have energy, sleep, money, freedom, don’t have to worry about the world we’re leaving them, etc
Worst: people. Mom had some difficulty accepting it when I told her, which was annoying. I haven’t even bothered telling dad as he probably won’t care that much either way but also won’t care to respect my feelings or choices. Its also annoying when my coworkers go “when you have children…” bla-bla as if it’s a certainty. I get that it’s a way people can tell others their experiences that ithrs aren’t really interested in pretending it’s advice they can find pretend will be helpful and not really about me, but still
So, only minor annoying s**t
Image source: eiroai, Matt Bennett
#27
The toughest has been seeing my close friends and their special bond with their children. I think I’m especially sensitive of this because I didn’t have a mom growing up, and not so much because I’d like to be a mom. Another thing that is probably linked to my childhood is seeing these women have families when I have none.
The best part is that I get to work on and discover myself, which is honestly the most amazingjourney I can imagine anyone undertaking; more people should do this and find out how fascinating and wonderful we all are. The other good thing is that it ends with me, and my childhood trauma won’t affect anyone else.
Image source: Maragent-bee, Ioann-Mark Kuznietsov
#28
When I was younger I dealt with a lot of people assuring me I’d change my mind and several people assuming I’d change my mind without even talking about it. It bombed a few relationships. I think the judgement from relative strangers was the worst part because it often makes me want to ditch any future social interactions with them.
On the happy side, I can easily afford my life and I have a pile of nephews who are all great.
Image source: Engineeredvoid, charlesdeluvio
#29
The toughest part is people believing it’s a choice and assuming it’s from lack of capacity.
The best part is getting to be part of children’s lives because I learn and try to better understand the strains of motherhood through listening rather than polarising myself and defining myself as a ‘non-mother’.
Image source: UnluckyPlay7
#30
Hardest part? I had to let go of a guy I was seeing because he wanted a child. We knew each other for many years and we decided to have a good time for a few months. Then he told me he wanted to start a family in the next 2 years and I said not with me. We are still friends but he just moved a woman and her child in with him and he’s hoping by next year she will be pregnant. I’m happy for them, but still single.
Best part? This year I went to 3 festivals and for xmas I just bought myself a designer watch, a kayak, a German beer wench outfit. Also, when pokemon came out I was able to play nonstop for 3 days. I’ve never known such peace and happiness.
Image source: HauntedGhostAtoms, Andrik Langfield
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